Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I've been trying to get to as many meetings as I can. I've been seeing a guy from when I first came into AA. He had a very long relapse...a good year or more. He's now back & in counseling w/his wife. It sounds like the relapse was pretty bad, & he's now trying to rebuild his life. He said (as all other relapsers say) that he slacked off meetings & fell into thinking he could now control his drinking. I think he's going to be OK if he stays w/AA.

I just have to take the second step every day to know that I cannot drink. When I did the second step w/my sponsor last week, we really looked at the insanity of my life. Do I want to go back to that? In some ways, a sober life is more difficult than a drinking life.
- I no longer just "go along to get along."
- I sometimes have to stand up for myself.
- I have to tell the truth every minute of every day.
- I have to learn to relax "naturally" rather than "chemically."
- etc.

But, it's so worth it! I've given up AL & the insanity of the drinking life.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Hi Mary. Recalling the insanity is such a good exercise. Every once in awhile a glammed up thought of drinking will cross lightly through my mind. If I'm not on my game, that little invitation to entertain some completely inaccurate thinking about AL could take hold. I can't afford that. I don't want to live like I used to live with alcohol dominating my thoughts and my actions and my life.

When I remember the horrible stuff, it makes the realities of living sober seem easy by comparison. (even though it doesn't always feel that way)

Thanks for getting us started for the week with such a good topic.

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Wow, great thoughts from you both today.
I just returned from the 630 am meeting. It was one this meetings that reminded me why many people have a problem with AA. There are two men with over 25 years of sobriety, but they have nothing that I would want in sobriety. Yes, they are sober, but damn I'd rather be drunk than live life the way they do. Then I'm reminded of the beautiful, calm spirit that many in sobriety exude. Now that I like. I will take some of that.

Off to Florida for a sales meeting.....oh boy ??

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Phil: There are plenty of meetings in FL. I often hear of people talking about "dry drunks." That's what those guys you describe sound like. I've seen "dry drunks" in Alanon: People who never drank but are filled w/resentment & self pity. I find that the steps are an antidote for dry-drunkeness. When I'm actively working the steps, there's no room for resentment & self-pity.

DG: I think I too glammed up drinking. I looked forward to it, but after the first drink, it was all downhill from there. Yesterday I went to a brunch where there was AL served. Most people drank very little, but I did notice those folks who couldn't stay away from the bar area. They were always trying to sneak a little extra champagne into their mimosas or vodka into their screwdrivers. Been there, done that. Instead, my women friends & I had a real gabfest & enjoyed the beautiful food. It was a nice party, & I was able to go to my Sun. night meeting stone sober...a good feeling.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Phil, are your sales meetings like mine used to be (drunkfest)? Yowza. I hope you find something fun to do.

There are a couple of guys in my home group that for me, are cringeworthy. AA has offered me a much needed and fabulous opportunity to learn more about dealing with the people in the world around me. I'm not going to like everyone. Everyone is not going to like me (something I never even considered before, really). I can get along with people I don't like just as I'm sure others have learned to get along with me, even though I might not be their cup of tea. I am extremely grateful for the AA experience in this regard. I can appreciate the diversity in the rooms - all with one thing in common.

There is one guy in particular your post brought to mind. My skin crawls when he opens his mouth. Every time. What is interesting, though, is his success sponsoring others. Some of the people who I look forward to hearing from every time - turns out he is their sponsor. I have no idea how that works out!! But these observations have taught me to keep my judgment of others in check. I am not all knowing, that's for sure.

Travel safely Phil!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

DG: You're so right! There's someone for everyone. I've heard people drone on & on & couldn't make any sense out what they were saying. Then after the meeting is over, I'd overhear someone go up to that person & praise them for what they said. Go figure. M

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Thanks for your thoughts on powerlessness. I have been away for a few days and i have been thinking about powerlessness and what it means. I know I tried to quit alcohol about 5 years ago and i did well for about 4 months, then my brain fooled me into thinking I could moderate which I did for a while and I slipped slowly and steadily back to seven bottles of wine per week and the terrible treadmill. I know I am enjoying my life again, I know that moderation is not for me. I know if I take one drink I will return to a place That caused me nothing but grief so I am powerless over that one drink. When I do not drink alcohol I feel free.

