September Sanctuary-Week 3

[papmom3]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

I'm here, doing better and will be back tonite when I can share a great story. Love you guys!!
Chill and dew-I need you two to come redecorate my boring bedroom so if feels all cozy comfy instead of sterile/messy!!

[papmom3]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

OK, here's the story. Sandwich warning!!

Just to recap:

About 3 weeks ago, after what I thought was a very good phone interview for job #3, my friend who was on the search committee came into my office to personally tell me I didn't make it to the final 3. I was devastated, and fell into a deep depression. I immediately de FB'd her and had convinced myself that she and the Dean thought my application was a huge joke and that she wasn't a true friend after all. I can't imagine what I would have convinced myself of if I had still been drinking!! Over the past 3 weeks I've run into her a few times and have given her the cold shoulder even tho she's tried to communicate. Well, yesterday I walked into the processing center to ask a question and there she was at a PC with the whole staff around her looking at her wedding pics. Seems I missed the announcement of the date since I was being a biotch. Anyway she said hi, I said hi to the group in general, asked my question of the manager in the next room and began walking out. My friend said pointedly "How are you Pam?". I threw the "Fine how are you" response over my shoulder as I continued walking out and back to my office across the hall. I just knew she would be over in a bit so I started gathering my latest sewing project up, put on my sunglasses (because I had started to get weepy again-a frequent and recurring annoyance) and decided to take a break. But, I dilly dallied too long and sure enough into my office she strode and shut the door.
"Are we OK?" She asked. "As colleagues yes" I responded. "so we're no longer friends? She asked increduously. "What did I do?"
"What did you do?" I shot back. And then it all tumbled out. I actually said everything I had rehearsed because I knew this day would come. She shot down all of my thoughts and assumptions and as it turns out misinterpretations. There were lots of tears, and hugs and I'm sorries. I still don't know exactly why my experience and qualifications didn't stack up to the 3 finalists they brought on campus-I will never really know-but at least I now know she was the only one on the committee who voted for me (out of 3 members) which shocked me to no end because I thought it was the other woman who was the one who voted for me. So we're friends again (she couldn't believe I defriended her on FB!!) and I feel so much better.

The other good news is that I will be closing on my refi very soon. I had actually called my lender on Tues because they sent me a notice that refinancing would be very easy and started the process with them while I held off signing the papers with the other bank. From the get go, my lender's mortgage broker was condescending, gave conflicting info and rushed me way to fast to get the paperwork signed (all an e-process). I just had this niggling feeling that I was going to get screwed at closing even tho I voiced my concerns to him. Well today after my physical for my new PT job, I stopped in at the first bank to talk with the guy I had been dealing with. I told him my concerns, we looked at the numbers and decided that the 2 offers were pretty much equal. he was just so nice and understanding that even tho I have to bring $250 to the closing table (my lender said I wouldn't have to bring anything to the table but that meant the loan amount might go up-not substantially however), I just felt better going with them even tho they will sell my loan immediately. It was just a matter of comfort level. So I signed those papers and felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. I emailed the lender's guy and told him why I was taking the other offer and his reply was pretty snarky so good riddance.

I seriously don't think I would have been able to have the conversation I did with my friend (standing up for myself and expressing my feelings and concerns) nor would I have been able to make such an important decision about the refi had I still been drinking. We think AL makes us braver? No way. Al robs us of the ability to communicate in a calm and concise voice. With AL, its all about emotion.

So, my hope is that I've turned a corner somehow. I start my PT job, next week, hopefully close next week and can breathe a little easier on the financial front starting next week.

Love you guys! I couldn't have done all this without you!!

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Chill & Dewdrop - sounds like winter has already arrived on your side of the pond
Would yuo believe I'm sitting here with the AC on again??? Not hot out but extremely humid here - yuck. Expecting 3-4 inches of rain here over the next 48 hrs - swell

Papmom, I'm glad to hear your news. It really sucks to be treated badly & not know why......
Consider yourself turned around the corner now & good things on the way for you

Had a great dinner out with friends tonight!
See yuo all in the AM.

Lav

[rustop59]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Good morning everyone

Star - I too give thanks for this thread. I certainly would not have achieved the sobriety I have without it and no doubt would be long gone from MWO.

Lav - Thanks for letting us know about Sooty. Looking forward to having her back. You too Dill if you are reading.

