Joyful June - Week 2

[rustop61]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good morning everyone

Rusty - so glad the wedding went well and that your Aunt did not give you any grief. AA seems to be the only option in a lot of places and I hate when people ram it down your neck as being the only option.

Jolie - Hope you get your new bike and enjoy many happy hours on it.

Lav - Like Pap said we thought you were just busy with EB. Glad that you are now back online. You are such an important part of this thread.

Cassia - Hope things go ok with your cat. It's hard being far away but well done on settling so well into your new job.

Pap - Mars bars?? Do you have those in the US. Delicious but about a million calories. In Scotland they deep fat fry them. Will let Dew give you all the details.

John - Well done on all the races.

Star - Emptiness, lonliness. It seems to be part of a lot of us. On a day to day basis I am very busy and in theory there is no reason to feel lonely but there is often an empty, lonely feeling. One which I once filled with Al. I feel it dates back to my childhood. Have had a lot of deaths in my family and all my immediate family are gone so maybe it has something to do with that? I feel meditation will help and hope to get back to it when things are not so hectic with the girls. I need to feel happy and at peace within myself. At least with Al out of the picture I am feeling again. I was only existing for years.

Big hello to everyone I have not mentioned and have a great day.

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good morning to all.....

Interesting comments on the emptiness feelings related to not drinking. I wonder if it is a universal feeling, somehow connected to spirituality........PAguy talks about having a purpose in life, and the empty nest syndrome, whichis a time of change, too. So maybe it is related to change, and just trying to figure out how to fill ourselves with useful and purposeful thoughts, feelings and activities. I do think that in our fifties we start our life review process, what have we accomplished, what does it mean, what do we want to do with the time we have left.

LBH introduced an interesting concept, wanting to be empty to leave room for, "the true being or soul." Is that just being, not doing, wanting, having? It is interesting to me that we spend the first part of our lives, and even more, accumulating things, bigger cars, a house, stuff, and in the last part of our lives, hopefully, we get rid of the stuff we accumulated in the first place. Ofr start the process of downsizing. I notice that I have so much stuff, enough furniture, clothes, pictures, towels, oh and just all kinds of stuff, yet always feel the need for that next new thing. My next door neighbors were having a garage sale over the weekend, they are in their sixties, and they told me of having a house full of stuff....yet would not give me a deal on a file cabinet. They had to get that last dollar, rather then giving the stuff to good will or something. Interesting. I just noticed I went from interior concerns to material concerns again.

I think it is symbolic that so many people are just bursting with.....fat, things, drugs, alcohol, wanting more more more. Is it ever enough? I do not remember people being so full when I was younger and our society was less complicated. Maybe simplicity and telling ourselves we are enough, just where we are, without the frantic activities all the time. It is something I am going to think about. I do know that when I talk to my relatives and friends they are filling their time with trips, activities, going, going, going, and I often feel boring. What are you doing this weekend? Uh, just hanging out at home, cooking out, reading, maybe seeing a movie. It just doesn't sound like enough. Am I being ridiculous? That kind of mindset can precipitate feelings of emptiness, not being good enough, or doing enough.

Cassia, great you are enjoying your job, make sure to take care of yourself. Sorry to hear about your kitty, hope it is just a benign lump.

Lav, I reallly did not get on much so did not notice that you were gone, sorry. You are such a vital part of this and other threads. Thinking about your unhappiness with your husband, what does a person do when their spouse does not grow along with them? It is hard to stay married long term, so many changes, so much compromise.

Papmom, you are on the right track, taking care of yourself, body mind and soul. You are so honest about your feelings, and so full of life.

Well, I am struggling as I am not so busy right now at my new job, as it is summer, so I am thinking about what it means and things I want to accomplish, now that I have time. There must be a reason that I have this time. There are things I want to do with what I have, so no need to spend money. Sometimes the most difficult times of my life I have done alot with less, and this may be one of those times. I am still very grateful I quit my old job, the stress is less and of a different type.

To all, have a great AF day.

[Chillgirl]

Joyful June - Week 2

Hi all
Love the discussion going on here!
I'm at Airport on way home, Wayne Dyer was amazing, I cried many tears and had a big ah-ha moment which I will tell you all about... Wayne ended the evening by playing Amazing Grace which sybolizes so much of my journey and I'm sure all of yours too. I never want to forget how I felt listening to these words together with 1100 other spirital beings including the man who has been the biggest influence in my life....