I read all the posts and learn a great deal. Thanks.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

I try to think about & take the first step every day. I can't count the number of people I've heard at meetings say that after a while they thought they:
-could moderate.
-could control drinking.
-drink socially.
-drink normally.
-etc.

That was precisely the thinking I had every single time I went back to drinking after a dry spell.

So, I must take that first step daily & remind myself that I am powerless. Once I start, I cannot stop. I do not drink safely. There's a lot of freedom in that realization. I don't have to plan or control my drinking when I go out. I just have to NOT DRINK! I like simple...in fact, Keep It Simple is such a great reminder of all that. Staying sober isn't rocket science. It's just a matter of following this program of recovery.
-don't drink.
-go to meetings.
-do the steps.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Mary, I too love the freedom and simplicity of just not drinking. All manner of problems and uncertainties and risks are avoided that way. I can just be myself. I'm still discovering who "me" is without all the false senses created by AL. But that's OK. I am finally moving forward instead of sliding down the elevator shaft towards the basement 6 feet under.

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Made it through day 2 of the sales meeting. Haven't had made it to a meeting yet. it is a little difficult with very little free time and no transportation other than a cab. But also have no problem not drinking. Plenty of water is available at all functions. Oh....and lots of desserts. That is fun.
Great posts by y'all, really helps me keep sober.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Good going Phil! I remember the feeling of being trapped at meetings like that. Didn't like that too much. Desserts is a much better way to cope than drinking though - I'm very sure!! How long does this thing last? Must be nice to be among the elite hangover free in the AM, eh?

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Phil: I give you so much credit. You're really rerouting all that info in your brain that pushed you into drinking your way through all those meetings. Good for you!

Last night's speaker meeting was very good. I really didn't feel like going but made myself go. I'm so glad I did. The speaker focussed much more on recovery than on his drunkalog. He was an inspiration.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Mary, some people's drunkalog's are pretty hilarious but for the most part I'm with you - more focus on the recovery part is what I most enjoy hearing. That said - we all relate to stuff in different ways so I always try to remind myself if I'm NOT digging a speaker that other people probably are! It's NOT all about me! Imagine!!!! :egad:

Today the subject of gossip came up. It reminded me of something that happened at the ladies stitch and bitch a few months ago. I ask one of the senior founding ladies of this group how someone was. She said (very nicely) "we don't talk about people who are not present." That is a pact in that group.

At first I was a bit put off. After all, I was only asking how a person was who I hadn't seen in awhile. I reflected on this for quite some time afterwards, and realized how quickly an "innocent" question - just asking after someone's welfare - can degenerate into true gossip by any definition of the term. Frankly, if I want to know how so-and so is doing, I should contact so-and-so.

Since that conversation and reflection, I have been making a very concerted effort not to talk about anyone who isn't present. Where it seems appropriate to ask about someone who isn't present, I'm reaching a point where all of my mental red flags pop up. Is this conversation really appropariate? Necessary? Gossipy?

I feel really good when I can reflect back on my day and truly know that I did not gossip about anyone that day. I know how hurtful it feels to think others have been talking about me behind my back. I think the effort to curtail that activity has been worthwhile - I feel good about it.

I've been trying to be just as conscious about it here in writing / PM's.

Well, that's the thought for the AA day here FWIW!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

DG: Excellent food for thought. What purpose does gossip serve? I think it gives us a sense of false intimacy. If we can connect w/someone by talking about a 3rd party, then we're not talking about ourselves & our relationship w/the person we're having the conversation with. I've also noticed myself saying: "Gee, I haven't seen so-&-so in a while." It can really launch a conversation about that person & possibly about "picking up." Also, I've noticed that I might even have a "hidden agenda" about trying to please the person I'm talking to. I hope this makes sense, but it does to me. I've noticed (as much as I love her) that my sponsor is someone who isn't shy about talking about people when they're not there. It's not nasty or malicious. I think it might be that it's a little about curiosity & a little about filling up the conversation in a non-threatening way. I'll be on my guard about joining in. It's not something I want to do. It certainly isn't in keeping w/my program of rigorous honesty & minding my own business. Yup, if I want to know about someone, I can call.

thank you, Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - May 16 - May 22

Wow. How do you ladies do it? You create topics that are so powerful, yet seem so simple. Gossip, it can creep into our lives so easily. I love DG's comment, "if I want to how Bob is doing....then I should ask Bob."
Two more nights in Florida, then back home.