AF Daily - Friday

[universal]

Hey aberoos!

Det - so proud of you buddy. As was said you were a victim of circumstance but you prevailed. You will be home in Dex's loving arms soon. :l

I can't remember who asked me about school but I have a degree in psychology/sociology and wanted to expand on it so the school I went to offers a diploma program in Addictions Case Worker. So I decided to take it. And yes, it does help to keep me sober when I really get my mind into my work.

I haven't heard anything back from my friend - not that I am expecting too. I just hope she's okay. But that is her sh%% and I can't take it on.

It's pouring here so I think today will be an inside day - vacuuming and doing some homework. I have 2 assignments left on this course and then I have to decide which one I want to take next.

Bean, I hope you are feeling better today and strong to make your decision. :l

Have a good day everyone - love you guys - you all help keep me sober.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Friday

Good morning Abbers!

Dark, damp & gloomy here as well Uni. Tired of it

Heading out to Curves & then back here for some needed cleaning, etc.

Wishing everyone a great AF Friday! Det, today is a brand new day

Lav

[ItsJustMe]

AF Daily - Friday

Hey All ?

It?s been an interesting week. I will spare you the details but Tuesday I experienced what is commonly known as an mini IJM meltdown. I had had enough. I walked out of an 18 year career. No job in sight. But I had had all I could take. I got home Tuesday and went bat shit. Fortunately Mrs. IJM is not only supportive, she is the mature one of the couple. She is always able to get me somewhat back in the box. But, I have never been this down before. So I haven?t been back to work since Tuesday. My thought process ? one idea is to move to Jamaica and build a shack on the beach and start selling useless crafts. I was thinking I could put on the clothes that I use to do yard work and hang out at the major intersections with a cup ? those guys tend to be pretty successful. Well as things work out, I started getting a load of calls from the office wanting me to come back. After a lot of soul searching I think I am going back Monday but on my terms. Also, I am tired of being a boss. I think I want to be an individual contributor again so I am going to start looking for software engineer jobs in my area of expertise. My head doc really helped put things back in perspective.

One thing I am proud to say is at no time did I make friends with AL. And he was right there. He told me he could make everything right. Jeez I was so tempted. A Bacardi and Coke would calm me down and make me feel a lot better. Tuesday night I shouted ?I will not drink? to no one in particular. Actually verbalizing that with some force behind it pretty much drove the thoughts out of my mind.

This week I have been keeping busy. I am overhauling my saltwater reef system. So I have totally thrown my left into that ? figuratively, not latterly?. I completely rearranged the reef and added an anemone and two clown fishes. The clowns love the anemone and play in the tenancies constantly.

So, that?s my story for this week. I?ll check in later. Cant wait to see what everyone is up to these days!

IJM

[bear73]

AF Daily - Friday

I'm back - tried other approaches - willing to now try AA.

My way doesn't work - max of 10 af days - gonna stay here and hang out on aa thread as well.

I am now thinking about attending a local meeting but the idea is really scary.
Hope you're all well - need to do lots of catching up.

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Friday

Morning Fabs!!

IJM-you make me so proud!! You handled your job situation much better than I handled the rejection. I will learn from you! I think it is very unusual for someone to walk out of a job/career and be begged to come back so I would say you are a very valued employee. I'm betting they will find a way to accommodate your new desired role. But the shack on the beach sounds good to. Umm, you can still do software stuff from the beach right??? Just sayin'. Glad you were able to kick Mr. Biccardi to the curb where he belongs!! Kudos to Mrs. IJM and a big :l to both of you. Enjoy your weekend and your fish.

Bear-If you are really serious about getting sober you will push down the fear and get ye self to a meeting, stat! Seriously, what is the worst that could happen? Someone might recognize you? Well, they are there too right? You might find out you really do have a huge problem? I think you already know that. We do. If you can beat the beast now, you will have 20 years of living your best life that most of us threw away on booze. As always we are here to support you and love you, but you must do the work. We can't do it for you.
:l

Bean-the same words go to you. :l


This goes without saying but I will say it anyway. If I were still drinking, all the work I got done this week would only be in my mind. I would've have taken the time off as opportunity to drink far more than I normally would have because I had no commitments and could sleep late every day. Yep, I would have been sleeping late alright-all day long until I could drag myself out of bed to do it all over again. This is why I can't and won't drink anymore-the off switch is broken and can NEVER EVER be fixed. In the tech world, I would've have been traded in for a new model because of this malfunction but that isn't the way it works in the real human world.

Becauese I no longer drink:

• I had a gorgeous wonderful time on the Cape and at my friend's wedding. I can remember every little detail and was able to drive to and from events with no fear of getting pulled over. I was able to get up early every morning, take advantage of the beautiful weather and give my doggies and I some great exercise
  • I have a new bedroom and a new officeI have transplanted some ornamental grasses to provide fence screening-pure sweat equity that would have cost me a pretty penny if I had been too lazy/hungover to do the work
  I am able to give 100% to my PT job and not count the minutes until I could get home, drink again and pass out

Sounds like a perfect vacation to me and pretty good life.

must...get... my... arse... up... and... running!!! 5pm will be here before I know it!!

