Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

It's so great to be back in my meetings. Last night's BB meeting was a story about a woman whose biggest problem was the physical devastation that drinking wrought. She ended up w/a liver transplant & subsequent recovery in AA. The sharings were along the same lines. I was definitely starting to have GI symptoms, high BP, racing heart, etc., but I didn't do any permanent damage...but that's a YET...one of the yets I didn't quite get to. Plenty of people (myself included) talked about the spiritual devastation of alcoholism.

It doesn't hurt to occastionally think about those drinking days when life was very grim. A few of the members spoke about relapse & what led up to it. It's so easy to say: "Life is going well...I can ease up on meetings now." I see it all the time. Once relapse occurs, it's very difficult to come back & make a permanent recovery from it. There's often the pattern of going in & out of AA which often leads to a very low bottom.

I hope all is well w/everyone.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Hi Mary. Thanks for getting us going this week. This stood out for me in your post.

Once relapse occurs, it's very difficult to come back & make a permanent recovery from it. There's often the pattern of going in & out of AA which often leads to a very low bottom.

There is no guarantee that another bottom would be the same as my last one. In fact it's very likely to be much worse, unless I am exempt from the things that typically happen to every other acoholic who relapsed. (:H) I had some stinkin' thinkin' going on over the weekend which gave me an excellent opportunity to really think about the gifts of sobriety I enjoy today, and also to see the truth about the ugly underbelly of drinking.

I'm grateful for my sobriety.

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Hi Everyone..
Kimberley so glad that you got yourself a sponsor, working throught the steps are so powerful it amazing how you can use it in every day life.
That word YET, is a powerful word. Sometimes i think maybe am not a alcohol because i have not lost everything, but everyones different, one thing is my mental state of mind was not in good place and today thank god it is in a good place.
Someone shared going back a few weeks ago saying that there rock bottom was not lossing everything or being homeless or was there last drink, it was when they put that last drink down and come into the AA rooms feeling hopeless, ( this person was also in and out of AA rooms) listening to that i wanted to cry it really got to me the word hopeless.
Going to be busy this week with work...... but got to share with you that last week at AA meeting someone put me forward to do the secretary and like kimberley said about her sponsor well it been at the back of my mind so this week i did a chair there and the guy said are you still interesting in still doing the secretary, i said yes i know it will do me the word of good with my confidences, now i have got to start looking for poeple to do a chair for me, anyone interested.

Am so glad to be able to share with you folks the good things that is happening in my life today!

Take care all. x catch22 x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

DG: My sponsor often says: "I probably have another drunk in me, but I don't think I have another recovery." This is one of the many reasons she doesn't mess w/stinkin' thinkin.' She feels that if she went out, she never get back in. I do see that. People going out & either not coming back at all, or people coming in, relapsing, & coming in again many times over. That revolving door isn't for me.

I had a few stressful moments when I was at my mother's when I thought an afternoon of drinking would be familiar & pleasingly numbing. I just had to remember where I go w/drinking to realize I cannot do that. Also, a big deterrant for me would be admitting a slip to my friends in program. I'm not sure I could face that. Maybe that's why the fellowship is so important.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

I wish I could chair for you Catch!!! Congratulations on your new service position!

Mary, I agree that fessing up to a slip either here or at AA is a deterrent for me. I could never lie about it, and it would be a devastating truth to tell.

No drinking for me today, that's for sure!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

There were good stories at last night's speaker meeting. Sometimes the bottoms are really low, sometimes not. One speaker said: "Your bottom happens when you decide to throw away the shovel." Again, comparison is not a good thing for me when I listen to stories, because I can always get into the "maybe I wasn't so bad" thinking. Not good, because, yes, I was bad.

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Hi all,
Good to read all your posts as always. Congrats to you Catch on your new secretary position - how awesome

Well I had my first meeting with my new sponsor and we made a start on step one, doing some reading together, and then I did my homework tonight. My sponsor said she did the steps twice - first using the 12x12 but then later using the Big Book as she didn't feel the shift after the first time. So we're doing it the BB way.

So for my homework I had to go through the dr's opinion and Bill's story highlighting what I identified with. Then I had to write out 5 examples of my powerlessness over alcohol and then 5 examples of the unmanageability of my life. I was worried I wouldn't do it right, but it was more than easy to find examples! I long ago realised I have been thoroughly beaten by alcohol, and I guess that's the essence of step 1 anyway. It'd be interesting to know how people do step 1 in other places- did any of you do anything like this?

Haha I have only just started step 1 and I am already dreading step 3. I have no doubt that 3 will be the most difficult one for me. I have already looked at the step 3 prayer and shaken my head. I guess my sponsor will explain how to make it work for me. She'll have her work cut out - I am an atheist control freak!!

Hope everyone's having a good week. I helped one of my AA buddies paint her house today, which was nice. I love helping others - it's one of the reasons I know it will be a pleasure to stick around AA long-term. I already know I will have to, but it's great that I can look forward to giving back when I've done my work

K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Kimberly: I did the same assignment for step 1 that you're doing. It really showed me how much alcohol ruled my life. When I got together to actually take the step w/my sponsor, we compared stories. We found a lot of similarities & agreed that we would not want to go back there.