[Lavande]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good morning kids!

A perfect June morning here on Flad Day, my granny's birthday. I always thought that was so cool - people displaying the flag in honor or her biorthday

Rustop, we have Mars bars but definitely do not deep fry them - thank goodness :H

Star, finding things to keep our hands & minds busy at this age is a bit of a challenge, isn't it? I'm at the point of saying a prayer each day & asking the universe to throw something my way. One of my deepest fears is growing old alone & basically just going crazy likle the millions of old ladies filling the nursing homes these days

Chill, so glad you enjoyed your day with Wayne Dyer, he's amazing!

John, if you'd like to spend an afternoon chasing a 2 1/2 year year old just come on over. That should satisfy your parental needs right quick

Time for me to get to work. Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Tuesday!

Lav

[mylife]

Joyful June - Week 2

Hello Guys.

I have to say -- I don't normally post here but your conversation on "emptiness" did catch my eye. I have been feeling a void lately and wondering what to do about it myself. In fact I was thinking this morning on my power walk that maybe I'd take up guitar...lol. Really!

I love the comments and Stargazer I have to say you are dead on. Why do we have this need to be so busy all the time?? What's with the zoom zoom?? I have spent the last 20 years zooming and I think that might be part of my problem - I'm tired of it! I'm tired of being the over achiever at work and I'm definitely at a cross roads in my 20-year marriage with a man who is the polar opposite of quiet and peaceful....!

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts I will definitely reflect on this! I still might take up guitar though...

[ladybirdheart]

Joyful June - Week 2

I think that for me a lot of being so busy in earlier years was an effective way of not facing the existential matters that can come up again with any big change such as stopping alcohol, loss of one?s roll in a relationship or family, retirement, a disability that keeps one from participating in those things that previously gave value to living, etc. While I never had children, I used to be very busy with a rather complicated and high profile job, a series of interesting primary relationships, and lots of travel and carefully chosen activities, all of which filled conversation while keeping me invisible. We still have to figure out what we are doing here, what is the purpose and meaning of our lives, our struggles, our joys, what will be our death, and there are all sorts of ways to have a successful cover story or alternately to dodge this with booze. Now here we are.

To make things easier I shall talk about the weather. We are having Rocky Mountain enormous deep blue skies today after twelve solid days of yellow haze interrupted by thicker smoke and health hazard alerts. The glorious sapphire sky is not supposed to last long, just a fluke of the wind, and the fires are still fierce, but what a relief. Even though we are quite safe here, the smoke is not the happy campfire or fireplace on a cold night smoke, it is filled with all the anxiety of the huge burning forests. Rain please. A big soaky deep long rain. Love, Ladybird.

[Lavande]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good evening all!

Nice to see you here mylife
Guitar sounds nice, always wanted to give it a try when I was younger but never got around to it I suppose it's never too late to try anything. Hope you can give it a try. I don't know what I want to fill the void in my life, I'm just going from one day to another. But I have been doing a lot of reading, online classes, seminars, etc

LBH, hope you get that rain soon!
Retirement is what pushed my spouse over the edge. He was freaked & worried about it for years. He lost his identity & lost his mind, essentially. I just want to be happy & sane

Hope everyone has a great night. Had a picture perfect day here, weatherwise.

Lav

[Rusty]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good Evening Friends,

I am working in Northern Wisconsin, about 4 hours from home, and I just wanted to pop in and say hello.

Star, I feel the EXACT same way you do when friends and family ask you what you are doing on the weekend, and you reply...reading....cooking, etc. I feel like I'm boring, too, compared to my married siblings and friends. They have active social lives and my social life is non-existent. Their weekends are action-packed and I am embarrassed when I say I'm just going to work out, go to church, run errands. I feel like I'm not at all interesting....even though my friends and family tell me there is no way I could ever be boring.:H I have decided that I need to be around people....spending weekends alone is not good for me. I, too, need to fill the void that was once filled by a steady BF and a best friend, both gone now. I replaced those relationships with AL. I finally decided this morning that I will focus on exercise this summer, as it is my favorite time of year. The only way I am going to lose this weight is to spend MANY hours per week exercising and I can take advantage of the time I have on weekends.

Yawn-I'm off to bed. Sleep well, everyone, and I'll see you on Thursday.

[Stargazerlily]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good morning to all!

