Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

[Kimberley]

Hey all,

Haven't seen a thread today so I'm starting it. Hope everyone is having a good day - it's a holiday here and I am off to the funfair before my meeting, so I'll make it short.

After my first chair, I have been asked to do another one in a couple of weeks! - I think! I have had a really good week apart from one day and felt so grateful for being sober. Four months sober today - woooooooooooohoooooooooooo!

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hey Kimberly! Thanks for getting us rolling this week. And congratulations on your additional chairing assignment, and special congrats on 4 months sober!!! :yougo:

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Kimberly: I am so proud of the way you've embraced AA & your sobriety. Congratulations on your 4 month anniv. I'm going to that big speaker meeting tonight & really looking forward to it. I'll write either later or tomorrow. Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hey all,

Thanks for the congrats. I never would've got there again without AA.

Had a really good meeting last night. The chair was really good - his young daughter got ill and he spent 6 years practically living at the children's hospital with her and he stayed sober by creating a weekly meeting at the hospital with 3 of his AA friends in a tiny room the priest gave him.

It's stories like that which make me realise how powerful AA can be and how great the people in it are. Unfortunately his daughter didn't make it through in the end - but he did, sober. Wow. I hope that if anything so challenging were to happen in my life, I now am much better equipped to deal with it.

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hi Mary. Good to see you! How was the big meeting?

Kimberly, that is an awesome story about the fellowship. There really are a lot of people in AA who are willing to give freely to their fellows.

I've been feeling a bit of a dark cloud over the last week or so. Not like me. There are a few things going on in life at the moment, but also my meeting attendance has been off. I'm going to a meeting this morning and it will be interesting to see if it lifts my spirits. I suspect it will. I can see the faces of my homies now.

Have a good day everyone.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

2 good speakers last night: I identified w/the woman who spoke. I really feel that women's alcoholism is different in some ways than men's. Anyhow, she talked about the hiding of the drinking (though I'm sure men do that too). Also, she emphasized how the disease hurt the ones she loves...especially her children. I spoke to her about it afterwards. She specifically didn't want to do a drunk-a-log, nor did she want to go for the laughs. She did have some pretty funny things happen during her drinking bouts, but she didn't talk about those. She talked about the last very bad drunk she had. I did the same thing when I spoke 2 weeks ago. We just cannot forget.

The speaker was a person who would get sober in AA, slack off, drink, & get back in. When she came back after a particularly horrendous drunk, she got a "no nonsense" sponsor & committed to going to meetings every single day. Also, she's formally working the steps. I guess she just can't stay w/it unless she "goes to any length."

Anyhow, it was fun. I'm feeling the need to go to different meetings & get working more diligently on my own step-work. I think that's what meetings do: they inspire us to do better.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hi again all. Mary, your post reminded me of something I MEANT to post a couple weeks ago and I think I forgot. I think that inside of us (i.e. biologically) alcohol is probably pretty similar for men and women (although I'm no doctor!). I do think there are differences for us in other ways though. I think there are differences psychologically, and in general differences in outward manifestations. (although there is certainly a wide variety and lot of crossover there too!)

In particular, a man at a meeting a couple weeks ago talked about his secret drinking. He talked about going to events and having a couple of drinks, and then chomping at the bit to race home and drink more. That really caught my attention because I certainly did that, and I hear women mention regularly that they did that. But not so many men mentioning secret drinking. Hmmmm....

The meeting this morning was open topic. When nobody suggested one, the chair had one ready. My jaw nearly dropped when she said she wanted to talk about complacency. She described her own recent behavior which mirrored MY recent behavior (skipping meetings, etc.) It absolutely floors me sometimes when this stuff happens. Many confirmations that prior to relapse, the following important activities usually stop:
1. Going to meetings regularly
2. Working the steps
3. Staying connected to others in AA

I actually like going to meetings, working the steps and staying connected. So I need to just stop being lazy and get back on top of my game. (and yes, the little dark cloud is lifted a bit after AA, business stuff, and a nice couch to 5K run)

I have to find a new sponsor. I'm sad about it, but I knew this was coming. My sponsor's health continues to decline. I understand that - she is diabetic and having trouble like my Dad. At least the breat cancer has not come back. But at any rate, she told me over the weekend that the time has come for me to find a new sponsor. She of course will continue sponsoring me until I find someone, and she told me she is my honorary sponsor for life. I'm sad about it. I've also had my eyes open for a while now and have not met the right person I don't think. That means I need to get out to some different meetings. More motivation to attend more and not less.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

DG: Your post got me thinking about complacency. I too like going to meetings, but sometimes I just don't feel like going out. I guess I forget that I have a life-threatening disease. Tonight I'm not going to a meeting, but I'm committing to work on my 2nd step work. I have a pamphlet my sponsor gave me, & I'm going through it taking notes. There I said it! Now I have to do it! It is so easy to get lazy & complacent. I don't have urges & compulsions toward drink, but I know that if I slack off my program, that is when those things crop up. I've heard enough speakers describe it! I don't want to relapse now or ever.

