Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd :)

[Kimberley]

Hey guys,

I am starting the thread this week, in another AA first for me.

On saturday I started my first committment, greeter at a late night Saturday meeting that i really enjoy. I got put forward for it by one of my buddies. So I couldn't say no! It's good he did that actually as I would never have put myself foward. And then he asked me to join the committee meeting afterwards. It will be a great way for me to learn more about AA and service. I felt like a bit of an imposter as I'm only 12 weeks sober (don't know why I'm saying 'only', as this is the longest I've gone in over a year!) but I'm sure I will settle into it.

I have one question about the whole resentment thing. How do you make sure people aren't taking the pee when you treat them kindly? For example, my ex is still living with me, sharing a bed etc (long story) and on Saturday night he didn't come home all night and didn't let me know. I had 3 hours sleep cos I was thinking about where he was, who he might be with, was he in trouble etc. By the time he walked in the next day, I was really angry and hurt. Even though we're not 'together', it doesn't mean that these actions don't hurt me and make me feel horrid. I have made a point of not staying out, out of respect to him.

So actually it amazed me how calmly I behaved towards him. In the past I would've completely lost it and been horrible to him all day (not to mention I would've drunk). But I said I had not slept, explained all the above to him very calmly, told him if he wants to continue living here, then he needs to think about how he's acting and how it affects me. And then I got on with my life, was pleasant to him, went to a meeting and then went out with a mate.

I do not how this happened, but it actually made me feel really good! In control of myself. And it's weird as I usually have a massive problem with holding onto grudges all day long - and some. so that's great.

One thing I am worried about though, was me being nice to him a kind of green light for him to treat me badly again? How do you balance between being forgiving, tolerant and all that and getting walked all over? Hmmmmm.

I'd love some advice. Have a great week everyone.
K x

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Good Morning, Kim and the rest to come !!!!

Thanks for starting us out this week.

I don't know of any great advice to give you, but I have been reading Dr. Paul's books on emotional sobriety, and it seems to me you handled your situation exactly right.

From what I am learning about emotional sobriety (which for me seems much harder to maintain than physical sobriety) we need to be able to communicate our feelings and then just learn to let go of other's actions and behaviors and not allow those to affect our emotions and moods. This is much harder for me to do, although. Hard for me to communicate and hard for me to accept other's behaviors without it affecting my moods and attitudes.

Also, good for you for getting involved in your AA group. That is something I have to really push myself to do, also. My ideal AA meeting would be me just going, not sharing, not doing any work, not being involved, etc., but I will not achieve the level of sobriety that I want if I don't become a part of the group.

Have a super week, all!!!!

HG

[catch22]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

HI everyone,

Thnx kimerbley for starting the thread of for us ALL.x

I felt so happy for you reading your post about being a greeter, never feel like your a imposter, it always helps to be part of the group, it took me 10months to put myself forward to making teas and coffee's at my home group, wish i did it a lot earlier now. Everyone is good at doing something in AA, and it always helps the new comer to be part of.

Dont know if this is the answer to your question, but once we put down the drink we become real poeple we learn about oursleves and learn to say the word NO instant of yes all the time. Its amazing what, AA meetings can do and make us feel. The thing is kimerbley once we stop drinking we get stronger and stronger inside ourselves as a person, this can take time, but it does happen.

One of my meetings last week a guy shared how his feelings were frozen i can so relate to this it take time for those feelings to melt down or de-frost.

Its a bit like me last week i started getting on my bike and going for a little jog WELL did i feel the PAIN in my body, but for me to get fit i have to feel the pain before i start feeling good inside,,,,,,, its like when i stop drinking i felt all my pain (my feelings i drunk on) it took a long time before i stop feeling that pain inside me and working the program help a
lot.
Also i like what this guy said as well....when you win the battle with your mind, you have win the battle with life! That really got me THINKING !!

Take care all:h

just had to correct something i said brain when i mean mind.....

[Cherbear]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hi everyone..
Kimberly... you may want to read the story in the big book Acceptance is the answer. especially page 417 second paragraph.. It really hits home for me when I am feeling a resentment brewing.. which will if not dealt with will make me pick up.. Its in the 4th edition of the BB. You are on the right track being calm because you know as you said, it never came out good when we argue, scream yell...drink. ya da ya da.

