Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

[retteacher]

Everyone: I've been feeling kind of down. I think it's a combination of factors: mainly my daughter was diagnosed w/cancer right around this time last year, & our whole lives changed. Also, my mother is in need of a lot of care. I know that in the past, AL would have seemed like a good way to take the pressure off, to change my mood. I know now that I have to work through all this one day at a time wo/AL. I'm so thankful that I have AA. I can go to a meeting tonight & am seeing w/my sponsor tomorrow. After the meeting & the talk w/my sponsorl, my outlook on life will be different...& I won't be dealing w/guilt & humiliation. I just have to remember that the drinking fix is temporary & that afterwards the repercussions of drinking are worse than the original problem. That's the part I never got while I was drinking. The temporary fix was so attractive. I didn't want to bother w/working out problems...I just wanted to get a little relief. I know now that I have to go through in order to come out the other side.

In the meantime, I gave my dog a bath & will clip him a little. I'll go to my g-sons' school & work in the classroom w/the teacher & the kids. That will take some of the gloom away. "Taking life on life's terms" is one of my biggest AA lessons. I didn't know how to do that, because I always drank my feelings & problems away. That's not a solution. My solution now is to feel those feelings & work through them.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hi Mary and thanks for getting us started for the week. I can relate to that general blue feeling. I'm not feeling it so much today or for the last few days but I recently went through a strange patch of just feeling blue. There is some super sad stuff going on in my life too. What AA (and MWO) is teaching me is that these are things EVERYONE goes through. It's all a part of the normal ups and downs of life. I am grateful to be learning how to just "let it be" and ride it out, instead of going for a FIX RIGHT NOW with AL. (which of course, never fixed anything as you described so well!)

Even though the "life stuff" is still going on, I don't feel so blue about it now. Action helps. AA is a program of action. Life is a program of action. I like how you describe simple things like giving your dog a bath and helping at your G-sons school as actions that help you live life on life's terms. Getting up off of my sofa (and my pity pot sometimes) is the key for me too.

Sponsorship in AA has been an often tumultuous and emotional experience. It's on my mind as tomorrow is my first sponsor's anniversary. I spoke with her just yesterday about something unrelated and she mentioned it. (I'm very bad at keeping track of important dates for the people in my life!) That prompted reflection.

Mary I'm sure you remember me talking about my "break up" with my first sponsor. That was a very emotional experience but in retrospect, a HUGE gift and learning experience. I was filled with so much resentment towards her at one point. I'm glad I didn't just walk away from AA over it. (that would have been throwing the baby out with the bathwater!!!) That experience helped me see where I am immature in the way I deal with people sometimes. "Drinking at people" was the only response I used to know. I've had to learn new ways of dealing with relationships in an adult rather than childish manner. I'm grateful that my first sponsor and I are friends today. I can see now that our "issues" back then were far more mine than they were ever hers.

I miss my Step Coach and there are so many times when I can just hear his voice in the rooms or in other places with all of his wise "isms." I hope someday I can be a fraction as loving and giving as he was.

I am sad to be losing my current sponsor. I'm seeing now that there is an ebb and flow to sponsorship as well. Sometimes short, sometimes long. There is always something to be learned and gained.

One of my sponsees drank and never came back. The other of my sponsees drank, and is back now. Sponsoring others is also a great gift and learning opportunity. Most of all, I see that I can only share what I know. I am not responsible for anyone's sobriety but mine. I cannot feel responsible if they drink. I cannot take credit if they stay sober. We are all no an individual journey, we are just doing it together.

That's what's on my mind today! I'm glad I will be able to be at the meeting tomorrow to congratulate my first sponsor on her new milestone.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

DG: I do remember your break-up w/your first sponsor & have since heard from others at speaker meetings about that as well. I feel like a fledgling in relationships sometimes, because I'm learning to be honest & also to get along w/others as well. That's a balancing act that I never quite understood while drinking. I either did whatever anyone wanted me to do, or I just dropped people like "hot potatoes." I didn't know how to work things out.

We're bound to have these times of emotional turmoil if we're going to be in this life fully. The trick is to learn to ride it all out. And yes, this is a program & life of action. The work w/the little kids helped tremendously this morning. Now I'm going to trim Buddy & make him look cuter than cute.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Mary, can we see a piccy of Buddy when you are done???

I dont' know if you read the AF Daily thread Mary. The dog in my current avatar is Ferguson, and he is one of Mr. Doggy's big training dogs. They earned their Schutzhund 1 title yesterday. I'm really proud of them.

I am totally with you on relationships. I'm still a novice, that's for sure. AA is a God send giving us a place to work with other people and learn. I know I need it.

DG

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hello, All!!!


Such wonderful wisdom here. Coming here is like going to a meeting in that we hear just what we need to hear when we need to hear it. Love it when that happens!!!!

You are both an awesome example of what it means to live life on life's terms. I really liked what you said, Mary, about alcohol being a temporary fix. So true.

