AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

[GoAwayCabernet]

Good Morning to all!
I had quite a bit of a "test" yesterday in regards to my sobriety.

[universal]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Morning abbers!

GAC - what was the test? Did you pass? Fill us in!

I had a busy day yesterday but enjoyed some nice uni time around 7:30 - nice hot bath with my book. Then I was in bed early - daughter came home from hockey practice and was well behaved and went to bed with no problem - Yeah!!!

Today I have an assignment to do for my course in Solution Focused Approaches to counselling. Once I finish this course I have one more if I want to get my certificate in addictions or I can continue on for 9 more credits and get my diploma as a Case Worker in Addictions. I think I may continue on cause seriously, I'm not working so why not.

I volunteered at my childs school for 2 hours one day a week. Nothing major but keeps me accountable to something and that makes me feel good.

One foot in front of the other and one day at a time right? I am doing really well at learning to read my body signals and if anxious, figure out why and stop what I'm doing, deep breathe and let it pass. If I'm tired, I go lie down for a bit. If I'm bored, I try to find something to do. Baby steps. I'm trying - my therapist is quite happy with my progress!

Okay, off to get the family out the door!

Love and hugs,
Uni

[Nursie]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

GAC, and you leave us hanging here on a cliff? What happened? Are you ok? Thanks for starting today's thread!!

I had a dream about my best friend that died on sept 18. (young healthy non drinker, non drugger). It was so sudden. The autopsy is pending and we are still in shock. In my dream he was sitting next to me and I was so excited that I didn't want to make him disappear if I hugged him so I asked mr Nursie if that was really him and he said yeah! So right then my BF said "cmon guys, it's no big deal I'm alright"
I was just about to give him a bear hug when the alarm went off...

[universal]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Nursie, sounds like he wanted to let you know that he's okay and happy. I totally believe that those who have passed will talk to us if they think we are concerned to let us know they are okay. When my mom died I saw her for about 2 weeks and she would come to the side of my bed and touch my arm. Once she knew I was okay I didn't see her again. But I still hear her in my head some times. It actually is quite comforting for me. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that by seeing him telling you he's okay that it gives you some measure of peace. (((hugs)))

[papmom3]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

CAB!! Don't do that to us!! Please let us know what happened and how you dealt. We're here to hold you up and keep you strong!

Nursie-I hear fabric stash quilts are the best. My SIL made a quilt out of my little nephews shirts from newborn to about 4. It's quite beautiful. My sis told me last week she has saved all her 18 yo son's T-shirts for the past few years-hint hint I guess! :H

I don't know how you feel about such things but I don't think what you experienced last nite was really a dream. hope that doesn't scare you. I think you can take comfort in your BF's message to you.

Lav-definitely some scary long term effects of Lyme-wouldn't surprise me in the least if YB's behavior over the past decade is directly related. If only he were open to that possibility maybe there is treatment out that might help somewhat?

PT session went well this morning went well. It was just the eval. the therapist really wants an xray done to rule out arthritis (really? I'm only 29!!) and then we can go forward. I really like her and am so relieved to know I'm not being a wimp and there really is a problem but that it can be dealt with so I can start to get back to my normal active self.

Rain won't come in until tonite so i best get out in one of the gardens and continue with the outside work. Tomorrow is inside work.

Dryer is on the fritz, car still isn't performing the way I think it should be but I refuse to throw more money at it. Laptop is in need of replacing. Sigh. I'm thinking the dryer is #1 priority cuz I can't stand the thought of the laundromat. Ugh.

Have a great day everyone!!

[papmom3]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Uni--xpost and great minds think alike!!

[Lavande]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Good morning Abbers,

Dark & raining here, oh well!
Of course I slept way too late :H

Greetings to GAC (hope you are OK), Uni, nursie, papmom & everyone!
I will be back after my trip to Curves & egg delivery

Lav

[Doggygirl]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Hi fABbies - GAC thanks for getting us started today. You OK?

Uni - your class sounds interesting!!!! I say go for it on the additional classes to be Case Worker certified!

P3 - I would choose the dryer too. But I wish the Universe would leave you alone for a while!!!!

