Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I just read a little at the end of last week's thread about speaker meetings. Regardless of how different my story seems, I can always see some commonality. We also talked a little about bottoms at last night's BB meeting. We read the whole BB, including all the stories in the back. Some of the people who have written those stories had very low bottoms. This point about high/low bottoms was discussed. Our bottoms are as low as we can stand individually. Mine included many drunken episodes, including the last one which landed me in the hospital. However, it was really the soul-sickness that was getting to me: the lying, the pretending, the hiding, etc.

My regular meetings are going through change. Many of the original people I came in with have either gone out again or have switched meetings. I must admit that when someone goes out & drinks again, it makes me nervous. I fear for the life & integrity of the meeting. I know that everyone is doing what he/she is supposed to be doing in order to go forward, but I really liked the status quo. I think the lesson for me is that the only thing that doesn't change is change itself. Change is inevitable.

I think I have to start branching out & going to different meetings in order to get a feel for what's happening in other parts of our AA community. I'd love to hear from others about this topic:
-meetings that have lost their life a little.
-meetings that have changed.
-feelings of staleness.
-feelings of criticalness.

I know there is something I can be doing differently. Of course, I'm still going to meetings, as I know that wo/them, I would drink again.

I'm meeting w/my sponsor on Wed. to start the 4th step. I'll discuss this w/her.

Hope all is well. We're anticipating our trip to Italy the first 2 weeks of Nov.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Mary, I think I can understand your feelings about the meetings. They are all so different. My personality is such that I need to change things up sometimes to keep it fresh. I will always attend at least a couple times a week my 7AM home group. That is a big group and it's my "anchor" meeting. Other ones I like to switch around some. I tend to not get involved in the "business meetings" where the majority of the group conscience decisions take place. If there is drama that's where it tends to be. It's a necessary part of the process and I'm glad people are willing to do it. I feel it's best for me to stay out of that part. Mabybe somewhere down the road I will feel differently about it. I can get way to passionate about things!

Well, time to get the week started! I hope everyone is off to a great week and welcome back Catch22!

DG

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't popped by for a while - life has been so busy! I hope you're all well.

Mary, i'm just starting my step 4 as well. I thought it would take me a few days but it's not! It's funny how recalling one resentment can lead onto a whole chain of others. I write one down and I'm like "and another thing!" Haha. I have got over most of my resentments, but there are a few that are still current. But I'm trying to recall any I ever had. It's funny I say I don't really dislike anyone, but from my past I have several people written down for non-specific incidents, like I've just written down my resentment as 'general b*tchiness' Yeah I've got quite a few of those from when I was a teen...

Most of my resentments revolve around self-esteem, fear, pride - they were/are big things for me. Strengely intolerance has also come up more than I'd have imagined. I'd describe myself as very tolerant towards others, but these sorts of intolerances are things like not accepting people with their flaws. Interesting. I'm half-enjoying the process as it is making me think.

Oh and my boyfriend has got a page all to himself this week, but that's another story!

K x

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Kimberley;1183335 wrote: Oh and my boyfriend has got a page all to himself this week, but that's another story!

K x

:H:H

Sounds like you are doing great!

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Hi everyone,
Reading through all the post helps me a lot.
Thanks DG it gooooood to be back and yes my home group meeting was glad to see me come back safe.
I always share what on my mind and express my feelings at my home group it really does help me.
Meetings : Every meeting i go to is different, and there is always someone i know at a meeting. But what i realize is in myself only me am talking about, is that if i feel a meeting is not as good as it should be i look at me how am feeling because i play a big part of it if am not feeling good in myself the meeting might not go that good. I do go to different meetings to fit around the hours i work there are some meetings i love to go to but cant because am working. The only think is if a meeting gets a bit over crowned it get too much for me.
My tea and coffee making at AA is coming to a end, cant believe a whole year has gone, i will be passing it over, this little service i did at my home group really help me a lot in my recovery and am so grateful for this.
I did a chair last night and i try not to talk about my childhood just touch base on it. Talked more about how the drinking effected my work i shared things that i not share before and how i was in denial with it all.( sick time of work played a big part for me and i got away with it had a few warnings and be good for a long while and soon gone back to my old ways again) Things like how i nearly set fire to a person house because i was not thinking straight bad hangover, And how i was short of money on my checkout til ( one of many) not gonna say how much because it was a lot of money, my manager calling my in and asking me if i could remember last week, the look on my face must of looked because i could not remember what happen yesterday! My manager was really nice and said if theres anything wrong and needed to talk about anything that i could come to her. ME thinking no wayyyyyyyyyy!
It so good to be able to think clear

Take care all :l:h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Catch: I need to hear about denial, because I certainly have mine. I did a lot of unacceptable things, & that's something I should never forget. My sponsor just reminded me about "cunning, baffling, & powerful." Minimizing alcohol's effect on me is one type of denial that I could easily indulge in.

