Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

[retteacher]

Everyone:

I just wanted to start off by again saying congratulations to you DG for reaching the 3 year sober mark. That's an accomplishment & an incentive to all of us who are behind you. If you can do it, we can do it.

Phil, your story of the late flight & finding a meeting was indeed inspiring. I'm sure you went home w/a clear conscience & a happy heart. There's nothing like doing the next right thing. It's a simple philosophy, but it works really well. When in doubt: do the next right thing for the next right reason.

I'm working on my 3rd step now. I'm doing my reading, & when I have a conflict or stumbling block, I try to give it to HP...or just let go. My ego wants to control everything in my world, but that just isn't possible or beneficial to me or anyone else. So working the third step will be a lesson in letting go. I need that, as I can be a bit of a control freak.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Hi all :l

Thank you Mary for started this thread.x

Big Congratulations Doggygirl on your 3years sobriety you have put a lot of work into it and action. Thank you for all your support here and your inspiration means a lot.x:l

Mary.... letting go always gives me peace at the end of it. If am holding on by my finger tips just a little bit i just dont feel right in myself if that makes sense.

Went to one of my meetings last week during the day took this person there was not in a good way at all, (very ill cant walk very well and has got blood clot from his head injury) he was saying to the guy that takes the meetings that he needs GOD in his LIFE ! and his not a believer and slept through the whole meeting. I just felt so sad, dont know why sometimes people seem to be put in my path because i just felt so helpless.

Take good care and keep safe everyone .xXx






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[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Yes, people are put in our lives as a lesson for us. Sometimes the lesson is difficult. I have those people as well, some of whom are related to me, either through blood or marriage. Figuring out the lesson isn't always easy, but we'll keep getting it until we learn. Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Thank you Mary.:l I was just going back to this thread, to write how grateful i am to be here and just to be able to help in any little way i can....:h

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[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

I've been thinking a lot about fear & walking through it. Maybe that's because, for so many years, I avoided dealing w/fear by drinking it away...only to have it return a hundredfold when I sobered up. So, now I'm finding that there is much that i have to walk through. Even the littlest things: calling someone, inviting someone over, making conversation, etc. can make me anxious. I'm working on it.

Last night's speaker meeting was very good. Someone must vet the speakers, because both were excellent. They stressed the working of the 12 steps. They were adament about using the 12 steps as a guide for life...not for just staying sober. I'm working on the 3rd step & will keep it in my mind/heart during the day today. I shoulder much more than I have to even though there is a HP which can help when I need it. Much of my angst is self-inflicted & working the 3rd step can lift that crushing sense of control I carry around w/me all the time.

I'm going to try to turn it over today.

Mary

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

It's one thing to put a huge effort into giving up alcohol. It is quite another to live my life without it. That is my new learning. I learn here every day and give thanks to you all.

Stress is my trigger. Once it tips over a certain point I think a drink will fix it. It can creep up on me as it did last Friday, long demanding week in work, death of a friend. I had drinking thoughts.

Alcohol gives false courage and dulls the senses. While anxiety is often unbearable it is real at it's core.

I remain AF.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Newgrange: I drank for exactly the same reason you did. I always felt the need to "take the edge off." In the end, it really didn't help, & I always went from thinking I had a reason to drink (stress, tension, conflict, etc.) to just drinking for the sake of drinking (because I'm addicted to it). I'm finding that I have tools for dealing w/the stress, tension, & even sometimes tragedy in my life. Sometimes I just get through the best I can, maybe a little crabby or blubbery, but I get through. I'm finding that going through difficulties (regardless of how messy I get), it's much, much better sober than drinking. I'm learning far more from getting through my difficulties sober than I ever thought I could. In the end, I have a sense of accomplishment & pride. So, hang in there. You're doing great. "Life on life's terms" has been a huge lesson for me, because I never wanted to feel anything negative. After years of drinking, I didn't know I was capable of handling issues. I'm finding out I can.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Hi everyone!! I have been reading but am just now catching up on posting to the AA thread! First off, thank you so much for making my 3 year anniversay such a special one. I feel very connected to MWO and all of you right now. :l

Dance, I loved reading your update about the personal growth you are experiencing in sobriety right now. Some days I feel that "finding myself" is a cool adventure and that "growing up" is fun.

Phil, I LOVE your road warrier stories of getting to AA meetings when you need them. That sort of flight delay would have absolutely seen me sitting in a bar all day "back then." Instead you had an adventure and probably made a new friend or two.