Papmom - So glad things worked out the way they did for you.

Everyone else struggling, hang in there. Speaking of struggling, I went back to weight watchers this week. I was pleasantly surprised at having only gained 3lb over the summer. Most of that was probably gained the past few weeks as I knew I was going back and went on a sugar fest!!

Have a great AF week-end everyone.

Rustop

[Rusty]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Good Morning Sanctuary Friends,

I can't believe there is only one more week of September. Any name suggestions for October? October Ostriches, OH-LAY-EE-OOH October... Just kiddin.'

Dew-I cannot imagine your grief and sense of loss with the unexpected death of your beloved grandson and fighting cancer at the same time.:l I hope you have lovely weather on your walking trip with your friend. A change of scenery and more serenity are just what you need.

Papmom-I'm glad you resolved your issue with your friend/co-worker. Ugh, the backbiting and competition of the workplace. So glad I own my own business. I would never have your patience and drive. I'd open my mouth and get fired the first day.

Chill-I sure hope your financial issues work out. Maybe it would be better to stay in Scotland with your family, work, save some money, etc. Moving back to Portugal may create its own set of problems as it will be expensive, etc. Lav is right...you can never get those days back with your family if you miss out on them.

Rustop-you only gained 3 pounds over the summer?:goodjob: I love hearing your stories about your daughters, etc. they make me smile. Did I read somewhere that you now have 4 months AF? :yay:

Lav-I'm glad you had a nice night out with friends. Also, I'm glad you heard from Sooty. Dill and Cyntree, if you are reading, know that I miss you both.

Star-I agree wholeheartedly with you that this thread is a lifesaver. It's very unique, too. We do support each other and there's no finger pointing when someone falls off the wagon. Like you said, we have to find our own way out....and all that in-fighting among people on the thread because someone drank is what kept me away from MWO for a long time. I was frankly disgusted with all that conflict and divisiveness. I ALMOST posted last night, "Is this the Junior High Thread?"

I leave for France tomorrow and I will check in with you guys when I get there. I will be with my PIA client, but I have my plan in place that I will set firm boundaries for him...I will not be eating dinner with him every night because he's whining that he doesn't like to eat alone. Damn, we're staying at a Holiday Inn, not a castle, so there won't be any bats swirling around his head.:H

SD-I am going to miss the Packers-Bears game this weekend. Bummer. Yup, the Vikings record is not exactly sparkling.

Shout out to LBH. Where are you, woman? I miss you.

I'm happy to say tht the Beast has not been calling me all week. He was probably ticked off that I didn't invite him to the wedding last Saturday.:H I told him he will not be accompanying me to France. I will have a much better time without him.

A warm hello to Sheley, Jolie, and anyone I may have missed...have a wonderful AF Friday.

[Jolie]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

TGIF Abbers!

So glad it is Friday and what the heck??? Went to bed feeling okay - woke up feeling like my eye was going to pop out of my head and generally feeling like crap. Now this is not supposed to be happening because I've been totally AF for the past 8 days - I should be feeling terrific - fabulous - great! I'll get over it. Talked to a friend yesterday and her son had the exact same symptoms - must be a bug. Wedding countdown is now at 9 days so it better get out of my system by then!

Lav - are we going to just float away or what? How dismal is it that rain is in the forecast until next Wednesday? Feeling thankful that the wedding isn't this weekend as it's an outside reception.

Rustop - good luck with WW - anyone I've ever talked to who has tried it says it really works - we even have a group at our work. 3 pounds is hardly anything so you must have done something right this summer!

Papmom - glad to hear that your financial situation may be turning around. Money issues are stressful and sounds like you handled the situation with the lenders perfectly! I do know what you mean about thinking AL makes us brave. I've had so many AL induced conversations that I wish I could take back - looking forward I know that a clear head will be my best defense when handling those difficult conversations (future in-law related maybe???

Dew - your plan for hill walking sounds so great - hiking and stopping at B&B's - that's my idea of a great getaway. Speaking of which, hubby and I are hoping to get away for a long weekend after the wedding - need to relax and hopefully enjoy some fall scenery somewhere.

Chill - gladd the party (pity) is over and I had to chuckle becuase I knew you would bounce right back! :l to you and hope you find a buyer for that property real soon!

Star - I've thread-hopped as well and all I can say is everyone on this thread is just amazing. Not one word of negativity, judgement, or anything evenly remotely like that.