Kimberly: I'm so looking forward to getting to work on my step 4. My sponsor has graciously agreed to help me even though she is going through a serious illness. I'm pretty sure my husb will take up a pretty big page in my step. Anyhow, I've been thinking about my resentments lately, because I know that's what I'll be working on pretty soon. I thought I was pretty much resentment-free w/just a few exceptions. However, as I go through my day, I can see resentments can fill it up...everything from "dumb drivers" to cigarette butts on the ground.

DG: Hi! Hope your studies are going well. One of my AA friends stopped me last night after a meeting. He's going to pursue a teaching career later in life. It's amazing how AA can change a person's life that way.

Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Really sorry everyone but not feeling to good to day, last night having some domestic family problems, am finding it really hard, (dont like being split down the middle) the thing is i dont want to drink but the worst things is the thought in my head is the easy way out the coward way. (You see i never been a brave person.) How selfish of me you would of thought ME working this spiritaul program would make me a better person!!!! I hate having those feelings but i feel like my body is breaking down in bits. I had to get here today and post this and maybe i can look back on this i say that my body and mind got through this. Just hoping today goes alright!

[Kimberley]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Hey catch, this is when the Just For Today thing is really important - I have texted you. It's funny when I have had crises sober I have had fleeting thoughts of cutting myself (which I used to do but haven't done for ages) rather than drinking! I haven't done it though as I know hurting myself will not solve the problem and tomorrow I'd regret it and all the awfulness it brings.

Go to a meeting and get loads of hugs if you can. That always makes me feel better.

K X

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Thoughts of alcohol have entered my head at times as a way to fight off those bad feelings. I just have to remember that drinking doesn't do any good at all. The end result would be such shame & disappointment. The original conflict would go away, but the damage from drinking would be much greater. It helps for me to remember "This too shall pass." M

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Checking in to let you that the thoughts i was feeling yesterday have gone even though i still feeling low inside myself but i feel better then i did y/day.
Thanks Mary it is passing slowly. some of the shit have been sorted out!
And Kimberley thank you for that lovely text you send me y/day. Reading your post, is just how i felt the night before and y/day. Someone once said and shared back to me to take ones own life must be the most unspiritual thing you could do to yourself. I have to strongly remember that because it so true !
At home we are all having our own breathing space, i have to be careful am letting things build up inside me and sometimes it feels like my sponge in side me has been drain out of me.

Catch22.x:l

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

(((Catch))) I'm so glad you are feeling better today. This too shall pass (quickly I hope!).

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Hi again. I really like today's 24-Hours A Day reading:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

Having got this far, shall we pause and ask ourselves
some searching questions? We need to check up on ourselves
periodically. Just how good an A.A. am I? Am I attending
meetings regularly? Am I doing my share to carry the load?
When there is something to be done, do I volunteer? Do I
speak at meetings when asked, no matter how nervous I am?
Do I accept each opportunity to do twelfth-step work as a
challenge? Do I give freely of my time and money? Am I
trying to spread A.A. wherever I go? Is my daily life a
demonstration of A.A. principles? Am I a good A.A.?

Meditation For The Day

How do I get strength to be effective and to accept
responsibility? By asking the Higher Power for the strength
I need each day. It has been proved in countless lives that
for every day I live the necessary power shall be given me.
I must face each challenge that comes to me during the day,
sure that God will give me the strength to face it. For every
task that is given me, there is also given me all the power
necessary for the performance of that task. I do not need to
hold back.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may accept every task as a challenge.
I know I cannot wholly fail if God is with me.

The first section really hit home to me. The healthy, healing path for me is NOT to ask if others are doing their part. If others are behaving appropriately. My job is to ask MYSELF if I am doing all I can. If I am in proper service to others in the recovery community - not if other people are properly in service to me.

That is a very, very powerful message for me today. I am going to try to bear that in mind in all of my venues today - AA, school, MWO, home.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

DG: Many thanks for the reading today. It was just what I needed. One of my shortcomings is the kind of self-pity that manifests itself:
-"I do so much...others just walk in & sit down."
-"I do more than my share at home."
-"I'm not appreciated anywhere."
-blah, blah, blah

Yesterday, I really indulged in pulling out all my grievances & rolling them around in my mind. That is not a good thing to do...it leads to trouble, w/a capital T. So, today, I'm on a different track. I'm going to:
-do my readings.
-ask HP for help.
-be grateful instead of resentful.

I needed a wake-up call.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 26 - Oct. 1

Mary, I can really relate to your description of the pity party. It's such a waste of time to go there - LOL nobody ever wants to play with me when I am in that mode!!!

I took on a 6 months committment to chair the Thursday morning meeting that I go to. Yesterday, one of my sponsees sat in and chaired a meeting for the first time. She was so nervous (as we all are the first time!) and she got so much love and encouragement and support from the group it was awesome. She was so happy after the meeting. It keeps a smile on my face just thinking about it. What a huge change in her life to go from a "street life" of heroin and crack to an attitude of love and service, with special emphasis on repairing relationships with her family and especially her children. It is truly a gift to be a special part of her life experience right now.

DG