September Sanctuary - week 2

[rustop59]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good morning everyone

Just back from my walk and am like a drownded rat, it absolutely lashed rain. The JR was not impressed. If he could have turned back he would have.

Jolie - so good to see you back. We are all the same, it is easier to stay away than come back and admit we have slipped once again. However, many of us do and the reason I like this thread so much is because of the support given. Hang in there, the more AF time you get the easier it gets. I am in my 4th month now and that has never happened before. I would get 30, 60 days etc and then slip. It has only been since I joined this thread that I have had so much success so thanks everyone.

Hubby is back this evening but off to a fishing competition tomorrow so I will not get to see too much of him.

I am going to meet my daughter for lunch at her request!! Reading between the lines I would say she finds the whole thing overwhelming but will soon find her feet.

Have a great AF week-end everyone.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary - week 2

I finally got to an Internet cafe! You guys have been on my mind all week and I'm a bit lost without you.

Jolie and Sped! :l Wonderful to have you back with us, Bean welcome and lovely to have you aboard.

I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel about us being able to come here when we are struggling with anything, whether it be alcohol or our turn on the dark side of the moon. THAT'S WHAT THIS THREAD IS FOR!! If we were all positive all of the time it would actually be a very depressing place as no one would dare post anything even slightly negative. What is so brilliant is that when one is down another is up and we can therefore always provide the support needed. Ok I will get off my soap box now....:H

This has been one of the most emotional times of my life and I never cease to be amazed at how life continues to present so many different challenges. As soon as I stepped off the plane I felt like I was home, I knew immediately I didn't want to leave. As I drove into my old town I wept. Seeing all my friends has been wonderful but also highlights what I've lost. I hired a bike as soon as i got here and have been cycling all my old routes. The experience was something truly surreal and I felt like I had been transported back in time, like I'd never left and where I was, was where I had always been. When I got to one of the tracks where I used to walk Elle I thought I would die with the pain I felt in my heart. It was like my insides had been ripped out of me and burning acid was being poured into an open wound. I love it here, it feels more like home than I have ever felt about anywhere in my entire life.

As the days have past the hurt is lessening but I'm sure that's because part of my mind has gone into denial and is convinced I still live here. When I walk round the supermarket, drink coffee in my local cafe and look into the faces of my friends it feels like I'm in a time warp and the last 5 months never happened.

My ex has disappointed me beyond belief and with him I'm at my rock bottom. After requesting we meet I have heard nothing from him, not a single thing! He knows I'm here as his brother was on my flight. His silence speaks to me and I know he has nothing to offer me. I spoke to the banks and it's bad, really bad. We owe them over ?2.5 million and there has not been a single deposit towards the loans in over a year. Next month everything will be processed for repossession including my little home. So my hope of continuing to rent it out have been crushed.

Despite all of this, I'm really ok, more than ok, I feel fortunate that I have had so many wonderful times in my life. If I hadn't then this couldn't hurt as much as it does. If I hadn't had the intense joy I wouldn't be experiencing such deep pain. It is what it is and complaining about it won't change it. I just wish I knew what to do next but I'm asking God every minute for some guidance.

There are many challenges facing us all but we are sober and we will get through this.

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good morning September friends!

SD, you enjoy your weekend
When I hit 40 my eye doc said you need bificals. I replied I DO NOT. I got the bifocals......
Luckliy they are progressive lenses so you can't see the lines.

Rustop, I'm glad you are close enough to go see your daughter for lunch! When mine went away to college it was a 4 1/2 hr drive. I was worried about getting there in an 'emergency' but thankfully that never popped up. Hope everything is OK.

Chill, so sorry you are experiencing so many feelings. Just try to enjoy your friends while you're there The money issues are something we just can't control overnight, right? I'm sure things will work out for you, hang in there.

I'm heading off to Curves now & will be back for the 10 am arrival of EB for a fun packed weekend
The temp is 45 degrees at the moment & the sun is up ~ nice!

Wishing a great AF day for everyone!
Lav

[Jolie]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Thanks to all of you for your warm welcome back - love all of you!

Chill, while I don't know the full extent of what's been going on with you, your post speaks volumes about how hard this trip back was for you. I have to honestly say that you seem like one of the strongest persons I have ever known! Uprooting and moving away from your beloved home had to be extremely hard. I hope things work out - and I also believe God hears you so keep on asking for that guidance.

