AF Daily Sunday 19 July

[Loppy lugs]

Good morning everyone.

A beautilful day here and I am wide awake so time for a post I think. Since it is bound to be a long one perhaps you should think of getting some snacks first!.

Be back later.

[Guitarista]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Greetings Fabbie's, and good morning Loppy!

Thank's for the warning Loppy. Off to make a sandwich.

Wishing everyone a serene, happy, peaceful, reflective, sober, safe, and energising Sunday that is bursting at the gunwales with magic!

Ooroo.

[Loppy lugs]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Armed with Marmite on toast ( I am a marmite lover) I am ready to begin.

Firstly I want to thank Greenie for posting that link to TED.com I hadn't come across it before. It was very funny but oh so true. I need to remeber that if we don't put ourselves out there and risk the bad stuff we are not open to the good stuff either.

Also thanks to DG about AF beer and stinking thinking and PM3 and that tempting cold glass of PG. All seems so innocent until we realise that just the one is what got us to this point in the first place. I know that my mind is the most powerful part of my body but that I have to watch out and be on my guard against some of the inaccurate memories it send my way.

While we are using initails I always thought XNGF meant extra nice girlfriend! Still works for me!

Bear congrats on 9 days sober. Hope you find a new team which is kinder to its members.

Greenie and Bear Cat Vomit!!! Yuk. Hate it and want to know how they always manage to avoid the tiled areas which are easy to clean up and choose the carpet instead. I don't own a cat but about 5 years ago one of the neighbourhood cats decided I was his best human and waits on my front doorstep for me to come home from work every night, regardless of how late it is. He is a cat who loves his cuddles but his owners have about 6 other cats so I think he comes here for his affection and goes home to his real home during the day. He is really sweet with the new rabbits and plays nicely with them. It is a change from the old rabbits. Female rabbits are very territorial and he used to get bitten by them if he wasn't quick enough. One of them even chased him up the chimney. He was a very grubby cat when I finally persuaded him down. However he never once retaliated and biffed the bunnies.

Guitarista, Sounds like a very demanding role and I imagine very rewarding when it comes together and you have some results with your clients, but to use your word, challenging at other times.

P3, The power of pink!!! Fingers crossed on job offer and remuneration.

Lav, YB Promises!! frustrating. When I was a teenager my favourite revenge was laxatives in coffee but I must point out that this is dangerous, illegal and bad karma.
Hope it was nothing serious for Piggy Swissy and the vets yesterday Mind you even minor things make us worry about the little darlings. (and run up big bills). I sympathise with P3 about the doggy hair cut. A few years back and different bunnies but a vet said to me.... I am sure it is nothing but can I just do an ultrasound to confirm it. Well sod the expense nothing is too good for my rabbits......Well it was nothing but she had a huge hula hoop in her fur where they had shaved her, for the rest of her life. She was such a serious rabbit and it made you giggle every time you saw her.

Dt what is systema, I take it is nothing to do with making you garlic suit.

Kas, you inspired me to go kayaking yesterday. It was with instructors and on the Thames, which at Chiswick isn't known for its beautiful scenery. There was plenty of birdlife which we got to see whenever we weren't dodging pleasure boats but I could only identify the herons and the ducks. I ache like crazy today and ducked out of going to the pub afterwards with everyone which was a bit of a cop out but didn't need the hassle of explaining why I wanted a lime and soda, also was starting to seize up by then.

Mof3 How is the back now? It must be horribly frustrating for someone as active as you, as well as painful.

Bean, Glad you are in a better space now with your AF thinking. I am convinced that is the biggest part of living AF.

TDN Haven't read seven weeks to sobriety, must get around to it sometime, good luck in rehab.

Jenny how are the studies going?

Am still falling asleep all over the place but yesterday as I was on the train going to kayaking and trying desparately not to fall asleep, it dawned on me that normally by that time on a Saturday I would have passed out. I have never previously been very good at sleeping but did a good line in being unconscious, particularly at weekend when I only came round for long enough to put me back there again. Perhaps it is not just the alcohol leaving my system but also my body isn't used to being conscious and moving for this number of hours each day. Time will tell but I promise myself that I will never again do that to myself.

