Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm home from my mother's & happy to be here. I brought my daughter w/me, & we really had some quality time together & w/Mom as a threesome. As always, I feel grateful to be sober, because I could be present every minute I was w/her...not obsessing about when, how, & where I could get my next drink. It sounds small, but one of the best gifts of the program is living out in the open warts & all.

I look forward to getting back into my meetings. I didn't get to any in FL, as I had much to do & didn't want to take any time away from my mother. I did bring my BB w/me & felt connected.

A lovely side note about my AA friends: My husb was, of course, left alone for 9 days. They called, invited him for dinner, walks, & kayaking. He went to meetings wo/me & was made to feel welcome. It made the week so much better for him!

Take care one & all

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Hi Everyone.x

IT good to see u back Mary and good to read your post how you had good quality time with daughter and mum.
It funny now that am sober i have got lots of time in the day but dont seem to know how to budget my time i need a extra day in the week
You know when you go to a meeting well i always take something home with me that someone shares well someone said last week that .....you dont get time of for good behaviour, just cant seem to get that out of my head, because in the pass i always thought i got time of for good behaviour but in the wrong way....If you know what i mean.

Have to go, short post today, but take it easy every1 and enjoy!

Catch22.xXx

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Catch: I used alcohol as my reward for:
-working hard
-getting through a stressful situation.
-coming down off a trip.
-etc.

After a while I NEEDED alcohol to get through the above situations. Now, I can see that I can reward myself in other ways.
-Relaxing.
-Talking on the phone.
-Playing w/the g-sons.
-etc.

I don't need it & certainly don't want it in my life anymore.

While on my trip, there were moments of stress. My mother is elderly & set in her ways. I handled it all fine wo/needing to numb out.

For me, there's no time off for good behavior...if that's what sobriety is.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Welcome back Mary! Glad you had a good trip and quality time with your family. I think its awesome that your AA friends invited your husband to do things while you were away. Once we find AA groups that are a good fit for us, the fellowthip really is something. (it's something, frankly, even in groups that normally would NOT seem a good fit! That was hard for me to see at first...)

Catch, I think I know what you mean about no time off for good behavior.

There was a new guy at our meeting this morning - not quite 6 weeks sober. One of the things I really like about this group is there is a good mix of people with many years sobriety, and also newer people. During the sharing, we talked about how we are all equals around the tables - looking to stay sober today. The main topic of discussion was fear and how it underlies so many problematic things. Fear of what people will think of me was a big one. That particular fear bites me in the rear a lot. I love these discussions that allow me to focus on a topic and really work on it. In my case, working to let go of concerns about what other people think. What matters is whether or not *I* believe I am doing HP's will / the next right thing. If I am doing that, then I can be comfortable with myself. I need to learn to just do that on a more consistent basis.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

DG: Yesterday's Daily Meditations reading was on fear...that "corrosive thread." I too have the fear of what others think of me. In fact, that was one of the things I had to turn over to HP when I did my 3rd step. I do have to remind myself daily that if I'm doing the next right thing for the next right reason, I have nothing to fear. Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Hi Everyone,
YES it is good DG to have a good mix of people, i need to hear all different people share the long timers, the relapse( especially for me), and the new comers.
When i share i have to get really honest with myself i shared that i do miss a drink the taste of it and effect of it, (see the effect of it help me with my feelings and my emotions) but the thing is i know if i was to pick up that i be straight back where i was at my last drink. Drink in the end effected me mentally, and put me in that dark place where i dont want to go again.
It weird my little head will tell me if i dont do this eg like go through the program or if i have not done it probably then i have a excuse to drink, i know its a load of ballsh*t that goes on in my head because if i really wanted a drink i would just do it see i have learn i never had a excuse to drink i drank on life terms, but today am living on life terms.
I was surprize that someone come up to me Y/day and said how i share so deep and cant beleive that am 17months that the way i share is like if i have more years under my belt. (I do find it hard to express myself when am typing, it seems to come out different to when i share.) This stuff does work when i put all my heart into it, becuase thats what i have done, looking back NOW there was no half measure for me i had to do everything and there will always be more things to work on this is never ending :-)... But need to be careful if i get lazy and thing i can do this on my own thats when am in deep sh*t ....



:h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Catch: You sais a lot that resonated w/me...especially the excuses to drink. I used alcohol to come down from a stressful experience. I felt that while I was w/my mother a couple of times. "Gee, I could use a drink right now." However, I know that I cannot have even a sip...I'd be right back in the alcoholic abyss in no time at all. One of the most valuable lessons of not drinking is learning to deal w/life on life's terms. I'm not always going to feel comfortable & in control. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Catch - Even in type you speak so much from the heart. I would love to hear you in person - that would be AWESOME!!! Half measures kept me drunk too.

Mary, I would certainly prefer that thoughts such as "a drink would be good right now" would NEVER cross my mind. That's just not realistic. I'm grateful that today anyway, I can put that thought aside with ease. I'm willing to put effort into keeping it that way!

I started up chairing a weekly meeting again for 6 months. It's Thursdays this time. The format on Thursday is discussing the 24-Hours a Day reading. It was a really good one today with the first section about being in denial of my alcoholism because I hadn't lost my job, home, etc. Especially applicable since a woman who recently relapsed came in. This was a hard "morning after." Seeing her pain in that moment was such a stark reminder of where I've been and where I don't want to go. I'm grateful to her for having the courage to come in and show us how that (still) is. Of course she was warmly welcomed even though she has never been a regular in this particular meeting. One guy said "In AA we don't shoot our wounded." I know this group sure doesn't. Another guy made the point that is a principal to be applied in ALL our affairs. I hope I will remember that moment and be aware if I ever start to "kick someone when they are down." I'd like to think I don't do that sort of thing, but I'm sure I have many times. "Awareness" came up today in the discussion too. Once we are aware of a shortcoming, we have the chance to change it. If we are unwilling to take an honest look at ourselves on an on-going basis, we have no chance at awareness and hence no chance for change.

