AF Daily Wednesday

[universal]

Hi guys,

I am exhausted! Didn't sleep well. Found out yesterday that a friend of mine is in ICU and bleeding from the lungs. They don't know why and can't stop the bleeding. She is very young. I'm going to go see her today (if she doesn't end up in surgery).

So basically yesterday was a sad day - I know today will be harder but if I don't go and something happens I will be very upset with myself.

The good news is that I had absolutly no thoughts of AL. I will be back in a bit, have to get my daughter off to school, I just wanted to check in and say hi and get some prayers and support for my friend.

Love you guys,
Uni

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Wednesday

Morning fabbies!

Uni, that IS good news that you had no thoughts of AL! Keep your chin up!

Zooming off into the day!

[Lavande]

AF Daily Wednesday

Good morning Uni & everyone!

So sorry to hear about your friend Uni! I will keep you both in my thoughts today :l

I have lots to do today to keep me out of trouble so no problems there. Just wish this summer weather would move on. It's heading up to 86 humid defrees today, yuck.

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesdsy!

Lav

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wednesday

Hi fABbies! Uni, thanks for getting us started. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope they figure out what is wrong and can fix it. So good that the new patterns are settling in and you had no thoughts of AL. Isn't it cool when that happens?

Lav, loved imagining Lily's first french fry! :H

Bean - sorry to hear you had a rought night. I don't tattoo "I'm an alkie" on my forehead, but in ALL matters I put my sobriety first. I have too. If I were staying with someone who had a bunch of AL in the house, I couldn't just pretend I was a normie I don't think. Our secrets get us in trouble. And it's not about the other person knowing as much as it is about the lies we tell ourselves. By not telling anyone I had a problem, I gave myself free license to drink. There was no accountability at as as long as my concerns were "my dirty little secret." .02 FWIW.

Hi Greenie and all other fABbies to come.

Yesterday I stayed after class to help a fellow student catch up who was on vacation at the US Open last week. She is about our age (29) and is also in recovery. We got to talking - she has been AF for 19 years now. But she still remembers the insanity and we had a couple of shared experiences - such as quitting very high $$$ jobs when the bosses were "onto" the drinking, rather than either 1) seeking help or 2) getting fired. Funny how our alkie minds all tend to think alike. Who knew. Anyway, she mentioned that the closest thing she ever gets to an urge these days is a silly passing thought that a "drink would be nice" or something. She knows better and dismisses it - that's that. She said it doesn't happen very often these days. Good validation that this really does keep getting easier and eaiser so long as we just don't drink.

Well, off to a board meeting, a few errands, then Human Development: The infant phase. The prospect of learning about the Apgar Index just has me fired up I tell 'ya! (not)

I think I am going to do my term paper on the effects of alcohol/drugs on development for people in the GLBT community. That is a choice on the teacher's list, and I heard a very interesting presentation on just that topic last month. It intriqued me because there was just so much I didn't realize. So the prospect of learning more about that is interesting to me. As an example, I can't imagine being a young adult and struggling with an addiction AND worrying about workplace discrimination, or family rejection due to sexual preference / identity. Would be interested in anyone's thoughts here.

One thing is for sure...I'm not handing my day to AL today.

DG

[Treya]

AF Daily Wednesday

Hi Uni,
Horrible news about your friend. Will keep her in my prayers today.
It's about 80 degrees here in Italy Lav, but not oppressive stil -it's too hot to wander so I'm dodging in and out of the shade and to the laptop etc. Keeping my non alcoholic ass outa trouble though :-))
Hi Greenie and DG,
BTW DG what is GLBT??

[Kaslo]

AF Daily Wednesday

Good morning every and all Fabbsters, lovely clear morning here, sun not up yet. Uni glad you dodged the AL thing. Greenie, what ever it is you are up to, hope you have had a pleasant day so far. DG I remember you describing the quit before im fired scenario too, and I just realized my friend Helen did that too, and wonder how many people actually bolt from job to job attempting to be high functioning AL abusers. As a consultant for the 8 years I was an abuser, I was able to function quietly on my own wrecking myself. Glad those days are over.

I just edited this...because i abused AL for longer than 8 years. For 8 years i was REALLY BAD. For about 20 I was constantly nipping away, then cutting back, then nipping away. Its amazing I am actually glossing over this on this site, what an asshole I am. I had to come back and correct this.