Papmom - long story short, went to a couple of weddings in June and thought since I was doing so well, how could a glass or two of wine really hurt me? Missed the summer evenings after work sitting out on my deck with a glass of wine. I knew in my heart it was wrong and while I wasn't getting sloshed, the amount I was drinking was still too much and turned into every single night the past month. I also broke my foot back in July and it's been a painful and somewhat slow recovery. Just now getting back into regular shoes and freaking out that I won't be able to get my high-heel pump on for this wedding

So I guess the combination of not being able to be as active as I wanted (walking, biking, etc.) and just plain boredom (and being stupid) led me back to where I was.

I know I can do it - I did it before. All of the AL is out of my house and I plan on starting to bike/walk again this weekend. Keeping busy is the key and that's what I plan on doing. I also plan on coming here every single day to get inspiration from all of you guys.

Lav - can't tell you how many times I've thought of you and your eternal wisdom the past couple of months. We survived the hurricane (and the 4 days without power) and also the floods (thank God for our sump pump). Glad to hear you came through it okay as well. Sounds like your grandbabies are keeping you busy - is your daughter moving away from you?

I'm am going to take some time today to try and read back and catch up as I truly care about all of you and what's been happening the last couple of months.

Again - eternally grateful for all of you.

Jolie

[Stargazerlily]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Welcome to Bean, Jolie and Sped. I find visiting daily or almost dailly is a huge help to me. It is so great, wonderful, awesome to have friends from around the country and the world.

Chill, my heart goes out to you. This awful world economic collpase has ruined so many financially and continues to go on and on. It is very scary to me. I am thankful every day I have work. I know you are enjoying every moment of your visit.

I have to go, will try to get on later.

[spedteach]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Morning everyone,
Know that SD is off on one of her sports escapades, but if one counts day by day, SD, we have 90 days today. Yahoo for us.
Jolie, welcome back. I just came back to this site too after some major slips and dire consequences. It was hard for me to come back too but there's nothing but love, acceptance and support coming from the folks on this thread.
My son got married last year on October 2nd. Happy to say I made it through the wedding prep, ceremony, post wedding house guests without drinking. Be careful not to let your guard down after the wedding.

Lav, have a wonderful time with your EB. Still no grandkids on the horizon for this old lady. Am glad your liking Curves. I'm going to a Zumba class a couple of times a week. It's like aerobics to salsa music. Learning how to shake my tail feather.

Chill, your post made me so sad for you. Sounds like Portugal is where your heart is. Know you are such a spiritually fit person, that you will be able to weather what ever is handed to you and do it with grace.

Looking forward to a busy weekend. Going to a world music festival. Also to a friend's house for dinner. He was born in India and preparing authentic Indian cuisine for a bunch of us recovering alcoholics.

Morning Pap, Star, Rustop, Dew, all who have been here and all to come. Rusty where are you currently, always on the move you are.

[Jolie]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Sped - congratulations on 90 days! Huge accomplishment :goodjob:

Filled my day with grocery shopping and errands - back home now with a cup of coffee and catching up with all the threads. Going to drag out the fall decorations and get started on that! Busy busy busy - that's what will keep me sane (and sober!)

Have a great sober Friday evening everyone!

[Dewdrop]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Hi guys, I?ve lots to read back but just wanted to say hello and I hope you are all well. I?m sorry my posts are all about me at the moment but I?m struggling a bit with this situation with the baby dying. We found out late today that the funeral will be on Monday, well it?s actually going to be a cremation but I struggle to say that word. My son and DIL initially said that they wanted to go themselves to the crematorium and bring his ashes home to have their own spiritual ceremony with the family later when they felt able and in a good place. This has left the family feeling quite devastated at being excluded especially my parents. I spoke to my son and said while I understood and respected their wishes I really wanted to be there, both with and for them, and he was really appreciative and said he wanted me to be there too.

He explained that they were both so acutely aware of the sadness and the trauma the whole family were going through they didn?t want to add to it by expecting family to be at the crematorium. Every single person in the family wants to be there to support them and to say goodbye to the baby, and I think they will find the start of closure easier with their family around them. Anyhow they are now happy for us all to be there, immediate family and very low key ? no blessings, no readings etc but if that?s what they want we will go with that. We just want to be there.

