AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

[LVT25]

Hello friends,

It is not officially Sunday here yet, but for you all East of me it is so....had some venting to do so started the thread early. Hope you don't mind.

Just got home from a big annual social function. Lots of al. None for me, I may have even overdosed on bottled water.

On the way home #1 son commented that several of his classmates heard he was drunk at "so and so" house the other night, etc. etc. This really bothers me. I know small town people gossip. I've lived in a small town my whole life. But I've never really had anyone gossip too much about me, and I certainly haven't had anyone talking about my kids in that way. I am so mad at myself for not talking to our "friends" who are the source of the story as soon as we heard about it. My son screwed up, he snuck out, he was hanging out with the cousin's cousin and went to the cousin's uncles and the cousin admitted he was drinking and my son did not, but the uncle didn't believe him. Instead of calling us, they told them to take a nap. The aunt found her prescription drugs were missing so she called my sister in law, and another friend and who knows who else. It just bothers me that the whole town will think less of my son (and us) because of this. Why they felt the need to share all this personal information with others is beyond me. They consider themselves pretty good Christians and all. I know he brought this all on himself, and I've warned him about guilt by association, but it hurts me that supposed friends would gossip and try to ruin his reputation. For what benefit. So people can shake their head and say, well what do you expect---look at his parents. I know, here I go again worrying about what people think...I've got to quit doing that.

Thanks for the ears. :h I hope hubby will help by talking to the aunt and uncle tomorrow. With or without me.

[Marshy]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hello abbers!

LVT - I grew up in a small town (well, smallish). I'd say that probably not as many people are talking about it as it appears - think of all the people who don't know/don't care - and it will blow over soon and people will move on to talking about something else. Maybe this one couple are upset about your son's behaviour but is anyone else? Really? Just how small is this town? :H

Papmom - what a great day out on the boat! And how nice to have that to share with your family. I got that weird "bobbing" feeling when I went to sleep in Greece after swimming in the sea all day. I thought maybe I'd got water in my ears but maybe it's because I'm a landlubber!

DG & Greenie - can a person have too many holidays? I don't think so :H The thing is, GF works in education and so is off for the summer so we have the opportunity to get away at the moment. And I'm freelance so in theory can take as much time off as I like, although I do have to work enough to earn money and keep my boss sweet :H (Depending on the situation with mum we'll be going to Amsterdam in a couple of weeks too... watch this space!)

Kaslo - great pix!

[papmom3]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hi Abbers!!
Bobbing is gone thank goodness!! Only way to prevent this in the future is to go sailing as often as my dad wants me too :H.

LVT-I grew up in a small-medium size town but definitely not rural and definitely not where Christianity was the ruling way of life. Not to say there weren't a lot of people who considered themselves Christians, there were-it just wasn't prevailing and I have a feeling there are different expectations of behavior when you live a primarily Christian life-don't mean to get all non PC here just trying to see if there is anyway I can relate to what you are experiencing. It's a stretch as I've never had kids. However, that being said, my parents hung around a circle of friends who all had super eagle eyes. If any of us kids in that circle acted up or did something against the grain, they made sure the offending child's parents knew about it. And I don't think it was done in a phone call. It was done at the weekly Bridge Club game. God we hated that group!! Interestingly enough I am pretty sure that if a set of parents found out one of their kids was up to no good, they did not take it as a reflection of them and the rest of the family. They grabbed us by the ear, confronted us with the "proof" and doled out the required punishment and basically said "if people are talking about you, and they are, you brought this on yourself and you will need to make amends." And let me tell you, my siblings and I did enough damage to make our parents want to move out of town if they had chosen to beleive their whole reputation was ruined. And we weren't the worst ones :H. Out of all the kids in that infamous group by association, there isn't one I can think of that didn't straighten up as an adult and go on to have great lives (as far as I know).

Here is what came through on Friday on the Daily OM- Kind of timely I think:


August 12, 2011
Set Yourself Free
Letting Go of Perfection
Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.

