A Small Victory

[papmom3]

I thought this story might help someone, newbie or veteren alike when a sudden unexpected craving hits and we didn't plan for it. I originally wrote this Friday nite on the Daily Abs thread. As you can see from my signature I am almost 14 months AF and although I knew we were going to dinner after shopping, I totally did not see this sharp craving coming:

Posted 7/8/11:
Oh, I will leave you all with this little victory. After shopping last nite I was experiencing most of HALT -mostly the hungry/tired part-a little angry at the clothes designers. Anyway, as we were being led to our table, I had a huge Pinot Grigio thought. I remembered how refreshing and how relaxing a nice glass of that always felt after a marathon,frustrating shopping trip. I knew my sis would have a glass and for a fleet second I thought I would cave and order one. Just one. I even picked up the wine list but I did so hoping they would have a neat tropical drink I could order virgin style (I never looked at a wine list-I always drank the house PG). And lo and behold they had FOUR different lemonade flavors and some other cool AF drinks. I was almost giddy with relief AND I was so excited when he put down the strawberry-lemonade in front of me. I wouldn't have traded that for a PG for all the money in the world at that moment. And it was GOOD!! Really GOOD! High Five!!

[Doggygirl]

A Small Victory

This is a great re-post P3! I just posted my own stinkin' thinkin' experience on AF Daily. After you read it, let me know if I should copy that one here too.

AL IS A SNEAKY ONE!!!! I need to never forget that.

DG

[papmom3]

A Small Victory

Definitely post it here DG! That was about as scary as I've seen from you but you overcame it with dig deep analysis and seeing it for what it is. And some luck. I think it's really important that people understand how crazy this disorder/disease whatever is and how letting down your guard for one second is so dangerous. It's exhausting that's for sure but so is battling cirrohsis, heart disease, diabetes, alzeimers and cancer. I'd rather battle this.
:h

[Doggygirl]

A Small Victory

Here goes..

Hello all. I had a thing happen in my pea brain this afternoon. I wanted to come here and report it as I think I need to, and I think that will help me clear it.

Some stinkin' thinkin' started a couple days ago. It's been really hot here as in so many places. The thought occured to me that an O'douls would be good. Now I don't have a big issue in general with AF (nearly) beer. I drank some on occassion when I first got sober - really as a crutch to help me get through social events that I couldnt' skip. I haven't had an AF beer in....probably 2.5 years. It is also something frowned upon in AA. And AA is more important to me than AF beer. And I like to keep in honest in AA so I just haven't gone there since joining AA.

OK - back to the stinkin' thinkin'. Thoughts occured to me yesterday that I should buy some O'Douls and have it around in case I wanted one on Saturday. Interestingly, that thought did NOT occur to me while I was actually in the grocery store and was in the best position to act on it! ()

Today dog training was going on and I went out to say hi. Most of the people usually don't start popping beers until later - after training. But they were shooting the breeze with a guy who came by to check out a dog that is available for adoption. So that much standing around and jabbering - well - I'm sure in the old days I would have been pouring drinks too. I was of course offered a beer and declined. Later I was offered a beer and I said "I might go get some O'Douls." I was sort of shocked when that came flying out. Mr. Doggy told me later that he was too and a bit concerned. (not because it's AF beer but because it's any sort of beer and I havent' gone there in such a long time!!)

Anyway, the Universe as usual took excellent care of me. I was totally blocked in at both ends of the driveway so had plenty of times to think about it. I didn't go get any O'Douls. Not today.

I could imagine circumstances under which I might drink an O'Douls in the future and it would be OK. If I was mentally choosing and AF beer from a list of other AF beverages (and at the spur of the moment without prior thought) I would not be concerend. If the thinking was "let's see.... Diet Pepsi, water, iced tea, O'Douls, club soda...hmm...O'douls."

In this case, the fact that it was a recurring thought over the couse of a few days.....that was a bit jarring. I totally know I made the right decision to stay away from it for today.

