September Sanctuary

[rustop59]

September Sanctuary

Hi everyone

Same old, same old for me too Lav. I go from A to B to C and then back to A again. Hubby is coming back from his fishing trip this evening. It seems much longer than a week so much has happened.

My daughter is moving out tomorrow so trying to get stuff done for her.

Have a great week-end one and all.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary

Good Evening friends

I hope you are all having a good weekend.

Rusty - Im SO hear you on the women that settle in relationship for what seems to me to be the wrong reasons. I was very lucky to have loved my husband so utterly and completely and because I know how that felt, nothing less with ever be acceptable. Many of my girlfriends have admitted marrying men because they gave up believing they would find that special someone. They married often because they wanted to have children or for the security.

I get told I should stick it out and love may come later :no: that I'd be able to forget my financial woes :no:
(these people are barking up the wrong tree :H)

I always remember a quote of Princess Diana's which was "when i get into bed at night and turn out the light, I want to know I did my best." I love the feeling when I turn out the light that I have been true to myself and followed my heart. Especially after all the wretched times when I drank, it means the world to me to go to sleep knowing I too have been the best I can. This tree is standing tall and proud and surrounded by very beautiful tree friends whose branches touch mine. :l

I did a yoga class today, the 1st in a very long time, it wasnt the style I liked or am used to but i have been researching and honestly believe yoga/pilates could cure my arthritis.

Enjoying another chilled night at home.......

[sdlovespackers]

September Sanctuary

Hi All!!

Wow!! Been one of those weeks!! :nutso: Sure did need this long weekend!! I did manage to squeeze in couple things to "take care of myself" this week as well tho...my first facial EVER and my appt with my counselor. We also had a surprise dinner for my mom's birthday....my sister from CO flew in to surprise her too...she was shocked into tears!! Work has gotten a tiny bit better...I guess. My principal agreed to let me have/use "only for this year" a bigger room...only because I told her I have an intern starting on Tuesday and there was NO WAY possible this GI-NORMOUS man and I could both fit in my room...there was no way she could even argue with me....her and I tried to fit in there and we couldn't close the door sitting in two chairs!!!!! C'mon on!!!!!!

Rusty-Glad to hear you are back home...always feels good to be back in your own bed when not feeling the best....but you were pretty close to my neck of the woods in MN!! It gets SO pretty over there when all the leaves start changing colors...I just love it!! Two more weeks until we head that direction! yea!!!

Lav--You must be going to get the huge T-strom we got here last night!! LOTS of thunder and lightening!! So much that my dog FREAKED out for 3 hours!!!! SHe had never done that before...ever!!! It honestly scared me so much...I thought she was trying to tell me someone was in my house!!! But then I remembered she probably wasn't that smart!:H

Chill--You absolutely sound amazing!!! I love to read your posts!! They are so positive and uplifting and inspiring!! You always say something that I can take with me or give me words I KNOW I should be applying to my own life! THANK YOU!!!!:l

Rustop--I hope everything goes well with your daughter's move!! Have some tissue ready!!

Star--Watching football just to watch football??? Doesn't sound at all...TOUCHDOWN!!!....err....familiar! LOL!!:H I hope you enjoyed your time at the game!!

Pap3--Are you busy makin' up some healthy food these days...getting all lean and mean?? How's the food tasting?? You should post some recipes for us to try...I love trying new foods!

Dew--I hope you are having a relaxing and happy long weekend!!

Speed--How's school been since it started up?? This month will be a BIG month for us...2 celebrations...3 months...and 100 days!!! Yippee!!! I'm all about celebrating anything!!:H

Cass--Hubby arrival hourly countdown begins!!! yea!!!

Well I better get moving....paella at my parents house tonight. (hope I spelled that right) Big hellos to anyone I missed!!! Have a great rest of the weekend!!

SD

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary

The T storm never made it here SD - go figure :H
Glad to hear you are moving into a somewhat larger office, geez!!!!!

Papmom, what are you doing this weekend besides working?

Dewdrop, hope you are well

Rustop, you're lucky to have another daughter I was lost when mine left to go to college 4 1/2 hrs away. I hope she does well & enjoys college life.

