AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

[scottish lass]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Quick check in - confession time unfortunatley! I survived the conf in Vegas, but blew it at the conf in Denver! - Home tomorrow and will take stock and work my tried lttle brain out! Just could not say no one more time - i think i said it a million, but the colleagues wore me down with their "kindness" and i was weak....:upset::upset:
will check in later...

[papmom3]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

SL-one of the secrets to being successful at the AF life I think, and this is just my observation, is to know that you are more important than pleasing anybody else. So when you've said no a million times and they ask for the millionth and one time, you say no again because you are worth it!! Safe travels home.

[jennyneric]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Hello all, I am not going to class tonight to do some homework and because the teacher is not moving to the next chapter until everyone has done the 2/3 ch test, which I have so I'm going to stay in and do math homework and pull the bugs out of 14 year olds hair yuch! Been having bad mod thoughts, thinking maybe if I just don't drink hard stuff I will be ok. . .discussed it with DH cause I needed to hear my argument out loud and it turned out that I argued against doing it. So that's where I am. I just wish there was some other way to relax, I obviously can't drink, and other than when I drink I am always "on" maybe I could get a xanex RX but that would just be another addiction shortly. . .

[papmom3]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Jenny-you're not alone. I still haven't found the best way to turn me off. My first few months I did a lot of retail therapy(not good for the budget) mostly at the mall so I got a lot of walking in. I also read at nite but lost interest in that after a few months. I also did a lot of reading on here. It seems easier now to just let my mind relax but I'm not always successful. Just keep trying different things. It's OK to be super busy too.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Good evening all!

Busy day, good day

Deter & Kaslo, it seems you have identified your issues which is great. But what to do about them - that's the question. I've spent my entire life trying to detatch myself from from troubling childhood BS. Our Dad was a nasty bastard - not fit to live with decent people. He was not alcoholic, just a nasty, angry man. My two older brothers left home at 17 & 18, went into the military. I didn't escape until age 19. Those two have lived very unhealthy lifestyles & were crappy parents themselves. I did OK until my husband seriously let me down on the eve of our 25th wedding anniversary. I just lost it & that's when I fell into the wine bottle. I just needed some comfort I let that go on for the next 10 years. What a waste! I'd still be pickling myself if it hadn't been for the arrival of my grandson. So my Dad & my husband both turned out to be huge disappointments but my son & his son are making up for that.

Greenie & Jenny, I hope you have both found some peace today

Glad this freaking full moon is over with..............
It always gets me

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Doggygirl;1132092 wrote: I think I appear normal and connected sometimes, but I don't feel as though I am.

That hit the nail on the head for me tonight. Appearing normal and connected was so much effort. Before I left, I think I knew I was disconnected (I call it "sometimes I just feel crazy") and having to talk to people, really is just too hard. I can barely focus enough to stay with the conversation, just looking for an opportunity to break away.

*light bulb* THAT'S when it's dangerous to be where there is AL. I bet that is what that voice was. I'm glad I went to yoga first as that grounds me. I did enjoy the exhibit although the mingling was hard. However I did bump into the artist that said he'd show me how to throw a pot so I'm happy I got to renew that promise. Need to act on that right away. At any rate, I'm glad I'm home alone and sober. What a fecking relief. :H

[Determinator]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

super posts everyone, wow.

and something else occurred to me:

by waiting for that alcoholic voice to start up and gradually start trying to lull me into the first drink, I've already put myself behind the power curve. Instead I need to initiate the ground rules preemptively.

I've always known complacent was a killer but this really lays out how it looks to me from a mechanistic standpoint.

if there was a burglar, or rapist or murderer in my house I wouldn't sit there and have a conversation with them, I'd put them in the emergency department of the nearest hospital where they belong.

back to the basics of strong daily affirmations. Strong with conviction of spirit. every day i wake up and I'm an alcoholic that chooses not to drink.

AL, GTFO of my town.

repeat as necessary.

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Loved your post, Deter. I especially like the affirmation part. I was having a bad day today, its been a really bad week actually, and I just about caved but I thought of you. i think i am actually building some resistance by having distance between my last AL bingeing of 5 plus months ago and now.

BTW DG and others commenting on my lousy childhood and young adult hood, I really didnt know any better as a child, to me it seemed normal. It was when I was a teenager and started to see how others actually lived and interacted with thier children that I realized that I was an abused child, and even though there was this climate of fear, it was NOT all bad. Lots of good stuff happened too. A farm, lots to do, good times at the lake, etc etc. And my mother was a bitch there was no question but she also had a terrific sense of humor, we had some laffs, she probably started me drinking but she didnt have such a hot time of it herself so I forgive her sort of. And my dad, wtf, poor guy was stuck with my mom. Lol! My sisters death, though, I dont think I will ever get over that one. But i will tell you all something, for those of you still reading this thread..... I lost joy when my sister died, but since I quit drinking I occassionally have fleeting glimses of joy again. Its been 30 years. Its definetely worth the effort to take Al out of your life if its helping you make a mess of it.

kas

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - June 16 Thursday

Wiow. What wonderful posts - very thought provoking. Some days, we collectively seems to peel a layer off the onion. I love that we are like that as a group.

DG