AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

[Doggygirl]

Up and at 'em fABbies!

Jenny - congrats on your test!!!!!

Deter - am looking forward to hearing your assessment of things when you can type faster. I'm so glad you are back here with us.

Lav - the $$ conditions right now are truly frightening.

P3 - Enthusiastic posts like yours about sporting events make me wonder if I'm missing something huge! :H

Today is the first pickup from the CSA. I can't imagine there will be much there considering the ????? crazy weather conditions we've had this year. Planting was very late due to wet conditions. And the hot/cold/hot/cold/rain/rain/rain thing is putting a damper on things in my garden, I know. We'll see what the professionals have been able to do against the odds with Mother Nature this year.

One thing is for sure - there will be no AL in my life today. I'm off to an AA meeting to get some inspiration and comaraderie for todays journey. Hope you are all off to a great start too.

DG

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Good Morning fabbies!

Taking off for the river & just wanted to say hi - be back later!

[momof3]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Top of the mornin'

Been up since 5 am. Workout done, 2 kids off to school, husband to work, 1 kid home (school's over). Off to the shower but wanted to stop by to say hello.

M3

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Morning guys - good to see everyone up and about so early in the morning. DG, I agree that this weather is crazy! I've been biking into work a lot lately, and can't believe how bad the trails are getting just because the water has nowhere to go!

Back at work today after taking yesterday off. Had planned on doing some puttering around, but as fate would have it I work up feeling like crap so it turned into a sick day! Bright side? At least it wasn't from a hangeover.....

[Lavande]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Woo Hoo!
I have work waiting for me.
I'll be back later

Lav

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hi all, big fight just now with the husband over the tv in the living room getting pre-empted. Does anyone else think that hockey games every two to three days or at least three days a week from October to June for three hours at a time, during dinners, evenings etc is maybe too much hockey? And not enough marriage?

Anyway.... Deter, waiting to here what your inspiration was for quitting. Mine was...it was killing me.

kas

[LVT25]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hello friends,

Just took a few minutes and caught up on yesterday's thread. Thanks for sticking around and popping in after 4 years of sobriety AA! You really do add something to the thread. congratulations!:h

Inchains--I hope you know you are welcome here. I sometimes think that others feel we are off limits in this thread for some reason.

Of course her first question was: "You're not going to make me throw anything away are you?" Sigh.
Pap-this made me laugh. It is so totally me! I would love to have you and Lav over to de-clutter and sell my stuff on e-bay. But I know it would be extremely hard for me to part with a lot of it! My BIL is ready to start cleaning out my sister's things. I was asked if I want to go through her clothes and stuff. I would like to, but I don't really need any of that stuff. If he ever decides to get rid of her other things......I will have to add on to our house!

I'm starting to think I should have thought twice before planting the monster garden. If we get an early frost this year, all the work and time will be for naught! But, I bought a few more plants to stick in the greenhouse if we ever get THAT ready. I bought a really cute chair for my patio yesterday. It was an old wooden chair, they painted it blue and cut a hole in the seat--then placed an old enamel dish pan full of flowers in it. I'm going to try to make some myself in my spare time! Kas--I have had a garden every year of my adult life--probably much different that what you are used to though. I really need to rethink how I do things next year! If I put more in the greenhouse, I wouldn't have to worry about the hailstorms and the hot winds and torrential rainstorms. You'd think after all these years I would learn!

Pap-heard on the news this morning about your hockey team. Congrats! The reporter said they were disappointed more fans didn't show up to congratulate them.

Lav--I also love the idea of a new bedroom set! Whole new bedroom! Do it all in your favorite colors and fluff!

Hope you're feeling better Det. Sounds like you need a new profession. But congratulations on the raise. Even though it's unhealthy, maybe you should consider it would be ok to celebrate with ice cream next time.:h

DG--Washington was great! I would like to go back there sometime and have M3 show us around. So much history. One evening we went to Old town Alexandria and heard ghost stories. I was so tempted to sneak off and look in all the antique shops I spied on the way into town! Anyway, it was so neat to be inches away from the declaration of independence and the bill of rights, to walk around George Washingtons home and farm, to see the actual Star spangled banner! I'm not a history buff--but I thought it was cool, and I think the kids did too for the most part. All of the memorials we saw were awesome. The pictures and what you see in tv is cool, but doesn't really compare to seeing them in person. I think my favorite was the Korean war memorial. They have soldiers (statues) in a "field" and then photos of some of the korean war veterans on a wall behind them. You can see the reflection of the statues on the wall and it is super cool! Lots of goosebumps and tears on the trip.

