Focused February - Week 4

[Lavande]

Focused February - Week 4

Hi Jolie

[paguy]

Focused February - Week 4

Hello Friends and Newcomers!

Chill - Great summary once again. We can always count on you to encapsulate all that we experienced and accomplished throughout the month. Thank you....

Lot's of interesting posts in the past day. I certainly hope that I have not conveyed any messages of non-acceptance or intolerance in any of my posts. My goodness, I am a gay man who experienced the wrong side of all of that during my adolescence and young adult life! We are all in this struggle with alcohol at a personal level and some of us choose to participate in this wonderful community to help us cope and gain strength to find our way and meet our goals. For me, after many years (30+) of AL abuse and many attempts to either moderate or quit, I have come to the realization that the best solution for me is abstinence so that is what I am commited to. I'm experienced enough to know that it's not as simple as 'flipping a switch'. It is a struggle and we all experience it. I hope others are comfortable to share their experiences and emotions regardless of where they are in their journey and what they ultimtely want their outcome to be.

I agree, the concept of 'forever' can be overwhelming and daunting. The approach I take is to tell myself that 'I don't drink anymore.' It's just a subtle difference but seems to work for me.

Sending everyone strength and love....

John

[rustop61]

Focused February - Week 4

Hi everyone

Just a quick check in from me. Even if I dont get a chance to post, I just have a quick check in to see if the stork has arrived.

:goodjob: Chill on the wonderful summary of our month. Enjoy Dublin.

Welcome back Dill, LHB and Shelly. So glad to have you all with us again. I know for me in the beginning it was all about counting days, checking in and totally focussing on remaining AF. With more AF time under my belt, like Lav I just focussed on the everyday things. I know how hard it can be to be struggling and everyone else seems to be doing great but if we have learned anything this month it is that we are not alone. A few of our dearly beloved friends were struggling at the same time. The important thing is that we kept them in our thoughts and when they were ready they came back.

Here's hoping that March is a better month for all of us.

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

Focused February - Week 4

Hi Sped, so sorry to hear you are ill and out of state. I think I cross posted you yesterday. So good to hear from you and have you back.

LBH, good to have you back too.

Dill, good to have you back, too.

I know when I was struggling in December, I did not feel that I could talk about it on this thread, maybe it was me. But I think this is a chance to open up the thread to talk more about our struggles, on a daily basis. Sometimes it is smooth sailing, then for me, cravings come up. I am committed to abstinence, but I am not perfect. It is hard work and cunning baffling and powerful, to quote the Big Book. I know I want what others who have long term AFness have, Chill in particular. You are just a good writer and describer of the peace and health you feel. I want that . So, my 2011 committment to being AF, so far so good.

Anyone struggling today? Let's talk about it. Have a great AF day.

[Chillgirl]

Focused February - Week 4

Stargazerlily;1065817 wrote:
I know when I was struggling in December, I did not feel that I could talk about it on this thread, maybe it was me. But I think this is a chance to open up the thread to talk more about our struggles, on a daily basis.

Anyone struggling today? Let's talk about it. Have a great AF day.

Great post Star, I really hope we can keep an open dialogue for anyone struggling.

A quick hi from me in Dublin, I was up at Rusty O'clock today to get to the airport for 5am. It is only a small local airport and I was horrified to see at least a dozen people drinking beer in the departure lounge at 6am!! I have to say that even at my worst I didn't drink at that time although it did remind me of many occasions I felt soooo bad I forced down a hair of the dog to top me back up......

[Jolie]

Focused February - Week 4

Okay - after reading posts from star, paguy and rustop, I have decided to be perfectly honest and open - after all you people are all the reason I have been able to give up the vino since January! That being said, I am not perfect. My signature line used to say AF since 1/3/11. Now it says AF journey started 1/3/11. I felt very guilty about having a glass of wine when my family took my Mom out to dinner for her birthday in early February. Now this may sound weird to you guys but I actually planned this one glass of wine - and no more. Sister/daughter-in-law both had 2 glasses, I was bound and determined to only have one. Didn't have "several" starter glasses before I left the house like I normally would have so I felt like all in all the night was a victory. Drinking publicly has never been the problem - it's at home in secret that I can't seem to stop.

I think maybe a lot of us here get caught up on the number of "AF days" we have accumulated. I will say, however, that completing 30 days AF has definitely made a huge difference for me and I truly think if I had allowed myself to drink before then, I would have been right back where I started.

