Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: Now that the weather is clearing a little, I've been going to back-to-back meetings. As always, I get something from all of them. Also, that all-important connection w/my AA friends was renewed. Last night's BB story was by one of the women pioneers of AA. She spoke about trying to stop on her own which was impossible for her & me. The discussion led in different directions, but I got "experiencing life on life's terms" as the message to take home. Whenever I get through a difficult life experience, I feel a little bit stronger...like I can do it again. Everything in life happens for a reason & has important lessons. Sometimes in the midst of the problem (whatever it may be), I forget that. When I was drinking, I numbed out even the most mild experiences. I lost my ability to fight through problems & issues. I'm now regaining that ability, & it feels good.

Mary

[Rusty]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Hi Mary,

I don't often post on this thread, but I read everyone's posts because I learn a great deal from the wisdom here. I wanted to share an experience I had last night that speaks to the pioneer woman from AA who said she could not stop drinking on her own. I posted this story on the Daily Thread as well this morning. Several months ago, an MWO member who was really struggling called me. She had just moved to a new city far away from her family and wanted to address her problem with AL but didn't feel like she wanted to go to an AA meeting. I hadn't heard from her in months but Saturday afternoon she called me in despair. After a weeklong binge, she called her local AA chapter and a lovely young woman her age immediately agreed to be her sponsor. This woman sat with my friend for 12 hours while she went through agonizing withdrawal and detox. She was absolutely overwhelmed with gratitude that she could admit that she's an alcoholic and that a total stranger would be so unselfish with her time, on a weekend, to stay with her while she suffered terrifying withdrawal symptoms. She said she has found a home with this AA group and is amazed at how kind everyone has been to her. Now, she's not afraid to deal with her addiction because she has support. I told her I couldn't be more proud of her. She's a brilliant woman with a very successful career and she didn't want to lose it all because of AL. She says AA saved her life.

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Good Morning, All.

Its funny you should mention the women pioneers of AA because on Friday when I chaired the meeting I chose the story "The Keys of the Kingdom" by Sylvia K. I did a little research on her and found her story so inspiring. I like the way she was so active in starting the Chicago group and how successful it became, but she was so humble about her part in it. She stated that after the group had grown and her help was not needed so much, her need for the group never diminished. I admire how she kept her humility and never forgot how helpless she was on her own.

Sometimes when I read the AA Big Book, I think it sounds somewhat outdated, but when you read the stories from the beginners, you realize that the struggle really is the same for us all.

I think we all feel grateful in some way for AA saving our lives. I hadn't progressed into losing family, health, job, etc yet, but I was rapidly heading that way. So grateful to be sober today and grateful to be happy about being sober today

Have a super day, all

HG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Hello fellow travelers! Mary, thanks for getting us started this week and with such a good message to boot. Your post made me think about my own life - and living it on life's terms. I can relate to the idea that it gets easier with experience. Sometimes something will happen and I feel like a deer in the head lights because in the past, I just would have gone for my bottle as the "solution." I don't have that bottle to run to any more, and sometimes I actually stop breathing for a moment while I sort of panic and say "THINK!! THINK!!! THINK!!!" to myself. I don't always think of the best possible response "in the moment." But I learn from each experience and like you, I'm so thankful for all the help I'm getting in AA to learn how to be a much more decent person.

Rusty, I'm so glad you decided to share that story. I will admit it brought a tear to my eye!!! I'm so glad your MWO friend decided to make that call. Maybe it saved her life. There are lots of really really good people in AA. And I always like what you have to say so I hope you post here more often!

HG, I too am always amazed by the Big Book and what seems at first to be so outdated is still relevant for me today.

I was thinking today about one of the homeless guys - I haven't seen any of them in quite some time. This one guy I was thinking about always talked about a meeting at a church on Monday nights - a meeting I've not been to. In the past I was shy about going because this church is a customer of ours, and I was uncomfortable parking my vehicle (with all kinds of graphics all over it) out front. I'm really getting past those fears, and today what is more important to me than my own fears is seeing if I can find my friend - hoping he has survived the winter. That is progress for me.

I love this thread. Thanks to all who share here whether it's a lot or just once in awhile. Thanks for helping me stay sober.