Time to get on with chores. Now I am going to try and stretch some ridiculously high party shoes that pinch with the aid of hiking socks, my feet and a hair dryer. I have never tried it before but according to the internet!!!!!!

Take care all and apologies to anyone I have forgotten. Hope you all have an enjoyable Sunday.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Morning abberoooos!

Loppy thanks for such a fabbie "get to know you" post!! :l

I am with you on that being on guard issue. I second guess myself a lot and have endless brain chatter on a continual basis. So I pay attention at times like going to friends pool alone and being stressed and tired and knowing AL lives in their house. You are spot on about the inaccurate memories our addicted brain pulls up for us at opportune moments - like P3 in the resto.

Extra nice GF :H I'm sure she is and marshy will love that!! I hope she's having a blast in Greece.
What a sweet bunny/kitty story!
Great visual of the hiking socks and hair dryer on the party shoes. I'm assuming your feet will be inserted during this project? I can't laugh too hard considering my cell phone is in a bowl of rice. :H

I have a question about stuffing your feelings. I can't seem to get it our right now but it has to do with your own reality and comparisons to others' greater tragedies and how yes your issue may pale by comaprison, but it shouldn't discount or diminish or discredit your own no matter how small it is because it is something that is showing up for you and needs to be processed in your real time and space. So how is comparing in order to put things in perspective not stuffing your feelings? I hope that makes some inkling of sense and this isn't one of my crazy moments showing up in print.

I'll leave you with that and a and wander off for coffee.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Good day fABbies!!!! Loppy thanks for getting us started! I loved your post all about your LIVING activities now - the kayaking (I've never been, but would LOVE to!) and your heart felt love and compassion for your bunnies and other animals just shines through. You are such a lovely person and I'm so happy for you coming out from under the cloud of AL to experience the good things in life! (and feel the bad ones too - all part of the package!)

G-Man - I read your post yesterday about your work. That is so awesome. I find in my own volunteer work at the Mission and also helping others at AA there will be lots of failures for every success. It is not within my personal power to "save" people. I can only be a part of it as one cog in the wheel and be willing to give. The result is out of my hands. I am learning to treasure each moment of progress that someone else in my path experiences. And to set aside any pre-concieved opinions about who might or might not succeed and find their way out of whatever problem they face. 1) I am usually wrong and 2) that is not the point anyway. Don't you love it? Is your experience of self-discovery through your work similar or different? Would love to hear more about what you are gaining from the experience of giving.

There is so much more to respond to from yesterday!!! I need to get going for now but want to wish everyone well for today. Will try to post more later that is not all about me!!

Oh. MUST stick in a :b&d: for YB. Or should we start calling him NYB. (((Lav))) You might want to let him live only because prison would be no fun.

I got to witness a little bit more of the dark side of a problem drinker yesterday. The trainer who got too drunk was taken out to eat something (before driving with this teenager) to help him "sober up." When they got back here to retrieve his vehicle it was pretty clear from the look on her face that she was NOT happy. I do know he got home OK (thank goodness for that!). I am reminded of the consequences of my drinking. It would start out feeling fun on a day like yesterday with that group of people. We would laugh and joke just like what was going on yesterday. But then I couldn't stop. I would just keep on drinking until I was slurring and stumbling and being and embarrassment to myself, my husband, etc. I don't know if the trainer is an alkie or not - not my job to determine that. However, I do not envy the way he surely feels this morning, nor the discussion that will eventually take place with the GF. And probably the daughter too. I hope he is able to reign this in and at the very least, stop taking such huge risks to himself, his daughter, and the population at large with drinking and driving like that.

I suspect it will be awhile before I entertain thoughts of "an AF beer" again.

ONE THING IS FOR SURE!!!!

DG

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Hi Greenie! X-Post! Happy Sunday to you too! I am sending you fabulous new carpeting vibes!!