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Friday

Good morning Abbers!

Uni - You sound so good! Strong and focused! :l
Lav - Got your kind of weather here now, too. Yick.
IJM - Wow. You've had quite a week. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much crap.. but really happy to hear that AL wasn't part of the equation. What kind of software do you design? Have you thought of/investigated going the self-employed route? I did 11 years ago and never looked back (web design though, very little programming).
Bear - Welcome back. I can so relate to the scary part of going to a meeting. I have still not managed to do so. Wishing you lots of strength. Let us know how you make out when and if you decide to go?

Greetings to everyone checking in later - I gotta run!
Definitely no time or use for drinking here!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Friday

ItsJustMe;1193023 wrote: Actually verbalizing that with some force behind it pretty much drove the thoughts out of my mind.

Good on ya! That is actually a powerful tool. I recently read that a crisis is a door of opportunity. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to shift to a position that suits you and the company better and the job space you leave may fulfill someone elses dream!

Bear, do it! Just get in the door of a meeting. You don't have to talk, you don't have to stay. Give it a chance. You and bean both deserve a better life. Make it happen! If you were your very best friend, what would you say to you?

Doglvr, I will sing praises on an AF week for you tonight, right?

P3 great news on the rearranging results!

GoAway, great job on dodging the bullet with the wing thing. :goodjob:

Nursie, I thought that was the coolest dream! And I think it prolly was your friend.

I bought myself something yesterday on impulse and the physical rush sensation was amazing. I was really taken aback. It was just something to hang on the wall, but it felt like a new car or something. I guess that's what shopaholics or gamblers feel. I mean it was great but recognizing the potential addictive component was a bit unsettling.

My computer is such a dog I better go eat breakfast before I have a tantrum.

[Marshy]

AF Daily - Friday

Sunny and warm here!

IJM - I was a boss for a while and didn't like it all - didn't like managing people, didn't like the responsibility, didn't like anything about it. The money did not compensate for the stress at all - just meant I had more to waste on booze. Now I'm just one of the workers and I'm much happier. I especially like not worrying about work when I'm not there!

Bear - if you call the AA number on their website they can arrange for someone to take you to your first meeting. I did that and it worked out well. After the first one it's a lot easier to go on your own.

Papmom - that's a great list of achievements!

Hello to Uni, Lav, Sunshine, Greenie and all to come.

Zooming - off to get my flu jab - ouch! Back later.

[GoAwayCabernet]

AF Daily - Friday

Good Morning All-
I have a very near & dear friend in town this weekend so I'll probably be scarce for the next few days. She's a non-drinker so that's a bonus! I told her I needed to do my morning check in here before we got the day rolling.
Det- You are AMAZING!!!! What strength!
Major "OMG" moment last night: Husband decided to come home last night with a 6 pack of beer. When he called to tell me he was thinking of making the stop, I didn't reprimand him; let him work his own program. But yes, the thought of joining him did cross my mind. But not strongly. As a matter of fact, when he came through the door, I was catching up on last night's posts. The "OMG" moment came after about his second beer. Though I was a good 2 ft away from him, I could totally smell the alcohol. It made me realize that all this time I thought I was hiding my drinking from others; the mothers showing up at my house to pick up their kids, the friends that pop over, or the people I'd run into while out & about. How stupid could I be? I remember I'd be like, "I don't need any gum. They won't smell it. I'll just hold my breath when I talk and not get too close." But he was 2 ft away and I could smell it! And I drank either strong beer (Fat Tire) or red wine, both of which are very potent.
Once he came to bed, the smell lingered. When I got up in the middle of the night, then returned to our room, I could totally smell the stale alcohol. And this was after only a six pack. I look back at us each drinking about a 12 pack, or him drinking a 12 pack while I drank 1- 1 1/2 bottles of wine. I can't imagine how our room smelled then. What a turn off! And he was even giving me permission to drink! Telling me it was okay because I had 2 weeks under my belt. I sat him down and explained why I didn't want to do that. He knows giving me permission wasn't a cool thing to do. But I prevailed and had no urge to drink.
Moving forward with the extra time I have now that I'm not drinking....I canned 2 dozen cans of salsa yesterday (thought of you Det when I added the garlic!). I'm new to this canning stuff, so it's a little hit and miss. The recipe called for a lot of thickening gel powder, which I will reduce next time. Rather than having that fresh made salsa appeal, it's got more of the Pace Picante texture. Still good though. And I was proud of myself for accomplishing it, though it took me over six hours.
Today we are going to jar up some pears. When my friend got here and I had the canning thing going, then showed her the doll clothes I had sewn together for my daughter, she asked, "What's gotten into you?" It's called sobriety! Making better choices that lead to better use of my time.
Have a wonderful weekend abbers! Thanks for always being there!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Friday

AWESOME!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your post!