Good discussion sparked by the emptiness questions. Again, I guess balance is the answer. Not being frantically busy, but having times for socializing, and times to just hang out at home, reading, cooking, etc. Some of us like to be busier, others to just have a slower lifestyle, but without feeling empty. To have interests and hobbies is a solution, then when the time hangs heavy, you can choose to pursue one of your interests. I get exhausted listening to some people who have to be constantly do do doing, as I am more of a person who needs her quiet time, alone time, rest time. If I am gone on the weekend, I miss that day of rest, and start work on Monday feeling exhausted and knowing that things are not done.

Interestingly enough, I had a call on my answering machine for another job.......so I will give them a call and check it out, just for the heck of it. I reallyl like where I am working now, I can be creative and continue to grow, plus have different hours that I am just getting used to. This job is for a company that would be regular hours and have benefits though. The director of human resources and I had a long conversation months ago, and really hit it off, so now that a position has opened, she thought of me. Like Chill, what path to take? Each position offers a totally different way of life.

Just like choosing to drink offers a totally different way of life. Being AF is a life filled with choices, while drinking heavily, daily, or regularly really limits your options. Drinking is just the rollercoaster of the brief high, then hours/days of feeling anxious, ill, regretful, embarrassed and humiliated, most of the time.

Rusty, interesting that you reflected on the past and filling your time with booze and now wanting to recreate your life even more. It is a process isn't it. You have your family close and what a blessing that is. I could see wanting more though. What happened to your best friend, I know you and your boyfriend broke up. I too have a really good friend and recently have been able to spend more time with her as I have more time off. It is a good thing, and I am really thankful for the relationship.

LBH, I am thinking rain, it is unbelieveable the amount of damage going on. What a gift to have a day of sunshine and blue sky. You are very deep, and I could relate to the being so filled with outside things and activities that a person becomes, "invisible," to themselves. I wish you would say more. I often wonder about the purpose or purposes of my life. I thought it was especially brave of you to mention death, a subject not often discussed.

Lav, filling your life with family is very good, but I found when I was younger that it was not enough for me. I needed more for myself. You have a fine mind, you are still very young, in my opinion. I wonder what else you have to offer that would not be so consuming, like nursing. I understand that shift work and full time is not your thing, but I wonder if being isolated and self-employed is contributing to the void. It truly is a constant struggle to find that balance. I know I immediately feel energized as I go out to work, interacting with others and sharing that energy.

To all, have a productive and happy hump day, AF.

[Dewdrop]

Joyful June - Week 2

There have been some amazing, thoughtful and very powerful posts on here recently and I have to agree and empathise with all of them. I used to feel guilty and stressed when I went to work and heard all the busyness that my colleagues had over their weekends, however no more, I am at peace and happy with my quiet, low key, peaceful weekend it?s what I need to recharge my batteries and reconnect with myself. I feel that at this stage in my life I know myself better and I am more confident to say so. I often think the busyness is a way to avoid being with yourself. I also accept that as we get older our priorities change, mine have and I also no longer seek the materialistic ?stuff? that I used to crave. I am coming to a crossroads in my life at the moment, with both work and health, and the path that attracts me is not the one I would have thought.... interesting.

Regarding the emptiness, loneliness, purpose in life conversations these too are interesting as I too have felt those gaps but I feel my meditation, spirituality quest, Buddhism etc are really filling that space up for me. I?m engaging with people who are of a similar mind and spending more time with people who I really admire and respect for their honesty, integrity and just the way they live their lives. Simplicity seems to be the way I wish to go ? do we really need a purpose in life, a goal to achieve or do we simply accept and enjoy life with all it brings?? Again, very interesting.

Funnily I keep thinking of my last skiing trip (before I was AF), normally I would have spent the day seeing how many runs I could get in, how fast could I complete the runs, how many difficult runs could I achieve, really enjoying the adrenalin rush and the whole buzz of the day just flying down that mountain. Then spending the whole evening talking with everyone (loads of beer and wine & vodka shots) about what we had done, where we had been, who did the best times etc. My last trip I was disengaged with the whole group ? I thought I?d been too stressed at work and just needed to relax, yet when I look back I can see from the photos I wasn?t into the runs and times I was stopping and taking photos of the amazing landscape, holding back from the group and just being with the environment, enjoying the space and the beauty of the mountains and the snow. In fact on two days I skied on my own and a couple of folk were worried about me but I just needed time for me, to be myself and not with the ?noise and chatter? of the group. Maybe these changes come upon us unexpected because we are not in touch with our true feelings and thoughts; maybe we don?t stop and hear ourselves, or maybe they are creeping up on us and we haven?t been listening. Mmmm