Hope everyone has an awesome Friday!

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Hello Sancturians :hiya:

Yes its nearly week 4 and I think an extra effort should be made by us all to seek some sactuary this weekend. How about October Optimists?

Papmom - :yay: to you having your mojo back! I loved your story about your co worker. Although there were many tears and the conversation was difficult, its shows such maturity to be about to have these things out and I agree that in the past my mind would have been to fuzzy to cope with these situations. Being sober gives such clarity and definitely gives us more courage and confindence. Have you ever read THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz? (Its a fav of mine) Agreement 3 is "Dont make assumptions" and it is a great lesson. We so easily make up stories in our head about whats going on and often they can be so far off the truth. Im so glad your refi is set up and that it will help.

Lav - Glad you had a good dinner out. Rain.... im becoming an expert! :H Where I live you have to learn to get wet as the wind is too strong for any umbrella to withstand it! I keep thinking there must be an better invention out there I could think up to keep us dry.

Rustop - I too have been on a sugar fest and actually I think i finally sickened myself so am in a good frame of mind to get the few extra pounds off.

Rusty - You sound in great spirits and full of energy, lovely to hear. Pity about the PIA Client. Would have been good if you could have sent him and AL away together on a one way ticket to the moon. Vive la France!

Jolie - Sorry to hear you are feeling off par but congartulations on 8 days AF! I always think getting past day 7 is a real victory as now you have covered every day of the week. Thanks for the vote of confidence on bouncing back.

I had a call last night from Kenneth as we still have each others house keys and he suggested we get together for dinner. (yikes!) Anyway I so want the weekend to myself after all the madness of the last few weeks so I have arranged it for Tuesday.

Apart from seeing my Sisters on Sunday afternoon, I have nothing planned for the weekend. I woke up not feeling 100% with a sore throat and the shivers so Im planning holeing up at home in my jammies with Elle, some nice food and some good books. Im reading THE HELP at the moment and loving it.....

I will check in later

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Hello ladies

Running late but I blame it on the darkness again this morning :H

Jolie, my son & DIL are planning a cookout event after Will's christening on Sunday. I think maybe mama Lav needs to talk to them about alternatives

Het rustop, 3 lbs over the summer is not bad at all. You'll get that off in no time

Rusty, wishing you safe travel & a good set of earplugs so you don't have to listen to the whiner :H
I bet if you call ahead the Holiday Inn could produce a bat or two for your companion :H

Jolie, take good care of yourself & drown that bug with lots of green tea. I swear by that stuff! I go through 1-2 quarts/day (either hot or cold) of Harris decaf green tea.

OK, need to get going! Wishing everyone a terrific AF Friday!

Lav

[Jolie]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Lav - ummmm do you think it will rain? :H Hubby says the roads are flooding.

Did the grocery store thing after work and after I log off from all you wonderful people here, I and going to sit down with my cup of coffee (I know I should be drinking tea instead and if I'm up all night, I'll only have myself to blame). Feeling pretty strong given the fact that hubby hunted last night and tonight. That would have meant free reign for me to come home from work and get right into happy hour but I found myself out shopping - just looking really but keeping myself distracted. As I passed each liquor store on the way home I smiled cause I really had no desire to stop.

Lav - I'm sure it will be a beautiful christening whether you have the after-celebration outside or in.

Chill - sorry you aren't feeling well either - I'm still not 100% either but plan on sleeping in tomorrow and hope I'm all better by then. Sounds like a good idea planning your dinner date for Tuesday - a restful weekend is just what you need


Rusty - hope you have a nice time in France! Hope the weather is tres bien (okay - that's about all I remember from French class many, many years ago:H)

Dew, Rustop, Papmom, Star, Bean, and all those who drop by - HAPPY AF FRIDAY!

[Lavande]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Jolie,
I noticed a river of muddy water running down the opposite side of my road today ~ grateful to be uphill
Isn't it thrilling to be sitting here vegging in front of the TV with flood warnings running across the bottom of the screen
Glad you are feeling strong tonight!!!!!

[papmom3]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

hey everyone-just a quick check in on this humid rainy nite. Nothing like the smell of wet dog x 3 just before bed :H !!

Jolie-you are doing great! Keep up the good work and know that whatever comes your way that tempts you, we are here for you and can help you resist.

