Bean, I truly know exactly what you are going through. When I first came here I did 60 days AF and then thought I would try som drinking. I realized within a week that wasn't working - but it took me a very long time to get back on the wagon. A couple days AF, then relapse. A couple more days, relapse. You are NOT ALONE!!!! I wish I could tell you exactly what it was that got me back to AF status. I'm not even 100% sure. All I know is that you cannot give up. That is the only way to fail - quit trying. So KEEP TRYING!
I have learned that honesty is a dear friend of mine in sobriety. When it comes to AL, I have an amazing ability to think I can BS myself and others. I can't allow myself to go there. AA helps keep me honest. I'm not saying go to AA - just saying you might want to find some outlet where it's impossible to BS yourself and/or others.
What can you put into your plan to change things up? I like Deter's list suggestions too.
Kaz - WOW your garden / yard / deck is GORGEOUS!!! I wish you would be my univited guest and help me with landscaping! I hope the tour is fantastic today.
DG
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