DG

[coalfire]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

"By the end of my own drinking career, my life was extremely "small." Just me and my bottle, imprisoned in my house....However my intent was always to "stay put" once I started drinking. As that time of day got earlier and earlier, I was imprisoned." I have just found these sentences by Doggygirl. I think they are excellent. I never thought of myself as imprisoned before. I mean the door was not locked. However looking at this and thinking about it thats exactly what was happening.Me and my bottle in a little self imposed lonely cell. Wow Doggygirl thats really powerful imagery. I dont think I could ever sit on my sofa and drink again without thinking of that.I mean who would imprison themselves voluntarily. Ok I think thats me sober for this week! Thanks Doggygirl.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Great start to another week of sobriety y'all.
DG, 2 more days to 1000, how cool is that?
I'm on the road for the first time this year. Working in Springfield, MO this week. I hope to catch a meeting here.
Thank you all for sharing.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Everyone: I didn't look in on this thread yesterday & am now delighted to be reading the posts. Rusty, what an incredible story! It's amazing what AAers do to help a newcomer. In my own case, I bottomed out in 2009 & called an AA friend of the family. He had just begun dating a woman whom he eventually fell in love with. However, when I called, he made time to meet w/me & get me started in the program. He could have begged off w/excuses but never, ever did. I never felt I was encroaching on his time. It is so difficult to admit alcoholism...to ourselves & our loved ones. Until I did, however, I didn't have a chance for recovery.

I went to my big speaker meeting last night. One of my friends was one of the 2 speakers. When I entered the crowded noisy room, I was so struck by the camaraderie there. Every now & then, I remember my newbie-self & how intimidated I was by that meeting. I sat by the door & beat a hasty retreat as soon as the meeting ended.

Take care one & all. Patty went back to school today...a little nervous but excited to see her students.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Hi everyone -

Great posts - I was a week and a half behind, so I am just now catching up. It reinforces how much I love this thread - it really is like an ongoing AA meeting!


Thank you for sharing that story Rusty. That was very moving. Sometimes that live support is what we really need, whether we want to admit or not. AA at it's best is truly a miracle. When I see what members are willing to give others, it never ceases to amaze me.


Mary, I am glad to hear Patty is doing well and back at school.


Kimberley, I hope your search for a temporary sponsor is going well. Remember, it's temporary until and unless decided otherwise. I just kind of went with the flow, and mine's permanent now. I know I over thought it and didn't get around to it for a long time. in hindsight, I sort of wish I'd just done it, but then, everything in it's time. I did get with it when I felt I had to. I wasn't to the point of wanting to drink, but I was definitely "off." I'm happy I finally did it.


We had crappy weather here the last two weeks, so I didn't get to as many meetings as I had been, and I definitely miss them when I don't. I did get in one on Friday that I don't normally go to. My regular ones I really love I do hate to miss.


We too are talking about Step 2 a lot, but then it's the 2nd month, so that's not unusual. When I think about it, I am still working on "being restored to sanity," but I'm still way further along than before! :H Personally feel I'm kind of learning to work Step 3 "Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood him."


I'm trying this on a daily basis now, remembering to pray, meditate, etc, first thing in the morning, and last thing at night, as well as anytime I need to. Sometimes the best I can do is pray for willingness. The good thing is, it always helps, and if nothing else, calms and centers me. I realized I needed to be honest to God too. I found I had a fear of a judgmental, punitive God, even though that was not my concept of a higher power. I think I associate prayer with "religion," which I was never real big on. I finally just approached it as "talking to God," which helped. I had to come to where HP is accepting of me as I am right now, not some "little miss perfect." That was again a sticking point (in myself) - perfectionism. I actually say things to HP like how I am struggling with even doing it, or the fact that I don't always like it, and that I am glad that HP knows and accepts that these are part of me.


I have to remind myself that my old way of living did not work, and even if I could keep alcohol out of the equation, is it any way to go back to (or continue living in), if I have a chance at a much better life by following the program? Then the answer is obvious.


Last month we had a great Step Speaker (we have the same one every week all month). I could relate to this guy's thinking process and struggles getting himself to work the program. I thought he was definitely ADD by the way he described how his mind works, and got up the nerve to ask him his last night there, and yes, he confirmed he was. So many of the fears and his own resistance to parts of the program were so similar to what I am working through right now. He did get through it, and explaining how he did was just what I needed to hear. I love how so many times I will hear just what I need to when I need to at AA. Always good to get the perspective from a member of my other "tribe," and meet one in person. I know lots of them online. Quite a few of them are also in AA, interestingly enough.


On Thursday I will be going to a big quarterly meeting of women from everywhere in the area. Some of us from my Monday meeting will meet up and go together. I heard it's gigantic, and fun. One woman thought it would be fun for us to go as a group. She's been before, and said it was huge and she didn't know anyone except the person she came with. There's food and a speaker. So something new to look forward to.


Hello to DG, HG, Phil, Catch, MG, Cherbear, Gyco, Coalfire, and anyone else I've missed from the last couple of weeks threads! Your posts mean a lot to me.


