Wednesday, December 13

[pansy]

Morning all,

TRASHDAY I am not sure if there are any clinking bottles ... did not take trash out last week and I am only on Day 5 AF. Welcome back Lou and ... DARN, sorry newbie. Looking forward. Keep reading and keep posting. The Melon is back ... cantaloupe? honeydew?

Capto, you have a good 10 days in - it GETS easier - really. The voice only pops up occasionally after 30 days ... you really have to be paying attention though. Boycie - 14 days is a huge accomplishment. It is NOT easy to make that it far. How long did it take before got your first 10 days? I found at first that I had to do a number (at least 5 or 6) of 3-4 periods of abs before I get that first 10 days stretch in. Felt good though. Blondie - 30 days!!! It would be great to describe the differences in your mindset. I know when I hit 30 the first time, it was really amazing. Just did not think about alcohol - of course was not surrouned by either, like so many of us.

Lots of folks posted yesterday I want to say hi to: ducky (keep talking about new brain and I am going to call you scarecrow - but I hope you get one), becca (BIG welcome), kathy (kathy LUVS paperwork), accountable (reindeer so cute), ah I forget. I am still sleepy after nice night of sleeping and choosing to lay in bed for whole extra hour. Gotta go get dressed and off to work.

So, slept well. Day 5 AF. Best to all on their abs plans today.

Hugs,
Pansy

[Guest]

Wednesday, December 13

Hi abs friends.
Last night with the addictions counsellor was good and horrible all at the same time. He pretty much told me what I expected to hear....I have a problem with alcohol that cannot be resolved if I continue to feed alcohol into my system--even intermittently.
My brain is wired a way that it thinks about alcohol too much. Plans to drink or not drink and struggles with thoughts of alcohol all damn day. Even though we don't like to call it "craving", that's what it is. I don't have intrusive thoughts about anything else like that. Not cigarettes or food or anything else. Just booze. Even if I say I don't want to drink or won't drink today, it's always burdoning my mind like a huge dark rain cloud. This is NOT a "normal" person's brain and I have an addiction.

So this sucks. No more moderating or roller coaster rides with my marriage. He is prescribing anabuse AND campral. Yikes.
Anabuse to take the "will I, won't I" away, because I CAN'T. I'll get terribly ill. He said the campral helps with the "craving". He likened it to a sort of OCD, which made sense. You don't blame people for being obsessive compulsive about any given thing--they are simply wired that way. I'm OCD about the booze. That makes sense to me. And when I drink, my poor brain wants more more, and goes to a subconscious place that I struggle so hard to fight against when I'm not drinking. All the plans go out the window and I turn into something I despise.

The script is supposed to be called in today. I have another appt. with him Friday morning, then again with my husband present next tuesday. Hubby is going to an ALANON meeting tonight to try to wrap his mind around this and figure out the best way to support me. He's starting to "get it" too, and although we are both scared to death about our relationship that has always revolved around our "fun".

Don't hate my doc... he deals with addiction as a profession and made SO MUCH SENSE to me... even though I was sobbing with shame and embarrassment by the end of the session (I tried to hold back the tears and be a big girl, to no avail). Crying as I'm typing this. He said one thing that really smacked me with a good dose of reality. He said "Rebecca, do you think your life is going to get better or worse if you stay sober?". For pete's sake, I actually had to THINK about this (how wrong is that??), but of course, the obvious answer is BETTER.

Sorry to be so selfish with this post. I congratulate everyone on their abs days. Can't WAIT to be there and get over this, if that's remotely possible.
Pansy, I like what you said about needing about a month, then you stop thinking about it so much. Can't wait. Thank you for the message.
Nancy and MonaCat (meow), thank you for the messages. Husband is FINALLY getting on board, and we're both a bit relieved and lot terrified. But at least he's on board now. There should me no more ambivilence about the issue. Just resolve and determination to keep me sober long term.

Thanks for listening.
Love,
Becca

[Guest]

Wednesday, December 13

ps: Gina and Brian, thank you for the support as well. You guys go way out of your way to listen and I always feel better after talking to you both. Huge thanks.

[Quiescent]

Wednesday, December 13

Good Luck Becca!

I'm so glad you are still fighting the fight and hanging in there sweetie. What a supportive husband you have to go to a meeting to try and help!

You can do this Becca! We are proud of you!:l :h :l :h

Love,
Rachele

[lushy]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca, I am sending warm wishes and hugs to you. Sounds like you have a wonderful counselor that will help both you and your husband to do this and hopefully your husband will begin to understand the depth of this addiction. Please keep us posted of how your journey is going. Your journey will be an inspiration that could change a lot of lives around here. Remember that. :l

[Hawk]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca --

I'm happy that you have reached a place where the "what ifs" are gone and you know what you are going to do going forward. I think that is a hard place to get to and I admire you for having done it. And the support of your husband is great. It would be much harder to be alone with it. Your doctor asked a great question, "Will your life be better or worse..." and that certainly has me thinking (and like you, I'm sitting here going "Duh! You have to think about this?"). I appreciate you sharing all of this and I know you are going to be in a better place very soon.