Cassia, I'm sure you are ready for the arrival of your husband

Chill, allowing another person in your life takes so much energy & I am not willing to give up any more of myself. I think I'll get used to all this in time. I've come to realize that absolutely everyone I know (friends & relatives) are married. It crushes me to hear them talk about their plans, travels, etc. I need to grow some thicker skin I suppose!

OK, time to call it a day!

[startingover]

September Sanctuary

Hi guys. I am really interested to read all your takes on relationships. Mine has changed radically since I stopped drinking....well slowly over the three years. I have now come to realise how different we both are and how independent I am in particular.
Lav, I am beginning to enjoy going out on and doing things on my own or even with my married friends. Its like a whole new experience and one I feel I want to relish. I have been married for 24 years and I think I have needed this chance of independence to help myself grow.
Have a wonderful Sunday wherever you are.

[Cassia]

September Sanctuary

Hey all. Just a quick note to let you all know that my hubby arrived safe and sound! Will fill u in on details later. X

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary

Good morning guys

SD - you always sound SO full of energy, you really made me laugh visualizing you and a GI-NORMOUS big man being wedged in a room the size of a cupboard :H

Lav - it's time to get out there and make some new friends, with one in every two marriages ending in divorce there are a zillion women just like you wishing they didn't just have married friends! What about joining local groups or a book club, anything to allow you to see new faces. I think it's time for you to move in another direction.

Starty - do you think it would have been different if you hadn't got sober? I wonder if maybe your new unclouded mind is allowing you to see things that were always there. We are so unquestioning when we are drinking, apart from wondering where our next drink is! The clarity is wonderful but it's also bloody scary when you look at something that's alway been a certain way and see it in a way you never have before.

Cass - yippee! Hope you guys are having a wonderful reunion. :l

Well for the 1st time in weeks the sun is out and I'm going to take Elle for a long walk then head to the gym to my spin class.... Have an awesome Sunday everyone.

[Dewdrop]

September Sanctuary

Happy Sunday everyone, it?s lovely to catch up with you all and it?s taken a while to read back. I?m glad everyone is well and there have been lots of interesting discussions ? as usual. I?ve had a busy week with work and was in London for a couple of days at meetings, I?ve also had some friends staying for the Edinburgh Festival so it?s been difficult to get any ?me? time. I?m still not 100% either so I?m trying to pace myself.

I agree with the discussions around not settling for second best in a relationship as you get older, I know myself and I know what I need these days and I just don?t wish to compromise, I really need my own space and lots of it. I also think the longer you are on your own the easier it is to remain on your own. It would take someone very special to make me want to move in together, I just love my independence and freedom (and I accept that some people can have that within a relationship). At the same time I do appreciate and value the close relationships a couple of my friends have but I must admit there are not many achieving that when I look around. I guess the key is to find what works best for you, what makes you happy and commit to it no matter what others may think. I think conventionally society expects us all to be in relationships yet when you look at the divorce statistics something is clearly not working. I?m not anti-marriage or anti-commitment I just know that it hasn?t worked for me since I divorced and I?m content and at peace with where I am. And I agree that it can be quite liberating reaching that point of acceptance.

Well I?ve found it difficult having my friends staying, we?ve known each other for years but I haven?t seen them much these past few years and having them to stay has made me realise just how much drinking is part of their lives, we used to all socialise together and I guess it was all about drinking. I haven?t been tempted while they have been here, far from it, but I?ve struggled with our time together and what to do with them, fortunately they were in Edinburgh a lot. I just can?t be bothered with the rubbish that gets talked after a few glasses of wine are consumed I don?t seem to have the patience for it It?s amazing how animated and slurred they got as the evening wore on and I just wanted them to go to their beds. Similarly yesterday I was invited by some friends and my brother to go to a local beer festival (must admit I would rather have gone for a long walk on the beach) which I did but after a couple of hours I?d had enough and left. They were all gearing up for a night of drinking and it just did not appeal to me at all. I kind of felt a bit sad when I initially left because I don?t feel that I fit in with this scene anymore but as I drove home I was so glad that I was sober and would wake up this morning in a good place.

It?s a lovely sunny day and I am spending it in the garden, I?m off for a long walk this afternoon in the sunshine to make the most of the last of the summer. Take care everyone and enjoy your Sunday.