I haven't posted in awhile.. just busy but staying tapped in and going to AA and loving this thread.
Hope all have a great week.

[catch22]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

It good to see you post cherbear, and HG,

Have to share this on saturday this guy shared i have only seen him twice but when he shares he really gets me thinking. He shared about we dont have to go to meetings all the time, and that AA has changed a lot from when he first started, he cross shared but with a twist init and in sneaky way.
He said be careful what you share because once someone shared at a meeting that material things dont mean anything to them and so on, so he ask this person after the meeting if he could have there telly because his not got one. He also shared that if someone was really in a bad way in AA and could not afford to put food on the table for his family they would do a collection and post the money in the letter box, without the person knowning who it is from. Anyway what got me thinking he shared the bit about being restless , irriable and discontented (the think was i always felt like this before i even pick up a drink) and if we still feel like this,( which i have than) we have to find out WHY we feel like this! and if we do step 11 he said that it telling us to isolate ourselves and have a relationship with ourselves and with our HP, I always thought to isolate myself was wrong, but the stage I am at now, it not, its really finding out who i really AM. The next thing he said about the meetings and that he does not need to keep going to meetings and that he practice these principles in all our affairs, and thats why his here today to pass the message on.... Funny thing is today i read touchstones, 26/3 and that date is a saturday.

As we get more settled in our recovery,
we are more vulnerable to becoming rigidly ruled by ideas of behavior,
which should serve as guidelines, not moral edicts.
If we find ourselves saying we should pass the message of recovery to others,
perphaps the spirit of the program is missing.
If we are telling ourselves we should go to meeings but dont feel the benefit,
perhaps we have lost the spiritual path.
Our powerless is the source of vitality in our relationship with God.
In the painful awareness that our will and our own devices get us nowhere,
we can put aside the shoulds and again accept our identity from God.

Just my food for thought for today ! x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hi everyone! It's been a nutty week but it's so comforting to come here and to AF Daily and know I will encounter friends!!! Kimberly, thanks for kicking things off this week. And with a couple of topics that are certainly relevant for me.

Service work is so fabulous and rewarding and I can get so lazy about it. But when I GET INVOLVED I always end up feeling more closely connected to my fellow sober travelers, and farther away from active alcoholism. I had a meeting with sponsee this morning. She is recently back after a relapse. She was feeling bad this morning because she is behind on her daily reading assignments. What is FABULOUS though is that this time around, she is GETTING INVOLVED!! She is reaching out to others by phone, giving rides, planning to attend meetings with others, pouring coffee at the meetings, GOING to more meetings, etc. Her little light is shining brightly. I told her not to worry about the dang reading. ACTION in the program matters. So Kimberly - GOOD FOR YOU!!! :yougo:

On resentment. For me, when I feel resentment building it is usually as a result of one of two things. I am either resisting accepting something I cannot change, or I am resisting changing something I CAN change - something that might be difficult or painful, but IS within my control to do. So my resentments are really a result of ME and my reactions to things. Other people aren't responsible for making me resentful. Sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing. It sounds like you calmly expressed your feelings about the situation. No yelling, screaming or drinking. If he does not comply then I would think it's time to re-evaluate and see if once again the matter at hand requires acceptance or change. I think you did well! I'm always amazed when I handle something calmly rather than like an irrational shrew - especially if I'm expressing displeasure over something to Mr. Doggy.

The way my sponsor has taught me, dealing with resentments does not mean we should become doormats. It simply means that we accept what we cannot change, change what we can, and then pray as the book instructs until the feeling of resentment is gone.

I thought that sounded crazy as bat poo when I first heard it!!! I was pretty amazed when it actually worked. When it came to one of my brothers, I did a LOOOOT of praying LOL. Because I sure can't change him and I STRUGGGGLLLLLED with acceptance.

Sorry for babbling on and on.

The meeting I attended this morning had a good topic - honesty. For me, something about the way the topic was presented made me think about secrets, and how sick they make me if I don't share it with another human being. I am dealing with an issue right now that is very difficult for me to reveal, even to my sponsor. That is my pride getting in my way. And it just eats me up. My worst secrets lose their power to hurt me when I become willing to share them with someone. I really have to work on this thing I am struggling with now. (I've taken some actions over the last few days that I believe will move me in the right direction to share. It's hard.)

