AF Daily - Monday July 25

[ItsJustMe]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Det ? that is an awesome idea. I was looking for some inspiration which is why I am hitting the board at this time of day?. But that is a great way of thinking.

Question for the group though - Do you ever look back and realize that you threw some of your life away or some of the dumb ass things you did while drinking? Or do you totally block out the past? Part of me thinks that I should dredge up the past so I keep motivated not to ever go there again. Another part of me thinks of it as very sad and depressing. Not sure I could totally block it out but should I make a conscience effort to do so or not.

By the way ? I am a Sirius Radio junkie. I have it in both of my cars, I have it at home and play it on outdoor speakers all the time. At this moment I am setting in my office listening to it on the receiver I have on my desk. I also have the Sirius iPhone app on my phone. I am a child of the 70?s and 80?s and there are entire stations dedicated to 70?s and 80?s music. There are several really good channels. There is also Spice which is an adult channel in case you ever wondered what a ?nekkid? woman sounds like on the radio!

Ok, enough inspiration. Back to work for me.

Take care,
IJM

[universal]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Hi guys! Just checking in. Busy day today - therapist and family doctor. Since I have no liscence (I lost my DUI court case - that's another story that I'll get into another time) I did a lot of walking today. Like 5 milies! Good for my waistline but hard on the soles of my feet!

Bear, when I got out of treatment the first time I was like "no way in hell am I changing my friends". This time my attitude is that those "friends" will still be part of my life but at an arms length and when I say so - that way I will not get into those situations. My new friends are people that I have met in recovery programs and women for sobriety. And you know what? I'm much happier that way. I have found that one thing I hate now is being around drunk people. I think it reminds me of what I was like. Just food for thought. You have struggled for a while, are you able to go to a treatment program at all?

I'm exhausted, I'm going to go veg with a book now after a very productive AF day!

Love and hugs,
Uni

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

ItsJustMe;1152980 wrote: Question for the group though - Do you ever look back and realize that you threw some of your life away or some of the dumb ass things you did while drinking? Or do you totally block out the past? Part of me thinks that I should dredge up the past so I keep motivated not to ever go there again. Another part of me thinks of it as very sad and depressing. Not sure I could totally block it out but should I make a conscience effort to do so or not.

Very good point to ponder. I suppose it is an individual thing. I have to say, I actually do both depending on which serves me better at the moment. Drinking was a huge part of my life so I really can't block it out. I think there are times that I need that memory of those dark scary moments to snuff the occasional "hummm... just one" thought. I do not dwell on those moments as they ARE sad and depressing. I make a conscious effort to raise my energy vibration level and try to keep it there. Dredging up bad memories doesn't serve that purpose. It's the past and I've made peace with it and let it go in that sense. I don't go back there to feel regret or remorse - I do it when I need to in order to remind myself that Nooooooo..... I cannot have just one. Ever. I guess I just use it as a tool when I need one. Thankfully, that is very infrequent.

Uni! Love to hear you doing so well again!

[Brigitte Bardot]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

I was just popping in tonight to pick up messages and I thought I would drop a line.

Everything over in my world is going really well. I'm very happy with things, and it feels great to be able to say that. Life is good. And now I have to go because my little girl want to go feed clover to her bunny "Sweet Pea".

DG...this does not include you.

[momof3]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

IJM,

Ditto what Greenie said. I use those old memories to help me stay AF and to remind myself that I never want to go there again. I have had some melancholy thoughts of late of how much of my life that I wasted drinking but I am not one to dwell in the past thankfully.

Uni, I have no interest in being around drunk people either. I even find myself getting irritated with people after they have a couple of drinks. I never realized how much it affects people's behavior...even 2 drinks. Of course, I never noticed that before because I was always several drinks ahead of everyone else!!!

M3

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Well, hmmmm......alrighty then.

Hello friends,

I've been pondering IJM's question. When I think about my past I do have some regrets because of the drinking, but I also know that I wouldn't have had some of the friendships, intimate conversations and uninhibited fun without the alcohol. I regret not being able to remember many of those conversations and fun times as well. There are things I do remember that make me cringe and sick to my stomach--so I try not to bring those memories to the surface. But they do help to remind me why my days of drinking are over. I've outgrown it, survived it, and now it is time to live my life to the fullest without it.

On the local news today was a story about a young man (18) that is going to be charged with DUI and manslaughter in the death of his best friend. The story is a strange one. They got drunk at his house, then loaded up in their van and somehow the friend hit his head on a road sign. Instead of driving to the hospital, he drove to another town to a friend's house. Many lives forever changed with THOSE bad choices. (Cringe) Another news story about a local man in his 30's fell out of a boat and drowned. Pretty sure alcohol was involved in that one.

