Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

[Doggygirl]

Hi everyone! I hope Mary is traveling safely. Thought I would start the thread since she is gone.

AA meeting this morning was awesome. We discussed a reading from "As Bill Sees It" on page 79. It had to do with anger and resentment. The whole subject of judgement came up again in the discussion - and how so much of the "hampster wheel" thinking in the head (fueled by anger and resentment - justified or not) begins with judgement of others.

I also had an opportunity to be very grateful for the tools AA has brought into my life. A situation at home this morning with my husband would be turned very sour and ugly in the old days. Back when I was drinking, it would have been my excuse to drink and be angry (fueling more drinking) for days. Even after I stopped drinking but prior to AA, I would have had a huge dry drunk episode and handed away my peace and serenity without even realizing that's what I was doing to myself. I was so very grateful when I realized I took the situation in stride, didn't take it personally, and just let it go. WHAT A GIFT!!!!!! It's amazing when that happens so quickly and easily. (It doesn't always happen for me quite that quickly or easily!) Gives me hope about the ever increasing quality of life I might experience if I keep taking the steps.

DG

[Newgrange]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Thanks DG for that. Just what I needed to hear right now. Judgement of others. Who am I to judge anyone and it leads to so much anger and resentment, an area I need to do a lot of work on. Regards to all and thanks.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

My contemplations while walking today were about one of the promises: "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." Those of you who read the AF Daily Thread already know that I found out yesterday that a really bad X-BF is in prison now. My resentment against him was a big part of my Step 4. Acknowledging my part in it (and I DID have a part in it!) was very difficult. However, recognizing the facts of the situation (a factual review of my part in it) is really what allowed me to finally let the resentment go. I really haven't thought about him much since I took Step 5 with my sponsor and we talked it through. I keep an eye on my credit report every now and then just in case he turns up trying something with my SSN.

For some reason the thought crossed my mind last night and I just googled his name. Something turned up on a lawyer site. Turns out he has been in prison 5 years for robbing banks and has 15 more on his sentence.

Anyway....that information really brought the whole thing back to the front of my mind and has given me pause to think about it again. I'm grateful for what I learned. I'm grateful it happened at the time of my life when it did, affording me a chance to recover financially. I have deep sadness thinking about the retired women who are preyed upon by guys like him.

Anyway...I am asking myself today if I am in that promised place with this situation. Do I not regret it, and not wish to shut the door on it. I think I'm where I should be with it.

And seeing how I am no saint (:H) I will admit to a hope that his cell mate is a big ugly brute of a guy named Bubba, and that XBF is now Bubba's girlfriend.

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Hi all,

Thanks for starting the thread DG. Good to see you can still have a giggle about 'Bubba' despite the circumstances. I sometimes google one of my exes to find out where he is now - probably deported! (that's actually probably the case)

I loved your first post about reacting to situations differently post-AA. I have found this to be true of me too thank god. Even when I was sober the first time, without AA, I would STILL make melodramas out of things I was unhappy about! Throwing things, locking my boyfriend out of the house - all sober!!

I can revert to my old behaviours still (I have a personality disorder) but my episodes are shorter, much less dramatic and the biggest difference is I can SEE I am doing it. Before I thought my behaviour was justified and now I can see when I'm 'crazy Kim', pointlessly hurting myself and others - and I can take a hold of myself and behave more effectively. It's a great bit of progress!

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Kimberly, it really is amazing how a different reaction and a different way of viewing things makes life SO much easier. It has been a joy to witness your recovery and positive changes here on MWO!!

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Aw thanks DG. Hopefully I will be 6 months on Saturday - I never thought I would see that day again! Soooo want to find a sponsor now. I am being a bit chicken about it because I know the difficulty I have with being honest with people. I have had counsellors I have lied to, therapists I hide things from, even alcohol workers who I've lied to when I relapsed! It's funny I have no difficulty talking honestly about my past, my problems, defects etc, but ask me how I feel about something, or what I want, or ow i feel right now and I cover it all over. I wish the right person would just fall into my lap, so to speak, but if it ain't happening I guess I just have to go to more meetings.

Hope everyone is doing good!
K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Yep - keep going to more meetings. And if you meet someone you feel positive about - even if you aren't 100% sure - ask for a temporary sponsorship as a trial. Be honest about your fears. (I can totally, totally relate by the way!!!!)

LOL - I've tried to get mad an my new sponsee about 100 times already. I can't - she just makes me smile too much. :H

Todays meeting was awesome. We talked about staying in the present rather than wallowing in the past (guilt, remorse) or being antsy about the future (fear, worry). Now really is all we've got. My life is SO much calmer and more pleasant now that I spend a lot more of my time in the now rather than regretting the past or worrying about the future.

