Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I was thinking this morning that for me, AA is less about not drinking & more about fellowship & spiritual growth. When I go into the rooms, I can just feel the camaraderie there. When I open my email & see emails from friends, I can just feel the involvement. We're having our AA picnic on Sunday, & I think back to the first one I went to 2 years ago. I made myself go & was so very nervous. I hardly knew anyone & didn't know I could have fun wo/drinking. As I think back to all that, I realize I've come a long, long way.

I'll always be on my guard as far as drinking is concerned. I've heard too many stories of long-timers' relapses to think I can let my guard down. However, going to meetings is much, much more than just a way to stay alcohol-free.

I hope all is well w/everyone here.

Mary

PS: I went to a normal drinker's cocktail party on Sat. night. It was nice...great food, nobody sloppy drunk. That said: I did talk to someone who had been to a wedding prior to the party. He didn't appear drunk until I started to talk to him. Then I noticed his slow response to conversational cues, hesitation, slurring. etc. I could see he was self-conscious. It brought me back to those situations when I was drunk & tried to appear sober. Not fun!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

I just wanted to bump this up. I'd love to hear thoughts...especially from newcomers here. Anyone just starting to go to meetings?

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Hi Mary,

I enjoy the camaraderie of AA meetings too.

I find it interesting, that when I moved to my hometown 4 years ago (as an active alcoholic), my biggest fear was that I would bump into clients in the off license, or on the main shopping street when I had been drinking (obviously at any time from 8am onwards). I was petrified of people finding out about my problem.

Once I began going to AA meetings however, I had to admit to dozens and dozens of local people that I was an alcoholic in recovery. I now run into people from my AA meetings on a daily basis when I go out to do shopping or errands.
I guess I am no longer ashamed of my behaviour. I am sober and I am happy and confident (most of the time) when I bump into clients or fellowship members.

I have been to 5 fellowship social occasions and I am becoming more relaxed. The last outing was to watch a latin american band with salsa dancing in a local pub. I didn't quite get myself on the dancefloor - but I hopefully will at the next opportunity. What I did notice though was how smelly the bar was - boozy!!

I too have noticed some of my normal friends getting wobbly and slurry - it is a little off putting isn't it?
I normally didn't have to worry about appearing sober as I did the majority of my drinking in secret - behind closed doors!

Thanks for your post Mary.

Amelia

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Amelia: Yes, I do find it a little uncomfortable when my normal-drinking friends have one too many. There's a lot of repetitious talk, & they don't always make sense. Among our friends are people who don't drink...not because they're alcoholic...some are on meds, some don't like it, some had hard-drinking families. I too drank mostly in private. When I went out, I was always "prepared" w/some pre-drinking. Then, I'd try to drink as much as possible unobtrusively. So, yes, there were many occasions when I had to try to feign sobriety. Now, I'm grateful that I'm actually sober & don't have to pretend.

Social events are definitely different. I'm more conscious of myself...a trait I hope decreases as I go along. However, the benefit of not having to regret what I said or did more than compensates for not being as uninhibited as I'd like to be. That said: the last time we went out w/another AA couple, we had a lot of laughs. It was fun, but in a different way.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Hi Mary and Amelia. Thanks for getting us started this week Mary.

Meetings for me too are no just a way to not drink. I didn't start my sober journey in AA, so I never really had the chance to sit at the tables in a non-sober or newly sober state (shakes, hungover, white knuckling to not drink, etc.) BUT - I sure see plenty of that and it always makes me grateful I'm not in that place. And I am happy to reach out my hand just like everyone else in the fellowship. AA wouldn't be much of anything if all we did was hang out until we werent' white knuckling anymore, and then go our merry way. Or maybe there would still be plenty of people there, but we would all be in some state of relapse or hangover LOL!

Anyway...I love the fellowship (friends, comaraderie, sober social events). But what I love even more is the mental and spiritual challenge that I am given at nearly every meeting. I almost always walk away with some new pearl of wisdom or something new to challenge myself with as I work to become a better citizen of this world. I love the discussions and sharing. I love finding myself. That part really does rock my world.

DG

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Hi Everyone,
When i do go out with the fellowship , i got to say i do get a real natural high and it lasts til i get home and i dont want or go to sleep, it really does feel good never had that natural high before when i was drinking.
I did my first sercretary on sunday and i was really nervous, i really thought i would breakdown and cry when i read the bit out,,, Remember why we are all here and the still suffering Alcoholic both inside and outside of these rooms? i did have a lump in my throat, thinking of my friend that died only last friday, as you know from my other thread. Mary i know you only come on this thread but to fill you in about my friend from my christian AL group, died at the age 39. She had been in a lot of pain and suffering last year and this year. But still carried on drinking she did not drink a lot because of her tolerances, became Reverse Tolerances... It was not a nice thing to see her go through. As people have said i must count myself lucky because it could of me or any of us here. I was hoping that i could get to go to her funeral to pay my last respects, but her mum does not want anyone from the group going. Dont know why! i find out more 2morrow when i go to the group.
Am still always learning in AA, as they say learn to listen and listen to learn. Yeap still got my L plates on my back, My spiritual growth is always growing.:h:l



.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Catch, I am really sorry you are not able to go to your friend's funeral. :l I just know you will find another special way to pay your respects to her. HP will provide a way I think.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Catch: It's so horrible when young person like that is a victim of this disease. There are so many. We recently had a suicide...a former member of our group. I guess he felt he just couldn't go on & couldn't come back to AA. It's too bad, because he would have been welcomed w/open arms.