Yes, I'm sure that men hide their drinking, lie, cover up, etc. I do think that alcoholism is much more of a stigma for a woman. I think that's what kept me in the closet for so long. Absolutely the most destructive part of my drinking was all the lieing that I did. It was worse than the physical agonies.

Take care one & all.

Mary

PS: I'm sorry about your sponsor, DG. I know you'll find another one. Remember that you (as a sponsee) do as much for your sponsor as she does for you.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hi all. Mary, I've been lazy lately about my Step work and I need to get after it. Just due to scheduling difficulties, I have not been able to go to Tough Chicks meeting on Fridays which I really miss. That was a "working" step meeting and I've been to no other quite like it. I wish the schedule worked but it just doesn't any more - I can't get there in time. I need to explore other Step meetings.

I really miss the old Daily Recovery Readings link. It was moved to a web forum, and access to the threads with the daily readings requires a subscription. Today I took the extra step to figure out what was involved - and the subscription is only $2.50 for a LIFETIME membership. Well worth it, to me, to get the Daily readings on line. Here is the link in case anybody else wants to do that. Daily Recovery Readings and Meditations Forums

I really liked this reading:

Walk in Dry Places

Secrets of the New Happiness____ Success in living.
Most of us know whether other people are truly happy. What's odd, however, is that we don't often try to practice the things that bring happiness to others. Often, the happiness we're striving for is really a form of excitement____ trying to be continuously stimulated so as not to be bored or depressed.
Excitement does not create happiness. We find true happiness when we learn to serve others in right ways; that is, without demanding their gratitude or some other recognition. We also find true happiness in self-acceptance___ being generally satisfied with our lot in life and grateful for the self-improvement we've found. We find happiness, too, in keeping occupied with useful activities that place demands on our energies and abilities.
There is no such thing as a happy alcoholic who is still drinking. There are also recovering people who have not yet found happiness. But the program unlocks the happiness, and we do have members whose happiness is an example to others.
I can be happy one day at a time. I will make the choice to be happy today, and to let tomorrow come in its own time. Nothing can interfere with today's happiness.

I realize that I still confuse excitement with happiness. And yet I know the two are very different. I have glimpses of happiness, I think. I want more of that subtle peace and contentment that no amount of "excitement" can match. Chasing "excitement" (and confusing that for happiness) certainly characterized a lot of my drinking. A new kind of life - with true happiness - does not happen over night, just by stopping drinking. At least not for me.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

I too don't quite understand the difference between happiness & excitement. I find that when I'm "happy" I don't really know it. I might be watching the boys or riding in the car or being at a great meeting. Afterwards I'll see that I lost myself in the moment. When I set out to be "happy" by buying a new purse or going somewhere exciting, I'm often disappointed. For example w/the new purse, all my stuff might not fit in it. Or w/going somewhere "exciting", there might be traffic or my husb will be in a bad mood. I've heard in meetings that "expectations are disappointments waiting to happen." That's certainly the case w/me. And yes, serving others is often when I'm the happiest...whether it's someone in program or someone in my own family.

Last night I did finish that pamphlet on Step 2 & will contact my sponsor & set up a time to take the step formally. That will make a difference in my life.

Mary

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Hey all and Happy Friday (well it's Friday here)

I do love reading all your thoughts on here.

Yesterday I shared at a meeting about the fact that i don't often share! The chair said something about drinking because of feeling self-conscious and that he had to drink to say certain things to certain people. I totally related but didn't talk and then I realsied I was kind of doing exactly that at the meeting - being too self-conscious to share, so I thought I should speak and be honest about it.

One of the reasons I don't share unless I have a burning need to is that I don't consider what I have to say that valuable in particular. I think other people could better use the time. But I even hold back when there are those long silences, despite the fact that I wouldn't be taking up anyone else's time. Silly hey! So I basically said that and as I was talking, the chair was looking at me and nodding and others were sort of nodding and saying 'yep', so I guess a few people must feel the same way. Ergo, what I said must have been valid and valuable. Haha.

I think my strategy has to be that if I do relate to things and there is a silence, then I'd better make an effort to fill it. i still don't think I'll be one of those members who talks at most meetings but i should definitely talk more if I do relate - after all when I was chairing I loved people coming back to me with similar feelings, thoughts and experiences.

I do like the way AA makes me realise things like this!

K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 2 - May 8

Kimberly: I too have to make a conscious effort to share even when I have something I want to say. I think I've heard this phenomenon described as "self-centered fear." I certainly have plenty of that: what will people think of what I'm saying? If I keep in mind that my sharing could help another alcoholic, then it doesn't matter what I have to say. It doesn't have to be profound. If I speak from my heart wo/rehearsing it too much in my mind, whatever I say is OK. I'm glad you shared the other night. I think it gets easier as we go along. Mary