Chill-I just love watching your thought processes as you work through these monumental problems. I think whatever you ultimately decide to do will be right for you because you know yourself and you have a clear mind and can be objective and thoughtful. Right now it seems as tho staying put (except for the new apartment which sounds awesome btw) so that you can be with your folks, save some money and enrich your resume sounds like the best option. Someday you will be back in Portugal if that is truly where you are meant to be. I am praying the financial issues with your ex will work out for the both of you. No bankruptcy if you can help it. Hope you're feeling better hon.

Rusty-back to Paris so soon? Be a warrior with that PIA client OK? he is not worth the anxiety or anythoughts of drinking. I like the order of bats thing :H. Congrats on the weight loss! That is awesome! did you ever have a problem with sugar addiction and if so, does the new med help relieve that? I'm starting to think this sugar thing with me is more than will power. I just don't have the money or time to really jump into the paleo diet for real. What I attempted last month was a disaster as far as cooking goes. Totally wrecked steak and expensive hamburger which were multiple meals for me. sigh.

Wow Rustop-that is so cool you only gained 3lbs! Must have been all the running around you did this summer with the girls! Keep up the good work. I really love the new points plus program but I can't stay away from the sugar at night and that blows up all my good work during the day.

Dew-your hill walking weekend sounds like just the ticket for you. I hope the weather is magically delicious!! Thank you for being concerned about me. I'm getting better every day and since I switched my sleep aid to Calms Forte from benedryl or ambien, I am not nearly as groggy in the morning. I think eventually my sleep will get better which will help me resist the sugar. I will try not to stay away so much from now on, no matter how crappy I feel.

tomorrow I'm supposed to go to an agility event from 9-12 but the weather doesn't look promising and I won't put DD or me at risk of injury so may not go. Surprised they haven't canceled yet.

Have a good rest of the nite. Hugs to anyone struggling.

:l

[sdlovespackers]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Hi ALL!
This is just crazy!! Me HERE having awesome weather and everyone else not??!?! What in the world??? Seriously, someone was saying like high 70's next week...unheard of!! You wait...we'll make up for it this winter....negative 50 below...20 feet of snow!:H My son has a football game at 8:30AM (that was AM) tomorrow...um...Saturday people!!! His dad is coming to watch it (it's his last game of the season)...he has to get up and leave by 6 to get here...I was going to be nice and tell him he could drive down tonight and stay over but then I was like, um that wouldn't make for a very relaxing evening for myself, so i didn't!! I love my new sober-brained thinking!!:H
Pap3-I'm so envious of you for being able to have that conversation with your co-worker. I wish I could do that...you know just talk about what is bothering me instead of assuming the worst (of thinking people are thinking the worst). I had a pretty rough week at school and really wish I could go to my principal but I really feel there is something going on between us, but have no idea what I've done. Hopefully next week will be better! I'm so glad things are going so well for you!!:l

Rusty--Not to worry about the game--I got your back as far as the cheering goes!!:H I'll have me jersey, socks, hat (and even my lucky undies on--TMI) for this game...They have to beat the Bears...my aunt is a HUGE Bears fan and she will send me NONSTOP text messages throughout the game if the Bears are ahead or win!! I, of course, am a bigger person than that and would NEVER do such a thing! Try to have a good time in France...tell the PIA to "bugger off"...isn't that how it goes?? heehee!!

Jolie--Great job and getting through that first week!! That first week always feels good...but then again so does 10 days, 2 weeks, 1 month...etc...keep on keepin on!! You can do it!!!

Rustop--I really liked WW when I went several years ago...I enjoyed the point system they had (if they still do it that way). 3 pounds....that's nothin...you'll get that off in no time!!

Lav--I sure hope the rain stops for your cookout...could be a bit soggy! I'm sure whatever your family decides to do it will be wonderful!! What a special day!!

Star--I couldn't agree more with you about this thread...it's amazing...as is everyone on it!!:h

Dew--Hoping your getaway is relaxing!! I've never been to a B & B...I'd like to hear what they are like...I picture a cute little cottage or cabin...but I guess I have no idea ( I think I live in a bubble)!

Well it's getting late...that alarm (on a SATURDAY) is going to hurt worse then a Monday I'm thinking!! I hope everyone has a great, relaxing, healthy (dry-Lav) weekend.
SD

[rustop59]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Good morning everyone

Papmom - seems like a lot of our homes smell the same!!! Our goldie stinks to high heaven when she is wet and muddy. The JR does not have much hair and hates being wet. I am like you with the sugar thing, especially at night. I have gotten much better since giving up Al and I think that is what helped over the summer.