Dewdrop :h

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary

Good morning September friends,

Still hanging out with my coffee pot this morning :H
Have no special plans for the day so I'll see what develops. Would love to get some outside work done but it's pretty muggy & I meltdown fairly easily :H

Starty, I know full well my drinking was all about numbing myself. My husband had such a severe and swift personality change when he turned 42. He went from a fun, happy guy to a miserable curmudgeon & I couldn't deal with his rejection of me, our marriage & everything we held precious. He was severely & chronically depressed & even his Shrink couldn't convince him!!! I really believe he left because I sobered up, straightened myself out & he couldn't/wouldn't do the same for himself. I probably would have ended up shooting him to put him out of his misery :H
Getting used to being alone after 37 years of marriage is going to take some time but I'm getting there

Chill, living in cow country means having to drive far to find like-minded people. That was a big part of my decision to join Curves. I'll keep my eyes & ears open for opportunities, believe me

Cassia, so happy your husband has arrived safely!

Dewdrop, I find it difficult too when family comes to stay in my house. My brother & his family live in California & are due for a trip back to the East Coast soon......
I think we all are experiencing huge changes in our lives & I for one am grateful to have my online friends here for support :|

I'm heading outside to putz around until the heat & humidity get to bee too much for me
Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!

Lav

[startingover]

September Sanctuary

Chilly, yep, if I hadnt got sober I would have carried on being insecure and dependent on someone to look after me.

Dewdrop I love what you said about not compromising and that looking around there arent many relationships that work. This seems to be the case sadly.

Lav, you WILL get there and it will be so empowering for you.

I just have to keep my head held high and my determination to make my life what I want.
Scary at times tho

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary

Dewdrop -I hope now your friends have gone you can put in some quality "me" time.

We all seem to be singing off the same sheet in so many aspects of our lives. I can so relate to what you are saying about friends and socializing. Even the ones I never considered to be hard drinkers still seem to centre their lives around so many drinking situations and like you I find it the most boring thing in the world! It actually makes me anxious and I want to get away from it as quickly as possible. I also think like your walk on the beach of all the things id rather be doing and its just plain infuriating. When I cut back on the amount of time I saw Ken, he would say he hadnt drank all week so when I saw him at the weekend he wanted to enjoy a few drinks. I had to drive and as he prolonged dinner in a restaurant to have a nightcap id be busy thinking how much id rather be curled up in bed alone with my book. Then there would be the snoring, then the smell 1st thing in the morning of alcohol on his breath! :no:

And as for compromise, of course at times in our lives we have to and want to for those we love, but when everything is a compromise it just means two people not getting what they want.

Lav - getting used to being alone is a challenge but from what you describe, I reckon even if YB was still around, now that you are firmly in your sobriety you would find the relationship a lonely one anyway. Its hard but to be back where you were would be worse.

Starty - hang in there, you have great times ahead of you.

I have had a great day, when I turned up at my spin class they had changed it as of September from 45 mins to 1.5hrs for the hard core bikers! You might think that wouldnt be a good thing but I was flying high and while im on the bike I go somewhere amazing and its pure euphoria. It took me hours to come down from my high much to the delight of my Mum and Sister who had me ranting happily about the joys of life all afternoon.

I also must have been giving off some vibes as two separate young men approached me and asked me for advice!! Honestly it was insane :H I was sitting outside a cafe when this guy who was having a cigarette asked me if I could help him. He was waiting for his girlfriend who was mad at him for being out the night before & wanted to know what to do! He confided all the details and I gave him the best advice I could, telling him to deal with her with humor, I always find it hard to stay mad when someone makes me laugh! Once she'd arrived he came back out for another cigarette, I asked him if he had left her sitting herself inside, which he had, I then told him that id dump him for that alone!! It was a fun interaction. The 2nd one served me in a shop and also spilled out what was going on in his life! I must be starting to resemble an Agony Aunt :H

I then went a long walk on the beach with Elle and watched the world go by. Life is good in Chillworld.....

[sdlovespackers]

September Sanctuary

Hi!