There was another powerful story at last night's meeting. The speaker had lost all his family's respect & love...only to get it all back w/recovery in AA. No wonder there is such gratitude in the rooms of AA.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

We went out to dinner last night w/an AA friend & his non-alcoholic wife. I was struck by her continuing fear of relapse after 4 - 5 years of sobriety. She reminded me of the damage we do w/our drinking. My husband doesn't talk about those days very much...perhaps he does at his Alanon meetings. It was a wake-up call: once we stop drinking, it can take a while for our loved ones to trust us again.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Hi everyone. Yes - re-building trust is a process. I just had a conversation about that a couple weeks ago with one of my sponsees. We can't control whether other people trust us (again). We CAN work on our own behavior so we are acting in a trustworthy way. Then the outcome is whatever it is.

I posted this in General yesterday because I think it's so important that we sometimes take our focus off of the trivial stuff like "how will I ever have fun?" I know I benefit from hearing this stuff and I put it there so newbies and non-AA'ers might see it, in case it benefits them too. But since it's AA related, I want to share it here too if you want to read it.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ml#post1150707

Todays meeting discussion was very good. The "master theme" was the importance of unity in the fellowship. The sub-topic was how damaging gossip and the wrong type of criticizm can be to the fellowship. And how we all have a responsibility to focus on the tradition of Unity first.

The AA solution to staying sober is not always easy, but it's very simple. Don't pick up the first drink. Repeat - one day at a time.

I spent years trying to complicate a solution that involved concern about the 3rd drink or the 10th drink. Or a solution that involved only drinking on weekends, etc. None of my complicated, self BS kinds of plans ever worked to control my drinking and eliminate the consequences of drinking. But the simple solution works. So long as I don't take the first drink, I don't have to worry about controling my drinking, getting drunk, and having consequences of all that.

It dawned on me that the solution to staying out of gossip is similar in simplicity. Don't talk about someone who is not present. Stuff that starts with "How is so-and-so?" Seems innocent enough, but leads straight to the slippery slope just like the first drink does. Some of the participants today talked about circumstances where a conversation about someone who isn't present is OK. And maybe that's true. In the same way that one drink is technically not the problem. What it leads to is the problem. And just like with drinking, the slippery slope starts at the first utterance about someone not present.

Not gossiping will be very simple if I employ the simple solution of not talking about someone who is not present.

I'm going after that simple solution with renewed vigor. If I want to know how someone is, I will call them. If someone asks me how so and so is, I will suggest calling them. Just like with AL, I want to learn how to just not step on the slippery slope, even with something that on the surface might seem appropriate. That is my "first drink" of gossip.

Thank you for letting me share!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

DG: I too have been reading the daily 24 hours book which is focussing on gossip & criticism. I think when I talk about someone who isn't present, I get this false sense of intimacy. It's easier than talking about myself. Last night's dinner was interesting. After talk of grandchildren & trips, we talked about ourselves & our drinking. Our non-alcoholic spouses talked about their feelings regarding our drinking days. The discussion got a little intense at times, but it was about US not someone else. I always learn something about myself when I bring it out in the open. There's nothing to be learned when I bring up somebody else. Mary

PS: I can't imagine having fun any other way than sober now. We do far more socializing & have much more diverse fun than we used to. I wanted to protect my right to drink & get drunk, so I was very choosey about the fun I wanted to have. If it didn't include alcohol, I didn't want to do it.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Great post y'all. Yeah, I've been the 24 hours book this week too. I have to be careful about the gossip, it seems easy to get caught up in it.
We had a great 630am meeting today, it was very spiritual, for me anyway.

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

Hi everyone,
My sponsor said to me just think of you having a hoop around you, what goes on in your circle is your business and what goes on outside your cirlcle is none of your business, so i always remind myself of that one keeps me out of trouble if i dont step outside the circle..
Always get a lot out of reading through all your post.x thank you.x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

I love your posts.

Mary, I need to remember what you say about "false sense of intimacy." That is so true for me as well.

Phil, so good to see you, and also to realize that gossip can be an issue for men too. LOL a lot of the men at my meetings are a bit when we talk about gossip. That is probably a good thing - if they can't relate maybe that is not a big problem for some of them????

Catch, I really love the analogy with the hoop, and what's inside (my business) and outside (not my business). I'm so glad you shared that.

I feel so much better as a person when I stay out of other people's business and stay out of gossip.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 18 - July 26

It was as hot as heck here last night, but I went to my step meeting anyway. It was in a basement, so it wasn't too bad. It was on step 1 which is an easy step for anyone, old or new, to talk about. There was a lot of emotion in the room, as people spoke about their denial, not wanting to admit powerlessness, & their bottoms, the unmanageability part of the step. I try to take step 1 each day in order to stay away from alcohol & remember where I came from. I try not to let the awful incidents fade from my memory, as they remind me of the unmanageability of my life while drinking. Again, I don't have to be sleeping under a bridge or locked in a psych ward in order to be an alcoholic. Tradition 3 reminds me that as long as I want to stop drinking, I belong in AA.

Mary