Wednesday, December 13

[Andy1111]

Wednesday, December 13

thanks everyone.

Accountable, I was by no means upset by what you said! I AM truly glad my bad situation will remind you and everyone else of what happens when someone slips. I myself, have read some horror stories on these boards and they help out a lot. In fact, I think it would be helpful to have more of these stories relayed to the board so that we can all step back and absorb.

I'm feeling a little better. I can't call my wife, because her boss is in town and they are working on a major deal. I might get some flowers or the takeout. Good idea. Thanks for the cyberhugs. I think I'm going to go to lunch and cry a bit. I need to get out of here for a half hour. I'll be back. Thanks again everyone.

[irishlady]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca, I can relate so well to doing moderation....For a few years, on and off, it was like a game I played..
It would start with...right, just drink on Saturday night....then.....ok Sat night, and nights when I don't have to go to work next day.......then....well alright, Sat night. nights when I don't have to work next day, and nights when I am working next day, just half a bottle of wine. I've lost track of the times I played the game.
One of the things stopping me from drinking ever again is, now the decision has been made by me to quit, all the internal arguing.....all the, yes I will/no I wont.......drink tonight, abstain tomorrow,....good day at work..... wine to celebrate....bad day at work....wine to cheer me up.....It's all gone, disappeared, like the mornings mist, and the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is fantastic.
It won't be easy, but with the support of your husband, and it goes without saying, the support of everyone here, you will do it, and I promise you, the rewards are truly awsome.

Take care,
Love Louise xxx

[weemelonhead]

Wednesday, December 13

Morning absville....Morning becca...I'm sorry, but in a funny way, that question the doc asked about your life being better or worse without the booze made me chuckle (but in a sort of embarrased squirmy way!!). Amazing isn't it...A few days ago..I too would have probably answered (wholeheartedly I might add) :

"Well....actually doc...WORSE!! What in the name of goodness do you actually think I am going to do with myself if I can't drink??? Yeah sure, I've put myself into some highly dangerous situations when under the I., Yeah sure, I've picked fights over nothing with all my friends and family that frequently escalated into physical violence....yeah sure, I've been involved in out of control promiscuity...yeah sure I've neglected my daughter (in a way that drags me down with guilt EVERY day of my life!!!!!) yeah sure I've lost jobs, failed college courses and made a pigs ear out of my life,....etc etc etc, but, really doc, I'm gonna have to think about this one...coz nothing else counts really when I get the urge!"

Thankfully, today, 6 days sober, I could answer that question very differently, .for the first time EVER....so Becca honey...you are the biz, the bees knees, the dogs trouser addendums and any other animal anatomicals you care to mention.....you have taken so many steps to give yourself as much support, both physical and mental, that you need to get you into this, and it's sooo good that your husband is taking part in a positive way, use the help, take the advice that's works, stay healthy girl........
Andy...been there so many times it really is just not funny...so my heart, and my huggy arms go right out to you....sometimes, the only way is to try not to panic too much (and yes...I know it's hard) about the talking or not talking, but to just get right back on with the Abs. ......put your energy into AF, and hope the words (and nicer ones too) will follow....thinking of you today, hoping that you can find a little bit of calm in your mind to help you through the day and this evening, nothing worse than that God what have I done feeling...Much love to you xxx
Helen, I cried when I read your post, short, but dragged me back into the thoughts that have fuelled every day of drunkenness for most of my life....Try and escape the silence a little here at MYO honey, not the same I know,....... Sweetie, I REALLY want to wave a magic wand for you RIGHT NOW!!!, I am going to work in a sec, but will pm you when I get home, I want to spend a lot more time talking to you than I have at the moment....take care chicken...LOTS of love...I really mean it

Pans....will be pming you too...NEVER have time to post all that I want to in the morning...and I even got up at 4 instead of 5 to walk the hell-hound early so I could read and write a bit more.......gaaahhhhh!!

[roguehawkfan]

Wednesday, December 13

Hey Andy, I know what you mean by "saying mean things when drunk" It baffles me too because normally i`m a pretty easy going sort. My wife says I scowl and look for reasons to pick fights. I know I dont want to be like that so I am shooting for AF, not mod. I`m not taking any meds though, I dont even take aspirin and dont want any chemicals in my body. Alcohol is chemical enough and i`m tired of that to. Good luck on your journey back from the depths..See you on the other side..Rogue

[Andy1111]

Wednesday, December 13

Thanks Wee and Rogue. Sorry I've been such a downer today. When I get home, I am going to get back on track with that wonderful 2 week AF period.

First things first:
1. Time to finish that good book I'm reading and to buy another one.
2. Go to the gym.
3. Perhaps watch some good TV or a movie.
4. Eat some good, healthy food.

