AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Doggygirl;1181105 wrote: I got the highest score in my class on the midterm.

WOO HOO!!!! Congratulations!!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

oy!

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Welcome Sunshine, go girl go! And if that is really you with the horse, your horse is gorgeous, and you are no slouch yourself.

Who exactly are you kicking in the arsehole, Green_E? Hmmm??

CONGRATULATIONS DG on best score in class.

Kas

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Kaslo;1181137 wrote: Who exactly are you kicking in the arsehole, Green_E? Hmmm??

Kaz, I used to call my office "the hole". I lost control of it in a downward spiral and it became "the black hole". When I quit drinking, it took me 2 weeks but I got it straightened out. Then the boss (FH) spiraled out of control (and out of the marriage) so now it's HIS black hole. I think he's about sorted out so I'm getting the business end organized. Damage control, more or less. See? Si!

[Bean]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

WAY TO GO DG!!! See, I told you 29 year olds are always the swots at school (that's a British term btw)! :goodjob:

[COLOR=Black][/COLOR So the dialogue with Jenny kind of took me by surprise and you all wrote some interesting and thoughtful posts.

Greenie: your comment about 'hoping that she can include AL in her life in a way that doesn't sacrifice her potential' was like a thunderbolt. I [I]know[I] that AL stands in the way of me reaching my potential - the key word being 'MY'. It doesn't matter how long and loudly I whine about other people being able to drink 'normally', the unfairness of it etc...AL gets in the way of MY life, kills MY happiness, MY health, MY finances, MY relationships and on and on.

And in this frame of mind I have made a subtle shift from the anger and self pity of 'I can't drink' to "I am now choosing not to drink, because I DONT LIKE the way AL makes me feel'. Remembering that I have a choice, always have a choice makes me feel empowered!

And Greenie, I was also unexpectedly touched that you were in my corner concerning Jenny's comments having the potential to make me think "maybe I can have a few too'. That has certainly happened to me in the past but more to the point, I guess I always felt that people (me included) come and go so much from MWO that it's hard to really give two hoots about someone else's struggle. We can only do so much for each other, right? But your saying that made me feel really supported and cared about, so thank you for that. :l

The icing on today's AL cake was going to work and my boss saying "wow, you look really good today, you are vibrant" and he is not one to dish out the compliments. Today I feel the best I have in weeks and it was lovely to have that confirmation from someone else!

Most of all, just such a freaking relief to have broken the cycle of my latest (and hopefully last) binge.
Hi to all - you're so helpful and I really appreciate your input.
Bean

PS Hey Sunny GG - yep, we can do this together.

[Bean]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Whoops - I meant icing on the AF cake!!

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Sandwich Alert!!

WAY TO GO DG!! GO FOR VALEDICTORIAN!!

Sunny-psyched to have you join us!! We're not for the faint hearted (DG and Greenie will get their :b&dut before you can say "I......" but you have a strong heart and will so I know you will fit in well here. I've been sticking to the Monthly Abs threads so I've lost track of you-glad to be able to catch up!

Kas-my thoughts will be with you tomorrow at Helen's service. Remember, your brothers are not you and are no reflection of you so if they want to make arses of themselves (assuming they both show up) it will be quite obvious to everyone what kind of people they are. Just be there for Helen and her family. :h

Bean-keep the streak going!! You can do this!! You HAVE to do this!!

M3-so glad to hear yoga teacher training is going so well! I remember my friend telling me how hard her's was so I have no doubt your arse will be kicked from here and back but you are strong and will come out the other side even stronger and so happy!! BTW-this same friend who had her first child 11 months ago just did her first 5K in 45 min and after only a month of running! She had never even jogged before!

Treya-hope you're having a safe trip home from Italy!!

Greenie-you're getting paid to clean out your own office? Where do I sign up? :H

Lav-rainy and muggy here too for the next 3 days. Sunday might be OK.

So here's the story I promised. As a recap:

About 3 weeks ago, after what I thought was a very good phone interview for job #3, my friend who was on the search committee came into my office to personally tell me I didn't make it to the final 3. I was devestated, had to put out an SOS to you guys (again, thank you so much for the support and phone calls) and fell into a deep depression. I immediately de FB'd her and had convinced myself that she and the Dean thought my application was a huge joke and that she wasn't a true friend afterall. I can't imagine what I would have convinced myself of if I had still been drinking!! Over the past 3 weeks I've run into her a few times and have given her the cold shoulder even tho she's tried to communicate. Well, yesterday I walked into the processing center to ask a question and there she was at a PC with the whole staff around her looking at her wedding pics. Seems I missed the announcement of the date since I was being a biotch. Anyway she said hi, I said hi to the group in general, asked my question of the manager in the next room and began walking out. My friend said pointedly "How are you Pam?". I threw the "Fine how are you" response over my shoulder as I continued walking out and back to my office across the hall. I just knew she would be over in a bit so I started gathering my latest sewing project up, put on my sunglasses (because I had started to get weepy again-a frequent and recurring annoyance) and decided to take a break. But, I dilly dallied too long and sure enough into my office she strode and shut the door.
"Are we OK?" She asked. "As colleagues yes" I responded. "so we're no longer friends? She asked increduously. "What did I do?"
"What did you do?" I shot back. And then it all tumbled out. I actually said everything I had rehearsed because I knew this day would come. She shot down all of my thoughts and assumptions and as it turns out misinterpretations. There were lots of tears, and hugs and I'm sorries. I still don't know exactly why my experience and qualifications didn't stack up to the 3 finalists they brought on campus-I will never really know-but at least I now know she was the only one on the committee who voted for me (out of 3 members) which shocked me to no end because I thought it was the other woman who was the one who voted for me. So we're friends again (she couldn't believe I defriended her on FB!!) and I feel so much better.