Trey...Italy? I am SOOO jealous. Loved Italy, but that was 30 years ago. I hope you have a lovely time. Dont tell me you are in Tuscany. That would KILL!

TODAY is my 8 month Anniversary of Abstinence from AL! YAY I am going to celebrate by painting my adirondack rocker, chair and sweetheart bench a deep cherry red. May post a photo later if it doesnt turn out too hideous!!!

Hello to P3, M3, IJM, Beanee, Det-E, Marshee, and all others here-ee. Mmmmwwaaaa! Love ya!

kas

[Marshy]

AF Daily Wednesday

First day back at work today for me in a long time. One of my workmate's mother also died while I was away and we had a chat about it all when I got in this morning. So there's a certain strange camaraderie in that.

DG - Sounds like an interesting study. I know that historically use of drugs and alcohol has been higher among gay people than straight people (eg the drug culture in gay clubs). I wonder if that gap is closing now - drug/alcohol use seems to have become so widespread among all sections of society compared to even 20 years ago.
But I think coming to terms with being gay was definitely a contributory factor in my drinking.

Your friend who quit her job reminded me of an article I read yesterday about how we self-sabotage in order to protect our self-esteem. I'll see if I can dig it out. I read it while spending the evening waiting with GF in hospital (she's fine just needed to get something seen to). If the universe is listening: "I have had ENOUGH of hospitals for a few years, OK?"

Uni, hope your friend gets some answers about what's wrong.

Lav - 86 degrees? I don't think it got that high all summer here! There was a definite nip in the air on the way to work this morning, almost gloves weather.

Hi to Greenie, Treya and Kaslo (eight months :yougo::yougo::yougo.

Have a peaceful day everyone.

[LVT25]

AF Daily Wednesday

Hello friends,

Cinders I wanted to thank you for popping in with your comments about my situation. FWIW I value your opinions a great deal--you helped me out so much when my son was struggling in school last year. I hope you feel free to post more often!:l:h

I can't remember who what talking about the hormone diet the other day. Dr Oz does not recommend that one. Again--FWIW--I can't remember why.

Uni--so sorry about your friend and how frightening! I hope they figure it out asap and get her fixed! Nice that AL was not on your mind even!

Congratulations Kaslo on 8 months AF!!! I enjoy your comments and pictures on the thread even though I can't read German.

I was thinking yesterday how different my life would be if I was still drinking like I was. I can't even begin to imagine. I think it would be totally different than it is today. I'm still a work in progress but at least I'm giving my body a chance to heal itself and figure out things in a more rational manner. One thing that came to mind was how I really wanted to get my EMT training and volunteer for the rescue team here, but I never did because you can't respond if you've been drinking...........which was almost every evening for me.

It is really cool (50's) here today. I'm debating about staying home for awhile this morning and doing some canning. I have a sick kid home with me today.

Have a great sober day all!:h

[Lavande]

AF Daily Wednesday

Back again & now I'm really jealous of the cool weather Marshy & LVT are enjoying!!!!
This prolonged hot weather does not make this hot flash queen happy :H

LVT, Dr Oz is one I take with a grain of salt, kind of like Dr Phil
The hormone diet is just a way of optimizing/balancing your hormones with what you eat/don't eat instead of running off to doctors who basically know nothing about nutrition. They prefer to write an Rx for you & get you out of their faces :H I seriously dislike Rx meds & avoid them if possible. I'd rather heal myself naturally

DG, that will be an interesting term paper, that's for sure!!!

Treya, I spent 24 hrs in Italy in 1995! It was a stopover while traveling from Nice, FR to Engleberg, Switzerland. Found a very interesting mix of Italian & German/Swiss culture there. Hope you are having fun!

Kaslo :yay: CONGRATS ON 8 AF MONTHS :yay:
Have a ball painting today!

Hey to greenie!!

I took 5 dozen eggs to Curves with me this morning as the owner requested. While I went thru the 30 minute circuit all 5 dozen were purchased & I walked out with $10 in my pocket. That was easy!!!

Have a good day one & all!

[Marshy]

AF Daily Wednesday

Piece on self-sabotage
Family under the microscope | Life and style | The Guardian

LVT - are you going to look into volunteering now?