Catch, I wish I could attend a meeting when you chair!!

Mary, letting go is really hard for me to. I like to stay all organized and have everything planned right down to the ......outcomes. And that doesn't work very well! Sounds like you heard some good speakers. More and more every day I appreciate how beneficial it is to apply the steps to all areas of life.

Newgrange, I can really relate to your comments about the hard work of dealing with life once the hard work of just not drinking subsides. I have actually been thinking quite a lot in the last few months about what direction I might have gone professionally if I hadn't been drinking. Because the "false courage" of AL allowed me to function in the career I chose. I'm pretty sure I could not have been successful if it were "just me" as I really don't like a lot of the types of activities that were part and parcel of being successful doing what I did. I try not to spend a lot of time rehashing the past, but I'm trying to sort out what all of this means for my future. There is an assumption on my own part, and also my husband and other peoples part about "what I'm good at" and I don't think the image is quite matching up to the sober reality, if that makes any sense. I'm truly looking for myself!

Of course fear plays a part in this. I'm having to learn to push through the fear without AL. Who knows - maybe with a few more years practice that will seem comfortable too!

Well, gotta run but I :h you guys and always look forward to reading what you have to say!!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

2 very good speakers last night: Both said that they hid their drinking well. That was definitely me. While some people knew, it's surprising how many people I managed to fool. My husband was one of the fooled. I'm sure denial played its part, but I really got good at hiding the drinking. Tons of planning went into the drinking experience for me. I made sure that my husband was out or otherwise occupied (sitting in front of football). If I was somewhat incapacitated, I invented a plausible excuse. It amazes me now how I did it. Of course all that deception took its toll. I wouldn't want to ever go back there.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Hi Everyone,
Love reading all your post and thank you.x
Newgrange, can relate to you about work and stress going back 2weeks ago i was stressed out over work, the resentment started to build up big time over 5 days never thought this would happen to me, the thoughts that was coming in my head was i show you i will put vodka in my bottle of water and no one will know am drinking that was just one thought my head was like a washing machine go round and round...wont go into details but my teamleader called me over and i got honest with her and told her how i was feeling she thought at first i was joking, but she knew i was being serious. Anyway it did get all sorted out in the end. Not sure what would of happen if she did not call me over that day what i would of done. The think is i shared it at my AA meeting and at another meeting and it felt good to share it, to let it out....Today AA has given me awareness.
Thank you for reading!

Take care all x

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Thanks for support. I needed it and appreciate it very much.

Interesting comments Mary about hiding, and that so many others experience it too. Also taking life on it's own terms is so true.

Working daily on reducing stress. I work in a job with a lot of complexity. I like complexity but I need to watch out when stress tips over. There is too much stress in my workplace. Great Catch that you were able to share your thoughts and work through that.

DG very interesting to hear you speak about 'functioning' In your career. I get that. In mine I seemed to gravitate to more and more responsibility. Now lately I find I am restless wanting to do other things. The 'who I really am' is Wondering what is next? Less function and responsibility, and more joy and AF of course. It will unfold.

Gratitude as always.

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

DG i meant to say on this thread, what a wonderful achievement. Three years. You must be delighted with yourself and you deserve a nice life enhancing treat....day at a health spa....or something else that you would enjoy.

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Hi all,

Just popping in to say 'hi'. Haven't been on the forum much due to some health problems making my life a misery at the moment. Having blood sugar issues of some sort and if I'm not hungry I'm dizzy, if not dizzy, then tired. Grrrr! I'm doing the right things as much as I can though and am waiting for my blood test resullts back - hopefully tomorrow.

Just wanted to pop by though as I've been missing y'all

K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Kimberly: I do hope you get the health issues straightened out. I'm sure you will. It still amazes me that I could function while terribly hungover & extremely tired from poor sleep. Now, when I don't get enough sleep, I really feel it. I think I was operating on autopilot a lot while drinking & completely ignoring my poor body. Thank goodness you've stopped drinking & not adding alcohol into the mix.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - May 23 - May 29

Newgrange, thanks for the props!

Kimberly, I hope you get everything figured out with your doctor. Wild blood sugar swings can't be any fun (and dangerous too!)

Mary - I can totally relate to pushing through the hangovers, etc. I could definitely not do that any more if I tried! (which I won't...but you know...) I am definitey not "invincible" any more...

DG