It is hot here too. I have to be sure to get up and going early in the mornings to get my cemetery work done before the heat gets cranked up. Now I am going to get a few projects finished up and maybe take myself to spend the evening (night???) at the camper. I wish you all could join me--oh the stories we could share around the campfire!

Where is Papmom???? I want to hear how the engagement party went!!!

Later.:h

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Crossposted mom3. I always said I do not like to be around drunk people unless I am one of them. That is even more true not that I don't drink. I find myself almost in a constant state of irritation though unfortunately.

[momof3]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Hey LVT. I'm wondering where Papmom is too.

Yes, I chose to ignore it too....not to give it any energy.

[ItsJustMe]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Interesting. I see what you all mean. I?m driving home this evening and thinking how tired I am. Usually I would go home, have about three very large Bacardi & Diet Cokes then order a pizza. As an added bonus Mrs. IJM is working late tonight and the boys are out doing their thing so no one would even be there to ?monitor me?. Heck, I worked my guts out today so I deserve it. Besides, I can always hit the reset button tomorrow. Then I got to thinking of all the years I did that. About Mrs. IJM coming home to slurred speech. Trying to watch TV and passing out, going to bed in a semi-coma, etc. Dredging up the past served me pretty well. Then I also tried Det?s idea and fast forwarded to tomorrow morning when I got up how disappointed I would be with myself. How I would sweat while getting ready for work, for the time wasted trying to eat right this week. Also, I would spend all day tomorrow in a haze. All this for about 3 hours of ?checking out?. Sounds like a pretty high price. Using both of those tools drove the idea right out of my head.

So, I am setting here, drinking my peach tea, reading the board, and about to get up and cook a nice healthy dinner ? lemon pepper chicken and brown rice.

Pap must have had such a good time that she is continuing the party!

Night all!
IJM

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

WOO HOO FABBIES!!! Great topic IJM. And love everyone's responses. And especially your outcome IJM!

There is a passage in the Big Book of AA referred to as "The Promises." One of the promises is "I will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." For me, that was reaching a point where for the most part, I don't feel the sting of regret over the things I have done. (the amends process helps me get past my regrets, shame, remorse) I am also OK with reviewing my past in a factual or neutral sort of way - as a reminder of why I don't go there any more, and also as a way to connect and relate with other alcoholics. This is such a blessing as when I first got started on this journey, I couldn't stand to look back. I was filled with all manner of negative emotion.

I think many of the descriptions posted here fit that description!

Bear, I don't know what to say. I am reminded of a saying.. "If nothing changes, then nothing changes." I give you a ton of credit for never giving up. I love what Uni & others had to say about the friends.

I can't wait to go try to register for school tomorrow. I hope it works this time! I got my acceptance letter in the mail.

I am officially ready for fall. This summer the weather has just been difficult. In the way a really rough snowy icy winter feels difficult. Who knew anything could feel that difficult without having to remove it from your driveway?????

One thing is for sure, pass the garlic but not the AL.

DG

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

I'm here I'm here!! I am back (have been for hours actually) and I am very happy to report that I had a WONDERFUL time and ate WAY too much wonderful food! I was late getting down there as my friend did NOT surprise me with a clean living space for my dogs.

P3 hoping to hear about the party and how your doggies fared at the hoarder's oops I mean boarder's.

Too funny Greenie!! In fact I demanded the Dyson and vacuumed up all the crud and dirt myself!! I almost didn't leave them there I was so upset!! But, I did and they made it through just fine. Because I was late, I wasn't able to sit and chat with my friend before the party. In fact, no one was home when I arrived but there were nice notes with directions to the party. Luckily friends of hers dropped by with some fresh caught tuna to put in the fridge and after introductions I followed them to the party. It turns out that my friend's fiance actually organized and "catered' the whole affair, including the cooking! It was supposed to be their party for heaven's saked!! At any rate, except for a severe lack of chairs (must have been an oversight) it was a lovely evening. Because I drove myself I was able to leave when others made the move. My friends came back about 30 min later but everyone was so tired we all just retired. This morning however we all got eat breakfast on the deck overlooking the marsh and chat and it was wonderful!! And yes, I made it through totally AF!! Even during the toast when at least 2 people asked if I was SURE i didn't want some champagne!! Mildly annoying. I was the only person there NOT drinking AL. Seriously. And there were probably 30 or so people.