[Bean]

AF Daily Wednesday

Morning all

DG: you are right. As usual. Someone in AA told me a year or so ago to just tell everyone, all in one go, so that I blocked off all escape/excuse routes but I didn't. It felt (and still feels) too overwhelming (and dare I admit it, 'final') to do that. So I guess I still have some ways to go with the acceptance thing. Part of the not wanting to tell current roommate is that I was still drinking heavily when I moved in a couple of weeks ago and didn't want to stop. I'll only be here another 2 weeks and then I leave. A combination of pride and that 'trying to win over AL' thing made me decide (however stupidly) that I would try and tough it out even with the AL in the house. For the most part I've succeeded so I'm ok with that.

We've talked about finding inner relief from admitting to ourselves and accepting we can't drink but did you long term ABs people find relief from admitting to everyone else as well? It just occurred to me that if I could still push past the shame and stigma, it could be a relief to be totally open about it and then people just know. When I told my boss the other day, she apologized to me for inviting me out for a drink but she hadn't had any idea! If I'd just been up front we could have planned to do something else non-AL related in the first place...which we now have.

Bright and breezy day here in BC. I am going for 2 long walks with 2 different friends today. One had a recent sudden cancer diagnosis and so I am practicing gratitude for my health and the ways I can control that. Being AF is the biggest start.

:thanks: everyone for your input to this thread. Have a great day all.
Bean

[ItsJustMe]

AF Daily Wednesday

Wazzzzz Up Dudes and Dudettes???

Just buzzing in for a quick hello and see what everyone is up to. I have been covered up at work the past few days and getting home really late. Met Mrs. IJM for dinner with friends when I got off last night. I had the hottest wings I have ever consumed in my life. EVER! Ok, I know this is graphical but I have to paint a picture. Let’s just say they burned twice… going in and coming out!

Mrs. IJM has asked me countless times why I eat wings that hot – it certainly cannot be enjoyable. And she has a point – sort of like AL. In the end I certainly was not enjoying being three sheets to the wind but I still did it. The good news is that the wings will not kill me (unless consumed over a long period of time – weight and cholesterol), get me arrested, hurt someone (unless they are between me and the bathroom when the hot sauce hits my lower sphincter), or cause me to do or say things I shouldn’t (except “HOLY S*&T, THESE WINGS ARE HOT!!!)

So as you know, the man cave, while still needing some small things to be done, is usable. However, I have yet been able to use it. Completed Sunday afternoon. Occupied Sunday night by oldest and girlfriend. Occupied Monday night by oldest, youngest, and several friends. Tuesday night, was too tied to even pass gas when I got home. So, hopefully this evening will be a relaxing night of billiards while relaxing to some 80’s music.

Doggie – I am speechless learning that you have a friend that is AF for 19 years! I am astounded with some of the folks here that have 1 year, 2 year, etc under their belt. That just seems to be an unreachable goal to say that I could say that every day for 19 years I have not slipped once. I know I am dedicated but do I have the power to make it happen? To me, 19 years is somewhat equal to reaching perfection. Not meaning to get personal but I am curious. You have been AF for three years. Do you ever really get a craving? I mean, does it really hit you between the eyes and you struggle? Or can you see the thought coming up and just tune it out? I have days where I literally have to plan my evening before I get home to make sure I don’t have the opportunity to not only drink but to even dwell on it. Simple things I used to do that I associate with AL like watching a documentary on TV, or pretty much relaxing and watching any tv for that matter have to be avoided. The most convenient ATM to my house is next to a package store. I have not gone to that ATM in almost 60 days!

Kaslo – Words cannot describe how much I am celebrating your 8 months right now! I cannot wait to get there. You have really got to be proud of yourself. From what you describe, you were pretty far out there but you managed to reel yourself back in. A lot of people take something like that for granted. That is freaking major!

Treya – I’ve never been to Italy but I do like pizza…..

Ok, I’m headed home. Have a great day all. Oh, and the IJM thought of the day, How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wednesday

IJM, we are just babies at the AF life around here. :H I actually find it very comforting to meet and befriend people who have been living life AF for a long long time. If they can do it, I believe I can do it to. The time goes one day at a time no matter how long we have been AF.

I have not had an intense craving like you are talking about in a very long time. LONG time. I haven't had to consciously plan my days to avoid witching hours or AL thoughts or AL's presence in a long time either. Part of that is "routine." My regular daily routine includes my sobriety plan, but I no longer have to think about it. It just happens.

I occassionally have something I would not even call a craving .....more like a fleeting thought that pops in out of nowhere. Maybe I see a glammed up ad or pass a booze billboard. Then some strange thought will cross my mind. "Huh???" and it's gone.