Hugs to you Becca -

[YoungAtHeart]

Wednesday, December 13

Hey, Becca,

You aren't being selfish at all. You deserve all the attention and support we can give to you right now. :h :l You are sooo doing the right thing! I'm glad the addictions specialist is there to help your hubby get on board and understand how this really works too. I don't think he has really understood this in the past, but this is an opportunity for both of you to have a new beginning.

All the best, sweetie!

All the best to everyone else, too! Have a good day.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[Andy1111]

Wednesday, December 13

Screwed up

First off, Becca, my therapist told me the same thing. I think we are all in the same boat, so don't feel alone.

Last night, I screwed up bad. After two weeks ABS, I had a few drinks this past weekend -- no big deal I thought -- I didn't get drunk.

But last night I got drunk. My friend came over to have a few beers because he just found out that his wife is pregnant with their first child. My wife came home and I picked a fight with her (something I do when I drink). I say terrible things like you're a messy person and fat. (she is messy, but not fat!) I don't know why I say mean things to her when I'm drunk. Bad night. Feel horrible this morning. If this keeps happening she is going to leave, I am dreading coming home tonight, because I know she'll want to talk and I can;t bear to do that. :upset:

[lucky 2.0]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca,

I have complete faith in you and with Antabuse AND Campral- you cannot fail IF you take the meds! I am eager to get my Campral which should arrive in the next week. We will have to compare notes. You WILL get this monkey off your back and I will too. We will look back and realize we were more miserable than we realized.

All the best,
lucky

[SKendall]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca, I know that obsessive thinking when it comes to alcohol. It seems to be spinning around in the mind all day.

If you haven't already read Allen Carr's book, I would highly recommend it for the compulsive thinking. You just start acknowledging the power shift in your mind regarding the power that alcohol has.

Good luck to you and your hubby.

Hilary

[Accountable for Me]

Wednesday, December 13

Another sober night - hurray!

Man, last night was soooo TOUGH! I literally burned holes in our carpet from pacing the floors. Need to pick up a hobby or something, although the thought of a hobby bores the sh*t out of me. LOL!

Becca: I know all too well about what you are going through. My Doc said the same thing to me. Just pat yourself on the back for making the effort to change your life. And with your seeing your counsellor, he/she will help you immensley. Just keep fighting! And hey, shedding tears is a HEALTHY emotion. Cry all you need to - get it all out!

Andy1111: I, too like to pick fights with my spouse when I am drunk. I have said SOOO many mean things to him over the past 3 years. I turn into a pretty verbally viscious person when I have had too much. God, just reading your post helped me with my current craving to get smashed - Thank you. Give your wife a BIG HUG later. I am sure she knows it is the alcohol talking and not you. Another reason we are here, eh? Trying to get well emotionally and physically.

Pansy: Good morning to you. Yeah, my reindeer is pretty cute. The picture with his buldging eyes and frazzled look is basically a summary of how I feel from time to time coming off of the sauce!

And another happy, sober day to all the rest of you! Lets keep fighting this fight!

[southernbelle47]

Wednesday, December 13

Good morning Absville,

I've been busy making list and checking them twice!
I have to make at least two more trips into the world of traffic and shopping! I'm determened to do it and get it done so I won't stress next week!

Becca.....I'm so happy to hear that Hubby is coming on board with support. I know it means that the two of you are a "team" and will work together to make your life and your kids lives better. Like I said before....in looking back, the one thing I would change is that I would not drink at all even though Hubby chosses to.
It has been a "sore" spot for forty years but grew into a cancer a few years ago.
Thank you for being so open and honest. It helps me to decide how I'm going to "do" the rest of my life.
I choose "better" also.
May God continue to bless you.

Andy.......can you bear it IF she DOESN'T want to talk?

Good to hear from the rest of you also!
List in hand and I'm off to get some things checked off!

Love you all...
Nancy

[Andy1111]

Wednesday, December 13

Thanks for the comments, Nancy and Accountable.

Accountable -- I'm glad at least something good will come from my horrible night, meaning my story might inspire you not to pick up a drink today.

It's amazing, during those two weeks of AF I did not have any fights, felt good and then bam, one slip and it all comes crashing down. Well, guess I am starting another period of ABS. This time I know I can do it. Feel like crying at my desk today. God, I feel awful for what I did.

I need some support today, folks. Need some folks to lean on. Thanks.

[Accountable for Me]

Wednesday, December 13

Hang In There!

Andy, hang in there. I don't want you to think I was using your bad night as a way of keeping me sober. It just reminded me all too well what I do when I am smashed. Sometimes my wording is the sh*ts.

I have been to work after a night such as yours and have been able to only focus on what happened the night before. I am sending you many, many, many cyber hugs :l :l :l

Can you phone her? Maybe just to break the ice and maybe apologize? Or how about picking up some take-out on your way home with some flowers?

Your two weeks AF is great by the way. Just get back on the Horse, and keep trying.

Alcohol is so darn evil.

[Helensback]

Wednesday, December 13

Hey Andy

Hi Andy

I feel for you. I got drunk last Sunday and pushed away people who mean the world to me. I've lost them for good, I'm afraid, but there is nothing I can do to fix it.
One thing, though, perhaps it's a good thing your wife still wants to talk. My husband says nothing and I live in this world of silence and shame inside my own head and it drives me crazy. It makes me want to drink.
Good luck to you Andy.

Helen