All your posts today really have me thinking...about relationships, about different relationships and drinking....First, on being in another relationship....I "think" it's something I really want...however, I really think I've gotten to the point that I'd much rather be alone. I want that closeness, and companionship, and to have someone to share my thoughts and feelings with but to have to start all over scares me and quite frankly, I'm not sure ends up being worth it. I think at this point in ones life being able to trust again becomes a huge factor in being able to maintain a healthy, happy relationship...or perhaps it's just me!:H

On a different note...relationships and drinking...I had said my sister had come to town for my mom's birthday...well of course there was a lot of drinking throughout the entire weekend...well last night was very strange...we were all sitting around the table...my two sister's started drinking wine around 4...it was now 9:30...we started teasing my youngest sister (age 31) about always being late...my sister who flies out tomorrow told her she needed to leave by 1:30...so she would actually come to pick her up by 2:00...anyway...we were all joking around and my youngest sister WAS laughing and then suddenly gets REALLY pissed off and yells at her husband, blaming him that he makes her late and now her family is on her ass...we all just stop and stare at each other....and of course start apologizing...she's mad, he's mad...they end up leaving....my other sister is looking at me and has to ask what just happened and asks if she said anything she shouldn't have??? I'm like....OMG!!!!!!!!!! I'm SOOOOO FREAKIN GLAD I DON'T DRINK!!!!!! I try telling my mom and sister that she's pretty lit up and it will be better in the morning...I HONESTLY think THEY took a little bit of offense to my statement!!! They don't realize what it looks like from a totally sober person's perspective...purple teeth, slurring, talking that gets louder and louder, high pitched laughing....oh well....but to them "they were fine".

I'll check back in a bit....our dinner is done....sorry for my rant....just kind of annoying...wish I could have been walking on a beach!!! :H Wait I'm in SD!!!:H
SD

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary

Good evening all!

Chill, You need to start charging people for listening to them to spill their woes :H
My daughter & I seem to attract people like that too.

SD, I have no sisters, just 3 brothers & to tell you the truth I haven't seen any of them in years. At this point I like it that way. The older 2 are drinkers, smokers & just plain miserable & unhealthy. The younger one is fine but lives in CA......not around the corner from PA
I guess that's why I depend on my kids so much for the feeling on family & connection.

Well my grumpy grandaughter was here for dinner with her parents :H
Lily is 6 months old now & beginning the teething routine. I hope she cuts a tooth or two soon so her parents can get a rest

Grateful to be sitting with my feet up & enjoying the AC. Nice, cool, crisp Fall weather can't get here soon enough for me

[Stargazerlily]

September Sanctuary

Good morning to all....

Lav, the fall weather came to the Midwest yesterday afternoon and it is HEAVENLY. We immediately opened up all the windows, no air for the first time in ages.

Chill, thanks so much for sharing your reasons for wanting to be on your own. It sounds like alot of things in that relationship were centered around drinking. It makes sense that you would not want a lifestyle like that. I wonder if you met a man who was into being AF if it would be different. I loved your story about the strangers sharing their stories and concerns. I had a day like that not too long ago and know that I was radiating good energy that day. So lovely that you are energized with exercise and family time.

Dewdrop, I find that when people come to stay it is always really intense, drinking or not. I prefer short visits, myself. What is the saying, Fish and guests stink after three days? I think it happens sooner.

SD, your description of misunderstanding and emotional outbursts were right on that they were exacerbated by alcohol. Probably if there were do alcohol in the picture, it would not even have happened. How hard for you. I know that when I have family gatherings, wine is not in the picture at all. I offered my brother a beer last time he was visiting, but he said he would just have tea. So much better for all of us.

Yesterday I had a lovely time at the movies, with my husband and my really special friend. We saw The Help and it was so good. If any and all get a chance, see this movie. I felt really lucky as two of the most important people in my life were with me, they get along, and it was AF fun. After reading the posts, I realize that I am truly blessed to have a husband who is my good friend, who I treasure even more after so many years. Perfect we are not, but we keep trying, although we are both so different from each other.

I have so many plans today, I have a turkey breast in the oven already, one of two. Feeding family later in the day, I also have to have food for the week. Luckily I feel healthy and this cool weather is invigorating!!! I come alive in the fall. Any one else?

To all, have a great AF day.

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary

Good morning everyone!

More clouds overhead in Lavland today
2-3 " of rain predicted today & tomorrow. Did not bother to plan any cookouts.......

Glad you are experiencing my favorite weather Star - send it over this way, OK?

Hello to rochan!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Labor Day!
Back later.

Lav