SD - A B&B is usually a room in sombody's family so it can be anything from a cottage/bungalow, a farmhouse to a two storey Georgian house. Hubby never liked staying in them when the girls were small but some people love it. In Ireland you usually get a huge cooked breakfast in the morning so that sets you up for the day.

Lav - hope the christening goes ok.

Rusty - safe travels.

Star, Dew, Jolie, LBH, Shelly, Cassia and anyone else I missed have a great week-end.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Good morning guys and happy Saturday

SD - I love that you love your new sober thinking! I can remember in my 1st 6 months AF been so surprised to find I actually had a brain :H it felt like the scarecrow from the Wizanrd of Oz.

I've been out walking with Elle and its exceptionally mild here today so hopefully excellent conditions for Dewdrops hillwalking.

I definitely have a cold and my throat and chest hurt. I had hoped to spend a lot of time in the gym this weekend but I know it's not wise when your body is fighting a virus so it's lots of rest for me instead. I used to get pissed off when I was sick but now I enjoy the excuse to leave the chores. The apartment needs cleaning but another week of dust won't do any harm

I went to value a house at the end of the day yesterday and ended up being there for 2 hours! The lady poured her heart out to me about her life and her husbands many addictions and then started on the subject of God. (I know, it sounds bizarre!) Anyway she persuaded me to come to an Evangelical meeting tomorrow night at her local church. I have always steered clear of religion preferring to take bits from all types of philosophies rather than just one. I dont like that they all think theirs is the right one and all the others are wrong. However I'm always open to everything and she described them as an interesting group of people. As I no longer seem to fit in with "mainstream" folks maybe I will feel more comfortable here and I could do with some friends. I love being on my own but having had such a wonderful time last week with friends I realize that I do miss that inter action.

I'm off to meet my Parents for coffee, wishing you all a wonderful Saturday.

[Stargazerlily]

September Sanctuary-Week 3

Good morning all.....

Sounds like many of us are sick, I guess it comes with the change of the weather. I had to go to the doctor yesterday, I have an eye irritation that turned into an infection, so it is such a relief to have medicine.

I had an intense day yesterday, helped my Dad clean out closets and came upon many of my Mom's things. We packed up and took a car load to Good Will. I also kept a few bits and pieces for myself and my kids, still in the trunk of my car. Then we visited my mother's grave, so a very emotional day. But at the same time it was all good, it is a part of the ongoing process of grieving, healing and closure.

I have to tell you this story. I decided to visit an old friend and was shocked at how she is doing, all due to alcohol use. She is in financial disaster due to poor decisions and her health is deteriorating. She told me that she cannot drink her rum and cokes anymore, just wine. Plus a heavy smoker. She is swelling up, edema, and has out of control high blood pressure. As we all know, alcohol is at the root of all of this: weight gain, high blood pressure, other health issues, poor choices, pity party, and life just a general mess. I don't think she will change or even try, but instead just keep getting worse. I feel haunted by it, and woke up really early. I realize that it is not my fault, choice, or problem, but it is so sad to see this happen to a person you care about. I guess it just reinforces even more that being AF is the only way to go. I have known her forever, and know she does not want advice or help, she is just doing what she has always done. The accumulation of the damage just keeps piling up. I do not expect her to live through her 50's if she does not make real changes. I am not criticizing, just realizing it could be me.

Papmom, I am so proud of you.....it took such courage and strength to speak your mind to your friend and make things right. The refinancing business is in such a mess, I understand why the mortgage industry cannot straighten up its financial mess. My refinance was a difficult, annoying process and I also dealt with rude people who made mistakes and did not know what they were doing. What is going on with that?

Rusty and SD, sorry, but I am a Bears fan., I however, have no faith they will win till they get their offensive line together, so enjoy a Packers win.

Chill and Jolie, I too will take this weekend to rest as much as possible. I am tired, tired, tired. I think a pot of chicken soup will help towards feeling better too.

Lav, we are stuck with rain too. How lovely to have another christening. Your children really honor you in having you such a huge part of their lives. You are so lucky and loved.

I again take time to appreciate all of you and every good thing in my life, all made better AF.