Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

[universal]

Hi guys,

I am up super early for me - 5.40am my time. I had a rough night and am not sure why I am up so early - i know come 8am I will be exhausted. But I can't sleep.

This struggle is driving me crazy. How does one go from being AF for 7 months to not being able to get her shit together? Cause that's me! I just feel so alone and sad and unable to cope right now. And It's killing me and driving me crazy.

My hubby says I should go to visit my sister who lives in Florida but she works so what good would that do? Then I would be stuck in hot weather by a pool by myself all day long. Not an ideal scenario.

I don't know - maybe I will go home to where I grew up for a couple of days and stay with my aunt. I'm hoping she will let me pretend that I am 10 years old and let me put my head on her lap and cry and rub my head and tell me everything is going to be okay. Cause I think that is what I need right now.

auuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhh. Life is frustrating. Why do we have to grow up and be adults when we are not ready to and inside we are still little kids? That is so not fair..............

[greeneyes]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Aww uni.... I wish you felt better. :l You know it's OK to have those kinds of feelings, right? Accept them and love them as part of you. You can come visit greenie and hike in the woods and sit by the firepit. I'll teach you how to hula hoop! And everything IS going to be OK. You are unfolding and it really is beautiful even if it's uncomfortable sometimes.

coffee...

[greeneyes]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

LAv, thanks for the link to the seminar series. Here's one that looks interesting as well - some really good energy workers on it, although I'm not familiar with the interviewer Wellness Gott get to stretching class...

[Lavande]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Good morning all!

Uni :l
I read what you posted last night & thought, my God - this poor girl is receiving the same treatment from her husband that I received from mine!
I want to tell you something important. You just can't please some people, no matter what you do or don't do! Some of them just don't want to be happy!
Focus on yourself, give yourself what you need right now. If a trip to your aunt's house for a few days would help then just go. :h
Think about signing up for the free teleseries Greenie just listed or the one I listed last night! These seminars have really helped me a lot over the past year!

Greenie, did you get your fire pit delivered? That's cool!

It's way too damp around these parts for an outside fire today but I just may think about lighting up the fireplace to put a little warmth on these old bones

Wishing everyone a good AF Thursday!
Lav

[Accountable for Me]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

(((UNI))) My past still haunts me as well. I go 3 months sober, then crash for a day, then go 3 months sober, then crash for a day. For me, all of the pain, hurt and anger of my childhood & past fester and I don't know what to do with those feelings. It's like this internal explosion happens, and then I hurt myself by getting drunk for a day. It is horrible and makes no sense, but I think that is what I learned to do when I drank excessively... I suppressed all of those bad feelings. BUT, it got me no where but down and feeling worse about things. Keep working on you. Keep working on loving yourself. Sending you lots of love, my dear.

Another day of rain. Ho hum.

On another note. I have started to lose some of the weight I put on the months preceding my dad's death and afterwards. I am starting to feel 'alive' again. That dark-assed cloud is finally lifting. I have more energy these days, and am back at wanting to get things done during the day instead of trodding along with heavy shoulders.

Hello everyone. I hope you all have a great day! xo

[LVT25]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Uni--if I were you, I would take Greenie up on her offer! There are lots of members here that sound like they live in wonderful get-away type places! And, Lav has a point where your hubby is concerned. Has he checked out Al-anon? He has work to do too. :l

I got my mandala books yesterday! I stayed up way too late looking at them. One tells all about them with photos and meditations. I think I will give that one to Terry, and print some to color to go with it. The last word I got was that she was just too tired to do anything. :upset:
The other book is just for coloring, fairly intricate, and the third is a book with simple patterns to color and some meditations to go with. DG if you want to know which ones I got, PM me and I can let you know. I never thought of printing them off Internet!

I spent the entire day making a movie-slide show for our pastor's going away party Sunday. It turned out pretty nice, but also kinda sad. I prolly should have gone with more cheerful music. Oh well, I am sad about them leaving.

My bible study group is coming here this morning, I have a cake to frost and the house to straighten up and I'm not even dressed yet!!! I better get going!!! :h

[bear73]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

hey all - hugs to all who need them - whizzing by - blown off gym for pizza and quite happy about it too - need processed carbs and saturated fat!

will catch up and post properly at the weekend

[greeneyes]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

*sandwich warning*

I do have my mojo back, thanks for asking. I do much better when I do a grounding meditation daily. I'd been "too busy". Thank goodness I did it today as FH is in town. I'm proud of the grace I showed and the true empathy I felt. I will also own up to the snarky things I wanted to say but did not. I really want to spill here what all he said and be victim, but I'm rising above it. I'll tell little doggie though....:H

Bean, your post yesterday rocked out loud! I hope jane jane has seen it.

Sara :l:l have them over for dinner at your house one night if you'd be OK with their drinking?

P3 sorry you've been sick and your dentist is a fecker. That is all.

bear I worked out at the gym with weights and on the eliptical! Using the machines was the first time in about 3 years. How you skate is so awesome. 5 minutes huffing on that thing and I thought of you skating a game....wow!

Hey ak girl! great to see you!

caper, congratulations on double digits!