As always you are a very insightful and engaging group

Dewdrop :l

[Dewdrop]

Joyful June - Week 2

x post Star, good news on the job offer - lovely to have options

[Lavande]

Joyful June - Week 2

Good morning June friends

Rusty, missed you yesterday! I'm still thinking about your post the other re your housekeeper
Keep everyone wondering ~ I think that's great :H

Greetings Star & Dewdrop! So nice the universe is throwing options your way. I have to admit that at this point in my life I'm not feeling the need for a whole lot of adventure but I am seeking the inner peace & balance that I have never had! Absolutely nothing has ever come easily for me. I have had to really struggle for all the things that just seemed to fall into the laps of those around me. My classmates received A's for little to no effort in school while I busted my butt for the very occasional A. Even as an adult I struggled with things that should have happened naturally such as having kids. I ended up having to have a surgical procedure to correct a structural problem just to become pregnant & more surgery to deliver my kids - none of my friends went thru that BS I got soooo damn tired of everyone hassling me all my life about being left handed I switched hands in my early 30's! (I was kind of forced to for a while after I injured my left hand handling a large dog we had at the time). Don't mean to make this a whine & moan post but trying to explain why I've always felt like the square peg when everyone else was round if you know what I mean. The only two people in my life who accepted me & loved me unconditionally were my Mother & Grandmother. They departed this life way too soon so I've been trudging thru life feeling very lonely. That's my story.

In an effort to bring some peace into my life (and stop the nightmares) I've decided to dump my bedroom furniture & start over with something that is completely mine I've ordered a bed that will be here in a day or two & plan to head out this afternoon to start looking for a dresser & night table. I want more of an eclectic look instead of everything matching. Last night my daughter said 'you should paint your room too, I'll help'. I think I'll take her up on that offer!!

Wishing everyone a happy hump day!
Lav

[Chillgirl]

Joyful June - Week 2

A quick :wavin: hello from me guys...... so much I want to say but no time

I had another interview this morning and I really want this job!!! Its for a real estate company, Dewdrop you will have heard of them, its Countrywide. Anyway the interview went incredibly well and I feel he was impressed with me. However they have of course been inundated with applicants and I will hear next week if I get through to a 2nd interview which unfortunately will be with someone else so it will be like starting over again.

Happy humpback day to you all, I will check in later

[mylife]

Joyful June - Week 2

Hello Junes,

Lav, I'm left handed too! But I would never give it up - I love being left handed! However, I can completely relate to working my butt off for everything that I've ever received! But I don't really feel too bad about that, I think it made me stronger. Or maybe it just made me drink more....??!! Anyway, I think getting new furniture and re-painting your bedroom is a great idea. So wonderful of your daughter to offer to help! I think I'd remodel my whole house if I ever managed to get a divorce! Lol.

I love this conversation though. I really think I'm going to get a guitar. I don't know why, it just sounds appealing. I played Piano for 10 years when I was young, so I can already read music -- and a Piano is too big to lug around! I definitely need some hobbies to fill up my spare time and I'm not an artsy-craftsy person so I can't really see needle point or anything like that in my future! I have started a mandatory daily exercise routine - getting up early and getting it over with right away!

Thanks for all the interesting posts. Really thought provoking stuff.

Chill, Countrywide is big over here too -- not sure if it's the same company but it sounds like it! Good luck, sounds like you are in the zone!

Have a great day all.

[papmom3]

Joyful June - Week 2

Chill-good luck with the job! If you want it then you should get it!! You just know when something feels right.

Lav-you go girl! We want pics when it's all done!!

MyLife-there is so much out there to try!! You might want to try finding a used guitar on your local freecycle-that way if you don't like or stick with it you haven't wasted any money.

Have loved the conversation about lonliness and emptyness. Lots of good insight this week.

Star-how cool you have another potential offer!! Keep your mind open and you own nothing to anyone but yourself!!

Dew-you are so sweet to think of me if you win the lottery!! right back at ya!!

Hey Rusty in Wisconsin!! A fairly local trip for you eh?

watching Game 7 tonite-B's scored first-whoo hoo!! I'm not a huge hockey fan anymore-used to be but I figured I'd be run out of New England if I didn't watch the game that could be the game of the century for us!! Just not sure I'll be able to stay awake for the whole thing! :H