Nursie - I like what Uni said that maybe your friend is just letting you know it's all OK. That must have been unsettling when the alarm went off.

Got the minimal book keeping done that HAD to get done today. Now I'm going to study my fanny off for the final, then later go with my Mom to get our hair done. I was reflecting last night on the level of stress I feel about these tests. Then I realized this is VERY new to me - I never did classes and tests sober in college before. No beer to "take the edge off" this time. I love it though. Sometimes I don't WANT to "feel the feelings" but once I do, I realize it's OK.

Zoom zoom - one thing if for sure, there will be no AL for this girl today. Have a good one fABbies!

DG

[Marshy]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Hello abbers!

I'm going on a 20-mile bike ride on Sunday which normally wouldn't be a problem but I haven't been on my bike in months. So to ease myself back into the saddle I cycled part of the way into work this morning, and took a train the rest of the way! Tomorrow I might make it the whole way :H (if my bike hasn't been nicked at the train station).

Nursie, sorry to hear about your friend. I've dreamed about my mum a few times since she died in August and it's been really nice to *see* her again.

Lav - great that you're exercising, I need to get back into a proper routine.

Uni - I read something about the reason that deep breathing works to calm us down. Something to do with the "lizard brain" thinking we're under attack if we're not breathing deeply enough (because we breathe much more shallowly and quickly when we are under attack). I'll see if I can remember where I read it and dig it out.

Papmom - my boiler is on the way out just as the weather is getting colder. I hate the hassle of getting things fixed.

Doggygirl;1191904 wrote: study my fanny off

Ah, still makes me go :H even though I KNOW it doesn't mean what it means over here :H

Hi to Go Away and all to come! Have a peaceful day everyone.

[GoAwayCabernet]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

I'm still trying to find my way around posts as far as editing, etc. Yesterday, I started the Daily AF Thread at the same time as Lav. Greenie suggested a tip to get the thread out there, yet to still be in the process of writing. Not remembering what Greenie suggested, I decided to write a sentence, post it, then go back into my post and edit. I had a nice, long story of my evening of temptation; words flowing easily without the interruption of my children. I finished the post and went about my morning, anticipating the responses from my fellow MWO friends. Sadly, I signed back on and realized that the story I added to my post, did not make it. Was it because I did not give a reason for editing? Any tips?
So......here's the story:
I had a MAJOR craving for alcohol last night. As I went to bed, I blamed it on the fact that my husband had us stop by the local Pub & Grill for an order of hot wings to go. But as I woke up this morning at 3:30am (!), I began to ponder on what occurred throughout my day that led me to crave alcohol.
The day started out GREAT. I accomplished many things and had no desire to drink. Then came the call from my best friend. She has a problem with alcoholism as well, so we frequently share stories, tips, insights, websites, books, etc., on conquering this problem. I was telling her about a book that I had ordered and how I was trying to look at my (non) drinking in a different light. Rather than focusing on all that I was missing out on because I am an alcoholic, I was trying to focus on the fact that I am not a drinker. End of story. As I shared this with her, she told me she f*@ked-up (she drank). Though she had this setback, we continued our conversation on the positive aspects of our lives when alcohol is not present. Despite our positive feedback, some user thoughts were planted in my head: "She slipped, so what would be the big deal if I slipped?" "She fell off the wagon, but jumped right back on. What's wrong with one night of drinking?" This is what I'd refer to as "Stinkin' Thinkin". Knowing that I don't have the ability to moderate, yet I was still toying with the idea. Later that day, my husband and I were at a 2 hour parenting class that I had drug him to. An hour into it, he passed me a note saying, "Let's leave 15 minutes early and go pick up some hot wings." Now if this were said to a normal person, what thought would come to their mind? Maybe, "Yum! Hot wings! That sounds good!". Me, on the other hand, as an alcoholic, took it to a different level: "An ice cold beer would go great with some hot wings!". For the next hour, the thought of beer kept coming and going in my head. The "old-us" would have stopped off for beer on the way home, then drank ourselves drunk. When the class was over, my husband called in a to-go order of wings. When he hung up, we realized he ordered the wrong flavor (12 to choose from), so we rushed to the restaurant to change the order. After looking at the menu and correcting our order, I headed out to the car to wait. I knew that this place was a trigger for me. Though I wanted to consume myself with the thought of, "Oh! I'm not a drinker.", the ugly beast inside of me was raising it's head to speak: "Look at all these people in here enjoying wings & beer! I sure wish I could join them." I did not wait in the car calmly. I was irritated, anxious, and thirsty. That seed had now sprouted and I wanted something to drink. As I drove the babysitter home, I thought of how easy it would be to stop off at the store for some alcohol. But I didn't do it. I came home and rationalized with the beast. Why would I want to waste my sobriety when it was almost time to go to sleep? I didn't want to wake up with remorse. I told myself to just go to sleep and see how I felt in the morning. Rather than waking up in the middle of the night with the usual drinker's remorse, I woke up with a different feeling; A feeling of fear, knowing how precious sobriety is and how quickly it can be taken away. So I am still sober. For today. For now. And God willing, Forever.