Catch, I love that reading you included in your post! Would love to be in a meeting and discuss that verbally with a big group.

Cherbear and HG, so FABULOUS to *see* you both!! I can relate to the drunken yelling screaming blah blahing of the past. I am totally re-learning how to deal with these basics of life - little disagreements with Mr., etc.

Yes HG - letting go of other people's emotions and behaviors is really hard for me too. I look at it this way. I have so much crap to work on I should never be bored.

I :h you guys.

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the advice. Funny enough, last night when I got in my ex wasn't home and I got a text saying he was at the football and would be back after that. My jaw nearly dropped to the floor. He wasn't even back late, but I really appreciated the fact that he made me aware of what he was doing. Wow - maybe I did do the right thing after all!

DG I particularly like the simple way you put how to deal with resentment - seeing whether the matter at hand requires acceptance or change and then doing that. I so get the whole 'simple but not easy' thing about living like this though.

Actually I am finding that acceptance is something I am making some good progress on. I was totally unable to get the concept of acceptance until a short while ago. I would always whine 'but it's not FAIR...', constantly justifying my drinking/bad mood etc. Did this get me anywhere? No. i would just sit there in self-pity resenting life and other people and hurting myself. Thanks to learning some DBT about 'Radical Acceptance', which goes hand-in-hand with the Serenity Prayer, i am SO much better at this in just a short time. It feels great

I, too, have trouble sharing things with others and yes it is largely down to pride and lack of self-esteem. In meetings i think that what i am worrying about isn't important enough to share. I told one of my friend that i had only had 3 hours sleep but wouldn't admit it was because my ex didn't come home. Because i was embarrassed they might think i was a mug or something...

One of my housemates is having to move out because he has some kind of allergy - think it's my cat or the house os too dusty or something, bu he's developed a really bad cough. I am really putting off telling the other housemates in case they think it's because he doesn't like living here with us. Even though we all get on great and it's obviously not that!

My mind-reading skills are second to none now I think about it. I always project my fears onto other people and think I know what they are thinking (almost always negative). I hadn't realised just how much I do this until typing this out!

Thanks for making me think about myself guys - another reason I love this thread

K x

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Greetings all. I'm in New Orleans this week. My second trip here in sobriety. I enjoy the food and remember the meal. How cool is that?
DG, I'm traveling with my friend of 40 years that joined me in San Antonio last summer. It does make it easier to hang with another AA'er.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Kimberly - I do that too.....figure out EXACTLY what other people are CERTAINLY thinking! LOL!!! I guess I should become a mind reader at the circus or something!!! Things are so much easier when I can stop my mind from going to that "mind reader" place, and just accept the FACTS that I know and stop projecting stuff onto people. That is another one that requires constant awareness for me. I love this thread too as you guys always give me great stuff to think about.

Phil, tell your friend hello!!! New Orleans. What a town. That was a very special drinking / party town for me back in my late twenties. I was on the career "fast track" and traveling a lot. New Orleans was part of my region of responsibility. So I always managed to go there as often as possible, and also justified regional meetings and that sort of thing in New Orleans rather than Chicago, even though Chicago made more actual sense. (I'm a pretty good sales person sometimes LOL)

Anyway, the other night at the Buddy Guy concert I was remembering some good parts about my travels to NO - wandering around the French Quarter and just listening to music from place to place. Up until last Saturday, I just couldn't imagine myself ever doing that again, and enjoying it AF. Of course my focus in the old days was always AL FIRST, then everything else second. AL FIRST, then the music. I guess I realized that I am ready to enjoy music first, without AL on the list at all.

So please listen to some good music for me while you are there, OK? And I'm thinking about that good food too. (that I never paid enough attention to or remembered!)

DG

[InChains]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

just dropped by before bed and DGs post made me realise something which is truly positive in my life: Music has always, and I hope will always come first to me, even before AL my music collection, live shows and playing a little myself is the driving force in my life. Might not be much, but its a start

[catch22]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hi Everyone,
Always get a lot out of reading all your post, Thank You.x
Never guess what i got my 24hr chip someone promised me that they would give me my 24hr chip going back when i got my 1yr chip and my friend got her 24hr chip.
I thought he forgot all about it and was suprize, but made me really think how i have to keep this in the 24hr. so i have put the coin in my purse for ever !
Got to do a chair next week on step 6 (Were retirely ready to have god remove all these defects fo character.) never done a step chair before its for 10mins and not for 20 or 30mins Thank God, plus it in the city but am ok about that, people will be dressed in suits, does not put me off one bit, use to be one myself . So i will be talking a lot about Awareness Acceptance and change, (be willing to do so) 6/7 are a pair, its where we are tranformed.
This will help me a lot doing this chair it will be enforement for me.