We also talked about the idea of putting in the work today in an honest way, and then having faith that things will work out. I realize I had no faith before. Hence all the worry. I was also slacking on my "work" of today whether that be physical, spiritual, or emotional. When I wasn't approaching my "now" in an honest way with the right effort, I guess it only makes sense that I had no faith that everything would turn out OK.

I'm keeping Tom Venuto's words in my head - "Train hard and expect success."

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Hi Everyone...:h

I try to post on here on tuesday but the p.c was running so slow at the library it would not let me post my post. Am at a different library today the p.c there are alot quicker in thinking...
I did read last weeks post and i have been thinking about more commitment, would like to do secretary, but when the time is right i will put myself forward but right now i enjoy making the tea and coffee for everyone at my home meeting...
Kimberley ...A big well done on 6months sobriety for saturday, my sponsor always says that honesty will set us free and how true that is!. When i go to AA meetings now 2day if something is not right or i feel down for a reason i do share it now it important for me because if i dont share that am not feeling too good, it will builds up inside me and than i feel am different from everyone else in AA if i do i isolate myself from others and from contact with my H/P. . I have to be very careful this does not happen to me. I am another alcoholic in the fellowship of AA.
Doggygirl, Reading your last post really fits in for me today because am doing a step2 chair.
And faith comes into it a lot for me in step2, see for me i had faith years ago as a child but i lost it, about 18years ago very slowley. My faith turn very bitter inside me ( there are reasons for this but not gonna go into details) i had to start again right from the beginning. So when i started doing the program i try to add on a little bit of hope each day and before i know it i had my faith restore to me.
I can now see that step2, This step takes me out of the darkness and into the light of hope.
Before my last drink i when to church got there late and sat at the back of the church and knelt down and ask for Gods help, what happen afterwards was that day i drunk later on,
(and could not understand why his not helping me), not a lot and afterwards i wanted to end it all by taking a overdose, SEE i had to do that, for me to SEE that my Faith had hit bottom very hard.....( i could not understand why this happen) So i come to belive that a power greater than myself was the universe at the beginning, it had to be something up high 4me and now today i come to believe in God is my H/P but that is for me. THIS did not happen over night. SEE i have been restore to sanity today and that is having peace inside my Life to be able to take of myself.

Take it easy everyone and keep safe.xXx

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011


:yougo::yougo:CONGRATULATIONS KIMBERLY ON 6 MONTHS SOBER!!!:yougo::yougo:


Catch, I love your description of your Step 2. I especially like how you talk about the progression. I didn't really understand that at first. I thought the steps were a check list. I am really coming to appreciate how dynamic these tools are and how everything grows and deepens with time and effort. I wish I could be at the meeting you are chairing!

The topic of judgement continues to be very "front and center" for me. I am really trying to approach each element of my days stopping judgemental thoughts when they start creeping into my mind. Judgement of others really is a toxin for me in so many ways. If I'm feeling insecure, I want to judge others to "bring them down a peg." If my own decisions/behaviors have caused a problem for me, I want to blame someone else and that generally involves some sort of negative judgement. I want everything to line up with my expectations, and when things don't work out that way, I want to pass judgement on others about it. Whether my judgements of others are true or not is completely irrelevant. The judgement itself is the poison.

This is going to take some time and work, but I really want to be free of this particular toxin as much as possible. So I am going to try to walk through my day today with a heightened awareness, and "change the channel" (with some HP help I hope) when the toxic thinking starts up.

I'm so grateful that I can walk into an AA meeting these days without any expectations. When I focus on being free of expectations and judgements, I am open to new possibilities and I end up learning something useful. Some seed that if tended, allows me to become a more peaceful person. More comfortable in my skin. What a blessing.

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

A year ago this weekend I was in San Antonio where I got a hug from DOGGYGIRL!
And there was something else going on too.....

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

cpn1004;1140686 wrote: A year ago this weekend I was in San Antonio where I got a hug from DOGGYGIRL!
And there was something else going on too.....

:l



:yougo:

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Thanks guys - I don't know how I made it some days, but yep I did 6 months sober. Went to my usual late night meeting tonight and everyone was well happy for me. My dad and my best mate both sent me lovely messages. Can't wait to pick up my chip - I'll be very very proud of this one

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Kimberley;1140768 wrote: Thanks guys - I don't know how I made it some days, but yep I did 6 months sober. Went to my usual late night meeting tonight and everyone was well happy for me. My dad and my best mate both sent me lovely messages. Can't wait to pick up my chip - I'll be very very proud of this one

K x

:l Wish I could be there when you get your chip!!

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 27 - July 3, 2011

Thanks for the picture DG. What a great memory.