It has been a long week for me.

Dewdrop :h

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Dewdrop, you certainly have had a long & rough week.
I will continue to keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers. I'm glad the arrangements have been settled. :l

Hey 'neighbor' Joile!
Keeping supremely busy is the way to go!!

Shelley, I probably will try the zumba pretty soon. They offer the classes at the Curves club. Shaking your tail feather at this age...can that be dangerous?

Star, some days I just have to skip listening to the news because it's depressing. I listen to NPR on my car radio & they also play BBC news so I heard a lot more about Europe's economic woes today. It's all just so sad.

[rustop59]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good morning everyone

Dew - Dont think of anyone else at this difficult time. I am glad that you are going to be there with your son and DIL. They are so overwhelmed with grief I am sure it is hard to think straight. Hope you have somebody who can support you. We are all here for you so come and vent as much as you like.

Jolie - Good to have you back. Those first few weeks are the hardest. It then becomes a matter of routine. I found taking the supplements very beneficial especially for the cravings. I tried the kudzu when I first joined MWO but did not notice any difference. About a year ago I read Dr Patrick Holfords book 'How to quit and not feel like *****'. I took what he recommended and defnitely noticed a difference.

Chill - I am sure something will work out for you. You have the right attitude, dont look back or regret anything.

Lav - You go girl. Curves and Zumba, you will be super fit.

Talking of fit, I had better take my doggies for their walk. I am running late. Have a great week-end everyone.

Rustop

[Rusty]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good Morning Sanctuary Sisters and Friends,

Dew-you will be in my thoughts and prayers at this special time.:l I was surprised and disappointed at first to see that your son and DIL didn't want anyone there to say goodbye to the baby, but I am glad you spoke up and will be there with them. They absolutely need you and I am glad that you are strong and can be supportive of them. They are probably still in such a state of shock that they couldn't fathom selecting blessings or readings....I am beyond words as to what I would do in that situation. I'm glad you understand and your love for them is unconditional.

Welcome back, Jolie!:l I have missed you terribly. It's good to see you here! I have faith in you that you can go to your son's wedding AF. YOU CAN DO IT.

Shelley and SD...congratulations on 90 days!:goodjob::yay: I admire you both for never giving up!

SD-wearing Vikings' PURPLE-um....well, have fun anyway!:H

Shelley...so sorry about the DUI. I am glad you are safe and I think it's great that you have found spirituality. I think it makes a world of difference.

Chill-financial matters are the next worst thing after health problems, I think. So sorry you are dealing with all of this, but I know you will find a solution.

Rustop-I get this incredibly calm feeling when you post about spending time with your daughter. My two friends who have only children....sons...would be jealous of you...especially since it's obvious your daughters love you and WANT to spend time with you.

Lav-I hope you had a nice time with EB....I bet he's getting big.

Papmom-Congratulations on getting that PT job! Somehow I think you'll make contacts there that might lead you to a more lucrative job/career step. I have good vibes about this.

I am off to my niece's wedding today. I have spent the last two days with my mom's brother and his wife.....who talks non-stop about the most superficial things. She has the depth of a thimble.

More traveling this week and it's going to get worse for the next 8 weeks. I leave for Alabama tomorrow...come home Tuesday night....then Wed. a.m. I leave for Missouri...come home...and immediately leave for France on Saturday. I am glad I do not have to deal with all this traveling under a cloud of a hangover or just that plain old unwell feeling.

A cheery hello to Star, LBH, Cassia, and anyone I may have missed....have a wonderful AF Saturday!

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good morning September friends!

Up bright & EARLY at 6 am thanks the EB :H
Oh, if I had his energy I think I'd take over the world :H

Dewdrop, thinking of you & your family:l

CONGRATS to the quit twins SD & Shelley! 90 Awesome AF days :yay:
I'm very happy for both of you

Rustop, hope your doggies appreciate you every single day!

