AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

[Doggygirl]

Happy Tuesday Fabbies!!!! My Explorer is very old and very dirty, but I keep up with the maintenance on it so it drives GREAT and I LOVE no car payments. It's at almost 130,000 today, and I'm hoping to take it all the way to 250,000 miles like the one my mechanic still drives. So...it's in the car wash place today for some ultimate pampering. The full meal deal detail! It's not pink but will hopefully last until I'm driving pink someday.

Wonderful posts from yesterday. Sara said something that really stood out for me:

I didn't lose jobs, go to inpatient programs, lose my license, lock myself in a basement for days on end to drink alone. Maybe I would have gotten there some day if I hadn't stopped drinking.
Anyway, the last thing I want is to begin the "I was never that bad" kind of thinking that has led me back to drinking again and again. When I was drinking it was like I was in this deep murky water, and although I could still just barely keep my head above water, I was in constant danger of drowning. Last night I heard about people who had gone under. "There but for the grace of God go I" I guess.

I can relate to the uncomfortable feeling when listening to people share their stories who hitter a deeper bottom than I did - or maybe who are still living in ever deeper alcohol related trouble. That stuff used to make my skin crawl. I realized along the way that it was FEAR making my skin crawl. Fear that I would end up there too. Knowing that I WOULD end up in a worse place if I kept on drinking, but not wanting to accept that truth. That was extremely uncomfortable.

I'm not as uncomfortable with those stories today because I have accepted that if I drink, that's where I'm headed. It's just a fact of my addiction - not some scary mystery any more. I understand it now. The scary reminders serve to make me very grateful that I have sobriety today. My addicted brain would love for me to forget the pain I did go through, and also forget what I've heard about the progression of this addiction. By making myself listen, I can keep my brain in the center of the road where I need to be.

Sara, I'm really glad you shared that. It was good food for thought for me this morning.

So...one thing is for sure!!

DG

[universal]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Morning abbers!

I have only been to smart meetings on line so it has been a different experience for me. I really like women for sobriety though - that is my favourite meeting every week and it is a face to face. It is a very empowering program which I really like.

I have some running around to do today and then I am going to visit a friend from high school that I haven't seen in 10 years! I am very excited to go and spend some time with her.

zoom zoom - one thing is for sure.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Good mormimg Abbers!

Very stormy here after such a nice day yesterday - oh well!

OK, grandchild #3 is due today - has anyone seen the stork? :H

Hope you have a great day DG, Uni & all who stop by today

Lav

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Mornin'!

I hope the stork comes today, Lav! How exciting!!!

Cassia, congrats on the new job! I hope it is everything you want it to be!

It is FREEZING here! Brrrrr..... things are suppose to warm up and hopefully clear up starting tomorrow. Brrrrrrrrr! That wind is chilly this AM.

This stray cat I rescued (which is beautiful, cuddly, and grateful) bit me on the lip this morning. Grrrr... Well, at least I have a 'non-surgically enhanced' upper lip! Geesh. Not picking him up and giving him kisses anymore! Well at least not for a while!

Well, back to work for me. Have a good one! xo Hi DG, Uni and all to come!

[bear73]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

day 1 again - and my birthday - feel sad, tired, ill and stuck - I'm not where I want to be body wise and I want this to be my first full year of sobriety.
Back to the drawing board.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Happy Birthday, Bear! Sorry you feel ill!

[Newgrange]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Happy Birthday Bear. Sorry things are tough.

[Sarasmiles]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Happy Birthday Bear! Fresh starts are so great! Imagine, this COULD be your first fully sober year! How great to have a milestone to help remember when it began! And what a birthday gift for yourself. I love this song, and it seems appropriate for your birthday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B56UjiLuWkk[/video]]YouTube - I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews

Thank you so much for your thoughts Doggygirl. This is not the first time you've helped me keep things in perspective when I've started comparing myself to other people.

I've got three kids wanting my attention, so not a great time to post. I'll be back....

Sara

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Halllooooo fabbies!

Wow we had some storm last night! I even got up and put on clothes - just in case I blew down the street.

Didn't see a stork, but I did see my first hummingbird this AM! A beautiful deep ruby throated guy - still here late this afternoon.

Happy birthday bear! Put on your big girl pants! I remember how great you sound when you have some AF under your belt. Sad tired ill and stuck - that's AL for you! Kick it to the curb today!

Nobody wants my attention so I guess I'll try to do some sitting still. One thing's for sure...

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Quick hidy-ho from mycell phone at a Thai restaurant.
Xxoo be well everyone

[momof3]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Hi All,

DG, great reflections this morning, i.e., your response to Sara's post. The thing with the "I'm not all that bad" mentality is that for most of us, the decline due to alcohol is so slow and insidious that we barely notice it.

Looking back, I see that I had a problem with alcohol from Day 1. No doubt about it. But, because I held a job, got my degrees, had the husband, the kids, the career etc., I was able to fool myself into thinking that I did not have a problem. Issues popped up along the way such as anxiety and depression ("well, it runs in my family") and then there was my impulsiveness, anger, and risky behavior ("well, that was because of all of the people/circumstances in my life that were CAUSING me to feel/be that way"). Then of course there were the health issues, lack of energy, and the weight gain ("It's because I'm getting older").

There was always a reason but it was never because of my drinking. Now I know that most of these issues were caused by the alcohol because you know what? I don't struggle with them anymore.

No, I didn't reach the "bottom" that you see in the movies or discussed in hushed tones. But, there was a little piece of me that was dying every day. I did not have that perspective when I was in the midst of drinking but I see it clearly now.

M3

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

OMG, I have 13 THOUSAND posts! :bonkers:

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

bear, I didn't listen to this but it is about overcoming obstacles to eliminating addictions.
http://www.awakeningwiththemasters.c...ryGaba975.html

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Hope your dinner is good Deter

Greenie, I saw on the news how bad the storms were down your way.......not so bad up here. But is is cold now, Brrr!

My son, DIL & EB just left - no baby rumblings yet & today was his due date.
They came over primarily to see the new additions to my feathered flock. I stopped in the feed store today to pick up dog food & found they had a new batch of Araucana chicks - the blue egg layers. I couldn't resist, they are so cute! I brought four home & have them in a box in my laundry room with a heat lamp on them. The garage is too cold right now. I'll get a pic or two tomorrow.

Sara, sorry your meeting was so rough. I think that I'm better off not going that route myself. Not sure how I would react to so many peoples stories!

bear - hope you can start over tomorrow. It's entirely upi to you!

Hi Newgrange, AFM & everyone, Hope everyone has a comfy evening!
Lav

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Tuesday April 5

Hello friends,

Super duper quick check in from me this evening. I had lots of venting to do this morning, but fortunately for you all, I didn't have time to post!!!:H I was super torked at hubby. But instead of dwelling on it, I went to bed, turned on some relaxing music and colored! Nanny, nanny boo boo! :H It helped so much! Every time I started to think about it, and how mad I was, I just told myself to think happy thoughts. I'm going to spend some more time coloring tonight! I love new found joys--maybe I AM finding my inner child.

Today I spent the entire day at a most awesome conference/training by a man named John Underwood--called the Life of an Athlete. His program is all about keeping student athletes from making bad choices re: drugs and alcohol. It was so interesting. The science behind alcohol and drug use and what it does to the brain is amazing and quite frightening actually. Some of the scans of brains from people that drank and/or smoked pot were disgusting!!! I really hope our school gets on board with this program so we can start educating parents and this community!!! It continues on tomorrow, and one of the coaches asked my son if he would like to participate tomorrow! I can't wait.

Ok, I promised to keep it short.

Happy Birthday Bear!:h