Mean time, the dog trainer is going through divorce and has been separated quite some time. A woman started coming to dog training several months ago who seems a really nice match for him. They finally hooked up a couple weeks ago. They are very cute - like teenagers. BUT....today he got totally shit faced. He's been on good behavior lately but those early beers today got the better of him. 1) I hope he gets home safely, especially since he has his teenage daughter (not yet of driving age) with him. 2) I hope the new GF doesn't see this and run scared. (I would!)

Drinking - my own or other people's - hasn't been this closely on my mind on a Saturday in a long time. It's uncomfortable. I'm just glad I didn't drink. It was a dog training Saturday in early September 2007 that I relapsed. Food for thought today. AL is cunning, baffling and powerful that's for sure. Guard is up.

And P3, you are so right. I will not have a pity party because of the need to have my guard up for my life WRT AL. Other people are battling things that are so much more hopeless than what I have to fight. In fact, I agreed today to sell some tickets for a benefit for two children who have already lost their Mom, and are now in a position where they will probably lose their Dad very soon to an autoimmune disorder. My life is a cake walk compared to that.

[Lavande]

A Small Victory

Amen DG,
Amen!!!!!

[Chillgirl]

A Small Victory

Brilliant posts girls thank you!

It's a sharp reminder to me to stay vigilant at all times. I get blaze about being AF yet the stinking thinking is lurking there pretty close to the surface. Being our own positive anti AL Guards is not a hardship, it's a role we can be proud of, like bodyguards to someone precious to us, we can carry out these duties with pride and 100% commitment.

[Guitarista]

A Small Victory

Thank's P3. Excellent and inspiring post's everyone. I feel SO at home here! :h I relate heavily to all of your posts.

Yep, my life/addiction is a walk in the park compared to many, many other's. I cannot complain. I just get on with it.

Hi Chilli!

[Guitarista]

A Small Victory

Great stuff P3, and thanks for sharing that.

Excellent and inspiring post's everyone. I feel SO at home here! :h

Yep, my life/addiction is a walk in the park compared to many, many other's. I just get on with it.

Hiya Chilli!

[Doggygirl]

A Small Victory

Chilli, I really love the bodyguard analogy. That puts it all in the positive perspective where it belongs!

I am at home here too G. I am so grateful we all found our way here, and that we have each other for support and to help the newcomers.

DG

[greeneyes]

A Small Victory

Doggygirl;1144894 wrote: I am at home here too G. I am so grateful we all found our way here, and that we have each other for support and to help the newcomers.

Absolutely. I think of a post/thread like this and the ripple effect it has like the circular ripples across a pond when pebble is dropped. The message of insight and strength certainly spreads.

[bear73]

A Small Victory

This has really helped me thing about my own thoughts - just now I thought about just having one drink at a friend's birthday this evening - not gonna happen!
Taking diet 7up and plan on staying for just over an hour - first session as a new team today - loved it!Plan to snooze and have bath/face mask - hang washing out and get ready for later xx

[bear73]

A Small Victory

I had been thinking of getting af beer to get me through the early stages - is this a bad thing?

[mylife]

A Small Victory

Thanks for the great posts P3 and DG!!

P3 - I keep forgetting that there are tasty virgin drinks out there other than sparkling water. I'll look for one next time I'm out. Now I'm craving a strawberry lemonade!

[mylife]

A Small Victory

Bear - I think there are differing views of AF beer. I have heard of several people who used it successfully, but others think it might trigger a craving. I've had it once or twice when I've been out with my husband on a weekend afternoon. Beer was never my favorite, but it was nice to order something other than sparkling water for a change.

[Doggygirl]

A Small Victory

Bear, there were times for me when AF Beer was fine. The problem with the situation in the last couple of days was not the liquid in the can. It was my thinking about it. AF Beer was occupying my thoughts in a way very similar to how AL always occupied my thoughts. I just don't think that much about Diet Pepsi or strawberry lemonade, etc. I certainly don't fixate on those things where they are popping in and out of my head for 2 days straight. That thinking was the reason it seemed a really bad idea.

Maybe the thing to examine is not the fact that having AF beer occurred to you, but HOW you are thinking of it?

DG