How to deal with partners drinking

[Daya]

Hi Guys and Gals,(excuse the spelling, it's really hard to edit on my iPhone)

Well as some of you wonderful folk know, I have been trying to give up/ moderate. Anyway, I decided I couldn't moderate, so have stopped altogether for about a week now.

It hasn't been too hard, mainly as I reached such a low point it scared me.
The problem I now have( and I've posted about this before) is my partners drinking. For example: tonight I feel like a drink,there is always alcohol here, my partner will not go a night without drinking, at the moment he is currently slaughtered, and wants to talk, cuddle, relate. I may not have mentioned this, but we run a company together, so we are together pretty much 24/7 except when I go away on conferranses.

Sooo, when I'm sober, I find this behavior of his absolutely repulsive, I love the man, but not the boozey drunkenness. The way I deal with this is to withdraw, sometimes into another room, or just sort of become inacsessable. He then wants attention , won't leave me alone, gets hurt and rejected. This makes me very tense.

I also realise that I think this is one of tge reasons I started drinking,as I found it easier to deal with.

I think if we didn't work together, we probably would be broken up by now, because I get to he with him sober during the day, and see what a great guy he is.
I supose I'm asking for advice on how I can not get so tense when he's drinking?
Moving out is not an option at the moment,and he has never, ever said he will stop drinking.
How have others dealt with this ?
In the past( before I developed a problem) I would tell him whilst sober, that when he's drunk, I will withdraw. Not to make him give up, but so he knows that his actions will create a reaction.

[Doggygirl]

How to deal with partners drinking

Hi Daya. I think lots of us end up with drinking/drugging partners because partying together is how we started. For my husband it wasn't booze, but something else, and he was just as bad with his as I was with my booze. I feel very very very fortunate that he also decided to stop the madness.

I would suggest that the first step is to talk to him honestly when he's sober about 1) your need to change your own relationship with AL and 2) (again) how off putting things are when he is drinking and you are not. Ask for his input on how to resolve the situation in a fair manner. It sounds like you are not asking him to stop drinking - just stop getting too close when he stinks. I think that's reasonable and hopefully he will see that too.

I always think it's a red flag when partners are unsupportive of our efforts to stop drinking. Clinging too tightly to one's booze is not a good sign, I don't think. So maybe if he doesn't have an AL problem, he will choose being up close and personal with you over being up close and personal with AL.

DG

[Daya]

How to deal with partners drinking

Hi Doggygirl

You sound like you have gone through a similar situation. As I mentioned in another post, used to be a cocaine addict, as was I. I gave it up, and a while later told him that it was me or the drug. Actually I didn't put it that way, I just said I couldn't live with it, well, much to my suprise , he gave it up.
We have had the discussions you mentioned, I even told him that alcohol was making me suicidal..also I have discussed how much of a turn off his drinking us. Thus us the only area of his life he is not caring, loving or supportive to me. His drinking is non negotiable. Tge solution we currently have, is he goes to our county house,alone, and I have AL free space.
He always tells me that my drinking is not a problem.(HA!!)
I am going to have the conversation you suggested tommirrow, but don't see much changing. Actually if I tell him not to drink whisky( that's when it's really gross) he may just swap to vodka, plus the usual wines.
Me getting sober will probably eventually break us up, AL has always been a problem in the relationship...

[Daya]

How to deal with partners drinking

Ps Doggygirl

Love your Avatar!!!!

[Doggygirl]

How to deal with partners drinking

Daya, on one hand it is sad to *hear* you say that this issue may break you up. But on the other hand, I think it is wise of you to look at the situation honestly. When we come together with our significant others in "party mode" well....many many relationships do not survive because one person needs to stop and the other either doesn't need to and decides not to, or needs to and won't stop. You are not alone. Keep taking care of yourself and putting one foot in front of the other. Keep trying to make the best decisions you can and be true to yourself.

I wouldn't tolerate whiskey breath either - OMG :yuk:

I wish I could say the doggy in my avatar is one of mine, but it's not. I don't have any pics of mine in halloween costumes!

DG