Hello and welcome, newgrange!

Shout out to grateful

AFM, deep your BGPs on as you sort through the emotional suitcases (sounds better than baggage, doesn't it?)

Lav, you have my empathy over YB, although my situation was and is quite different.

LVT, maybe it would be easier for Terry to paint? It is good that I do not have teenagers. I don't get why it isn't their job to get their own self up.

DG.. a wardrober! what a great idea! I can't wait to hear!

Dr. Mom, where are you? Oney?

What did hapen to mstall? I had a pineapple smoothie this AM and it was delish just like she said!

my life, tipplerette... who else popped in recently?

OK, plumbers should be here soon. Ugh. Please let this be as painless as possible.

[Lavande]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Here's a giggle for everyone - my horoscope for today

Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Your physical energy is strong. Your desire for passion and love is intense, Sagittarius. Combine these two forces for a passionate night of love and romance. No one will be able to resist your power. The key now is to make sure that you aren't giving yourself away to someone who's unworthy of your love. Match yourself with a person who appreciates you for the amazing person you are.

Now when does that perfect match fall from the sky into my backyard? :H:H

Sorry ~ I couldn't resist sharing this :H

[Doggygirl]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Lav - quick!! Check the chicken house! (don't forget to put on your chicken boots first) IS MY JOHNNY HIDING IN THERE????????

That is a great horoscope for a great lady. SOMEONE will land in your back yard at some point. All that passion and love is NOT to be WASTED!!!!

Hi Greenie! So glad you got your mojo back. I want to come hang by your fire pit.

LVT, I will PM you about the mandala books. I think these are going to be a nice relaxing tool in my life.

Hi Bear!

AFM, I'm glad it feels like the cloud is lifting a bit for you. These emotions must be so hard. My Dad is on the decline and I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when the time comes.

(((((Uni)))))) Sending all the love in my heart your way.

One thing is for sure...

DG

[Accountable for Me]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Greenie, love the 'emotional suitcases' term rather than 'baggage'!! Brilliant!

DG, sorry to hear your dad is on the decline. Watching my dad for over 6 months decline, was the hardest thing I had ever done in my whole life. I am surprised, to say the least, that I only drank 2x during that; then 1x after he passed. Regardless that it wasn't complete sobriety, I am still very proud of myself and of the strength and determination I had not to drink my way through those tough times. Considering where I came from, a chronic alcoholic.... But know if you ever want to talk about your dad, I am a great listener!!

Be well all. I must start dinner. I cooked a turkey two nights ago with all of the trimmings because the grocer had them on dirt cheap. Well, we are sick of turkey now. Time to throw the rest of the bird (and there is a lot left considering it is just Little AFM and I, LOL!) into a big stock pot and make a batch of soup. Tonight we are having sausages and oven baked fries. Not healthy, but easy.

Night all!

[Sarasmiles]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Hi Everyone!
Just checking in. Long day of work and kids and a meeting tonight with two other moms to plan a Cub Scout event. As soon as I got there I was offered either wine or tea. Naturally, I took the tea. No problem...no angst; no questions; no saying yes and feeling guilty or saying no and being preoccupied with whether or not I could gracefully say I'd changed my mind. If I'd been in the "moderation" mindset, that's what it would have been like. As it was, I sipped my tea and never thought about the wine offer again! Yay!

Hugs and good wishes to all!

Sara

[Cinders]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

My hubby is still angry with me for my last relapse and he is making it hard. The look of hatred and hurt in his eyes kills me. I am trying to be assertive and explain my feelings but they are falling on deaf ears. I feel so alone right now.

I went through the same thing this last weekend, Uni. Hubby was snapping at me, churlish, etc. I called him out on it and tried to explain to him that his rantings, his meanness, his "you are a stupid b@tch," was not helping me. He told me how furious he was with me, how I was causing him so much anguish and pain, how my lifestyle was hurting him.

I try to be honest with him, but when I am, he throws me down. (Not physically)

But I do not know what the right thing to do is. Be honest, tell him when I screw up, talk to him? If I do, I get thrown to the wolves.

I do not know what the right thing to do is anymore.

If I lie, I hate myself, if I tell the truth to him, I get raked across the proverbial coals.

I just want someone I can be honest with, without being raped for it.

I also want to be sober and free of this huge monkey (King Kong anyone?).

I am tired of this fight, actually. I may give in to it.

Not today, though.

Today I keep fighting.

I am sorry, Uni, that you are going through this. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I feel so badly that both of my children and my DIL are going through this. OMG.

OMG.

Cindi

[Determinator]

Af Daily - Thursday Mar. 31

Uni and Cinders XXXXX extra hugs for you dears. I wish I could help! if it's cravings related etc I can at least offer ideas but with bad hubbies I just don't know what to say but please fight this fight AF.

I had a truly fabulous day. a friend and I from martial arts class went shooting (he's never shot before) and we had a fantastic time, then practiced our sword fighting routine. it was almost surreal practicing on a mountaintop surrounded by other snow-peaked Sierra mountains. so cool!

here's to a fabulous Friday tomorrow ABeroooos! sleep tight