And of course, apoligize to my wife again. I did this morning, but she just shrugged it off and said "whatever."

[Guest]

Wednesday, December 13

WOW.
Thank you all AGAIN for the amazing outpouring of support. I can't believe how much we are all struggling and the similar stories....it's so good to be in a place where people understand and will help with these horrible emotions. The day I stop feeling like a miserable failure will be a good day.

Andy, I'm so sorry for what happened. I was only doing 3-4 days AF, then I'd get drunk and say and do things that are totally out of character for me. You did 2 wks??? I've never gone that long! Even when pregnant, I allowed myself 1 drink per wk. Hubby used to think that it was the pregnancy hormones making me so b*tchy, but I wonder how much of it was the drinking withdrawl. I hope it doesn't take me 9 months of being an emotional psychopath to get through this one... oh man...
Good luck with tonight. My husband has gotten mad at me so many times. I completely understand the position you are in. It's good advice to just keep working on the sobriety. Does she have ANY IDEA how hard this is? I think people who aren't wired like this simply cannot. I hope hubby gains some knowlege from the Alanon meeting today. He needs support too.

Melonhead, you are the cat's meow!:H What an awesome post. I love all the "sure, I've done XYZ, but certainly I can't live without the alcohol!". What the heck??

Lush, Rachele, Mike, Helen, Kathy, Hawk, Lucky, Hilary, Accountable, and Nancy: I read each word with an open heart and mind and a HUGE relief of knowing I'm not alone.
I love all the comments about the eventual relief of the end of the incessant daily struggle. It won't be easy at first, but it seems the consensus is that after a period of time, you DO feel better and the moment to moment becomes easier to handle.

I'm not being patient, I'm afraid! I'm scared still. And can't believe it got to this point, after I'd convinced myself for MONTHS that I was doing great. oh well. Give it up, Bec, and move the heck on.

THANK YOU EVERYONE. It helps so so so so so much.
:l :h and just a smidge of:upset:
Love,

[InnerStrength]

Wednesday, December 13

Becca I just have to say that I just love you to bits and you are such a strong person. You will do this and you will find your way. I too am still back and forth on the mods-abs thing. I am not taking the topa anymore and while I am not having major slips or anything, I feel the difference - I feel the urge again and it scares me. I, like you, am so tired of this continued struggle. I am tired of having to think and plan daily. Anyone who hasent had this issue cannot possibly know how hard this is. My hubby doesnt get it but is also trying - i have told him before, that as much as I don't want him to suffer in any way, in some ways I wish he had just 24 hours in my shoes. Just 24 to see how I feel on a constant basis, then he might understand.

The truth is, I dont know where i will eventually end up in this journey but i am gaining inspiration from you, and from your bravery and perseverance. Here is a virtual hug to you - I have told you before that I think we are probably a lot alike and just maybe we will end up alike in the way that we ultimately choose to pursue our recovery. I know the terrified feeling all too well. And I've got your back, my fellow Canadian

I just wanted to make sure you know that.

With open arms and a great big hug
Jen.

[Andy1111]

Wednesday, December 13

Thanks Becca. I never thought I could do two weeks, but I did. One hint that helped me: If you aren't feeling any physical symptons a day or two after your last drink it is highly unlikely you are physically addicted to booze - my doc told me that and it made me feel great.

Everyday got easier. The hardest was the first weekend, but after that weeknights were a breeze. Glad to be starting it up again. Sounds like people have one, two, even three slips before they accomplish a real long Abs period.

Thanks again to everyone. I am feeling a lot better. Maybe I'll have my wife read some of your messages today so she can see that we are not the only ones going through this. God, what an awful disease this is. Who knew drinking a few beers on weekends back in high school would lead to this?

I used to smoke pot and never got addicted to that. It's amazing pot is illegal and alcohol is not. Alcohol is by far a worse drug (ok, going off on a tangent, didn't mean to start a big debate). Love to all of you. :h

[vinophile]

Wednesday, December 13

This is a tough time of year and we are (or many of us) indeed struggling.

Becca, you seem to me to be such as strong person. This isn't easy and I,too, play the "maybe I can moderate" for a while" game with myself. We will be here for you . Good luck.

Andy, I'm sorry about last night.I suppose so many of us have said things we don't mean after drinking. I have found that a really sincere apology works along with eating some humble pie, and of course a promise to not drink.

I think one of my problems at this time of year is not only the social obligations which so often involve alcohol but the lack of time to focus on ourselves. We run ,run ,run and it seems so much easier to grab a drink than to think about what we REALLY need instead of that drink.
Have to run so can't post anymore but believe me .... my thoughts are with you alll.....