Have a lovely weekend everyone and keep safe.:h:l

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hey all,

How cool to get your 24hr chip as well Catch Good luck with your chair.

One of my AA buddies wants me to do a chair at the end of my 90/90, which is coming up fairly soon. He said in Pennysylvania where he started AA it was seen as good luck to do one then. I said I won't really have much good stuff to say, as I haven't done any of the 'work' yet, but he recokns it'd be good for the longer-term sober to hear some horror stories as a reminder

I dunno, but I know I'd be terrified doing it - get all muddled up and that.

Never mind though - THREE months sober today thanks to AA!! I don't know how this has happened really, but I'm very, very grateful

Hope everyone's enjoying the weekend
K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

Hi all!

InChains, it makes me smile every time any of us (me OR you guys) experience joy in *whatever* without AL. I hope you are enjoying some music this weekend! There are some things I never really thought I could do again, or enjoy again and it gives me so much hope when that theory is wrong. Hope it does for you too.

Catch, that is an awesome story about your 24-Hour Chip!! :yougo: Kimberly on 90 days sober!!!! Is there a party thread in the General area yet? I'm gonna go look for it!!! Sometimes I can't explain how / why sobriety happens either. It's like magic sometimes. I'm just happy it works for me and at least for some people. (meaning I recognize that so far, there is nothing that seems to work for everyone) You should definitely stretch out of your comfort zone and chair. ALL OF US have important things to share based on wherever we happen to be along our path. One of the most beautiful things about AA to me is that around the tables, we are all equals. Just a bunch of people trying to stay sober one day at a time. Everyone's sharing on that is valuable.

I just got home from another Mary Kay event and once again I am shaking my head over how much I heard there that is so similar to what I hear in AA. A topic that stood out BIG for me at this meeting was FEAR.

Successful people are not fearless. Most people are not fearless. Successful people are just better at stepping outside of their comfort zone despite their fear.

Some people may not believe that, but I DO. I know in my heart that the only thing holding me back from so many things in life (esp. now that I'm sober ) is not so much the fear, but the unwillingness to step outside of my comfort zone anyway. We've ALL got fear.

Somehow thinking of it that way makes it all seem less intimidating. I'm not alone with my fears. We all have fears. Whew. Just need to handle them differently.

I must say it was interesting to hear women who drive around in pink Cadillac's paid for by their achievements talk specifically about the things they are / were afraid of and how they did what was necessary anyway to meet their goals. If they can do it, maybe I can too.

Sometimes I have to work to remember exactly what meeting I'm at.

May we all have the willingness to step outside our comfort zones today.

DG

[InChains]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

I was wondering if anyone had any good sites with info about the AA program n such, I don't think I could cope with a meeting but I'd sure like to know mroe about what it is thats kept you all here

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA thread - March 28th-April 3rd

TG, your post got me thinking about some of the young people in AA I heard as speakers at the International Conference in San Antonio last year. I did a Google using the search words "Young People in AA" (I'm not real clever with searching stuff LOL). This link and lots of other geographic specific links came up. ICYPAA - The International Conference of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous You might start with that link or do some googling yourself. I just got the impression that especially among the younger generations of AA's, there is LOTS going on through the internet and social media, etc. in addition to face to face. That might be an interesting way to start seeking more info and maybe connecting with others who you can relate to generation wise in addition to sharing the alcohol problem in common.

I enjoy reading the Big Book. I always have to keep in mind it was written in 1939 and geared towards men. Some people find that off putting. For me, I am amazed to put the time frame and gender issues aside, and realize how alcoholism hasn't changed in all these years. It still affects us as human beings in the same ways. If you would like to do a little reading, here is a link to the on-line version. Big Book Online - Copyright Information

Some of the personal stories in the back part of the book are by women. You might enjoy some of those too.

Keep searching TG. With an open mind and willingness, you will find your way out.

DG