AMEN on those little thoughts. I am not afraid of my thoughts any more. Am just learning that some of them really do need attention and adjustment / reality check like you mentioned. The pool...the mood....the AL nearby....how easily our minds can wander along that path.

Oh yes - that hiking sock / hair dryer trick. Never heard of that! Can't wait to see if it works!

DG

[Lavande]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Good morning Abbers!

Loppy, kayaking on the Thames ~ now that's somethin I never would have imagined
I haven't been in a kayak since girl scount camp 100 years ago but it was tons of fun :H

Greenie, I find I am silently comparing myself/troubles to those of others. Next month will be 8 years since our 18 year old nephew killed himself when he flipped his pick up truck & ejected himself onto the highway. It was just days after we moved into this house that his Dad had just built for us & Frankie had helped out. I know that the loss of a son tragically outweighs the loss of a functiong husband - I know this & remind myself everday but somehow I still suffer. I think it's because Frankie's death was accidental & the death of my marriage was orchestrated & manipulated by YB's chronic depression that he refuses to acknowledge

DG, I feel for that guy's young daughter. I hope she has someone to talk to about her feelings.....
It's hard enough just being a teen!

OK, enough of that - time to get to my to do list.
Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[LVT25]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Hello friends,

Good question Greenie. I always feel like I am on the pity pot when I am feeling some stuff. When you figure out the answer, please let me know.
I have a question about stuffing your feelings. I can't seem to get it our right now but it has to do with your own reality and comparisons to others' greater tragedies and how yes your issue may pale by comaprison, but it shouldn't discount or diminish or discredit your own no matter how small it is because it is something that is showing up for you and needs to be processed in your real time and space. So how is comparing in order to put things in perspective not stuffing your feelings? I hope that makes some inkling of sense and this isn't one of my crazy moments showing up in print.

Welcome to my world DG. Not all of it is the same, but it seems this summer anyway, my hubby drinks to the point of slurring and being an ass on a regular basis. Not too much drinking and driving thank God......and he doesn't seem to suffer hangovers, but it sure affects his memory. Friday night he actually asked me to ride along and check the cows, etc. It would have been much more enjoyable if he wasn't already pretty drinky. BTW I have 2 O douls in my fridge that have been there a long time. I almost grabbed one thinking it would be a good time to drink pretend beer with my hubby, like that would somehow make it more enjoyable and like old times. But I opted for a bottle of water instead.
Last night he was on a roll again. I won't bore you with the details, but at times he drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like all I can do is pray for him. Not to sound like a religious fanatic, but this is one of those things I CANNOT control. I can hope he realizes what an ass he can be and what a lovely example he is setting for his sons. I just hope I do enough good parenting to offset the damage I feel he is doing.
I got to witness a little bit more of the dark side of a problem drinker yesterday. The trainer who got too drunk was taken out to eat something (before driving with this teenager) to help him "sober up." When they got back here to retrieve his vehicle it was pretty clear from the look on her face that she was NOT happy. I do know he got home OK (thank goodness for that!). I am reminded of the consequences of my drinking. It would start out feeling fun on a day like yesterday with that group of people. We would laugh and joke just like what was going on yesterday. But then I couldn't stop. I would just keep on drinking until I was slurring and stumbling and being and embarrassment to myself, my husband, etc. I don't know if the trainer is an alkie or not - not my job to determine that. However, I do not envy the way he surely feels this morning, nor the discussion that will eventually take place with the GF. And probably the daughter too. I hope he is able to reign this in and at the very least, stop taking such huge risks to himself, his daughter, and the population at large with drinking and driving like that.


Today is another one of those busy Sundays I don't care for. Church then 4-H shooting, and then for fun the boys and I are going to a baseball game. I had high hopes that it could be a fun family thing to do, but DH "Doesn't like baseball".

Pap--I love pink! I bought some pretty pink rugs at a store we have here called Herbergers. They were on sale, maybe you can look online. They were in the bath department called vintage rose.