I had a situation this week that was a first for me and it took me a few days to really process it and put it in its proper perspective. There was a woman who had been coming to meetings about 6 or 7 months ago. She came off and on for about a month is all, but this week I seen in the local paper where she had passed away. She was only 35 years old and I know she was fighting other addictions as well as alcohol. The last meeting I seen her at she asked me afterward if I would be her sponsor. I explained to her that I had just finished the steps myself for the first time, but I would be happy to go through them with her. The problem with our group, is that we live in a very small community, and there are very few women that attend. I knew the nights she was going I was the only other woman in there, so I felt I had a responsibility to help her when she asked even though I felt very insecure about being a sponsor.

Anyhow that was the last time I had seen her at a meeting and when I seen that she had died I immediately felt somewhat responsible that I had let her down somehow. It took me a few days to sort it out and realize that I was not responsible. This I guess is just the first time that this has happened to someone I met in recovery. I have seen quite a few quit coming and not make it, but nothing this serious. My sponsor has been out of town, so I haven't talked to her about it, yet, but I need to make more of an effort to learn how to ask others in the group for their thoughts and advice. Relationships with others is a real hurdle for me. Guess I have spent too much time alone and isolated. I have faith in God and the program, though that if I really am willing to work to make progress in this area, I will.

DG, also enjoyed the dogs on the other thread. Amazing. I love dogs and horses and wish I could connect with people the same way I can with animals.

Have a super week!!!!

HG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

HG, I often feel as though I can emotionally connect with animals but people not so much. I used to be a horse person too. :l

I can't imagine how shocking and scary it must have been to read that in the paper. It sounds like you are processing everything appropriately.

I just feel so sad when someone cannot find their way out, and then one day it's too late.

I too need to really work on asking for help and input. By habit and instinct I rely on myself. My decision making, etc. is always SO much better when I take some time and get input on the important stuff.

HG, I remember feeling REALLY insecure the first time I was asked to sponsor someone. I was only on Step 4 at the time. I'm so glad my Step Coach had already given me a good tool for that situation. I was able to tell this girl that I needed to discuss it with my own sponsor first (well, it was Step Coach at the time!). Step Coach told me that people are dying out there from alcoholism, and that I shouldn't wait until I feel I can be a "perfect sponsor" in order to help someone. He suggested I offer to be her temporary sponser and take it from there. That was a good way to handle things - at least it worked out fine in this situation. She is still with me.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

HG: I'm glad you wrote about this situation. You're reaching out for help in whatever way you can. The woman you're talking about was suffering from a disease which ultimately killed her. It's as simple as that & should be a lesson to all of us as to the seriousness of our disease should it become active again. It's heart-breaking when that happens because she was close to finding a solution.

DG: I'll try to take a photo of Buddy & send it along. He was a rescue from a shelter & has "issues" but is incredibly cute. I've noticed Ferguson...what a magnficent dog he is. Honestly, he looks intelligent enough to pick up a book & read. You have a right to feel proud of him. I'm a total dog person & know how you feel about him & all the dogs you have.

I'm meeting w/my sponsor this morning to take the 2nd step. I'm looking forward to it.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hi all! Mary I can't wait to see the piccies. LOL - the "boss dog" around here is our shelter mutt Cleopatra. Gotta love those rescues. She has the least of any sorts of health problems too. (zero)

I really like the open topic meeting on Tuesday mornings. It's like Christmas - never know what's going to be waiting there as a topic. Today someone asked if we could discuss "powerlessness over alcohol" and everyone's take on that. It was a GREAT discussion for me. I used to think I had control over everything - including alcohol. Duh. I couldn't get through one day without drinking, when I woke up in the morning swearing I wouldn't drink that day. If I promised myself I would only have X many drinks, I always had X + Infinity drinks. NO control over alcohol. Powerless. And yet knowing that word "powerless" was part of AA....well, that was one excuse I used to say "AA was not for me." I wasn't "powerless" over anything. :H

Really, it was my misunderstanding. The fact that I am powerless over alcohol if I start drinking it does NOT mean I'm not responsible for my actions. I think I equated "powerless" with "not responsible for my behavior." In the AA context, that couldn't be futher from the truth.

My ability to lead a sober life depends on me not taking the first drink. My power of choice over that depends on my ACTIONS and choices along the way. Doing what my role models in AA do, I have not felt the need to drink in a long long time. For that I am grateful.

And yes - I am powerless over alcohol. Finally accepting that is how I took a lot of other power back in my life. A bit of a paradox.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

My sponsor just left. I officially took the 2nd step. We spent a couple of hours discussing the reading & the step itself. I don't like to overthink the God/HP part of the step. I am coming to believe which we agreed is a process. We did discuss the insanity at length. Painful as it is, I must not forget all that. Once I do forget, I'm on the way to a relapse. So, I'm now launching into my 3rd step. I feel ahead of the game, as I already know & say the 3rd step prayer every day.