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Friday

WOW,
IJM - glad you are OK
I left my super stressful job about 2 years before I had planned to but glad I did, may not have survived Hope things are much better on Monday!

bear, glad to see you taking the bull by the horns. Do what you have to do to get & stay sober!

papmom, good for you making the most of you stay-cation! Feels pretty good, doesn't it???

Sunni, just had a Noontime thunder storm here - really :H

greenie, I have 2 computers in my shop for business related stuff - they are aging as well. But I love my HP Notebook - just a few months old. It's the only thing I've really spent money on for myself this year (besides my Curves membership)

Marshy, I haven't gotten my flu shot yet. I'm putting it off until I get into my Doc's office next month. Last year I went to one of the local pharmacies & dealt with a seriously bruised arm for weeks. Those dogs don't know how to stick people properly :H

GAC, it is truly amazing what you can accomplish without AL on board. I'm trying to not think about all the time I wasted. Just grateful now that's over. Enjoy yourself

[Treya]

AF Daily - Friday

Hi Papmom,
You asked me how I knew I had unsafe levels of Candida in my system. Everyone has candida in their system as you probably know but it?s when there?s an overgrowth that the problem of craving carbs occurs in some people.
I have come to the conclusion that it?s candida overgrowth for a number of reasons. Firstly, over a long period of time-and I mean years and years ?way before any alcohol problem manifested, I was being tested for other reasons to explain my many low grade symptoms (see below) including tests for fibromyalgia, gluten intolerance and thyroid function.
Mainstream doctors have been unable to come up with an answer for me despite the symptoms I experience which I?ll get to soon. A lot of them don?t believe that Candida can cause problems except in the severely- immune- compromised folk like aids patients. They are wrong about that. I am extremely sensitive to yeasts and moulds and I can feel worse in damp weather. When there?s a flare up of candida in my system (due to carbs abuse, particularly sugar), I experience most of these symtoms-sugar cravings, -before I stopped drinking really wild cravings for red wine- chocolate cravings, cheese cravings, insomnia, gloominess, crying spells, itchy skin, fuzzy thinking, recurrent vaginal infections and itching, athletes foot, muscle cramping, ringing in the ears, cold extremities, floaters in my eyes and the most recently ? a really stiff neck pain which radiates down my right shoulder.
Please note: NONE OF THESE SYMTOMS manifest when I give up refined carbs for a prolonged period- (about 2/3months)
Please also note -I am by nature a carboholic like you but the truth is I am sugar sensitive and yeast intolerant and yeast is present in all of the following foods ?cheese,-matured cheese very bad for me, bread, malt products, beer, wine, mushrooms, any fruit showing mould or bruising, Also yeasts proliferate on simple refined carbs like sugar so anything with sugar has to go- jellies, cakes jams, pastries, scones, breads, ice cream, tomato puree, honey maple syrup brown sugar, yada yada.
That might look like just about everything imaginable and that is why it?s so darned hard to keep to the anti candida diet. You have to be quite determined and fastidious.
It seems to me I can keep it up for a while and then one day I succumb to a chocolate ?clair or some cheese on toast and then the roller coaster begins again. It probably takes a few months to get to problem levels but it always happens sooner or later if I don?t take action.
If I manage to avoid refined carbs for the first few weeks, I?m then able to introduce wholemeal pasta and make wholemeal scones etc as long as there?s no yeast involved. Also I find I can tolerate brown rice, millet and quinoa and I use these instead of pasta etc.. It is do-able and I?m in the course of making myself a month long menu sheet which I think will help me. It?s often the thought of what to cook that gets me. If you?d like a look at it when I?m done let me know-or if anyone else wants it just let me know.
Anyway, I?m determined to get on top of this long term as Deteminator knows, sugar is a big issue for those with alcohol problems and you need to address it before it takes you back down the wrong road. That ain?t gonna happen.

[universal]

AF Daily - Friday

Holy Marshy, that's quite a list! That would be super hard for me to do, that's for sure. I too am having the sugar isssues but at least it doesn't make me sick - just fat!

My friend is not processing the information today - she is emailing me, wants to come over, apologizing profusely. All I can do is keep standing my ground. This needs to stop, things have changed now, you need to get out of your spiral before we can hang out again, this isn't healthy for me etc. It sucks but it is what I have to do. I just wish she wouldn't make it so hard. Oh well, big girl pants on I am sticking to my guns.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Friday

universal;1193177 wrote: Holy Marshy,

What?? :H:H

[Marshy]

AF Daily - Friday

greeneyes;1193185 wrote: What?? :H:H

:devil:

Lav, jab was OK. We get them done free at work each year. But it's a nurse who does it (I think!) so it was fine. Arm feeling a bit heavy but that's better than flu!