AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

[Brigitte Bardot]

Good morning peeps,

Bye Bye January, hello February.

I've been thinking that I've beens spending a little too much time on the internet lately, I'm feeling a little down right now and I'm stressed out and honestly feeling a little lonely, so I don't think I'll be popping in as much as I have been. I'm just feeling a little off and that I don't have anything valuable to contribute right now. I don't know if that makes sense at all..Sorry to start the monthly thread off in such a downer note from me.

I'll probably lurk everynow and then until I feel I have something of use to post,

Love to you all,

[papmom3]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Hi BB-I wish you wouldn't leave us, especially when you feel lonely. If it means however that you're going to pursue things that make you happy and less lonely, then by all means-go do them and pop in everyonce in a while to let us know you are OK. BTW, I don't agree that you don't have anything valuable to share. Just sharing what's going on in your everyday life is very valuable to us-maybe you're dealing with a problem or emotion that one of us is going through too and telling us how you're dealing with it might just click the lightbulb on for one of us. At the very least we know we're not alone.
We all know that life is not a bed of thornless roses-we can't be up and cheery 24/7. Being blahh doesn't bring us down. I promise. I do worry however when people who are feeling the way you do withdraw from the group as I know that's when the Beast will launch his attack-he loves vulnerability.
Please know that we love you here, warts and all (not that you have one single one!) and care about you deeply. Take a break if you must but please come back soon.

So, to continue with a less than austere start to the new month, Houdini (aka LM) made his escape this morning. I've taken the day off to try to get the snow off my porch roof. It's already snowing like mad and very cold. I let them out when we got up and watched through the window instead of putting tea on. Good thing because there he was, front paws hooked over the garden fencing, pulling it down. I ran to the mudroom and pulled on by boots. No time for a jacket. In the 30 sec it took me to get out there he was up and over and heading for the neighbors yard. In my jammies, I DOVE over the fencing and "swam" towards him. I couldn't go any further, I was hip high in snow. He has no recall whatsoever and started to step over the fence railing. For some reason he turned back-I don't know if I was yelling his name or gently calling to him. All I know was if he went over it was all over. He was walking on top of the snow, I was stuck up to my hips. By some miracle he came close enough for me to grab the scruff of his neck. He yelped, I reached over with my other hand and scooped him up. Now what. I have this 11 lb dog in one arm, I'm holding on to the fish sprinkler for what little support it had to offer and I can't go anywhere. I can feel the ice cold snow start to numb my feet and legs. Somehow I managed to turn around and follow my boot tracks back to the fence. I plopped him down and climbed over. We all get back into the mud room and I lost it. After about 10 minutes I shed my snow covered jammies and pull on my sweats. Go downstairs, haul up the 4 foot high xpens I bought this summer for agility trials and spend the next 30 minutes setting them up against the veggie fencing and securing with ties and clips. I know he can't get over these but from now on he goes out with a long training lead. No more exploring for this Dora wanna be!! Whew!! I'm exhausted and I still have to do battle with the roof! But first, TEA!!!
oh, and i fogot to mention I found a lump on LM's chest last nite. Vet appt this Sunday.

[jennyneric]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Wow papmom3! I have three poodle mixes and they hate snow, grass, and wet anything. Sounds like you have a spunky one there! Glad you got him (her?)!

Today in Texas (dallas) we have ice and snow. The superbowl is here on Sunday and the city is frozen! Yeah us! Also they have closed one of our two airports so that should delay our visitors!

Sorry everyone is so down today. I hope it doesn't last! Much like the weather, I hope it doesn't last either!

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Thanks Pap, it's not anything valuable I just hate thinking I may be bringing people down and I know staying positive is important when working towards being sober. The money problems right now, my divorce..and a few other factors which pretty much make up life for everyone once as well. I'm doing what I can to stay motivated I just feel in the sink or swim aspect, I'm drowning right now. Maybe it's just a really off day.

About your dogs, don't the little ones just piss you off sometimes. My little schnauzers are the same, it's amazing how fast they run and how high they can jump when they really want too.

Hi Jenny..

[Lavande]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Good morning Abbers!

BB, I think a lot of us are feeling a little blah this time of year - it's not just you by any means! It just goes with the winter weather as far as I'm concerned.
Stick around because I am personally going to try to brighten things up around here this month. My daughter's first baby, my granddaughter is due in 2 weeks I want to share my happiness with all of you.

papmom, as I mentioned on the other thread - when my 100 lb dog sinks in the snow drifts - she sinks! There is no way in hell I can rescue her :H:H

I need to see if I can make my way to the chicken house at some point today. I'm not risking a fractured hip or something skating on the ice out there - no way
I loaded them up with plenty of feed & H2O yesterday just in case

Have a great AF Tuesday one & all!
Lav

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Ah, Gia! I know how you are feeling right now. I am right along with you. Finances, lonely, etc... I also feel like I don't have a lot to contribute these days either. If you need anything, please let me know. Lots of loves and hugs to you. xoxo

Feb 1! Holy smokes!

It is chilly here, and I am gonna head into the shower and get motivated. Have a great day everyone!

[fennel]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Papmom, whenever I start thinking how nice it would be to have a dawg, I'll just read back on some of your posts! The last thing I need is some critter telling me he has to pee at two in the morning (so he can go outside and eat snow!), or making a dash for freedom whilst I'm standing around in my skivvies!

