Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

[retteacher]

Everyone: I just wanted to give this a quick start. I'm working on the 2nd step & am concentrating on how insane my life was while drinking. I'm not putting too much mental energy into the HP part of the step, as logic & thinking doesn't work for me in that area. However, it's never a bad thing for me to keep my insanity in mind, as the disease can tell me that I can drink moderately if I try. Take care one & all. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

As per the second step: I just read the readings on step 2 in the Daily Meditations book. There was a big emphasis on using AA, the meetings, & others in the fellowship as vehicles to our HP. That suits me fine, as I tried & tried to stop wo/AA, & I just couldn't do it. Some mysterious phenomenon about AA combined to form an HP in my life, as I've solved the drink problem for this 24 hour period. I love the whole one-day-at-a-time philosophy. I don't have to think beyond this day or this minute for that matter.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Hi everyone,
ThanK you mary for starting this thread of :l
Got to say am with you on that one Mary one day at a time, i just keep it in the moment. It scare's me to look to far ahead.
I have to share this and it always good to share sometimes what we think inside our own minds. The thoughts and the way i have beeen thinking has been turn around and i can see how i have changed in the way i have beeen thinking. When i was drinking i use to say to myself that monday will be the day i stop drinking, got to monday and say wednesday a good day, no wednesday was a good day and then think to myself next month and maybe next year.
But i have been thinking just lately now that am not drinking.... thinking to myself maybe June month i might have a drink it like am planinng to have a drink but i dont want to act out on my thoughts. I have done this before not sure why i am thinking like this..
Since i have stop drinking i have had 2 little blackouts once in work, and once while i have been driving (two weeks ago) it funny you think once you stop drinking there be no blackouts lol Doctor wants me to keep a record of it....if i was honest not really sure what going on inside my head right now....But i do know am not going to pick up and have a drink because i would hate to think how my mental state of mind would re-act towards AL.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely week everyone.x:l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

I too used to say:
-Monday I'll stop.
-New Years Day I'll stop.
-My birthday I'll stop.
-The day after Christmas I'll stop.
-etc.

Just setting a day to stop didn't work. I had to want to stop regardless of the day. I have to never give myself excuses to drink...stress, sadness, happiness, whatever. I have to know deep down inside that I cannot drink just one. I think that is my biggest denial that I can get into: I've been sober now for almost 2 years, I can moderate now. No! I cannot moderate.

I am actually finding that I have much more fun sober than I ever did drunk. I don't want anything impairing my thinking processes. My thinking processes are already undergoing a change w/the aging process. I don't want to add drinking on top.

As far as the blacking out: I do think it would be a good idea to keep a record of it. I do have times when a whole car trip will go by, & I hardly felt the time pass. I guess it's auto-pilot or something. I've been trying to be more mindful of what I'm doing so that I'm actually present.

My drinking black-outs were the worst part of drinking (after all the lying & deception). Waking up in the morning & not know what I did the night before was so scary to me. I never want to go there again.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

I know why speaker meetings are so powerful. They really bring us back to the "old days." Last night's speakers were of the "lost everything" variety. Even though that didn't happen to me, I lost my most precious comodoties: my integrity & my self-respect. One woman said that she relapsed, & all the "yets" happened during her relapse: children removed from the home, jail, disgrace, etc.

On a personal note: My daughter's doing better emotionally. She's feeling better about the way she looks, & it's only a few more weeks until she can go to yoga & begin exercising again.


Mary

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Hi everyone,

Thanks Mary and Catch for your super posts this week.

I really liked your posts about how we are always setting quit dates, but they never seem to come. Near the end I was telling myself practically every morning I was done, but first thing I did when I got home from work was hit the bottle. Insanity, indeed.

Thanks Mary for your post about the lady who found her "yets" after relapse. I think that is one of the many reasons why it is so important for me to keep going to meetings. Those are great reality checks for us if we dare to think we are getting "cured". Also, it is easy for me to block out the horrible times and feelings I had before when things are going so much better now, but I don't ever want to forget that stuff or "where I came from".