As far as step 3: I try to remember that AA is a step at a time program. I don't have to project into the future. I do say the step 3 prayer every day. Is my faith in God/HP iron-clad? No, it isn't. When I have doubts (& who doesn't?), I act "as if" I'm a true believer. There was plenty of stuff that I'd love to have control over (that I really don't have control over) that I had to turn over to HP. In a way, it was a relief.
Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Kimberly - I'm so happy for you!!!! My sponsor took me through the steps straight out of the Big Book too. There are so many different ways people do it. And a lot of additional supporting material, books, work books, etc. out there these days. I'm glad I went through it via the Big Book directly the first time around. These days I also enjoy exploring the steps via other materials too. "The Woman's Way through the 12 Steps" has been enlightening for me.

The higher power / turning it over thing got a lot easier for me to grasp once I realized that "turning it over" is an acknowledgement of something I have absolutely no control over anyway. For me, it's a mechanism for letting go mentally of something that never was mine to begin with. I give mine to the Universe.

Mary I ALWAYS love to read what you have to say!

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Got log out and lost my post..:upset:
Thnx everyone i think doing a year secretary will help me in my recovery alot...
Kimberly... There is NO wrong or Right way in doing the program. I had to write a lot of things down for myself because am a slow learner and it help me a lot. I also did the co-dependacy way as well.
Remember Step 2 We come to believe, this does not happen over night, and Step 3 as we understood him[/SIZE][/I]. ( that why that bit of the writing is small ) HP=GOD some people share that they use the word GOD = group of drunks as there HP. It can be anything you want it to be.
I have to remember my sponsor said keep the program simple, and it works for me ( that is the key for me) keep it simply.

I was upset the other day at my christian group the guy that took the meeting said to another person WHY is ME talking about that i have Not lost everything, thank god the person he was talking to goes to AA. He does not understand AA that it the Similarities and not the differents we look for. If i was not attending AA THIS would of made me pick up a drink and say to myself am not alcohol, because i have not lost everything, Yet !

Take care all.x:l:h
Catch22.x

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Hi all,

Thanks for your input - I really appreciate it. I have heard quite a few people saying they struggled with 'the god word'. one lady said something which struck me - she said for months she was struggling with it and then one morning she was looking out of the window and saw a tree in her garden starting to bloom. And she said to herself 'Well I'm not the one who has made that happen. Everything goes on with or without me.' and that kind of reconciled her to a power greater than herself.

At the moment, in my head, the collective of AA is my HP as it has kept me sober when I sure couldn't do it alone. Even when I didn't want it to some days that I wanted to drink sooo badly, going to a meeting stopped me drinking. That's some power!

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Catch, AA really has helped me deal with people in a MUCH better way. So I hear you on that one!! It's nice to know I don't have to drink over stuff any more!

Kimberly, I had a similar "nature" experience regarding power / powerlessness / higher power. I had only been going to AA a short time, and it was spring. I was just getting my garden underway. I am a novice gardener since sobering up!! One day some random thoughts just hit me:

1) I can pray all day long, but my garden will not bear fruit unless I put in the WORK. (faith without works is dead)

2) I can put in all the WORK - but that does not guarantee my garden will bear fruit. I am POWERLESS over the sunshine, the rain, the necessary temperatures, etc. that are required to "make it happen." (I can control my activity, but I cannot control outcomes. I am powerless over mother nature.)

3) There is a power greater than me at work in my garden. I cannot breath life into those plants.

In the meetings I attend, "God" as understood by Christians seems to be the predominent concept of HP. My concept is not exactly that. I can't really even describe my concept very well. I am just a very small cog in the huge wheel of the universe. All of us are connected by love and by energy. That is the best I can do describing my HP. I'm OK with referring to that as "God."

I feel I have gained so much from the program, the fellowship, and the steps. My concept of God which is rather ill defined and not exactly "traditional Christian" has not stood in my way at all that I can tell. My sponsor is a Catholic Nun and my concept is definitely not the same as her concept. But that hasn't held us back from working together because she does not expect me to share her concept. All I need is my own concept. And in particular, an acceptance of all in the world that I cannot and do not control.

An open mind helps too. There was a time when I would have gotten nothing out of AA because my mind was closed up tight to anything AA would have had to say to me. I know your mind is open and that is a beautiful thing! I suspect you will gain much from your experience working through the steps.

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Thanks DG, that's really well put! Haha yeah I remember the days of the closed mind too. I knew it all and AA was for 'weak people', not people like me!! Bless my stubborn little self back then. I was trying to do my best, but my own determination got in my way, as funny as that sounds. I was determined to do it on my own. I remember being in tears at my first meeting - it wasn't because I was an alkie - I had known that a long time. It was because I was so upset that I might need anyone else! WHY couldn't I do it on my own??!! I am sooo grateful now that i don't have to do it on my own. What a difference 6 months makes

K x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Regarding HP/God: I try not to overthink the whole thing. For me, acting "as if" helps. I say the 3rd & 7th step prayers plus the Our Father daily. I do it because it was suggested, & taking suggestions is how I stay sober. Sometimes I really feel it, sometimes not. From what I've heard, even Mother Theresa had her "dark nights of the soul" where questioned the existence of God.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 11 - 17

Hi ALL,
Got 8 minutes on this pc, dont know what i would be doing if i was drinking now, becuse there would be no way i would get my ass out of the house to use the pc.... so am one grateful person to be able to get here and log on. today i went to step 4 meeting very powerful stuff people shared, for me i share that feeling my feelings is the key to my recovery today!
Have to go have a lovely weekend all and check up with the post next week.x