It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.
This doesn?t mean that we don?t strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection?especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.
In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood?an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else?s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

I can feel your pain and frustration coming through your words LVT and I wish I could give you a real hug and tell you it will be OK. I know you are still feeling some guilt over your prior way of life and probably feel that it is directly affecting how your kids act. I don't know. Only an expert can say for sure. But I'm willing to bet it's your actions in the here and now that have more effect on your kids, not your actions in years past.
I hope you can relax today and enjoy this day of rest and family and try to let go. I bet Marshy's right-it's not as big a deal around town as you may think it is (but don't let your son know that )

:l

[Kaslo]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Good morning!

Xpost with Pap3, Hey, P! I like your striving for imperfection citation.

Wise words Marshy, and I believe you are right. I too live in a small town of only 7000 people, and most of the time I have noticed when certain people spread rumours that are basically untrue, they are the ones that ulitimately look bad. It sounds like you have a normal son, who is actually quite sensible, and you should be very proud of him.

I have four more plots to do, out of 38. The arctic tundra is very photogenic from the air, flying over it at about 50 to150 feet, is really quite a treat. Thanks Marshy for commenting on the photographs I have processed so far. Here is the link for any body who missed it last night. I will keep adding to this. Dont have time to blink on this job here. I hope everyone has a great day.

arctic art pictures by kennstamarack - Photobucket

[universal]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Morning guys!

LVT - sorry for your plight. I sadly can relate. I grew up in a town of 1200 people and through guilt by association I was often the one rumors were spread about. It hurt and pissed off my mother dearly. I used to say I had to go to school on Monday to find out what I did Friday night because as far as my mom and I knew I was at home with her watching movies. However apparently I was out sleeping with whoever they decided I was at that time. It was quite annoying but we just got used to ignoring it. I actually at one point called up one of the people I had supposedly slept with (when I was 17) and said to him on the phone with my mom right there "So........was I good? Cause if you're going to spread these rumors I at least hope I was fucking fantastic in bed!" The rumors slowed down after that.

Today is supposed to be a rainy miserable day. My hubby is playing ball and I am going to do some of my trauma homework for my therapist and just relax, tidy and get ready to head back up to the trailer tonight for a couple more days.

My friends party for her 1 year celebration was amazing. I was so proud of her. I bought her an angel that says on it "Learn from the past, Life for today, Hope for the future". I thought it was perfect.

Anyway, still AF here!

Love you guys,
Uni

[papmom3]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Kas-what amazing photos!! Thanks for posting them again this morning-I definitely did not see the link last nite (was too lazy to get up and go to my laptop so was reading on my Droid-miss a lot that way for some reason!!).

Uni-you constantly amaze me in a great way. You've been through so much, especially when so young and you are here, strong and sober and loving life! I think the angel you bought for your friend is about as perfect as it can be (keeping in mind we are striving for imperfection right? ).
:l

[Kaslo]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Thanks P3, its my seven month anni today, too!

K

[Lavande]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Good morning Abbers!

Happy 7 month AF Anni Kaslo & thanks for the awesome pics Enjoy your day!!!

LVT, about small town mentality ~ screw them :H
When all is said & done, none of that BS matters, right?
I've lived most of my life in a damn fish bowl. My FIL owned & operated a pharmacy in our home town - he knew everything about everyone & was an expert gossip
My husband spent 29 years working the police & fire depts. there - same thing. Whether I was interested or not I was constantly barraged with gossip. It's annoying & it's frustrating but in the end ~ it doesn't really mean a damn thing! Do your best to ignore it girfriend!!!

Marshy, I went to Amsterdam a few years ago with my Dutch SIL, really enjoyed it & hope you do too!

Hi Uni & papmom

Looks like I need to go out & dust off the life jackets for my chickens! Two more inches of rain on the way for today & flash flood warnings are up - lovely.

Wishing everyone a good AF Sunday!

Lav

[Doggygirl]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hi fABbies! Thanks for getting us started today. While I was reading your post, I was thinking along the lines that P3 was also thinking - we don't have to be perfect! I think Marshy made a great point too - people will move on and find something more interesting to talk about. I hope you move on too and don't worry about it!!! It was quite a shocker to discover that people are really as interested in "me" as I used to think they were.

P3, LOL your comments about "bobbing" made me think of a deep sea fishing adventure many years ago - before I was 29. It was a company sales award trip to Vancouver. We went Salmon fishing. Beautiful sunny day - no salmon to be found. :H The waves were ginormous and I enjoyed the "bobbing" all day. Several were puking their guts out. I was then "bobbing" for more than 24 hours. Uggh.