Hope everyone has a good week!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Hi everyone! Coalfire, I didn't even see the gradual imprisonment as it was happening. I really didn't even see the self imposed imprisonment until I got my sober journey under way. Now when I look back, I can't believe how small my life had become without my notice!!! Insanity!!!

Phil, back when I was about 20 (you know, about 9 years ago :H) I lived in Missouri. A very little town. One of my cousins lived in Springfield and I visited a couple of times. Haven't thought about those days in a long time! I lived near Bagnel Damn in the Ozarks. Lots of Ozark hills adventures in those days with Van Halen in the 8 track player, and a tapped keg in the trunk of my car which had a name. Gomer Pile. Thinking about those days makes me realize how lucky I am to be alive. Hope you find a meeting while you are on the road!

Mary, I am so glad Patty is back to school. She is a trooper. Hope she is getting through the days without exhausting herself! I know what you mean about reflecting back to the early days when I didn't know anyone. And now, seeing familiar faces all over the place. It's fabulous!

Dance, I always love your posts and your introspection. That is a great story about your connection with the speaker this month. We talked about Step 2 at the Women's meeting I ended up going to last night. I used to be very uncomfortable with HP discussions. Now I enjoy them as a learning and growth opportunity. It was a relief to realize that there are zillions of versions of "God of our understanding" out there. I love that it's not about proving the one person's understanding or another person's understanding is "right" or "wrong." I guess for me it's about finding a way to ask for help and then listening for the answer. Finding a discussion that leads to peace and serenity. For me I'm realizing it's not about "who is God" it's just about finding my center and the good that is in me and all of us. If that makes any sense, which it probably doesn't!

To Kimberly and anyone else debating about sponsors. I really over thought the whole thing. Even though my first sponsor didn't work out, and learned a LOT about relationships in the process of working it through. And today we are friends. That is something I NEVER would have been able to do in my drinking days - change the nature of that relationship and then work on healing it. And things are always connected - had I not had that experience with the first one, I might not have been led to the one I have today. Make it temporary to start, and just go for it I say!

Went to my early morning home group today and it was a really good meeting. Tuesday is open topic and the woman who chaired today chose a good one. We talked about how the tools of this program learned by taking the steps give us what we need to work through difficult relationships and situations in life. She talked about a board meeting at the Alano Club (where this meeting is held) last night that was difficult. Several really strong personalities and widely differing opinions. Heated conversations. But in the end, everyone was able to put principles before personalities and work out solutions despite the differences. I realized as people shared through this meeting that while I have come a long way with the help of the steps, I still have a long way to go. And I'm looking forward to the on-going journey and opportunity to mature as a person. AL held me back and sobriety with AA is setting me free to become all that I can be. We'll see what that is someday!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

I do like the topic of using the steps & principles of the program to work through problems. Drinking really short-circuits that process, & I completely lost my ability to do so. Now, I'm learning all over again how to be an adult & meet challenges head-on.

I think about step 2 also. I hear in speaker meetings that we should never forget where alcohol took us. I take that advice, & as painful as it is, I remember some of my losses as a result of the drinking. If I don't do that, I'm right back into denial: "Maybe I wasn't so bad.", "Maybe I can have just one.", "I didn't lose everything." etc.

I think about all the effort I put into trying to stop on my own. Sure, I would stop for a while...months maybe. But, as you all know, I always went back. I know for sure that HP, AA, whatever intervened. I don't try to analyze too much, because then I might think I don't need an HP. I only know that I wasn't able to do it alone.

I love reading everyone's posts. Thank you one & all.

Yes, Patty truly is a trooper.

Mary

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Congrats DG on 1000 days!!!!!:goodjob:

You are an awesome inspiration for so many of us here.


HG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

DG: Oh my goodness...1000 days! You are a wonderful role model for all of us! Congratulations. Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

CONGRATULATIONS DoggyGirl!!!
K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

Thanks you guys!! It was fun to count down the days to "4-digits." It's very funny how such a number is in the AA world. In my home group 7AM meetings, we celebrate anniversaries as they happen. There are only certain ones that involve coins, but people are free to speak up with any anniversary they choose. So today I said it was 1,000 days for me. That sounds like such a big number but around the tables, it's not so much!!! At least not in this group - many people with 10, 15, and more years. And of course the anniversaries we get most excited about are the people who are just getting through their first day or week or month. So it was definitely not a big deal and we moved right along!! I was happy inside and that was awesome.

Hope you all had a fabulous day. Can't wait to hear from Phil about a meeting in Springfield MO.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 14 - 20

DG: My sponsor w/20+ years says she's no different than the newest newcomer. We're all doing it ODAT. M