Good Morning, Abbers!
I just got caught up on yesterday's thread. Thanks for the advice about talking with Hubby, and DG I so appreciated your explanation of the difference between "acceptance" and "being a doormat".
Welcome Hippy Chick and congratulations on two weeks sober. I get the shift you spoke of, from angry and sad at "having" to abstain to accepting and even joyful at being sober. It's major!
I did talk with Hubby last night about his drinking. I pretty much said verbatim what M3 suggested
He apologized for bringing drinks to bed, and said he wouldn't do it again. He also pointed out that he hasn't been doing that for a while, and Friday night was an exception. I said that at least for my first few months of sobriety, I would like it if there were no exceptions, and if he has a night cap, could he have it downstairs? He said, "or maybe I just won't have night caps...it's not like I need it, after all. :H" I still think he doesn't quite get why I have stopped, and he certainly has no intention of stopping altogether himself, but he will respect this wish.
Sorry to hear I was not alone in having to surf the urges yesterday. It was kind of a tough night for me. We went into Boston for dinner and a play. We hadn't made a reservation for dinner, and at the first place where we stopped in the hostess said her 6:00 hadn't arrived yet, and would we like to have a drink at the bar and give them a few minutes to see if they'd show up? If not, we could have their table. That sounded reasonable, so we sat at the bar. When the bartender asked me what I'd like, I froze for a moment. The walls all around the bar area were lined with bottles of wine. She was mixing drinks right in front of me, and of course there was an array of bottles of all kind of booze behind her. I had a pretty strong wish to order a glass of wine, and felt kind of edgy and uncomfortable. But I told talked myself out of it, mainly by thinking, "you don't want to go back to day one. If you drink tonight, you'll be back to the struggle all over again." So I ordered a seltzer and pineapple with lime, which was a nice change from cranberry and seltzer. Hubby had a Manhattan. I couldn't relax, sitting there at the bar. I was hungry, and I wasn't very happy, and I couldn't even make conversation with my husband.
Finally I said "let's go", and we left to look for a place to eat. I swear we stopped in at three places that offered us seats at their bars. I told Hubby I didn't want to sit at a bar and watch someone make and serve drinks. So we pressed on. Finally we found an Ethiopian restaurant that could seat us quickly. It was wonderful food, and such a different atmosphere, with these low tables that were like upside down baskets and cool little chairs...No utensils, and we had to ask how to eat our food. The waitress didn't speak English, and we were just about the only white people there...It was like being in a different country. I pretty much forgot about drinking, and enjoyed the meal and the atmosphere. I had a non-alcoholic beer. The only thing was, I still felt like I couldn't think of much to talk with Hubby about...It was weird that way.
Anyway, of course I woke up this morning glad not to have given in last night. And I know now that at least for a while, I won't sit at any bars.
Today will be a healthy eating, no sugar day for me! Sunday with my kids and Hubby. The sun is shining already and I will get us all out for fresh air and exercise. And one thing's for sure...
Sara
I just got caught up on yesterday's thread. Thanks for the advice about talking with Hubby, and DG I so appreciated your explanation of the difference between "acceptance" and "being a doormat".
Welcome Hippy Chick and congratulations on two weeks sober. I get the shift you spoke of, from angry and sad at "having" to abstain to accepting and even joyful at being sober. It's major!
I did talk with Hubby last night about his drinking. I pretty much said verbatim what M3 suggested
He apologized for bringing drinks to bed, and said he wouldn't do it again. He also pointed out that he hasn't been doing that for a while, and Friday night was an exception. I said that at least for my first few months of sobriety, I would like it if there were no exceptions, and if he has a night cap, could he have it downstairs? He said, "or maybe I just won't have night caps...it's not like I need it, after all. :H" I still think he doesn't quite get why I have stopped, and he certainly has no intention of stopping altogether himself, but he will respect this wish.Sorry to hear I was not alone in having to surf the urges yesterday. It was kind of a tough night for me. We went into Boston for dinner and a play. We hadn't made a reservation for dinner, and at the first place where we stopped in the hostess said her 6:00 hadn't arrived yet, and would we like to have a drink at the bar and give them a few minutes to see if they'd show up? If not, we could have their table. That sounded reasonable, so we sat at the bar. When the bartender asked me what I'd like, I froze for a moment. The walls all around the bar area were lined with bottles of wine. She was mixing drinks right in front of me, and of course there was an array of bottles of all kind of booze behind her. I had a pretty strong wish to order a glass of wine, and felt kind of edgy and uncomfortable. But I told talked myself out of it, mainly by thinking, "you don't want to go back to day one. If you drink tonight, you'll be back to the struggle all over again." So I ordered a seltzer and pineapple with lime, which was a nice change from cranberry and seltzer. Hubby had a Manhattan. I couldn't relax, sitting there at the bar. I was hungry, and I wasn't very happy, and I couldn't even make conversation with my husband.
Finally I said "let's go", and we left to look for a place to eat. I swear we stopped in at three places that offered us seats at their bars. I told Hubby I didn't want to sit at a bar and watch someone make and serve drinks. So we pressed on. Finally we found an Ethiopian restaurant that could seat us quickly. It was wonderful food, and such a different atmosphere, with these low tables that were like upside down baskets and cool little chairs...No utensils, and we had to ask how to eat our food. The waitress didn't speak English, and we were just about the only white people there...It was like being in a different country. I pretty much forgot about drinking, and enjoyed the meal and the atmosphere. I had a non-alcoholic beer. The only thing was, I still felt like I couldn't think of much to talk with Hubby about...It was weird that way.
Anyway, of course I woke up this morning glad not to have given in last night. And I know now that at least for a while, I won't sit at any bars.
Today will be a healthy eating, no sugar day for me! Sunday with my kids and Hubby. The sun is shining already and I will get us all out for fresh air and exercise. And one thing's for sure...
Sara
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