[Lavande]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

GAC, glad you are OK
You passed your test last night with flying colors ~ be proud!
Our sobriety is indeed precious! I realize that more & more as time goes on & I no longer allow AL thoughts to linger more than a few quick seconds. It does get easier

Marshy, how far is your commute to work? I haven't been on a bicycle in nearly 2 decades I hope your Sunday ride goes well!

DG, happy studying to you

Just thought of a conversation I had last night........
YB - are you still going to Curves?
Lav - yes
YB - do you like it?
Lav - yes, I like it very much & have even lost 2 lbs since I started going
YB - hrmpf 2 lbs. isn't very much
Lav - what size shirt are you wearing?
YB - 2X
Lav - you were wearing XL when you left here 18 months ago :H :H

Honestly, he is incapable of feeling any happines whatsoever.....

OK, time to get to work!!!

[Doggygirl]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

GAC - I am very glad too that you are sober today!! That is the most important thing. Have you decided to make any changes to your sobriety plan based on this experience?

Side note: I need to use the "it's almost time to go to sleep so you don't need _________." Insert food item in there. Probably a sugarcarby.

Lav. YB. :b&d: You are a woman of tremendous patience.

DG

[Lavande]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Funny thing is DG......
I have never felt that I was a patient person - quite the opposite.
I suppose after my nursing career, mothering experience, etc. I have become someone who is capable of just waiting it out
I really have no fecking idea at this point :H :H

[Marshy]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Lav, my commute is only five miles (which is pretty good for London) but it takes about an hour on the bus because of traffic, about half an hour if I cycle all the way (I'm sloooow :H). But today's bike-train combo worked well - and my bike was still locked up at the station when I got back tonight so that's a bonus!
On Curves: 2lb weight loss is great and as you know all the trainers will tell you that weight loss isn't the be-all and end-all because you'll be increasing muscle density... or something like that, I'm not an expert :H

GoAway - there's a "save changes" button when you edit and if you don't click it... *pooof!* your edit disappears. Well done on resisting your triggers. I had to force myself to walk away from off-licences (liquor stores) many times - but it does get easier with time.

[LVT25]

AF DAILY - WEDNESDAY 10/12

Hello friends,

GOAWAYCAB-I have lost a few posts lately when using my laptop. Hit the wrong button and WTH?? Anyway, I'm glad you made the time to tell us about your day. My first thought- was omg! Your brain sounds so much like mine! Your relationship sounds like mine used to--hubby and I were great drinking partners. You did great. That sounded like a major test. Something I ALWAYS keep in mind are huge triggers for me is HALT--Hungry, Angry, Lonely, tired and I would also add THIRSTY! When I have those urges for a nice cold beer, I find something to eat and or drink--it really helps.

Lav--could it be YB is just a little jealous you are doing just fine (better) without him?

Marshy, I have been wanting to get my bike out and about for awhile. My hairdresser bought herself a really cool bike. It is an "Electra" brand--they have several different styles and such personality. I wished I lived in town, I would get me one of those!

I had a little too much caffeine at the football game last night so had trouble sleeping. I'm going to sneak in a quick nap before I do anything constructive around here. Then I am going to do a little more research on a new camcorder. And I want to find a pattern for a robe. I have 2 pretty chenille bedspreads that I think would make great robes.

ttfn:h