The other good news is that I will be closing on my refi very soon. I had actually called my lender on Tues because they sent me a notice that refinancing would be very easy and started the process with them while I held off signing the papers with the other bank. From the get go, my lender's mortgage broker was condescending, gave conflicting info and rushed me way to fast to get the paperwork signed (all an e-process). I just had this niggling feeling that I was going to get screwed at closing even tho I voiced my concerns to him. Well today after my physical for my new PT job, I stopped in at the first bank to talk with the guy I had been dealing with. I told him my concerns, we looked at the numbers and decided that the 2 offers were pretty much equal. he was just so nice and understanding that even tho I have to bring $250 to the closing table (my lender said I wouldn't have to bring anything to the table but that meant the loan amount might go up-not substantially however), I just felt better going with them even tho they will sell my loan immediately. It was just a matter of comfort level. So I signed those papers and felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. I emailed the lender's guy and told him why I was taking the other offer and his reply was pretty snarky so good riddance.

I seriously don't think I would have been able to have the conversation I did with my friend (standing up for myself and expressing my feelings and concerns) nor would I have been able to make such an important decision about the refi had I still been drinking. We think AL makes us braver? No way. Al robs us of the ability to communicate in a calm and concise voice. With AL, its all about emotion.

So, my hope is that I've turned a corner somehow. I start my PT job, next week, hopefully close next week and can breathe a little easier on the financial front starting next week.

Love you guys! I couldn't have done all this without you!!

[momof3]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Hello All,

Well, there is so much going on with the lot of you that I don't know where to begin or how to respond. That's what I get for being away for 2 weeks.

Kas and P3. So touched by your stories. And P3, I agree, Al does not make you braver. I now know that Al made me so full of shame that I could not be assertive or honest with myself or anyone else.

IJM!!! Almost "the big 90" for you :goodjob: You better get your a** in gear and get to exercising; you will feel so much better. Don't wish my friend, take action. Great story about the presentation my friend. Bet you would not have been able to pull that one off if you were still drinking.

Hope Jenny gets back on the right track because her life, and those of her children, was spiraling out of control when she was drinking. So smart and so close to reaching her potential.

I must say that I get very annoyed with those who come on and casually comment about relapsing and half hearted attempts to quit. Bear is another person who comes to mind. Wish the best for both of them and I hope they find their way.

Much love to everyone. I'm hitting the sack early. This badass yoga mama is beat and I am done with this day.

Bean, keep up the good work. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

M3

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

busy, AF, love you all....

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Bean, it's so lovely to see you coming back from that dark place. :l

P3 - I am SO happy you got things sorted out with your friend, and also about your refi and all that. FINALLY!!! Some good things goin' your way. You deserve it!!!! Would this be a good week to buy a lotto ticket?

M3 - I too hope Jenny and Bear and everyone who is really struggling with this gets on the right track. There is always a fine line between protecting the sobriety and sanity of our group while we try our best to help each other as individuals. A tough balancing act sometimes. At the end of the day, I think the most important thing is that our strong AF group (regardless of any particular individuals) survive. This group is a life line to AFness - I know I count on it all the time when I need to just center myself.

Greenie - it seems so strange to be talking about the hole again. What's it like for you being there now?

Hi Det!

Well, I'm going to bed early tonight!!! Another AF one for the books.

DG

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Thanks guys! :l
I'm kinda hopping all over the boards right now trying to find 'my' place again. Lord knows, I need to regroup.

We think AL makes us braver? No way. Al robs us of the ability to communicate in a calm and concise voice. With AL, its all about emotion.
Very true. To be honest, I have not yet learned to communicate much at all (about the important stuff, that is). Pap, I'm so glad you got things out in the open with your friend. And sorting out the mortgage is nothing to sneeze at, either!

I must say that I get very annoyed with those who come on and casually comment about relapsing and half hearted attempts to quit.

Mom.. funny, you should say that. I sometimes felt the same way. Now, I think I may be one of those people. No. I think may HAVE BEEN one of those people.

Kaslo.. yep, meet Atlas, aka the 'ultimate scaredy cat' (the equine in the picture). He runs away from buckets on the trail *sigh* Oh.. and, nice to 'meet' you

Det.. oy to you, too!

Greenie.. when you're done please come and clean up my hole. The pay sucks but I'll bake you cookies!

DG.. always knew you were a smart cookie! (Geeez... can you tell what's on my brain tonight?) Congrats on the super score!

I think I'm gonna fix a cup of tea and throw some laundry in the dryer.. that's about as much as I'm willing to move right now Have a fabby AF evening!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Sunshine - don't be afraid. Just make the decision NOT to drink one moment at a time. I remember like it was yesterday that viscous cycle after my relapse where I knew I needed to stop again, and I just somehow couldn't manage it. But somehow it all came back together.

Am I recalling correctly that you take Antabuse? If I'm remembering that right, is that helping you to just get the debate out of your head? IJM takes it too and maybe others I'm not remembering. You will have support buddies here!

I've got laundry in tonight too. Trying to get a jump on the weekend!

DG

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Thanks DG

Yeah, I'm taking AB now.. and no, it's not a long term solution but it does give me some relief from the chatter in my head and with that silenced I can sort out some underlying issues and make much needed changes to my plan.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

I think AB is a great tool. I know a lot of people who are either taking it now, or did take it to get on solid ground with an AF life. Very smart thing to do. I think the key is to make sure you are working on improving your life - building an AF life you truly love and have passion for. Not drinking is just the start.

So what are your passions these days?

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday Sept 22

Sunshine! good to see you again.

ok, quick pick of Mr and Mrs Quail from the kitchen window today: