Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: It's the PM here on the east coast of the U.S., & there is no start to this thread. I'll be right back w/some of my thoughts to begin this week's thread. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Everyone:

I hope all is well. I'm doing fine & continuing to work on my 1st step. I know we're not supposed to think this way, but today I was thinking that I will be going for the rest of my life wo/a drink. I wasn't mourning it...the thought just popped into my head. I can honestly say that I haven't thought about wanting to have a drink at all. This is a one day at a time program, & that's how I approach it.

Even though the compulsion isn't there for me today, I must remember that I'm still in early sobriety, & I must be vigilant. I know that the disease can lie dormant, especially in the beginning. HALT: Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. HALT is one of the concepts I must keep in mind. I tend to push myself & then feel resentful about it.

I'm going to a large, lively speaker meeting tonight. I know I'll meet up w/friends there. I can remember a mere 1.5 years ago when I was scared to death to walk the gauntlet of all the smokers & enter the large & noisy room. Now, it feels like I'm going to a sort of party. It's fun!

Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Hi all and thanks Mary for starting this thread

Well I am very chuffed with myself. I shared for the first time at a meeting this evening! It was quite a small meeting and I knew most of the people there. The chair was good and I particularly picked up on two things he had said that resonated with me.

As they were going around with raised voice sharing I started to think about doing it - and then when there was only me and one other guy who hadn't spoken left, I thought, eff it, let's just do it. So I said my name, explained this was a first for me - and everyone was really encouraging.

So I talked for a few minutes and I was trembling all over - even my lip was quivering! It's so strange - I never get scared doing things like that. I had no problems speaking up and saying my part in relapse prevention groups or whatever. This makes me feel like this really is something different - something more powerful.

Well everyone was great afterwards, cos they'd all seen me come in and knew I'd only been there a couple of weeks. I got lots of hugs and big-ups and everyone was really pleased for me. I calmed down quite quickly afterwards and when I walked home I did feel kinda serene and calm and I called my ma to tell her about it.

I hope it gets easier over time - but I am really glad i broke my duck so to speak
Hope you all have a good, sober week,
K x

[NoraC]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Hi everyone. I'm planning on attending a Women's Meeting tonight. I'm so tired so I'm having to push myself.

Kim - Congratulations on sharing!!! Fantastic!! :goodjob: I've only done it twice in small groups. And, I'm nervous.

Mary - I went to a Speaker's meeting last Thursday. There were so many people.

I'm going to a large, lively speaker meeting tonight. I know I'll meet up w/friends there. I can remember a mere 1.5 years ago when I was scared to death to walk the gauntlet of all the smokers & enter the large & noisy room. Now, it feels like I'm going to a sort of party. It's fun!

Thank you for putting into words how it feels. I was scared to death. And, I was looking for my exit. I was so scared and nervous. Thanks for saying this so I know that there is a chance that I won't be so scared all of the time. I plan on sticking to my small groups for a little bit longer. I'm still so new at this that I don't want to push myself too hard and make myself stop going.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Thanks for starting the thread Mary, i to see this program one day at a time, thanks for the reminder H.A.L.T because it is so important and it does not matter how many years we have under our belts.
Kim, that twice this week i heard someone say about the duck saying it made me :H
Got to say i still get scared to share my heart still beats fast when i begin to start to speak and am let go of the fear and go with the flow.
NoraC, its important not to push yourself too much, only you know what feels right, and if it working for you that good enjoy your women meeting tonight.

I have got a chair this sunday and am feeling sooooo scared and nervous but it funny am feeling a bit excited never been to this meeting before so i dont know what the room looks like inside if it small, big, the shape of the room, how many windows there is or doors and that worries me, silly little things. Am excited because i feel i want to share my journey in recovery on our well i am and how far i have come, and how the program is working for me , but also share that i dont want to go back to that dark place of drinking never again.

I have to be honest that the other day coming home from a meal for my father inlaws birthday, it was only when i got home i felt like i was having a withdrawal my heart started beating and i started to sweat like i use to when i needed a drink, i knew straight away it was a craving coming on i felt fear coming on and that sinking feeling inside me. It come like a big wave, rushing over me. Today am dealing with it and learning to let it go, this is what my soberity has learn me to feel my heart beat and to feel my sweat inside me breaking out on my skin and to feel my feelings today. There is a part of me that says maybe am not doing the program right, But am understanding it not me thats not doing it right it just the way it is am not on my own.
Everyday i Embrace my soberity, it meants so much too me.x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Kimberly: It warmed my heart to see that you called your ma after the meeting. I'm sure she was proud...as am I.

I still get nervous about speaking. I think that's natural for me, because I tend to be an introvert & kind of shy. I try to put aside my self-centered fear (what will people think? do I sound OK? etc.), & I plunge in & say what's on my mind hoping it will help someone.

I'm finding that AA gets easier & easier as I go along. I'm not completely comfortable all the time, but as I break through my fears, I'm building confidence. One of my groups is going to start "committments." Committments are trips to farther away groups where you briefly tell your story. The thought of it kind of scares me: How will I sound/look? Will I see someone from my outside of AA world? etc., but this is something I feel I should do for my emotional & spiritual growth.

Two years ago I was drinking on an almost-daily basis. I was always blacking out, passing out, &/or hungover. Now, I'm contemplating telling my story to a group of AAers. Who would have guessed I'd be where I am today...certainly I would never have forseen this. I do see that I've come very far from that scared, sick, drunk woman of 2 years ago.

Mary

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Hello All!!!

Thanks for starting us off for the week, Mary.

Great posts about sharing at meetings. Like Mary, I still struggle with that self-centered fear about sharing in front of others but I am working on it. I have to admit that part of the AA experience has been so healing for me. I have always struggled sharing myself with others, even family members, so this has all been such a new thing for me. I am 47 yrs old - how pathetic to just be learning this.

I do recognize that not communicating with others has led to a lot of resentments and anger, which in turn leads to drinking for me, so I am really working on that.

I am so grateful for the open and honest discussions found in the rooms of AA.

Have a super evening, all
HG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

HG: Regardless of what our age is, let's hope we always continue learning new ways to be. I'm going on 66...a real senior citizen! In the past 1.5 years, I've leaped farther forward emotionally & spiritually than I did in my enire previous years. Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Thanks all for your encouragement about my sharing experience. I am very tired today after gallivanting across London with a cuddly toy (see Tigger tour thread!), but not too tired to miss my meeting. I popped into a new one in central London as I was away from home and was lucky enough to hear a speaker with 42 years sober through AA. So anyway I'll catch up with you all and address your posts properly tomorrow when I've had some much-needed kip.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz
K x

[NoraC]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Horsegirl said:

I do recognize that not communicating with others has led to a lot of resentments and anger, which in turn leads to drinking for me, so I am really working on that.

That sounds so much like me. I hold everything in. The stress builds up and I turn to alcohol. I am really working on trying to change that. In the past year I started seeing a Therapist (I NEVER thought I would do that) and in the past month, I have started attending AA. I am taking positive steps to change.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

I do recognize that not communicating with others has led to a lot of resentments and anger, which in turn leads to drinking for me, so I am really working on that.

Hi everyone! Boy, can I relate to the above quote too! Funny, my sponsor made me do some Step 4 work (even though I'm not there yet) on a particular issue that is happening in my life right now. Guess what, that's exactly what my part in it was too - not communicating! It was a big resentment too - I filled more than a few pages. I jokingly called it "Resentments A to Z," though it really was only A to Y! I actually used letters for each section, because there wasn't enough room for 4 columns on the paper, so column 4 was on another page. I'm 55 by the way, so not exactly young either.

I went to a new meeting tonight, another 12 & 12, that was recommended by the guy who runs my favorite BB study. It was really good, so this one will go on my priority list of meetings to make. I wasn't doing one on Tuesday, and now I'm up from two a week to six a week. It feels really good to be getting back to doing them more regularly and more often.

I had an interesting experience after the meeting. One woman I hadn't met before (I knew almost everyone else from my home group), told me she figured I must be a real native Texan since I'm "so friendly and outgoing." Friendly and outgoing?????? Me?????? The program must really be working in that case! I was terrified when I first came in.

I have always been afraid of people, and talking to them, or in front of them. The exception was when I taught riding - once they were on the horses anyway (I had a captive audience that was forced to listen to me talk about horses for an hour :H). However, the first ground lesson where they were looking at me and listening was a different story. They had to fill out an instructor evaluation at the end (these classes were through a place that had all kinds of different classes, which were contracted out). Invariably I got the comment, "Seems knowledgeable, but nervous." Often someone would tell me to my face "to relax." "Outgoing and friendly" is definitely a new one for me!

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Nora, I agree with not pushing yourself too much - just enough to face the fear, but baby steps huh? If I went to a meeting I didn't like or felt uncomfortable about, i'd avoid it until i was ready...

Catch, how great that you're doing a chair - I love listening to other peoples' stories and realise I really am not alone. Even if the type of drinking or the background of the person is completely different, the THINKING is almost always spot on, and the alky behaviours.

Mary, thanks for your kind words. Yeah my parents are very proud of the way i'm committing myself to this. Yeah commitments sounds scary! But I think this program does teach you to face your fears a lot. You do sound like you've come very far and that's great

Horse, I struggle too with sharing how I feel with people, even people close to me. It's because I hate being seen as vulnerable. But it's never too late to learn I guess. And yes it does lead to resentments and anger - I always think people should KNOW how I feel! Like they're mind-readers or something...

Dance, glad you have found a new meeting you enjoy - although I'm only just starting, I am already trying to do a few different meetings a bit further from where i live just to check them out really. I like discovering new places and new people - even though it is a bit scary. I want to feel 'at home' wherever i happen to be.

Have a lovely, sober day everyone!
K x

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Got to say i have found it hard to communcated since childhood, but AA has given me that courage to talk and share and to let go of my fears.
Never heard of committments Mary, it sounds good.
last week i see someone i knew from my kids primary school, one of the mums at AA i did share for the new one, that dont be afriad if there someone you know in your area that goes AA, because people do not shout out in the middle of the cownd or street are you going to AA meeting tonight or how's the drinking going have you stop yet!. I shared about my first meeting on a saturday and when i went home to get ready for work and could not believe i saw the person that took the AA meeting in my work and all i was doing was ducking and trying not to have no eye contact so he could not see me but he did because the next saturday he said do you work in so and so superstore, i thought they followed me home and to work i was very paranoid and still can be, i did share this after a good 6 months and the guy laughs about it now.
I also see someone i knew monday night one of my friends, son his in his 20's, it funny she was the one that told me about MWO, am so grateful for that always will be, i did take my friend to AA meeting last year but she siad she not ready.
The last two meetings i have been to have been packed out full of people, it must be the month.

Take care All and keep safe its been good to read through all your posts, Thank You.x:l



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[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Not all groups do committments.
-You meet people in your home group in a designated spot at an appointed time.
-Then you pile into cars & caravan over to a meeting in another town.
-Someone from the visiting group (your home group) acts as a chair.
-She/He calls on people in the visiting group to get up & briefly tell his/her story.
-The chairs tries to fit in as many stories as possible.
-The speakers try to keep their stories short w/the emphasis on the recovery rather than a drunkalog.

I've never done this yet, but I think our Sunday BB study group is going to set something up. The deeper I get into the program, the more I see that it is about reaching out to others.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Jan. 24 - Jan. 30

Hi everyone! I've been heads down busy this week but have been making my meetings and it never fails - someone always says something that ends up making me think of you guys!!! I have really been enjoying the January readings in the 24-Hours a Day book and the Daily Reflections. So many of them are Step 1 related. The basics. The problem that brought us in search of this solution.

Today there was a line in the Daily Reflections reading that basically said if I drink, I die. Some of us connected with that by realizing that our spirits died even though our physical bodies didn't. Catch, that was my "dark place" - where my spirit was just gone. Is that where your dark place was? Anyway, the meeting this morning was especially good.

Congratulations to all on your various experiences sharing! What a great opportunity for growth. Mary, I will be very interested to hear about this "committment." I've not heard of that and wonder if there are groups doing that around here too?

Well, I'm off to shower and sleep but wanted to say hi. All of the posts here made me smile and be very grateful I am a part of us.

DG