AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

papmom3;1052561 wrote: Then don't say anything. You don't have to. Go do something comforting (not involving AL!!) for yourself. Take a bath, have some tea and cookies, read. You have to treat yourself well in order to start healing. Beating yourself up isn't going to help. go to bed early if you can. Is little Gia upset too or is she oblivious? Tomorrow is a new day. You will see it with new eyes. One step at a time OK? :l

Little Gia is asleep in bed, and has been. I think I'll just curl up on the sofa and watch a movie till I fall asleep. Sometimes this just really hits below the belt.

[papmom3]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

(((Gia)))

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Determinator;1052565 wrote: Gia, this too shall pass. hold my hand sister.

You too Det., tomorrow is a new day.

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

papmom3;1052572 wrote: (((Gia)))

:l Thanks hon, I definetely could use a hug right now.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Brigitte Bardot;1052578 wrote: :l Thanks hon, I definetely could use a hug right now.

:l:l:l

I got a PM that today has been a difficult one amongst us Daily AFers. I am truly sorry to read of your difficulties Gia, Uni and Det. All the words of support I've read here from everyone else really ring true. Most especially that AL is cunning and patient. We can never ever let down our guards.

Uni I think you made a very astute observation that your decision started way before today. I think that speaks to the cunning part of our disease (addiction, affliction, whatever you like to call it).

I hope by now everyone has poured out their stash. Can I ask about thoughts on what you plan to do differently going forward? To me, the massive learning value of my own relapse and subsequent struggle was that AL really doesn't do ANYTHING positive for me any more, and that I am so addicted that a "slip" is not a slip. It's an all out face first dive into the dark side. The only way for me to be free of the grip of addiction on a moment by moment basis is to not drink, ever. You are probably reading this saying "well, DUH!! Of course!!" But when I chose to drink after a period of sobriety, I threw the facts out the window. I don't want to ever do that again if i can help it. Alcohol doesn't work for me. It is not the "solution" to every problem that I thought it was for so many years.

"Fuck it" was part of it for me when I drank. And it wasn't really "fuck it" in the sense that I was throwing in the towel on life or anything. It was "fuck it" that I figured I had been AF for 60 days, and could just go right back to AFness whenever I darn well pleased.

WELL DUH!!! If it was easy for me to stop drinking, I would have stopped a long time ago. Why on earth would I think it would be "easy to stop again" (aka, I'm fixed!) when for YEARS AND YEARS I would promise myself "I will not drink today" in the morning, and by 5PM or earlier I was drinking? Every single time?

Anyway, the only solution is to not drink. Then we can have a hope of facing life. I don't know about you - but I know that I am useless facing life and it's ups and downs if I take a drink.

On a practical level, I've amped up my daily / weekly / monthly schedule to the point that I wouldn't have time to squeeze in drinking if I tried to shove it in with a wedge and a sledge hammer. Staying busy helps me a lot.

A woman came into the shelter last week who had the courage to leave her husband who had been abusing her for 25 years. It was so sad looking into her face, knowing that her nose has been broken countless times. She has no family in the US. She was scared to death. But she somehow found the courage to leave him and trust a bunch of stangers to help her. I was never so grateful to be sober as when I spoke to her of hope, and that she is NOT alone any more. She cried and I held her. A week later, she is making new friends in the shelter and taking baby steps to build her new life. It won't be easy for her. She has some very serious medical problems and she has nothing but an old broken down car and the shirt on her back. But if she can find a way to face her fears and take life on lifes terms, as it comes, one day at a time then so can I.

I would much rather be sober, and out in the world exploring life than sitting alone in my house drowning my ________________ (whatever) in alcohol.

My hope for each one of you is that you find your way to fulfillment - for me it has been such a wonderful gift in the battle against AL.

I am just as vulnerable to relapse as anyone else. I am one drink away from disaster too. All I can do is work my program as best as I can every day. I have to do it with energy and committment. If I start half assing it, AL will be the first to know.

I hope everyone is in a safe and warm place during the storms.

One thing is for sure....

DG

[papmom3]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Thank you DG. Love you girl!

[Lavande]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Thanks for the encouraging words DG.
I needed to hear them too.
Uni, Deter & BB I am hoping for a better tomorrow for you.:l:l:l

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

As a dear (many years sober) friend of mine would say, let's all get off the pity pot, pour out the booze, and get on with it.

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Gratitude

thank you Doogygirl for this fabuluos post
xxxxxxxxx
Det

Doggygirl;1052595 wrote: :l:l:l

I got a PM that today has been a difficult one amongst us Daily AFers. I am truly sorry to read of your difficulties Gia, Uni and Det. All the words of support I've read here from everyone else really ring true. Most especially that AL is cunning and patient. We can never ever let down our guards.