So glad to hear the update on your daughter. Even more glad you can fully be present for her and her family through all of this.

Have a super, sober week!!!!!!!!!!!!

HG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Hi all,

And thanks for starting the thread Mary.

It's funny you wrote this:

retteacher;1076374 wrote: Some mysterious phenomenon about AA combined to form an HP in my life, as I've solved the drink problem for this 24 hour period.

At my last therapy session my therapist praised me for going the longest sober since I lost my job around about a year ago. And I said, it's not really down to me!! I don't even know how I'm sober, but I am thanks to AA. I don't know how it works!! :H It really is mysterious - but I am so GLAD and grateful to have it.

Hope everyone is having a nice week.
K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Kimberly: I have a lot of self-will & self-discipline, but none of that worked on my drinking. The harder I tried, the more I relapsed. If it hadn't been for hitting a bottom, I might still be drinking. Joining AA was the farthest thing from my mind. "The gift of desperation" was what got me to AA. My pride held me back needlessly. Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

One of my AA buddies texted me a nice thing today, so I'm going to share it here: "The problem in front of you is never greater than the power behind you." I liked that

Hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend!
K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Kimberly: That's the type of thought I like to write down in my little notebook. Thank you for that.

mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Hi fellow travelers! Kimberly, I too like that thought from your friend. Mary, thanks for starting us off for the week! It's been a crazy busy one here - I'm very glad to be here now and reading your posts.

Oh the insanity. And the date making. Everything from "I won't drink today..." only to be drinking by 5 or noon or whenever. Also the "I'll quit Monday..." or whatever series of days.

I was actually thinking earlier this week about a mental phenomenon I always experienced when I would tell myself "I'll quit on ________________." I would always feel a HUGE sense of relief. I used to think it was relief that I had set a quit date. In retrospect, I realize it was my addicted mind experience relief that we would indeed be DRINKING TODAY. The fix was on. Boy was I fooling myself.

I know that some people read this thread even though they may not post on it. (waving!) I had a LOT of misconceptions about AA before I started going. The list is really long and I wont' try to get into all of them! But here are a couple I've seen recently:

* All meetings end with The Lord's Prayer. In my experience, most meetings I attend end with the Lord's Prayer. But not all. The Preamble is also read in most, but not all meetings I attend. The format of any meeting is determined by group conscience of the meeting members. It is not dictated by "AA." If people want to start their own group and decide on a different format, that's OK. It's my understanding that the 12 Traditions should be followed - that's all. One of the meetings I attend regularly opens with the 3rd Step Prayer, closes with the 7th Step prayer, and has no other readings besides the step or tradition being discussed. As far as the Lord's Prayer goes, I have gotten to know several people who do not say it. Most will still stand in the circle holding hands but remain silent. One man I know leaves before the prayer begins. The groups I meet with have never given them a hard time to my knowledge.

* It's taboo to talk about anti-craving medications at AA. In my experience, AA has a very diverse membership with varying strong opinions - not unlike MWO LOL! I know many in AA who have used meds (primarily antabuse) to help them stop drinking. One man in particular who I really respect talks about how Antabuse helped him stop drinking so he could start working on all the other 11 steps that don't mention the word "alcohol."

The only reason I bring this stuff up is to highlight the fact that AA is a very grass roots organization with a very diverse membership - all with one thing in common. Just like MWO. If I walk into a meeting and really don't feel like it works for me, I find a different one. Simple as that. Any two alcoholics can start a meeting. What a beautiful thing. We don't need permission from the head office or anything.