I left around 9am and got to my friend's shortly before noon. The boys were fine, had gotten lots of fresh air and exercise and are pretty tired. On the way back to my house I called my groomer to see if she had any time on Friday for DD. She didn't. I asked if she had anytime to at least clip his nails. She didn't but said I could come this afternoon after 1:30 for nailclipping. I did and she had called her assistant to come do it because her back was bothering her. We muzzled DD and after the nails Angie asked if I wanted her to give him a bath & brush out. What a nice surprise!! It's not I can't do it but trying to give him a bath and keep the muzzle on all while kneeling on the bathroom floor and leaning over the tub is not my idea of a good time! So the answer was a resounding YES!! I think my groomer was happy to give Angie some extra money and to keep me happy :H!! I now have a clean and fresh DD for the trial this weekend. The only other thing that would have made this day a triumverate would have been to get a call from job #2a but alas, no such luck. Will need to make another call tomorrow I guess.

Deter-that is exactly what I do if I have any thoughts about drinking. I fast forward to waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, heartburn screaming, massive headache and fatigue the whole next day. This is NOT how I want to live my life for however long I have left on this planet and no way is it worth the 3 hours of "checking out". As far as last nite goes, I didn't have to fast forward-I had about 10 MWO's sitting in the back of the room eating popcorn and watching my every move!! :H Bu how come you didn't stop me from eating that delish choco cake????

View from the deck of the house we were at for the party:



The sunset that never ended:




DG-what happened with the college today? Good news about the utility bills!!

Kas-safe travels! Loving your stories!!

Lav-has the heat broken? It has here-no more than 75 all day and it's been raining for about 4 hours now.

IJM-hang in there! It will click, I promise! I don't dwell on the past. I'm with LVT-I had some great times under the influence and some horror stories but I won't dwell on the past. I can't change it. All I can do is go forward and live my best life if I can.

Bear-I fear you are just going to have to hit rock bottom before you get it. Part of me want to say "you are still young! Don't worry about it!! It is just part of being a vibrant young adult!" but I know that's not true. You wouldn't be here if you weren't positive you have a problem with AL. You just haven't fully embraced that fact yet. I wish you would because I sometimes wonder how my life would have been different if I hadn't spent most of it pickled. I'm not regretting anything mind you, I just wonder. You can read all the books you want but until you can stop using other people's opinions and thoughts as your truth, it won't click. Bob Greene was on Oprah today (repeat obviously) and here is what he said. I think you can the word 'Addiction' in place of "Weight" and AL or drugs, sex, gambling etc in place of 'food' and it will still apply:

For Bob, dieting has never been the be-all, end-all quick fix to eliminating weight loss problems and keeping the weight off in the long run. "Weight is a symptom of something that needs to change," he said on The Oprah Show in 2003. "It's usually not simply about food."





Read more: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Losing Weight - Oprah.com

So for all of us, we need to find out what needs to change in order for us to get out of the grips of AL, sugar, etc. DG left her job and went into business for herself, I think M3 did the same. Some people leave their relationships or move. I KNOW my job is toxic and until I get out of it, I will just trade one addiction for another. Thankfully my current addiction isn't going to kill anyone but me and it doesn't make me miss work or keep me from doing most things I love. It IS making me miss out on a loving relationship and being in the best health I can be and that is why I am fighting so hard to find a new job and new start. I have no guarantees that a new job won't be as toxic but I have skills now I didn't have before that will allow me to deal with it better. Of course we all hope it won't be toxic at all!!

Sermon over! Hope I didn't leave anyone out. Thank you all for being with me last nite-it was very comforting on my maiden non family related voyage!! :h

[momof3]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

DG,

When I left the house at 5:20 this morning to work out it was still dark out. It reminded me that Fall is right around the corner. September marks new beginnings for both of us.

Here's another quote that I was reminded of..."Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Yay, Papmom is back!!! She posted on the weeklly thread.

I miss my oldest daughter so much!!! :l

M3

[momof3]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

Hey P3,

Cross posted. Well done, well done!

Thanks for posting pics of the Cape.

If that woman from job 2a doesn't call soon, I'm going to call her. She doesn't know that she is messing with not only youl, but the whole dang popcorn crew!!

M3

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

M3 - I'm sorry you are missing DD. Have you heard from her? I hope she is having a really great experience. Am looking forward to new beginnings!

P3!!! Gorgeous pics. So glad you had a great time!

Hi everyone!!! Zoom zoom....

DG

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Monday July 25

It was a balmy 88 degrees here today - actually felt OK because the humidity dropped as well. Had a 5 min rain shower this afternoon, not much of an event.

Papmom, thanks for the pics & glad you enjoyed the party. Tool the family to Cape Cod years ago - it was nice

When I first arrived at MWO I remember some of the elders saying 'don't waste your time feeling guilty......the past is history & it can't be changed'. That was really helpful to me because I was filled with guilt, remorse & all that stuff & didn't know what to do with it all. So I put that stuff away & moved on & here I am

Looking forward to some decent sleep tonight (I hope).
Good night all!