I'd have to dig a path through the snow and line it with scatter rugs for my old Kitty girls to "escape",lol!

[universal]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Hello abbers!

BB - please don't leave me!

I'm waiting for our first major snowstorm. I'm kind of looking forward to it actually. Maybe something to do with being snowed in matches the mood of escape for me? Not sure but who cares - I'm preparing for wild weather!

I'm checking into additional treatment options for myself today as well. Then, hot bath, and cuddle in my bed with books and blankets and wait for the storm. The little one is at her dad's today so I actually get to have some me time. Which is desperatly needed so I'm very grateful today.

Thanks for all your kind wishes and support yesterday as well. I really love and cherish you all.

(((Hugs)))

Uni

[papmom3]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Well I've just finished raking the roof and taking down the first of what will be MANY snowplow piles over the next 36 hours. We've already got almost a foot out there.
From inside the attic I thought I had done a pretty good job of reducing the snowload on the roof. I had to take out one double hung window and cut 2 screens to get the rake out there (they are the original 1920 windows I'm sure). It was exhausting work but from that vantage I was pretty satisfied.....until..... I went out to shovel the snow that I pushed off onto my front stoop. I kid you not, it looks like I didn't touch one inch!! Well, I did my best and it's in my HP's hands now. If the roof goes, I will be praying that my HO insurance covers the repairs. It will be ugly that's for sure. Miss Scaredy Kat will not be allowed in that room for probably the next 2 months until all th snow melts off it. And that pretty much means I can't be in the LR because DD can't be in the same room as Miss Kat (Timica is her real name). Back to the bedroom cave for the rest of the winter I guess!!

Fennel-I still feel like the benefits of having my dogs outweighs the cons, but just barely right now!! LM is my heart dog-we've been through a lot with him (2 bladder stone surgeries exactly a year apart, special diet etc), and he has such personality!! When I worked for my other school, I always manned a table at the local veterinary school's OH. LM always came with me and sat on the table as my ambassador. He attracted so many people and I always came back with tons of admission inquiry cards!! But he is full of spunk and doesn't follow ANY rules. He's always looking for an escape route which is why I've spent so much time and effort making my back yard like fort knox!! Would I go back to just kitties? Probably not but the thought has crossed my mind a few times :H. the long training lead is working for now and he doesn't seem to mind it. For some reason I think the little episode scared him because the last 2 times I've let them out he only stays out for a couple of minutes.

Well I'm done with shoveling for many hours now. I'm going to try to enjoy the rest of my personal day and get some stuff done. I picked up a huge 30 gal fish tank from a freecycler last nite on my way home. I miss the fishies (hope they are still alive in the pond!!) and I think I'd like to get a couple of fancy cold water fishies to entertain the cats (and me!!). The tank is filthy so today will be a good day to get it all clean and shiny and set it up on it's home (an old dresser not surving any purpose right now). More moving and grooving!!

Good to see everyone and hope we all stay safe and warm.

:l

[universal]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

:upset:I caved guys.:upset:
The insurance company called me and got me completely into an anxiety state. I went out to the store and bought cigarettes (today was my 5 months). I went into my boyfriends work room hoping to find a stray beer and found the box of all the alcohol that he was supposed to throw away 6 months ago. He apparently didn't. It was right fucking there. And I am home alone and called my sponser and she wasn't home. I said Fuck it. And I poured myself a drink. 6 fucking months down the drain. I am so upset with myself but on the same token I know this was coming for a long time. My slip started weeks ago when I was getting so depressed and upset. I saw it coming. I went to meetings but I didn't do the things I know I should do. I lost my spiritual connection. I got a case of the fuck it's and didn't do anything about it. And now here I am. And I feel sick about it. fuck fuck fuck. God damn this addiction. God damn it.

[Determinator]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Falling Down

this inexplicable force of hell has once again managed to ensnare me. started with the typical trigger of being sick, then before I knew it....I'm here detoxing and shaking like a leaf. i seem to fare well with helping others but fall so shy of helping myself. I must now reach out my hand and ask for help. I really must. I've given the booze to my wife to remove from the house, and I'm running low on excuses for work. i should try to sleep but dont' know if I can.
take care loves

[Determinator]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Uni, my sister in pain. I feel for you. lets get through this.

[jennyneric]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

As you both have told us all and wagon head says often we are all one drink away from day one... try as hard as you can not to beat yourself up. . .the depression from the toxin will lift in 3 or 4 days and life will look alittle better that it does today. . .say here, stick with your program and all your sober time is not lost because you will aways have the knowledge you have gained during your sober time. This is just one of life's bumps in the road. . . so you couldn't go around it this time. . .so there were cars on either side of you. . .so you hit the bump. . .get up, fix your car, and keep on driving until you can't even see the bump in your rear view mirror.

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Det and Uni, I'm here. I'm so sorry you've both are drinking, I really don't know what to say at this moment since I have a bottle of red here as well which I've had a glass from.
Det, I'm happy you've got DX to take it away, please try to get some food into you and replenish.
Uni, you've been really having a rough go lately. I wish I was closer.
Sometimes it just seems like too much and you do get the 'fuck it' thinking.

Much love to you both..xo

[jennyneric]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Oh guy's. . .BB, I'm so sorry. I'm too new to this to be much help. . .DG you out there? My thoughts are with you all and I hope you find you peace soon. BB can you stop now? Just poor it out so you won't feels so bad tomorrow?