Sorry for the all me post this morning. I loved your post Loppy and hi to everyone on the thread! I need to work on the laundry and get ready for my day.:h

[jennyneric]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Good Morning everyone! Wow Loppy! You out did yourself! And in answer to your question, the first summer semester is over, my English grade is a 74 yuch but passing! and math is not in yet but I am expecting a low 90 unless I bombed the final which I don't think I did.

Confession time. I drank Friday. School was out so no school work and me and hubby were working on the car. I was so planned and calculated. I stopped at the liquor store on the way home and got two of those little bitty bottles 3.38 oz of vodka total. I did this at 5 O'Clock. I went and got the parts for my car. Came home put the stuff away and went to a couple of stores, fixed dinner and ate. I did not touch the AL till 9:30. I did this on purpose to by the time I wanted more I couldn't go get any. I drank both the bottles while working on the car, can't drink and drive if you car is taken apart, the watched TV and went to bed. Didn't sleep well, had cold sweats all night. Woke up at 10 Saturday morning and felt like SHITE! Holy cow that suxed. I know this is falling off the wagon but let me tell you, I was running right beside that wagon, not letting it get to far away because I knew I would want back on, so here I am. I'm not upset with myself at all really I just feel like AF is the place to be. I like my weekends to much now to loose them again to AL.

A promise: I will do a laundry list post at the end of the day today to say hi to everyone individually and to thank each one of you for just being you. I read here probably 10 times a day just to keep up with everyone and I just love it. All the stories and the lessons and the hopes and dreams and just life make coming here the highlight of my day! Thank you all so much for just being the cool yous that you are!

[Determinator]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

zoom zoom, off to the shooting range...back soon.

do it AF!

xxx

[momof3]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Good Morning All,

Just got back form church service where my daughter did a reading (something she wrote). Her story brought tears to many people's eyes. After service, I watched from afar as one person after another approached and thanked her. So wonderful to see her have a shining moment such as this and for people to see how much depth she has.

DG. I found your story about the NA beer to be powerful. How amazing that the universe provided you with a living breathing reason to not have that beer (i.e., the drunk trainer).

Greenie, your story/question made perfect sense. I try not to "suck it up" to the point that I am being a martyr but I think comparing my problems/pain to others who I perceive as worse off helps me put things into perspective. For example, I think about my neighbors who lost their mom/wife. I think of them often and the grief that they are experiencing. It reminds me to be grateful for what I have in my life but it doesn't diminish areas in my life where I experience great sadness. I try to honor both...the gratitude and the sadness.


Jenny, I'm happy to hear that the wagon is not too far. Before I finally quit drinking for good, I had a one night relapse. I had been AF for 40 days and I drank one evening and it got out of control pretty quickly. Like you, I felt like crap the next day and I vowed I would never do it again. I honestly thought that I did not have another relapse in me. So my wish for you is that this is your last relapse.

LVT. It sounds like husband is deserving of the snake in the pie along with Lav's YB. I am thankful that my husband does not drink. I think my children had enough exposure to alcohol abuse when I was a boozer. It would make me crazy if my husband was boozing it up.

Loppy, Good for you for getting out there and kayaking yesterday. I sure do remember those intial days of being super tired. I think others who have been AF for awhile will agree that you will soon have lots of great energy. Back is doing much better BTW. Thanks for asking.

M3

[papmom3]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

So Jenny-the questions beg to be asked: since you very methodically and with precise calculation planned on drinking Friday nite-what exactly did you hope to get from it? Were you looking for that one hour or so of AHHHHH relaxation-school is over, I fixed my car now time to just numb out? Did you get the feeling/reaction you were looking for? Was it worth it? Was it better than getting through the end of school etc AF? Were you surprised at how drunk you became (if you did) with a relatively small amount of AL than what you were used to drinking and were you surprised at how shitty you felt yesterday?

Answer or not as you see fit. I think a lot of people here, me included would love to be able to just have "one Night" where we say "screw it" and let AL take over. But like M3, Lav and so many others have said, I don't think I have a relapse in me. I had 2 one nighters when I first started this journey. I was lucky they didn't turn into a more extended relapse because if I ever do go down that road, there is no coming out the other end for me. I will drink until I die. I have all I can do these days to fight the beast and I have a year behind me. No way do I want to start from day one again.