One lady I see a lot at meetings tells a really funny story. In her early AA years, she was asked to be the secretary or treasurer (something like that) of her home group. She thought however they were doing something was 'wrong." They wouldn't change, so she called the office in New York about it, asking for help. They told her to go back and work it out with her group - it was nothing to do with them. Way funnier when she tells it! :H

I managed to stop drinking for 8 months (that was the longest period of time, but not the first try!) before going to AA. But it was not "contented sobriety." The compulsion to drink was with me in spades along with the intense fear that I would somehow drink again and not be able to stop myself, and then I would never be able to quit again. I am SO THANKFUL that I am no longer gripped by that fear. The obsession is gone - at least for today. I am very thankful to AA for that. And it's mysterious for me too. I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened or how or why. I'm just glad to have today where I am not obsessed with fear about drinking.

I also really value the "today" mentality. Part of my problem WAY beyond the drinking was worrying endlessly about future events and scenarios. What a waste of time. A very valuable gift of the AA program in my life is appreciating the value, and having the skills now to just stay in today and LIVE.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

There is so much in your sharing DG. I too have a Jewish friend who just stands silently & respectfully as we say the Lord's Prayer. He's never said anything that I know of about it. He's worked it out for himself.

Around Christmas time, we had a discussion around depression. Many folks in the group mentioned that they're on meds for it. I know they got no flak for bringing that into a meeting. I guess whatever works to get us off the drinking merry-go-round is OK. In fact, my son who is in recovery broke his arm & needed to take some Percoset in order to sleep for a few days. He brought it to his AA group who said take it if you need it but stop as soon as you can. He didn't take many. I think he was nervous about it.

I had so many prejudices about AA. Mainly, I didn't want to admit my alcoholism publicly. I've now found that admitting (step 1) is necessary.

Mary

[coalfire]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

"waving" back.:H

[InChains]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

i just thought i'd introduce myself in here, I don't go to AA, I probably never will but I can see alot of wisdom in this thread and I'd like to thank you for sharing. The topic today seems to fit so well with how I'm feeling right now, unfortuantely I am still in the 'next week' phase. I seem to have stumbled across a little hope on my own pc... so thank you again

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 14 - Mar. 20

Hi,

Welcome to the thread InChains - good to see you on here. I think a lot of people on the forum have mentioned they like the AA threads even if they don't go to AA themselves.

DG, yeah the misconceptions thing has annoyed me a bit - though really I don't have a right to be annoyed, as I was previously completely ignorant of what AA was and did!

Having read what people have posted it has also become apparent that there are several differences between the AA system in the US and UK.

* All meetings end with The Lord's Prayer*. At all the groups I go to, the meeting ALWAYS ends with the Serenity Prayer - never even been to one when the Lords Prayer is said. Again, DG as you said, people are not forced to join hands or say anything they don't want to at any point in the meeting. Whenever I say the serenity prayer I leave out the first word, 'god', as I am an atheist. The prayer still has meaning 'grant me the serenity...', it is just not directed towards any entity in particular. More like a plea from the heart than a prayer for me. I have never been pulled up on this, nor has anyone else for not joining in.

* It's taboo to talk about anti-craving medications at AA.* I have heard a few people mention they are either on or have tried or want to try antabuse and/or campral. I have never heard feedback either positive or negative from other members about meds. They are not discouraged from mentioning meds as far as I am aware and no-one has ever been told off for doing so or told not the take them.

I have heard it said that AA disapproves of things such as anti-depressants as well. Again, this has not been my experience at all.

Yeah DG I also had a long period (for me!) of continuous sobriety before AA, but it was a constant white-knuckling and I didn't trust myself either. I will be 11 weeks sober tomorrow and something about it just FEELS different already. Whenever I thought about alcohol before it was like a fight going on in my head and body as to whether I would pick up. I have only had that once in AA and that was at my usual relapse point (After I broke my longest ever sobriety of around a year, every 6 weeks or so I was a goner) But since that wobbly week, I really have felt in some ways it would actually be hard work for me to relapse!! Sounds daft and I can't explain it. Ah well, I'm happy to go with it, however and why ever it works!

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
K x