Lav that was a cool link to the lady that lives near you. She clearly love the breed and has a long history of activity! We are involved with 2 of the organizations she mentions - GSDCA-WDA and USCA. Definitely a huge difference between GSDs and Goldens! I can't speak for Piggy Swissys, but I trust you on that one!

Kaz, thank you so much for sharing the AWESOME pictures!!!

Marshy - you and XNGF keep ENJOYING those holidays. (and tell your boss to chill out! :H) Life is too short. Me and Mr. Doggy need to take more of that advice.

Uni - the gift for your friend sounds perfect! Glad it was a nice celebration.

Det - are you back to the shooting today?

Greenie - still can't believe you are starting bathroom #2!

Hello to everyone else! Doglvr, Jenny, Treya, IJM, and all the other fABbies I'm missing at the mo.

Will be heading out to the farmers market later this morning. This afternoon I need to put my walking shoes on. I've been so lazy!!! I'm over the hump with the poison Ivy now. Better not get it again from the dang dogs. :soapbox:

One thing is for sure..

DG

[ItsJustMe]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hey All ?

The floor project is finally over (I hope). What a freaking mess. It looks fine now but what a goat-rodeo! I had the flooring manufacturer fighting with the store. The store was fighting with the installer. The installer was fighting back with the store. This went on for almost 4 months. But it is finally over. I have a nice floor again and someone other than me is paying the bill!

I did a lot of soul searching yesterday regarding the outing for the evening. Everyone here was right. No one can really make me do something I don?t want to do. I was pretty set on saying no. But then I was also thinking that at some point in time I am going to have to get out of my comfort zone. I have to relearn how to do the things I used to do with AL. And the longer I wait, the harder it is going to get. So I went?the person that made me go was me! And you know what, after a few awkward minutes I had a good time. It was different though. Rather than a rum and coke in my hand all evening, I had tea. Also, I let everyone else be the center of attention. I listened to stories and gossip and truly laughed. I even remember today everything we talked about. We didn?t part company until almost 3AM and other than sleeping until noon, I really enjoyed it. There was no AL for anyone in our group.

I think that is how it is going to have to be going forward. Pretty much everything will have an easy choice and a hard choice. Delaying the hard choice will just make it harder later. So, I might as well grab it and relearn how to do it in a AL free way now. Knowing it will be uncomfortable now is just something I will have to deal with.

Of course, there will be events from the old IJM life that will just have to be totally removed. The yearly vacation to an all inclusive resort that involves a week of free booze at a swim-up bar, free booze in the room, beach games involving booze. We have done that for 10 years every year. We have friends we have made from all over the country at this location and we meet there every year. The staff treats us all like family and we are really pampered all the way down to an in-room butler that does everything for us. It is really sort of sad but I think this will be off limits going forward. Everything there revolves around AL.

Me and Mrs. IJM was talking last night about changing that this year to an Alaskan cruise for the two of us. Or maybe a trip back to Atlantis. We have done Atlantis twice and the booze there is so expensive you don?t even think about consuming it.

Ok, off to more important things?..

Pap ? every single maiden voyage on every single boat I have ever owned since I was a kid had some consternation in it. My first boat was a two person hobie cat. We were in the water no less than 30 minutes right after I got it when the DNR ?boarded us?. No registration, no life jackets, overloading (I think there were 5 people on this 2 person vessel)? This was the most memorable maiden voyage but it was the same theme on every other one?. (I grew up on the river)

Kas ? awesome pics!

Uni ? do I detect a secret wild side that you had in your youth?

LVT ? I think Lav put it best on the small town issue ? ?Screw them?! I grew up in a small town and sometimes I was the one that started rumors about me just for some excitement and drama!

So it?s time to get somewhat productive with what I left of the Sunday. I hope you all have a great day!

IJM thought of the day: Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water, smell when they pop?

IJM

[papmom3]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

IJM-good for you! You made it through, had a good time and woke up hangover free. Yea!! Not sure how made it to 3am tho LOL!!

I think the cruise to Alaska is just what the doc ordered!! If you can, you might think about a smaller ship that can go right up into the fjords and such. Heard great things about those types of more intimate trips vs. the ocean liner ships but at any rate lots of choices. What about renting an RV and driving up there-stopping anywhere you want along the way? Just a thought cuz that's what I'd like to do.