Rusty, sounds like your busy season is here! Going to France again too? Awesome!
How's your neck situation? Hope that issue has resolved itself. I was sitting on the sofa last night with EB & my neck cracked so loud he asked 'What is THAT Mi Mom? :H

Hope everyone has a great AF Saturday!
Lav

[Rusty]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Lav-that story about your EB and your neck is hilarious in one way and scary in another. Does your neck crack like that often? Thank you for asking about my neck. I saw my doctor, who is an osteopathic doctor, and she gave me a couple of adjustments and the pain was almost completely gone right away. I told her that the Physician's Assistant in Ohio told me I had to see an orthopedic surgeon and she frowned and said, "Let's hold off on that." She gave me exercises to do twice a day and I get checked again on Friday. If worse comes to worse, I would need physical therapy for awhile, but surgery is a definite NOT! That PA got me all upset over nothing! Again, Nurse Lav was right. You are so dear to me, and I would be lost without you.

It will be an AF wedding reception for me today. I want to dance all night. I do not need AL to have a good time. I have already lined up all my brother's (his daughter is the bride) friends as dance partners. He told me he told all of them they are not to leave the reception until they have danced with me at least once.:H

In the good news department, despite the fact that my workouts must be very short and limited in nature, I have managed to lose 4 more pounds this week....which makes my weight loss 25 pounds (I had lost 30 but gained back 5 pounds as I ate my way through France:H) I actually found a dress in the REGULAR dress size department, not the Women's Department.:yay:

Lav, I forgot to ask you....do you do Christmas holiday embroidery for pillows? I want to give my closest friends some pillows. Have a great time with EB today. Good thing you're young enough to keep up with him, Mi Mom!

Shelley, I forgot to mention, Star was right about us not being happy all the time....most of us here struggle some of the time if not all the time. I don't often post when I'm sad because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but just last week, I had a VERY VERY VERY close call with AL. The devil kept knocking on my door to dance with him. I was with my biggest and most PIA client....the one I will be stuck with 24/7 when I'm in France next week. This was September 8-9. He kept making insinuations that he preferred the training style of one of my co-workers (who is my closest friend in this business) over mine....and dropped hints that he thought my friend was more intelligent and competent than I was. I was filled with rage/sadness....and I took a double dose of Baclofen and that didn't even work as far as keeping my anger in check. Because I couldn't work out...I had really no way to vent my anger. Soooo....when I was in the airport, I picked up a Christian book (which is NOT what I usually read) "Making the Best of a Bad Decision,' by Erwin Lutzer. It's REALLY good. Forgot all about the AL and told the Beast to get the hell out of dodge. It felt really good!

Ok, back to work for the business and then get ready for the wedding bells.

Happy AF Saturday, everyone!!!

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Thankfully my neck is not THAT bad often Rusty :H
Glad you saw someone with some common sense & practical skills & found relief for your neck!
Hey, congrats on the continued weight loss ~ you're doing great!
I do have a big file full of Christmas designs I've used over the years for pillows. I'll be in touch about that

EB was getting a bit cranky so I flopped him on the sofa with a blanket & he's sleeping. I probably should take a nap too but...... He looks so :wings: when he's not tearing up my house :H
Enjoy your niece's wedding!

[Jolie]

September Sanctuary - week 2

Good Sunday morning all! So glad to be back here with all of you sober and clear-headed.

Rusty - hope you had fun at the wedding - went to one myself yesterday and happy to say my beverage of choice was iced tea with a evening-ending shot of coffee! Great job making the right decision when you had such a bad time with your idiot of a client. What a jerk! I may look into that book you picked up - seems like it's all about making that right decision.

Lav - hope you survived yesterday. My best friend has 4 grandchildren under the age of 3 - twin girls, and a 1year grandson as well as a newborn grandson - I seriously don't know how she does it.

Rustop - thank you for the welcome back - I've missed you too! I'm taking the calms forte at night as well as drinking a cup of sleepytime vanilla tea to help me get to sleep. Sleep hasn't been too big of an issue so far - hope it stays that way.

Dew - my heartfelt condolences - so sorry to hear about your loss - a loss is never easy but sometimes just very hard to accept when it is a child. Hope your family can find some peace - I know it must be so hard on all of you. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Star - so glad to see you here as well - I've missed you!

So I'm off to make some chicken noodle soup, white chicken chili, some kind of dessert and looking forward to watching my Ravens this afternoon!

Both my son and daughter may stop by today and that's something being as my son lives about an hour and a half away and my daughters schedule as a nurse is always sporadic as well. I'll take whatever I can get though - have a wonderful Sunday everyone!