I feel fucking useless

[universal]

auuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhh

I am trying so hard but I just feel useless. I can go a week or 2 and then cave. And then my husband treats me like shit.

I suffer from sever depression and lately I have been cutting so I have bandaids and scars everywhere.

I am trying to cook my family dinner and my daughter is like "mom, why are you so loud?

I went to my therapist today and we decided I needed to write a letter to my father which is painful - 23 pages later I am done. I am proud that I did that. But do I have anyone to congratulate me? No........just people telling me I suck.

fuck, why even bother trying to be sober.

[retteacher]

I feel fucking useless

Uni: It's difficult to see you so down. I don't get around the MWO site very much, but I had to read this thread. I know I'm going to sound like a complete AA fanatic, but have you tried it? I had a million prejudices about it, but like you, I just could not put any quality sober time together. I was desperate & hit a very real & humiliating bottom. That was 2 years ago. My life isn't perfect, but I'm sober, so that makes me much better able to cope w/anything that comes up. I don't usually recommend AA unless I'm asked specifically about it, but I can just see the pain in your posting. I've been there. Good luck. If you care to PM me, that would be fine w/me. Take care of yourself. Mary

[InChains]

I feel fucking useless

i'd like to congrtulate you on writing the letter to your father, I know how difficult relationships with parents can be. I can't pretend to understand the pressure having a husband and children must put on you at times like this, but as I'm sure you've heard before, alcohol is not the answer. I don't have much to say, but I felt that congratulations were truly in order for the letter, and I wish you the best

xIC

[Doggygirl]

I feel fucking useless

Uni, I am so very proud of you for writing that letter. That must have been very emotional and very difficult. I hope it gave you a sense of relief and maybe a sense of moving forward.

I don't know if you saw on the daily thread but I want to thank you for sharing the information about the mandalas. I am starting to color them now and I wouldn't have known about them if you and LVT hadn't mentioned it. I thank you for sharing something so very valuable to me.

I hope things get better for you at home this evening.

DG

[papmom3]

I feel fucking useless

Dearest Uni-I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I have never been in your shoes so I have no clue how you are feeling. However, it burns me that those closest to someone I care about are treating her like rubbish because she isn't perfect. Well, neither are they I reckon!! Glass houses and all that. Unfortunately it looks like its you and your therapist (and us!) on this journey but you can do it!! Once you value yourself and your contributions to your life, family and those connected to you, others will start to value you too, won't they? Please stop cutting yourself! Please start seeing you for the shining star you are!! Please start treating your body with respect and love. Why did you stop going to AA? I can't remember but there was a reason. You did so well after rehab and you knew you were valuable and useful then. Can you find that again?
You know you can PM any of us here is you want too. I hope the clouds lift for you soon Uni. Hopefully the letter to your dad will help lift them. You were very brave to do that.
:h

[Guitarista]

I feel fucking useless

Stick with it Uni!

You are not useless. You are a complete HERO in my eyes the way you have stood up to alcohol abuse and taken action to take your life back. I think you are wonderful, and i alway's enjoy and get something out of reading your posts.

Now get back on track, stand proud again, and take your life back.

Best wishes, and lot's of love, G-bloke.

[LVT25]

I feel fucking useless

:l Aww, Uni, I'm so sorry you struggle so. I know it doesn't help like a real physical hug and support would, but you have a lot of that here. Like DG said--I am so grateful to you for telling me about the mandalas! You have a lot of special gifts to share.

Hang in there, sweetie!:h

[Lavande]

I feel fucking useless

Uni,
You are not useless & you are cetainly loved by many of us here :l
It helps me a lot to know all of the wonderful people in this online community, it gives me strength to continue on my journey. I hope you can share in that feeling too.

Take good care of yourself. You are loved here. Congratulations on writing that letter. I really hoped it helped you :l

[mumofsix]

I feel fucking useless

universal;1096422 wrote: auuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhh

I am trying so hard but I just feel useless. I can go a week or 2 and then cave. And then my husband treats me like shit.

I suffer from sever depression and lately I have been cutting so I have bandaids and scars everywhere.

I am trying to cook my family dinner and my daughter is like "mom, why are you so loud?

I went to my therapist today and we decided I needed to write a letter to my father which is painful - 23 pages later I am done. I am proud that I did that. But do I have anyone to congratulate me? No........just people telling me I suck.

fuck, why even bother trying to be sober.

Trust me when I say that its NOT your Father,husband,kids or anyone else who defines you - it is quite simply yourself. I have NO relationship with MY DAD or my sisters. My Dad HATES one of my kids whos nearly 15 and suffers from tourettes. All my life I've had HIS telling me I was stupid,couldnt live up to my sisters,dumb,useless ringing in my ears. 2007 I came over to the states and he looked after my kids, I came home to total Chaos, he'd lost his rag at my boy, and left my kids ALONE while I was away around the other side of the world. I went MENTAL at him when I got back and did not talk to him for over a year UNTIL my son then 17 was diagnosed with his 2nd brain tumour in his short life, I rang my Dad and told him, he told me that he didnt want to see my son. My son HAD stuck up for his little brother while we were away and told my DAD TO FUCK OFF! When he refused to see his own grandchild who we thought would be dead real soon because of his own shitty agenda it made me realise - FUCK THIS GUYS USELESS. Dont let anyone else define YOU - not your kids,parents,husband NO ONE. Get strong for YOU get healthy for YOU and let the rest of the world go FUCK THEMSELVES. My son is still ALIVE and due to turn 21. I am running the New York Marathon this year amongst about 5 other half marathons. My Dad has never done that, neither have my stupid sisters, I live in a million dollar house on 70 acres - they dont. I dont have to compare to anyone else, for all my failings with alcohol because I HAVE EVERYTHING AND DO GOOD STUFF. SO DO YOU! Geez you MAY FUCK UP but you are a wife and mother and have done some amazing things for yourself,kids and family SO GET STRONG FOR YOU AND FUCK EVERYONE ELSE. Sorry if this sounds brutal but it gets me so mad. You are just as good as everyone else

[Sarasmiles]

I feel fucking useless

Uni,
I don't know what I can add except another warm cyber hug, and a sincere, heartfelt reassurance that you are not useless. You will get through this; the clouds will clear away. I wish you well.

Sara

[universal]

I feel fucking useless

Thank you to everyone because all of you have made me feel like I have made some contribution to this community.

The mandalas are great, I agree. recomend them to anyone who likes to colour and needs some meditation at the same time.

Just struggling - started another post because my daughter caught on to all of my issues today - well, I guess she always knew but today was D day I guess.

Thank you all for making me feel loved and important. I really, really, badly needed that.

xoxoxoxo

Uni

[mumofsix]

I feel fucking useless

But you are important - why do you doubt that? Kids are resilient - especially when they see change for the better

[Newgrange]

I feel fucking useless

Hi universal. I am a bit late with this but I am glad you are feeling better today. Congrats on writing the letter, powerful stuff. Wishing you well.

[Accountable for Me]

I feel fucking useless

(((UNI)))

Sending you much needed love, Uni. Depression really sucks. I have struggled with it for so many years myself. It is debilitating at times. Especially when you feel you have no one to support you. I feel that too.

One thing that kind of keeps me going is telling myself that I am just as good as anyone else; mistakes and all. I keep telling myself this because I am, and one day I am really hoping I believe it!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[mario]

I feel fucking useless

Well done for writing that letter uni, useless you are certainly not.and obviously by the support you are getting here much loved.