Janet

[Lou]

Wednesday, December 13

Hey all

Well day 2 for me after my slip and i have to say it still feels a little strange posting as theres so many of you who have joined since i vanished!!
I can relate to so much of whats been said today...the things you do whilst drunk, i have alienated so many people, put myself in extreemely dangerous situations and been ridiculously promiscuous...all of which are the complete opposite to the sober me. Yet when faced with the question of whether my life would be better or worse without alcohol i actualy have to think about it...how blindly stupid does alcohol make us that we'd even have to contemplate that question?!!
I just hope to god that i can keep it up this time and am so gutted that after 30 + days AF i gave in on holiday...so so stupid, i just thought i could stop again when i came back, after a wk of heavy drinking..yeah right who was i trying to kid!!
Anyway..going through some pretty nasty withdrawals now (my own fault) and i could not leave the house today to get anything to help so im just trying to sweat it out.
Hope everyone is well

Loves

Lou-Lou

[dilayne]

Wednesday, December 13

....."you are the biz, the bees knees, the dogs trouser addendums and any other animal anatomicals you care to mention"... I love that! It's so true...funny how I've felt so 'homeless' in my decision to go from mods to abs (mostly my own doing, I know), I don't feel that way this week..maybe it's the holidays that is pushing us all to that place of reconciliation..if you will. I hate to see anyone go through the agony of having to make that choice, but I also know that through that agony is much relief..once one can surrender to it..many of us have done that, others are experimenting and others are taking it one day at a time..I don't think there is any right or wrong way to go about it..it's such a gift to have a place to come where others understand and accept each or our individual processes. 9 1/2 weeks for me (LOL while I'm thinking of that Mickie Rorke movie..anybody remember that?) Unfortunately the image that comes to mind is my standing in front of the refrigerator..like I've done a lot of lately..no lover hanging out there with me..but never the less..I'm celebrating 9 1/2 weeks the best way I know how without drinking my wine!)....."to the bees knees" and the courage it takes to be here!

[Lou]

Wednesday, December 13

Nighty night

Goodnight lovely people...tis bedtime here in the UK and i am going to try my hardest to sleep as oppose to tossing and turning and sweating!!!!
Be back in the morning (hopefully!!) or sooner than that if i cant sleep!!

Loves and best wishes to all

Lou-Lou x x x

[Mackeral]

Wednesday, December 13

NaNight Lou....

[Newyear]

Wednesday, December 13

Macks.....are you not jumping due to your ..ummm "condition"???
Hope the peas are working well.

Lots of things going on today.
Becca - I feel for you. Making such a decision can feel enormous. But I think your doc posed the right question. I was talking to a friend soon after trying Af again and I had just started going to the gym too. I felt a little embarassed but just said, "well, I've decided to just not drink for awhile and to start working out"
My friend (mind you, also a drinking buddy), said "well, what's the worst that can happen? I guess you'll just feel better!"
And you will feel better. And you may not be done quite yet but I think deciding you are abs is a step that will keep you on that path - keep you trying for abs and not trying for mods. I think there is a difference and it can be easier to try abs - even if you stumble- I think it is still easier. You can do this. I know it.
I've been af since oct 28th- 47 days. The internal dialogue has gotten very very quiet.
I don't give myself the option now and have been trying to demonize alcohol a bit too. I took some pride and enjoyment in going to a 'open bar' reception Monday night and having diet coke. I was not tempted. Maybe annoyed a little that it was all about the bar.
I think I have another hurdle coming up soon though....just a feeling I'm having. But I think that is a post for another time (tomorrow maybe).
Just wanted to say hang in there and put yourself first on your list. Go out of your way to be nice to you.
Think of yourself as recovering from surgery or something...pamper yourself. The first two weeks - and for me the first 10 days- are hard. I didn't have any physical withdrawals - but the mental/emotional part was tough. So, know that and get yourself whatever you want. I used to never buy magazines....a waste of money!! Well, guess what? If I want an Oprah mag I get it! If I want an Us mag, I get it. Anyway, I'm here for you too...anyway I can help..I'm here.

Andy....hope it went well tonight. Only advice I could give is to be sincere and be kind. Sincerity goes a long way.
Oh, and the take out was a good idea too ...

Sorry....went on and on there. Read everyone's posts too and I'm right there with you! This is tough. We need more help at some times and less at others. But we all need support thru this. So many wise people here! I feel lucky to have found this place and to have found all of you! Very lucky!!
ok...Now I'm picturing that beer commercial with the drunk "I Love You MAAANNN"

Have a good night all..
Lisa

[Mackeral]

Wednesday, December 13

Jumping again now Lisa...The peas did the trick thanks..

Really well done on 47 days aswell