Uni I think you made a very astute observation that your decision started way before today. I think that speaks to the cunning part of our disease (addiction, affliction, whatever you like to call it).

I hope by now everyone has poured out their stash. Can I ask about thoughts on what you plan to do differently going forward? To me, the massive learning value of my own relapse and subsequent struggle was that AL really doesn't do ANYTHING positive for me any more, and that I am so addicted that a "slip" is not a slip. It's an all out face first dive into the dark side. The only way for me to be free of the grip of addiction on a moment by moment basis is to not drink, ever. You are probably reading this saying "well, DUH!! Of course!!" But when I chose to drink after a period of sobriety, I threw the facts out the window. I don't want to ever do that again if i can help it. Alcohol doesn't work for me. It is not the "solution" to every problem that I thought it was for so many years.

"Fuck it" was part of it for me when I drank. And it wasn't really "fuck it" in the sense that I was throwing in the towel on life or anything. It was "fuck it" that I figured I had been AF for 60 days, and could just go right back to AFness whenever I darn well pleased.

WELL DUH!!! If it was easy for me to stop drinking, I would have stopped a long time ago. Why on earth would I think it would be "easy to stop again" (aka, I'm fixed!) when for YEARS AND YEARS I would promise myself "I will not drink today" in the morning, and by 5PM or earlier I was drinking? Every single time?

Anyway, the only solution is to not drink. Then we can have a hope of facing life. I don't know about you - but I know that I am useless facing life and it's ups and downs if I take a drink.

On a practical level, I've amped up my daily / weekly / monthly schedule to the point that I wouldn't have time to squeeze in drinking if I tried to shove it in with a wedge and a sledge hammer. Staying busy helps me a lot.

A woman came into the shelter last week who had the courage to leave her husband who had been abusing her for 25 years. It was so sad looking into her face, knowing that her nose has been broken countless times. She has no family in the US. She was scared to death. But she somehow found the courage to leave him and trust a bunch of stangers to help her. I was never so grateful to be sober as when I spoke to her of hope, and that she is NOT alone any more. She cried and I held her. A week later, she is making new friends in the shelter and taking baby steps to build her new life. It won't be easy for her. She has some very serious medical problems and she has nothing but an old broken down car and the shirt on her back. But if she can find a way to face her fears and take life on lifes terms, as it comes, one day at a time then so can I.

I would much rather be sober, and out in the world exploring life than sitting alone in my house drowning my ________________ (whatever) in alcohol.

My hope for each one of you is that you find your way to fulfillment - for me it has been such a wonderful gift in the battle against AL.

I am just as vulnerable to relapse as anyone else. I am one drink away from disaster too. All I can do is work my program as best as I can every day. I have to do it with energy and committment. If I start half assing it, AL will be the first to know.

I hope everyone is in a safe and warm place during the storms.

One thing is for sure....

DG

[NoraC]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

DG - This part of your post really hit home with me.

It was "fuck it" that I figured I had been AF for 60 days, and could just go right back to AFness whenever I darn well pleased.

WELL DUH!!! If it was easy for me to stop drinking, I would have stopped a long time ago. Why on earth would I think it would be "easy to stop again" (aka, I'm fixed!) when for YEARS AND YEARS I would promise myself "I will not drink today" in the morning, and by 5PM or earlier I was drinking? Every single time?

I am going to copy this and post on my Nora's Journey thread. This is exactly what I am trying to avoid. Thank you.

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Thank you DG xox

[Gaia]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

Hello,

DG I liked this part of your post:

If it was easy for me to stop drinking, I would have stopped a long time ago. Why on earth would I think it would be "easy to stop again" (aka, I'm fixed!) when for YEARS AND YEARS I would promise myself "I will not drink today" in the morning, and by 5PM or earlier I was drinking? Every single time?

Anyway, the only solution is to not drink. Then we can have a hope of facing life. I don't know about you - but I know that I am useless facing life and it's ups and downs if I take a drink.


I agree it's tempting to follow the logic of "if I stopped once I can do it again, now let's go have some fun!" However, if I were to drink I would be taking a huge risk, even if I drank one time. Something bad might happen. I would feel terrible. I think my brain is wired now to adjust immediately to whatever level of AL is in my system. One drink? I will need it next day if I have one. 5 drinks? I will need it next day if I have them.

I am, at the moment, enjoying every day, every morning so much that I don't want to risk feeling any negative effects of drinking.

BB, Uni and Det - I hope just get back up and start building your new history.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily ~ February 1, 2011

DG, wonderful post, as always!! xo