I'm TOTALLY unproductive today. Gave myself a goal of 10 evals. Haven't even finished one. Can't get the vpn to work right. Can't log onto to my report tool-can't remember the ips addy. crap. just cleaned the toilet-that's how frustrated I am. Might as well give up and clean the house.

[Doggygirl]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

P3 - so sorry your VPN is not cooperating! I hope you make the best and have a very relaxing day!

IJM - Sober Vacations International - since 1987 and that is all! Me and Mr. Doggy will be there. Would LOVE to see some MWOers there too! Although Alaskan cruise sounds fabulous - that is what we are talking about for our Next Big Vacation after Turks and Caicos - however many years that is!

DG

[universal]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hi IJM - no, not a secret wild side. Sadly a lot of traumatic things happened to me in my 20's. They all seemed to be back to back and I hid in a bottle because I couldn't deal with them. I was also raising a daughter on my own at the same time. Lots of crap which is what triggered my heavy drinking. So now I just came from a trauma/addiction centre and am going through a lot of trauma work with my therapist.

And it's all starting to come together and finally for the first time in years I am feeling alive and optimistic about the future. I'm 37 so I still have lots of time to live and I'm excited about that.

Hmmmm - maybe a wild side in my future???? LOL (within reason of course!)

[LVT25]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Hello friends,

Once again, thanks for all of the advice and support. Things always seem a little better after I calm down a bit and sleep on it. Of course your are right, screw them. It is just a learning experience for our son and us, and I realized this morning that the gossip could be coming from a young person that was at the cousin's house that has made some really bad choices in her young life. So she might have jumped at the opportunity to dish out a little of what she experienced. I'm back to letting sleeping dogs lie, and see what happens.

I also heard from one of #2's son best friends that he told him he drank at a friend's birthday party. So, I had a little talk with him. I hope that is the end of our tests and experimenting for awhile. I will be glad when school starts and life becomes a little more structured around here. I am going to put my foot down and try to set some rules and get the boys to have some goals so they will try a little harder. Yah, wish me luck with that.

Kas--congrats on 7 months!!!! Your idea of a small town, and mine are quite different. Our small town is more like Uni's 1700 people. I loved your pics as well, keep them coming!

IJM--good for you for thinking things through and doing what you thought you needed to do. I still have to force myself out of my comfort zone, but I am usually glad I did. Last night was a good example. This event is huge in our community, and I really hadn't seen many people all summer, so I need to go. I kind of wanted to go, but I was also really tired from a morning of yard sale and shopping. I also knew it would be difficult to visit and there would be lots of drunk people, including hubby. I also knew it would be so nice to see some friends if only briefly, maybe a few nice hugs, see some people I never see, share some laughs...I was pretty sure I didn't have to worry about the boys being stupid so soon after their last escapades and #1 son being grounded and all. And you know, it was ok. An old friend was trying to convince me that I would probably have to take a vacation from the wagon if I was going to play at our softball reunion next summer, and I just played along. I will meet that challenge when I get there. Throw away 4 years of sobriety for 1 weekend of fun? ?Doubtful.
I was tired and cranky by the time we got home, and of course the whole gossip issue was pissing me off. Twice I was reminded how imperfect I am--when DH goes on about something we did or didn't do or didn't do right. I just remind him that I never said I was perfect.
So thanks Pap for the meditation on that subject. It feels like in our community, rather than taking care of the kids and watching out for them, steering them the right way--they watch for them to screw up and then diss them and point fingers and tell their kids to stay away from them. Maybe I'm wrong and being sensitive, but we'll see. It also irritates me that all these community activities make it so easy for these kids to have access to the alcohol etc, and they drink and get drunk around them and say "do as we say and not as we do" or else they tell them (like the cousin's uncle did) "if you wanted to drink and party you should have just come and asked me, I would have let you" OMG!!!
Ok, I'm done!

Uni--any chance we could get a picture of your new tattoo? I love that phrase and I've been toying with the idea of getting one when and if my son does.

I have GOT to clean my house. Company coming tomorrow!!!:yuk::yuk:

[Bean]

AF DAILY--SUNDAY AUGUST 14TH

Kas - phenomenal photos. Specially love the last one. You have a talent lady!

Bean