New sponsee and I had a very heart to heart meeting today too. I am so grateful that somehow (and I'm sure it was an accident or divine intervention) I never smoked crack or took heroin. I suspect I would have really liked those highs from everything I have heard. And those drugs lead to some very dark places. Everyone recovering from those substances has my utmost respect and support, as do other alcoholics.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

DG: I too have seen relapsers welcomed sincerely w/no reservations. "We don't shoot our wounded." Honestly, I can't think of a better way of putting it. I read today's 24 hour reading w/much interest. I too didn't lose everything, but I did lose my integrity & self-respect. I just wouldn't jeopardize that now for anything.

I spent a lot of quality time while in FL w/my daughter who has been in denial about my drinking. We shared an apartment together...even sleeping in the same big bed together. Without the distractions of husbands & kids, I think she's beginning to see the differences in my "before" & "after" makeover...thanks to AA. Nobody likes to think of her mother as an alkie, but that's exactly what I was. I think she's starting to see how present I can be now.

No, I didn't lose everything. I managed to get off the elevator on a little higher floor than some AAers, but I did lose so much. What's the price of peace & serenity of an honest life worth? Everything, as far as I'm concerned.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Mary, it's very interesting when people notice the changes in us - regardless of their perceptions good or bad about our drinking years. I enjoy learning and implementing this "design for living" and that enjoyment is really enough for me. But it's a bonus when someone close to me sees differences. My dealings with my husband (especially when we disagree) are LIGHT YEARS different and better today than they used to be. And even my brothers see the difference when they are here. And one brother in particular was just a walking resentment for me in the old days. I love the new life skills.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

I went to my first meeting since I got home. It was a 12th step meeting...we read the first part of the chapter in the step book. One of the things I learned recently is that the step reads: "Having had a spiritual awakening as THE result of the steps..." The word THE...meaning a spiritual awakening is the only & best result of working the steps. I had been saying: "Having had a spiritual awakening as A result..." Maybe meaning there are other results. The way I interpret it is that if I have a spiritual awakening (dramatic or gradual), then everything else in my life changes. I hope that makes sense.

Also, in the reading, it was emphasized that we use step 12 in all areas of our lives...not just AA & helping other alcoholics. "Deranged family members" were mentioned, which brought to mind one of my sisters-in-law who is difficult. We tend to lecture her, tell her what to do, complain about her, etc., etc. This is not what I would be doing if I encountered a difficult alcoholic. I spoke to my husb about this last night, & we agreed that sharing our experience, strength, & hope would be a much better option.

Anyhow, that's my take on the 12th step so far.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Makes a lot of sense to me Mary.
My spiritial wakening started when i stop drinking but i did not realize it until i started working on the steps.
Also we dont shoot our wounded, they are the most important person in the room on that day, its funny i can look back, in my early days and use to think am not important no more, a bit of character defect there.
I got to say i was in denial with my recovery at first, i can share it now but at the beginning i thought to myself i only be here for 3months and i be alright ( wont need to be that long), but was i wrong, i was not alright in myself. I compared myself with my brother all the time thinking his the alcohol.... not me.... he lost everything but he still had a roof over his head. Today i learn that this is the illness talking to me. This guy shared today that he lost everything and was homeless he use to be a lawyer or a barrister but never had gone to prison. Yes it seems this illness wants us to compare with each other, and be in denial with it all.
Also i said to someone last saturday that i notice a change in a person whos been going aa for a long while now, but dont talk much and he started talking we was in a little group outside, and he said something to me and all of a sudden i notice the change in him it was amazing there was a light inside him and on his face he look so relaxed.
I have AWARENESS... today on the outside and on the inside by working the steps helps me with this today.


Catch22.x:h

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Just had to come back and post this, its just someone once said to me in AA do you feel you have missed out on taking drugs and i said yes i do ! i dont think am the only one that thinks this way as well !!!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Catch and Mary, I am enjoying BOTH of your wisdom today.

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - July 6 - July 10

Just popping in to say I finally got a sponsor! ointup: I'm so excited!

I have had in the back of my mind that I need to get the ball rolling but I have been put off by my own fears, insecurities and downright pickiness.

So I went to collect my 6-month chip and a lady was doing the chair who I'd not met before. She had been a street drinker and is now 6 years sober and working with the homeless. I don't meet many women who are 'low bottom' drunks (I would've been homeless if I hadn't been a young girl), and I want to work in homelessness in future.

When people were sharing back many of them referred to how kind she was and how she's always cheerful and smiling yet she had a horrific past. She helps others. She really seems to walk the walk from what others were saying and her profession says a lot to me about her. Well I thought, if this lady isn't as good as I'll get for me, who is? I knew I'd kick myself if I went home without speaking to her.

So I hung around outside after the meeting, heart in mouth, and asked her for a word when she came out. I explained I was 6 months and sponsorless and told her the similarities I saw between us and how I needed someone kind then I said how difficult it was for me to find or ask anyone and I rambled on for a bit until she said 'Are you asking me to be your sponsor?' Haha, so I didn't even have to say the words myself. When I admitted I was, she said of course she would do it!

Ah, I am chuffed to pieces. Although I'm in a good mental space right now, it has been bugging me at the back of my mind that I didn't have a sponsor. I can't wait to start the steps now!!

Hope everyone is well. Looking forward to sharing my progress with you all!
K x