Ok, I really have to go. Get the teenage kid up for his job (I know, I still don't trust him to get up and go on his own) and get to 3 of my jobs today. What sucks about summer, is I love my cemetery job and really need to be there full time. But I still have to do the 2 bookkeeping jobs as well. But I need them to fill my time in the winter. The good news is the lumberyard where I work gave me some really nice timber to build a raised bed for my garlic and asparagus! A bribe to keep me maybe?

Have a great sober day all!:h

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hi again fABbies!

Greenie, hope your river walk is awesome for you and little doggy!

M3, you have already accomplished more by 8AM than I used to in a whole day (or more) when drinking. It must be very hectic for you as the kiddos get out of school for the summer.

AA - in addition to the wet, the mosquitos are getting as big as dinasaurs, eh?

Lav - so excited you have work waiting for you!!!! I will take any and all good signs re: the economic situation.

Kaslo, it's not what any of us think about how much hockey is too much hockey, but about the disparate opinions of it that you and Mr. Kaslo have. Can you talk with him about it and come to some agreement? That may sound like the obvious. But when I was drinking, I would get angry and rant to others (and drink - LOTS) over what I wasn't happy with, rather than calmly talk to my husband and work things out. I also felt a lot of guilt about my massive drinking, so I tended to allow people to walk all over me as my "penance." It has been challenging to completely re-learn how to approach differences in my marriage. Sometimes that means learning an approach to work out a compromise. Sometimes that means standing up for myself and setting limits. (anybody remember when I got my hair cut last summer???? :H:H:H) Anyway...best wishes as you work this out! Good practice, I say.

LVT - I would love to spend a LONG time in DC exploring all the history at a slow pace. But a speed trip sounds better than nothing! Sounds like you are glad you went? I assume all went fine at home with your son? I can't imagine how difficult it must be to consider dealing with Terry's things....:l

Well, I think I'm going to work in an early Father's Day visit to my Dad today. He's home now.

Det - where are you today? We want to hear about the revisions to your plan.

Inchy - How are you today? LVT is right - you are ALWAYS welcome here, as is anyone who is trying to get and stay AF.

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

off to a bit of a slow, dopey but very AF start to Thursday.

LVT, I've been to DC twice and yes it's truly amazing.

why am I relapsing after years of sobriety? that's really been a tough one to get through. I seem to have a psychological sickness whereby I need to hurt myself periodically. when things are good I start looking for ways of sabotaging myself. I think this stems from two sources:
1) some complication as a result of depression
2) a psychological programming from my youth where it was considered macho to get really hammered at night, then work or play sports hard the next day. that was really burned into my still-forming brain as a kid in Australia. kids would brag about how thier dad got totally sh=tfaced and then the next day played footy with the guys. this was deemed an important manly sign of toughness.
3) I have an extremist personality. I don't do anything normal. I'm an adrenalin junkie and realize that now.
4) I have a tendency to spiral down in the self-loathing alcoholic state of mind.

so.... 4 things to somehow balance into a workable method for success.
I have more thinking to do.

thank you all again, your the best

xxxxx be well

[jennyneric]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hello all! Glorious Thursday! I wish they were all Thursday's so Friday never had to come! Zoom Zoom, I'll check back tonight!

Good to see you Det!

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Holy crap Det - you mean to tell me that I am just like you????

All kidding aside, I did put a mental check next to each of the items you listed, and it really is amazing how much alike a lot of us can be. They key, as you mention, is to find balance so that the highs aren't too high, and the low's aren't too low. Best of luck to you in your search my friend - I look forward to seeing you come out the other side an even more successful and happy person!

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hmmm, Det, those are very deep seated issues. At least you know why, I never could figure out my reasons, hard to connect the dots, but its probably a good idea to try to do it. So...dad was violent and abusive and left us when I was young, then died in a plane crash. Mom was one of those rare mothers who actually locked me in the kitchen so she could do her milk route thing....with a dish of food on the floor.. Later she was just distant and cold, and distrustful, a drunk, and....SCOTTISH...lol! Sister committed suicide. Hanged herself at 36. Both bros are very aggressive, angry scary, etc. Car accident at 17, left me somewhat crippled but I did recover from severe lower body and brain injuries, then I ESCAPED...! Lived with friends, went to university, had a good marriage and an interesting career, but I am lonely, work alone most of the time, husband I love him, but did I mention the hockey? I swear he can go for a week without saying more than three sentences to me.