The most recent strange experience was my fixation for a couple of days on having AF beer. That was strange and I just didn't like it - it was stinkin' thinkin'. It was the WAY the thoughts were happening that bothered me - way more than the fact that the thoughts were about AF beer. There is no doubt in my mind I made the right decision to stay away from the AF beer. I think AL was trying to sneak in and kick the door open. Not worth it over some almost fake beer.

IJM, this will get easier. I promise you will not have to deal with the level of cravings and urges you are experiencing today for the long haul. You just wont'. That will fade and your new AF lifestyle will become habit. I will ALWAYS keep my guard up. But that is really not difficult any more.

Hang in there!! And can I just say that I'm glad I don't share a bathroom with you. That is all. :H

DG

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Wednesday

Bean;1177475 wrote: but did you long term ABs people find relief from admitting to everyone else as well?

Not me, not really. I don't experience relief in putting my non-drinking status out there and I don't feel like it's an admission. I guess at this point I'm past relief. I didn't like to talk about it at first when I was feeling my way socially and now after a few years, I don't care and don't think much about it. 29 year olds get that luxury.

I look at that and it sounds snarky but I don't mean it that way. I'll just own snarky for now and try to fix it later.

IJM, you'd better claim your space, dude!

Kaz, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

I've got to go to the man store to get a toilet flush valve thingamajig and try to get the toilet to quit flushing itself. Do these relentless-man-chore-grunt-work things EVER end???? Geeeez! Actually I'm quite tired and a bit cranky. This may be a project best done when not in that state, like in the morning.

[papmom3]

AF Daily Wednesday

WHOO HOO KAS!! WAY TO GO GF!! You should be so proud of yourself!!

IJM-I'm only 16 mon AF-A long way from 19 years but I don't ever see myself going back unless I'm ready to leave this earth. Slowly and painfully. In other words, deliberately. Sometimes I want to drown my sorrows but those times aren't cravings. They are related to not trying hard enough to come up with an alternate way of solving whatever problem I'm having. I don't think I've had a physical craving or even mental just gotta have the taste craving in a long time. I accepted a long time ago that AL is poison to me. Just like tobacco is poison to me. Why would I want to put poison in my body unless I want to die? From the sounds of what happened to you almost 2 months ago, AL is poison to you to. So why even dance with the devil? Accept it for what it is and move on. I'm here on this site because I need help dealing with everyday and not so everyday problems without resorting to AL. I'm learning all the time and the more I learn, the less I want AL in my toolbox.

Bean-this goes for you too. You are so fooling yourself if you think what happened last nite is you in control. Hmm, did I feel relief when I outed myself to family and friends. Maybe. Not sure it was relief tho. It was more something I had to do. I had to admit that I was powerless over AL and that it couldn't be in my life anymore. I might not have said it that way to everyone but I did to those closest to me. Now I don't have to field any questions as to why I'm not drinking or deal with the "come on, just have one" crap. The worst experience was at my friend's engagement party in July. She was the only one who knew which made sense because I didn't really know anyone else. By the time the toast came around most people had had a few and you know how we get when we've had a few-can't take "NO" for an answer!! Luckily I was sober and had my wits about me and didn't explode after the 5th "are you sure?".

Lav-how cool you sold your eggs at Curves!!

Uni-I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. How is she doing?

Greenie-I so hear you about the endless home repair list. Ugh.

Dg-is your water back on yet? I like your term paper topic. I don't know if it will help and I have no idea if this is kosher or not but there seems to be a new channel called LOGO on Direct TV and it seems geared to the GLBT community. There's a show called the A list -"Housewives with balls" Don't mean to offend anyone but that's what it really called!! Don't know if you can get some ideas from that-they do seem to spend a lot of time drinking. But then so do the people on Housewives and all the reality shows!!

Hi Treya, Marshy, Cinders and LVT.

So I got the PT job I applied for! Whoo hoo!! Finally, some good news!! I go in next Wed for a half day Orientation and then I hope to start Thurs nite. The money will really help take away some of my stress. yesterday I found out I was just about overdrawn. I transferred $10 from my savings (that had a whopping $40 in it) and then realized that the gas I got on Monday nite hadn't cleared yet. So i was definitely going to be overdrawn today. I was half serious about standing on a street corner to make $50!! I told my friend at quilting about it and she gave me $50 in cash right then and there. I deposited it on my way home. I'll buy a tank of gas for her on Saturday on our way down to MD to get her new dog. Yep, the trip is on and I can't complain now can I??