My weakness is drinking at home and I know I will never be satisfied with just that one glass of wine - so moderation is not for me. That being said, I can't say that I will never go out in public and have that one glass of wine with family - hope this doesn't sound hypocritical or anything - it's not like I'm even looking forward to my next family event to have a drink - the cravings are getting less and less - Friday nights still seem to be the biggest struggle for me. My new clear head is telling me that I am still just one glass away from falling back to where I was so I know I have to keep my guard up.

Hope I'm not offending any of you guys that are long term abstainers - you all are truly an inspiration to me and I am constantly looking for advice from you as you guys seem to have achieved something wonderful.

So there it is - feels good to get that off my chest.

Have a great Friday everyone!

[dill]

Focused February - Week 4

It looks like I inavertently started a signifcant discussion which must have been lying dormant. For my part, I think Rustop said it best:

I know how hard it can be to be struggling and everyone else seems to be doing great but if we have learned anything this month it is that we are not alone. A few of our dearly beloved friends were struggling at the same time. The important thing is that we kept them in our thoughts and when they were ready they came back.I wasn't posting because I really didn't feel like I had much to contribute for the time. I did continue reading and feel like that helped keep my head in the game. Especially helpful was the occassional query as to my whereabouts. You all held me up and here I am back. As Star said:
Sometimes it is smooth sailing,

But sometimes it is not and we all know that. Sometimes the cravings are hard, sometimes the resolve is not there.

But once again, thank you all for being here!:h

[Lavande]

Focused February - Week 4

Good morning Focused friends,

I think the keyword is focused! I realize that each of us are in our own place on the sobriety trail & that's OK. We are all focused on the same thing, living healthy & happy lives, right?

I blame the rain for oversleeping today, ha ha. It was dark, the sound of the rain kind of soothing. At least I'm awake now guzzling french roast coffee although my dogs are still asleep

Jolie, you made a plan & stuck with it - good for you! Nothing to be ashamed of there. IF I thought I couldd do the same I certainly would. I don't know, maybe someday I will do something similar but right now it's better for me to remain AF & safe

Does anyone know - do storks fly in the rain?

Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Friday!
Lav

[papmom3]

Focused February - Week 4

Jolie-you'll notice my journey start date and AF date are not the same either. During the first month of my journey, Easter arrived 1 day shy of my 30 day AF date. My whole family goes out to dinner on that holiday and even tho they all knew I was trying to be AF, I think they were thinking I was just going to "control" my drinking. I had 2 glasses of wine that afternoon during dinner and nursed them. I really didn't want the second one but it felt familiar and old habits.... I remember writing in the Newbies Nest what I had done and how proud I was that I stopped at 2, didn't get buzzed and most importantly didn't want more when I got home (was out of luck anyway as it was after 5pm on a Sunday). I believe it was the next weekend that I caved and bought a bottle of wine on the way home from work (it might have even been that Tuesday-that sticks in my mind for some reason) and drank the whole thing. I remember slinking into the Nest the next day and confessing. I received nothing but support and my resolve deepened. Almost a month later, I went to my first agility trial and it was an overnighter. The first day was long with travel, volunteering, running and winning and we didn't leave the fairgrounds until after 9pm. My friend wanted to stop at the Walmart on the way back to the hotel and all I wanted to do was get some food in me and go to bed!! When we got back to the hotel we thought we would go across the street to the take out place but it was closed. We ended up at Applebees or something like that at 10pm. I was dirty, tired and not hungry but starving at the same time. My friend doesn't drink but I was already at the WTF stage by then and I ordered a glass of wine. Just one and it did calm me down. The next Friday I again stopped and bought a bottle of wine. I was in true WTF mode as the week had not gone well and I still wasn't sleeping great. I remember posting in the General Section after 5 glasses and getting some strong responses back which jerked me out of my pity party. The next day was May 8th and I haven't looked back (too much at least!!). I truely believe that for me, giving myself permission to have "just one or two" out at dinner those 2 times set me up for my 2 relapses. I have since gone out to dinner many times, attended many family gatherings and had many horrid work days. I know now that AL doesn't help deal with anything and I am finally comfortable ordering a cranberry and selzter when everyone else is dowing wine and beer.
I have always found this thread and the daily one a great place to come, shoot the breeze, vent and ask questions and I have only seen support and love when our members are struggling. If I had been chastised the 2 times I tried moderating, I don't think I would be in the place I am today. When one is so new to sobriety, thinking about controlling their drinking is only natural and part of the learning process. Some will be successful, some will not.
I hope all of us will feel comfortable to admit our struggles, ask questions, share our daily lives and get feedback on various plans of action.
:h

[Jolie]

Focused February - Week 4

papmom3,

Thank you so much for telling your story. Actually, you are the reason I changed my signature - I just couldn't in good faith keep 1/3/11 as my "AF" start date. I realize it's not the end of the world - 34 days is still very early for someone who's ultimate goal is to remain AF. I have no intention of modding and what you said really makes me second guess my decision to have that occasional "one" glass of wine. The trap is so easy to fall back into to and I'm feeling so good right now that I really, really don't want to go back there.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post - it means a lot to me.