How Canadian is it to be driven to drink by too much hockey? Im joking, but....???

Deter I guess we have to figure out we are hurting ourselves for some reason, and learn how to stop. I have managed to keep it up for 5 months but your story shocked me to my core. How could you get to where you are so ill you need medical attention? THats just so crazy, and yet, I have done the same.

Hope you feel better, I dont know what I would do without you folks on this site right now honestly.

kas

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

People's lives are amazing to me. I am awed by circumstances, events and challenges that people have overcome. Much gratitude and admiration for your willingness to share.

I just had a pretty regular life. Except for the drinking part. That part is with me now. It showed up as I was getting ready to go out, so I'm acknowedging it and sitting with it for a bit - typing actually in case it has something to say. It knows I won't drink. Maybe it just wants me to know it's here and to be careful. And I will be. Guess that's it.

No it isn't. I've bailed on the first event. I'm going to yoga instead and then to the second event.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

I am with Greenie just in constant awe of what human beings can survive - physically, mentally and spiritually. Alcohol abuse being only a part of it for so many of us.

Greenie - I think you are wise to listen to that voice. I know that voice too. The one that is doing push ups in the parking lot waiting for me lest I stray too far from my sober path. What an awesome choice to do yoga instead of whatever was first on your calendar this evening. Way to balance things!

Det, I am so happy you are reflecting on all these things. I just think it's a necessary part of recovery. I hope you figure out how you need to tweak your plan to change things - and get a different and better result next time that voice starts talking to you.

Kaslo....:l My early years did not involve the type of cruelty that yours did. I can't even imagine what you must have felt like. My early years did involve a relationship with both parents that was really emotionally empty. My mother was my athletic coach, so "love" came in the form of success & trophies for approval. My Dad is really incapable of connecting one on one with anybody in an emotional way. So I can appreciate that sense of aloneness - even in the company of others. Difficult to explain but it sounds like you know exactly what I'm trying to say??? I think I appear normal and connected sometimes, but I don't feel as though I am.

One thing is for sure. We cannot heal any of our physical, mental and spiritual wounds if we drink.

I think it's important to my sobriety that I stay connected with other alcoholics in recovery. That connection comes with the positive of sharing with others who stay sober. It comes with the negative of seeing people relapse - sometimes after many years of sobriety. I am grateful that people come back after relapse and share honestly about the experience. That tells me I need to remain humble and never take a sober day for granted. That tells me it could happen to me, and I must be vigilent with my daily recovery program. When I am maintaining a healthy daily program, I'm not afraid of relapse. But I did spend quite a bit of time in fear early on. My own relapse scared the crap out of me. I can't believe how fast things spun out of control again. I don't want to go through that again if I don't have to.

Well, enough rambling. I'm so grateful for all of you and the daily sharing we do here.

One thing is for sure...

DG

[papmom3]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

LVT-they were disappointed that ONLY 500 people showed up when they got back to the TD Center at oh what, 1am???? Seriously, I would have hoped the egos were left back in Vancouver!! Of course that is absolutely too much to ask!!

Det-While I couldn't relate to the dad thing or the extremist personality I can DEFO relate to the wanting to hurt myself in some way. I had the perfect childhood-no abuse, middle class, loving parents (at least my dad-not sure about Mom the older I get). I remember being very depressed every once in a while as a teen but never told anyone. My dad taught Psychology at a local college and as an act of rebellion I decided to suscribe to the wacky theory that you need to heal yourself if you have "mental" problems. I decided it was a sign of weakness to ask for help. Obviously don't feel that way now. However I am getting more and more down about my financial situation-I'm not seeing any way out of this and my alkie brain is saying that I might as well drink (even tho I can't afford it) since it's not going to get any better. Defo fatalistic mind set. what I love right now is that I'm recognising this for what it is and I WILL NOT GIVE IN to it!! Deter-if you are not getting professional help for those 4 issues I highly recommend that you consider it. sometimes we just need some help to find our way out... of anything.

Greenie-good for you for recognizing the voice was there.

LVT-loved your description of the DC trip. It's been too long since I've been there.

Kas-I can't believe all you've been through. I am in awe at what you have overcome. I hope you and your DH find a way to compromise. At least you have 4 months to figure it out.

DG-I DO remember the haircut saga!! I'm glad Mr. Doggie has moved past that! How was the CSA bounty?

Yea Lav for the work!! Hope it continues!