It sounds like you got whatever answers you were seeking and you're happy to choose the AL life for good now?

Good job on the car BTW!!

M3-glad to hear your back is better. Virtual hugs to your daughter for doing a wonderful job with her reading despite how scary it was.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Hi again fABies!

Jenny, congrats on finishing your first semester back to school. I think P3 spoke for me to re: questions about the choice to drink. Knowing that I might not be able to claw my way back to sobriety is a big motivator for me. (and was a motivator even yesterday with "wrong thinking" over AF beer!) My heart bleeds for the people I have encountered who are probably beyond hope and help. I am not immune to that.

M3, I am SO HAPPY for your daughter and her wonderful moment in the sun! Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope she has many more of those in her life.

I watched a video one time of the Dalai Lama that was so very good. I wish I could find it. He talked about "perspective" and how it is necessary for balance to keep a broad point of view. He said when we get too focused on our own problems, those problems seem unrealistically large. He talked about the need to take a step back and a wider view on humanity in order to keep our own stuff "right sized" in comparison. His words were so much better than mine. I've got to think this particular talk is out there on Youtube somewhere and if I ever come across it I will post.

Det - have fun at the range!!!!

LVT - I'm not sure for myself exactly who or what is out there in charge of the Universe. And I don't know for sure whether or not a prayer said to such a being prompts that being the change the course of events on someone's behalf. What I HAVE discovered since sobering up is that prayer helps me immensely. It has such a calming effect and I so believe in the presence of energy all around us. I dont' know if sending positive energy truly helps someone else or not but I see no harm to anyone else in trying, and ....it sure helps me.

I am really sad for LVT and Lav and anyone else whose significant other in their life is mssing the beauty of YOU and missing all the potential with you that each day holds. ((((LavLVTOthers)))) Take that you jerky SO's! :b&d:

Lav, trainer said yesterday to his daughter (she is 15) "I can't wait until you are old enough to drive." I know he wasn't really thinking about what he was saying, and meant it to be funny. I was mortified. (although it would be better for her to be able to drive than for him to drive drunk of course - and that was his sad point) Alcohol really does take us to some low places and the trouble is, we don't even realize we are IN a low place 1/2 the time.

I'm not going to any low places today - in my mind or my heart or my body.

DG

[momof3]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

Back again for a quick hello.

P3 I LOVE your tough LOVE because I know you really do care about what happens to each and every person on this thread. I am also very happy that you chose strawberry lemondade over wine the other night. And, I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way and hope that you get an answer on your job 2A soon.

DG, Your summary of what the Dalai Lama said was perfect. I think this is why service is so important--it gives us perspective and takes us out of our own shit!! Fyi--The Dalai Lama is in Washington DC this week at the Verizon Center for several days doing a special ceremony for world peace called a Kalachakra. He is there until July 16 and I going to try to get there for one day.

And thanks for your sweet words on my daughter. There were not many dry eyes in the room, including me because I know how much courage it took for her to stand in front of such a large audience and tell her story. She talked about the importance of seeing one another's inner beauty. It was so sweet and powerful particularly from a girl who has had the experienced of being judged negatively at such a young age. Yet, when people take the time to get to know her, they are blown away because she is so insightful any in many ways wise beyond her years.

M3

[Lavande]

AF Daily Sunday 19 July

DG,
Now I really feel sorry for that poor girl!
I hope to hell she doesn't get turned into his damn driver! What would that do to her self esteem? AL SUCKS!!!!!!

LVT, I've spent my entire marriage being disappoined because YB just never wanted to do the things I wanted to do. Everything was always about him & in his time. Why the hell did I put up with that you ask? I don't know......I just did.
Even now he's pushing my pissed off buttons just by behaving like a weenie :H
Maybe we need to start a new thread 'My spouse is a weenie' :H

Waiting for a visit from my daughter & Lily. One good thing has to happen this weekend