Lav - is the sun out where you are? Weatherman said it was going to rain cats and dogs today and then get windy - well the sun is out and no wind - (look out later - it might be on its way).

To everyone else that checks in today - hope you have a great Friday! I am now declaring MWO my new addiction and I love it!

Thanks guys.

[Lavande]

Focused February - Week 4

Thunder storms in February ~
Yep Jolie, that's whats going on right now

Not a safe day for a stork flight IMO.
Haven't heard from my daughter yet today.........so I sit & wait.

Hi papmom & everyone

[Cassia]

Focused February - Week 4

Hey everyone.

I don't have much to add here except that I am delighted that people feel they can be open here and have opened up. I think sometimes getting it out there makes it all the more real and also strengthens our resolve.

Massive Friday cravings for me - probably worst I have had in a while. a lot of my friends are going out tonight and I am just so envious. I wish I could be normal but I am not. I would be say I am 95% happy with my af life but I still feel like I am weak. And I know deep down that its not the case. I feel like I am missing out - not on the AL but on the atmosphere. But I am still too early on in my sobriety to be in that environment. It will be cool one day but not today.

I had a nice massage (although still have some sore muscles) and a nice dinner with my husband. I could sleep now though!!

xx

[ladybirdheart]

Focused February - Week 4

Great summary, Chill. Thank you Pappy for your story; it is very much like mine although I drag things out longer. I have had weeks, months of abstinence followed by a glass here and there which opens a door to more and then I bounce back on track, seemingly with immunity. Some folks have a bottom place, or an epiphany, or an ultimatum from the outside world, for me it has been a bit of a slow release, a slow recognition that I am still far better without it. While I lost a sense of place in a public forum, I always followed this thread, particularly Star, she just does not give up, she is drop dead serious, a warrior. In contrast it has been my nature to be (or seem) casual about recovery, a dilettante, dabbling at it, leaving the door open, making little jokes. It never occurs to me that abstinence might actually be something I can not master whenever I want, ignoring the obvious ?then why don?t you do it, bozo brain? or the far scarier ?then why don?t you want it?. Well I do want it considerably more than not, and I am not sure at all that I can do it which is lot more to the honesty place than I have been. So here I am starting over and on Day 12. I am not sure how much I am going to post as I like not worrying if I am going to offend, worry, tip, or bore anyone and just concentrate on getting well beneath the cheerful surface of myself. You are doing great Cassia, if you are lonesome tonight know that there are a lot of us in a big sweet room with you. Love, Ladybird.

[Dewdrop]

Focused February - Week 4

A quick check in from me tonight, I?ll read back over the weekend and catch up. Well I?m not long home from what I think was my first ?date? since being sober and I have to own up and say I really fancied a drink to relax. I was fine once we got talking and the food arrived, but a glass of wine was on my mind most of the night I guess its back to the old habits. Thankfully I didn?t succumb and I feel very grateful now that I am home, especially since its 6 months today for me ? what a time to think of blowing it. I used the driving excuse and he only had one beer so I guess he isn?t a drinker. Sober dating does feel a little weird though and I'm not sure why

Stay strong and focussed everyone no matter what day you are on as we are so close to the end of another month. Still no stork - what in the world is this baby waiting for ??

Dewdrop :h

[Lavande]

Focused February - Week 4

:yay::yougo::clapclap: CONGRATS ON 6 MONTHS AF DEWDROP!!!!!
Wow, I had no idea - good for you!
And congrats on the AF date too!!

Greetings LBH & everyone, hope you are all well tonight!
The wind is howling like crazy outside & I'm too lazy to light a fire so I'm wrapping myself up in a blanket for protection from the elements :H

Had a quick dinner with EB & his parents, fun!
My daughter claims to be sitting home & eating all foods known to get labor started :H
Maybe she needs more cookies :H