Regarding the powerlessness issue: I try to think about & take the 1st step daily. I don't want to ever think I have some sort of control over AL. Being sober for a couple of years doesn't qualify me to think I can drink again. I've heard over & over that once we forget our powerlessness, we're open to relapse. No, for me, once I open a bottle & start drinking, all bets are off. I'm powerless to stop.

M

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Mary, my sponsor talks about doing Steps 1, 2, and 3 everyday. I have not made that a habit, but if it works for someone with 10 years of sobriety, then I may want to consider it.

I was a little depressed yesterday, but not today. I guess it is just "L-I-F-E".

I'm so glad to be sober and so glad you all are here.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Phil: I too have been a little down, but I'm putting one foot in front of the other & going on. Yes, we alcoholics seem to think that life should be all ups & no downs. That's why I drank! Thanks for sharing. We're all here for you, as you all are for me. Mary

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hi to all who post in this section. I am sorry mary and DG that you are feeling a bit down. I do not attend AA yet, I may do as I continue to learn and grow from all I read in here. I just want to say that you both give so much to others in your reflections and i want to say thanks to you both. I hope the blues disappear soon but as you both said they are part of life.
Hello horse girl and cpn too.

In the other section I said that my father in law died this week and previously I would have drunk my way through it. You are right DG, I did look around and watched others at the wake, some need little alcohol and some drink much probably to deal with stress and difficult feelings. I remained AF and feel so much better. I am learning that while I thought alcohol eased my stress in difficult situations it in fact increased it and I am less stressed in general without it. It it far from easy to remain AF as my desire to drink remains strong but somehow my resolve to remain AF remains stronger. I give thanks for that.

Thinking of you all and thanks for listening.

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hey all,

Sorry to hear that we're on a bit of a downer this week - me too! I've been having some health issues, which appear to be blood sugar related. i've had a fasting glucose test and now have to have a glucose tolerance test. Man, the past 4 days I have been more or less floored and not only is it kinda scary but it's made me really down.

I haven't been able to get out as much as I usually do, so I've felt isolated (my room-mate is away for the week, so I don't even have him at home). So I've only managed a couple of meetings and haven't been as active as usual. Just feeling quite lonely and miserable about being ill and non-functional.

Ah well I have felt better today and managed to do some stuff and get to a meeting. I'm doing a chair tomorrow - my second now! - so I hope I hold up for that.

Thanks to you all for sharing your stuff on here- I am glad to be a part of it. I hope life is a bit kinder to everyone in the near future.

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Hi everyone. Sounds like "life" is still going on. A couple of things that have really helped me this week are EXERCISE and some dietary improvements (I've let that really slide in the toilet lately, and I definitely "am" what I "eat!" I don't need to eat "crap!) I started the "Couch to 5K" running program now that spring is here. If anyone is interested in a way to start a little jogging, google "couch to 5k" for some background info, and then go to iTunes and download the guided podcasts for free!

Endorphins rock. I wish that was discussed more in the AA meetings I attend. That is one thing I think lots of AA groups are missing - the power of exercise in helping sobriety. But I digress....

Kimberly, I hope your blood sugar tests come out OK. I get worried about that as my Dad is diabetic with severe complications. I just had blook work done this morning for my annual check up so we shall see what the fasting glucose reads on this end of the world.

Newgrange, I was so used to drinking over absolutely everything for so many years that I had no idea how much stress drinking was CAUSING me until I finally gave it up! In addition to whatever was *really* going on, I had to figure out how I was going to drink as much as I wanted / needed to without others knowing, how I would make it through necessary "AF situations" without a drink - or sneaking drinks, how to keep enough stash on hand, how to manipulate my schedule in such a way that I could minimize drunk driving risk and still drink a lot AND try to be "functional.." and on and on and on. No wonder I was always exhausted!!!! I am so happy for you that you are going through these experiences AF. Stick to your guns. It's much easier IMO, to fight through even the most difficult of cravings and stick with it, than to cave in, and then be on that merry go round of fighting for "Day 1" all over again.

Phil, always good to see you! You are so right - if today feels crap, it might not be that way tomorrow and usually isn't.

Mary, putting one foot in front of the other is all we can do.

One of my AA friends texted me this morning. She had the day off work and wanted to hook up. So I invited her to my house for coffee this afternoon. Not something I would have even considered in the old days. If I was home, I would have been drunk by then and wouldn't want anyone to *know*. (:H)

It still amazes me to really think about all the insanity that was just part of my every day life. That I somehow thought was "normal." :H

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 9 - May 15

Things have looked up for me as I go along ODAT. Newgrange, I just went to a wake & funeral of a much-loved relative, & it's so much easier doing it sober. DG, I loved your list of stressors of drinking: all the wheres, whens, & hows of drinking, especially during times when everyone is supposed to be alcohol-free.

I'm stepping up my meetings, as I don't wish to get complacent. I met w/my sponsor recently who told me to remember that it's "principles above personalities" when I complained that there were too many young guys at certain meetings. I do find that when regardless of who is speaking, I can always get something out of what he/she says.

Tonight I'll go to my step meeting.

Mary