AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

That is one powerful truth LVT. It's amazing the grip AL can have on us. And who knows who will be the ones to be gripped into the depths of addiction? And yet we play with it anyway. Scary.

DG

[Newgrange]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Hello everyone. Having trouble with my Internet so will make this quick.
Wise words Lvt and mom of 3

Early days for me but 30 days AF today

Searching for the mid line
I cannot go back to the way life used to be
Alive
AF
Learning from you all
Supported
Fitter
Slimmer 6 lbs down
Some difficult moments but working through them. So far so good.

Good night and sleep well all

[momof3]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

jennyneric;1093454 wrote: IOk here is the part that may come out wrong. I do not think I am having a "pity party". I am not upset about not being able to drink like I'm not upset that I can't have french fries. But I do feel like I have not "out let" no release, no real way to. . . .well get the feeling that drink gives me. I have "fun" I do things with the family, I work, I exercise, I play, I have 6 animals to care for and two kids and a husband. Just like everyone on here I just want to go have a drink or two and chill, I even want to get drunk and chill. What I don't want is to feel like shite the next day, what I don't want is to KEEP drinking the next day. Those are the feelings of deprivation that I can't shake. I have all the activities that you speak of but what do I do to replace the temporary happiness and euphoric feeling that is such a release to so many "normal" people that I don't have now? That is the question. . .and I know the answer. . .the answer is you can't and you need to just get over it and move on. . .it's that second part that I struggle with. Thank you for listening. . . again. . .and I much appreciate all your replies!

Jenny, I completely get where you are coming from here. There is indeed something different about that release you talk about (even though it is drug induced). For me, drinking was also connected with cutting loose, living on the edge, and being a bit of a bad ass (after being such a good girl in all other aspects of my life). That part of me still exists and I am finding ways to express it. I am learning to take risks in other areas of my life. The feeling on the other side is one of contentment and satisfaction though. I have contemplated buying a motorcycle and going sky diving.

WELCOME NEWGRANGE. Congrats on 30 days!!:goodjob:

[jennyneric]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Thank you so much M3 for empathizing! It's is the being a bit of a bad ass as you say and the cutting loose. I am so scared of most things that give you the adrenaline rush that mimics the euphoria though. Oddly, in my mind, it has always been safer to ingest a dangerous substance that commit a dangerous act. Never thought about that like that. Huh seams I'm a bit of a chicken. LOL. I do enjoy driving cars fast and I'm really good at it. Wonder if racing on a track would do it for me. I will have to check that out! Thank you really.

[momof3]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Oh yeah. Race car driving sounds good.

I want a Harley and lots of leather:H

[Hippy Chick]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Jen - I completely understand what you are describing. I still struggle with that lack of feeling euphoric. I loved that feelilng when the poison would start to travel around my system, the relaxation, enjoyment, the buzz.... nothing equals it. And I associate it with enjoying things and being able to completely relax.
I was out walking the other evening on a beautiful day, there was no wind, lovely temperature and I was walking along the beach. The sun was just about to set over the sea and I thought how lovely it would be the sit with a glass of poison and watch it set. Then instantly I thought, well what is the point of that if I cant drink so I wont bother. The realisation that I thought that hit me like a brick. What is the point of watching something so simple and beautiful if I cant drink???? It made me realise just how incidious this addiction is. I still work myself up into a lather, running around trying to do too many things at once so I dont have to think about the desire to drink. Then when I am frantic and so stressed (all self induced..) I instantly think "a drink would help me relax". Rather than take a breathe or try and relax myself, I want a drug to do it. Rather than me do the work, I want something else to do it for me!
I am so glad I am not the only one to think like this. Thanks for bringing it up Jenny.
I just have to accept that the feeling I thought was relaxation and euphoria is not real.
Have a great day.
hip

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Did i see Newgrange quietly mention today is 30 days AF? :wd::yay:
Very happy for you - keep it going!!!!

Went back to the hospital to see my new grandson again this afternoon. He's doing great & they will be going home tomorrow

I hope everyone is having a relaxing evening - my feet are up

[mylife]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Hi All,

I missed out on a lot of great posts again today. Jenn, I also can symathize and I know that I always loved that initial euphoria and "letting loose" as well. However, I also became more and more aware that it was drug induced, and I was getting addicted to an artifially induced high. Brought on by self-ingested Poison as Hippie so wisely pointed out. It just made less and less sense to me and although I still enjoyed the euphoria it just didn't feel as good once I realized what was happening. It felt kind of sick actually.

I am now really convinced that I will have better and more and happier experiences once this thing is not a part of my life at all. I know you will too. Who could drive a race car drunk? I think once we get past this addiction we will look back on this time and wonder why we ever felt this way!

Have a great evening guys, it's so great to read all your wonderful posts!

[mylife]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

:goodjob::goodjob:

Congratulations Newgrange on 30 Days!!! :goodjob::goodjob:

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7


:yougo::yougo:CONGRATULATIONS ON 30 DAYS AF NEWGRANGE!!!:yougo::yougo:

Newgrange;1093587 wrote:

Hello everyone. Having trouble with my Internet so will make this quick.
Wise words Lvt and mom of 3

Early days for me but 30 days AF today

Searching for the mid line
I cannot go back to the way life used to be
Alive
AF
Learning from you all
Supported
Fitter
Slimmer 6 lbs down
Some difficult moments but working through them. So far so good.

Good night and sleep well all

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Sandwich Alert!!

Yea New Grange!! Congratulations on 30 days!!
Lav-congrats on the new grandson! He is so adorable and I bet EB is off the wall with happiness at having a baby brother!!

I'm very late to the thread tonite so I won't comment on everyone but will join in on the deprivation focus.

Jenny and HC I TOTALLY get those feelings! HC-remember last year when I was going through that whole anger period? I was so pissed that I would never be able to drink normally again and that my whole family would continue to enjoy their wine and beer and I would be left out of our traditions. It took me many months to realize and truly believe that pouring poison down my throat was NOT doing me any favors. I even missed my sister's annual Labor Day bash because I couldn't stand the thought of being the only one there not drinking and letting go.

Did I miss that initial physical feeling of total "AHHHH" that you get with that first drink? You bet! But the more I read and learned about how AL messes with your brain chemistry, the more I firmly believed that that feeling was not worth what would come after that because we all know that one is too much and ......... I was very firm in telling myself that I would have to find other ways to relax when stressed or overwhelmed; I would have to find other ways to reward myself other than a drink when I felt I deserved a reward. And you know what? I finally have! Maybe I crawl into bed right after work. Maybe I have a whoopie pie. Maybe, I go to quilting class or agility or take a walk with the pups. I had a horrible day at work on Tuesday and a year ago I would have bought TWO bottles of wine on my way home and probably drank them both! If I had had a committment for that nite a year ago I would have cancelled so I could drink. This year? I couldn't WAIT to get to quilting class tues nite!! It was exactly what I needed to decompress from the ravages of the day.
Jenny-I have no idea what happened to you 2 years ago but I'm pretty sure I know what happened to your brain chemistry. AL fecked it. Bad. I don't think anyone knows if our brain chemistry can be fixed once it AL gets ahold of it. I do know that some people like me have screwed up chemistry from our first taste of AL-an allergy even and some people can drink normally for years with out any worries and all of a sudden BANG! A corner is turned. And I do know that right now I cannot have just one drink because it won't BE just one drink and the only way I can prevent that from happening is not to have that one drink. I kept telling myself for years that I wasn't "that bad". I kept trying to quit and I did the yo yo thing too for decades, just like dieting.
Now when I get together with my family I watch with interest how much they drink. I cheer when my sister fills her water glass instead of her wine glass after she's had 4 or 5 but get sad when I see her fill the wine glass again after a short break. I cringe when I see my dad start on his second small bottle of red wine especially when I know he has to drive home. Do I feel left out anymore? Absolutely not. I don't miss commiserating with my sister about "wine head" the next morning. At all.

Like M3 I too am doing things I NEVER would have done before being AF: I took an online Dreamweaver class last spring; I started competing in agility; I'm taking a quilting class even tho my sewing skills are rudimentary at best; I tried hot yoga; I tried Zumba; I started the Couch to 5K program; I'm planning on buying a camper and going camping-by myself!!; I'm reading again; I'm more patient at work and with my family; I'm more focused at work; I'm grateful.

What I have learned in the past year is that AL became my focus in life instead of a way to enhance and compliment the good parts of my life. I've taken back my life and the good parts far outweigh the bad parts most days and I've found healthier more fulfilling ways to enhance and compliment my life. I truly hope that everyone struggling with this addiction will be able to find the peace I have found from being AF. I'm truly living now, not just existing to be a vessel for AL.

:l :h

[jennyneric]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Great post pap mom! It feels good to know that I'm not alone.

2 years ago we were visiting family out of town and a drunk uncle (not my uncle) hit on my 12 year old daughter, he was hugging her and touching her and made her very upset and she screamed and started crying. I lost it. The family we were visiting said he was "just like that" and I should not make a big deal out of it. They didn't support me. I wanted to leave right then and my husband and his mom would not leave so I was forced to stay there with my children. I was helpless and angry and no one cared. I was stuck. I am controlling and a mother who turns into a bear when my children are threatened but there was nothing I could do and there was no one on my side. So into the bottle I went. I stayed there the rest of the trip and my relationship with my mother in law was destroyed and the relationship with my hubby was so damaged that I don't know if it will ever be ok. I have never been so helpless in my life. I hated that feeling and AL helped it. Al was my friend for the rest of that trip and continued to be my friend for another year before it got to be to much for me to perceive as "normal". I've been in therapy and I understand what happened and I know that it will never happen again. But I also realized that I can't always be there for the kids and the possibility of bad things happening is not some story on the news, it is right here, in my backyard and I can't change that. I grew up that day a little, and it scared me.

Wow y'all have learned alot about me today. Hope it's not TMI. Thanks for listening and sympathizing with me.

[bear73]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

this thread has been great and has really inspired me - one I will return to again and again -it's really helpful to hear others missed the buzz,feared who they would be without alcohol and worried how they would fit in with their friends and their life.

I do still worry about this BUT I need to remember life without is better - today I am up early,it is a beautiful day, I'm off to do a bit of shopping and do a bit more work in the garden,read in my new sun lounger. None of which would be possible if I was drinking.
But more importantly there is a sense of peace and calm.

[bear73]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Jenny - what happened is outrageous - I think other people's reaction was very odd.
What that man did was wrong.

You were not being an over protective mum at all - just a great mum.
I hope your daughter is ok.

[jennyneric]

AF Daily - Thursday 4/7

Thank you bear. She is fine, I think it scared me way more than it did her. She is 14 now and really doesn't ever mention it except around 4th of July because that is when we went to visit yearly. She knows we will never go there, well at least I won't ever go there, again. My kids can choose to go when their 18 if they want.