Sad and mad...long

[MaggieD47]

Welcome Louie and hello to all others!

I don't know what I'm doing on the abs board since I have been a failure at it! You all are so impressive and when I feel newly committed (which is always in the morning....never at wine o clock) I come here and read and hope it will help. Amazingly....I did complete 4 AF days a week or so ago. Last night driving home from work I asked myself how on earth I did that?!! But the fact is I DID! So I CAN DO IT!

My drinking is a stress reliever and a blood sugar booster because I take my Chard with carbs. I need to lose about 30 pounds too. Anyway, every day I come up with a new plan, and I mean I have a spiral notebook FILLED with my plans to eat healthy and avoid wine every single day. By 8 in the evening I toss my spiral notebook in my cute little magazine basket and say "What the heck ....why do you even try?"

So here it is morning again, a new day. Maybe today will be the day I DO IT! My plan for today is to have a Weight Watcher Mac and Cheese with a real coke at 4PM, and hour before I go home. I am so hoping that will help curb my desire for Chard and carbs an hour later. I do not like my wine after eating. Eating as soon as I get home doesn't work for me. By the time I get home, I don't care about anything except getting my glass of Chard filled and breaking out the popcorn and cheese. Geeze....that sounds so "alcoholic like."

I have a headache this AM from drinking out of my globe shaped glasses last night. Today I feel like breaking them against the walls! I feel so pissed off about the whole thing! I have all the motivation in the world until 4 PM and then nothing matters but my wine and carbs. I need a babysitter. Just needed to share this today. I actually have tears in my eyes writing it. I cry when I'm angry. I think I'm angry at my "beloved Chard" and my pretty wine glasses. Thanks for listening.

Mags

[lorisunshine]

Sad and mad...long

Dear Magg,
I can feel your tears, I too cry when I am totally mad at myself. Trust me I have had a wet face many a morning lately and really should not be posting in the Abs section until I have some success to show for. As for the vessels, it does not matter. The hangover is the same whether you drink from styrofoam cups or Waterford Crystal, it just looks classier going down.
Dry off your face and start over and have an otherwise great day.
Love Lori.

[Java]

Sad and mad...long

I am the same way, I am so motivated to stop in the morning but when it gets to that time (for me it is 6pm) I just forget about everything i promised myself and I give in. It is a crazy cycle...

[pansy]

Sad and mad...long

Friday, December 29

Morning absville,

Hi Maggie and Lori,

Maggie and Lori - I would suggest trying to stay away from almost all "bad" carbs when you are starting out. I know they say Weight Watchers, but Mac and Cheese just ain't good for nobody!!! If you want a meal that is going to help to maintain even insulin levels (what you want) look for a nice lean protein (fish, chicken, lentils, etc. ) and then a non-starchy carb (broccoli or something of that ilk). Stay away from pastas. You can google more by searching for "low glycemic diet." Many people here have found success with South Beach diet. Also, if you are going to drink ANYTHING, red wine is better I think, as it does increase your sensitivity to insulin, thus reducing the amount of that nasty fat storing hormone. Might make it easier to not go for that second glass??

Well, I am on Day 2 (consecutive) ... and my mouth is SORE. Ouchy. Yesterday I soothed my mouth by eating ice cream (hard to dribble that, but I still did), after which I promptly fell asleep for like 4 hours. You see, I do not process sugar well and did not take my medication. Normally, I eat so little sugar I can get lax about having my meds about me. Also, I ate pizza too. I was ABS though. So, I rolled out of bed today in a stupor - and with my coffee cup perched on belly I am sending off my abs greetings to you. (not really, happy pansy is back and laughs too much, for sure I would spill and there are already far too many stains on icky carpet). I ordered Alan Carr's book last night and also another on Buddhism. I would like to get some more CDs by Alan Watts - I like him.

Well, I am going to go back and sleep for a bit. Maybe half hour or so. I want to get some Olive Oil moisturizer today, but I am really fighting getting the REAL thing. For some reason, dripping is not a pleasing sensation to me. Also afraid that DOG will like Olive Oil and he already knows I am unconditional biscuit giver. I would like cream, so I am off to the mall. Funny how they named it the MALL ... certainly, I will feel like I have been "malled" when I get back. I would like a nice cream to slather on. My hunting and gathering will take me to Sephora, so I hope I don't need second mortgage. Anyone with suggestions on reasonably priced brand please let me know - since I plan to use in square footage amount on daily basis.


Happy abs day all ....

Hugs and lotso kisses,
Pansy

[pansy]

Sad and mad...long

Lori,
Please feel free to post here - as long as abs your goal - you belong here! We all slip up, it is the process that is important. Improvement comes over time. Be kind to self.
Also, Welcome Newgirl - we were posting at same time!!

Hugs again,
Pans

[Java]

Sad and mad...long

thanks pansy!

[lucky 2.0]

Sad and mad...long

Pansy- I will be interested in your Buddhism book. As you know, Buddhism is all about mindfulness and opposed to what dulls the mind, such as alcohol. Some strict Buddhists even eliminate certain spices from their diet. That is a bit extreme to me but I do like the idea of all of our life is like a meditation and we do need to be mindful- for so many reasons- including safety. I like all forms of spirituality because they hold us to a higher standard- for ourselves.

And to those posting who are not abs- no worries from me. I think it is important to have a goal and surround yourself with people who support that goal. That is what this board is all about. I think just making the decision to hang out here is abs land is a step in the right direction. You can pick up the abs vibes through osmosis from being here.

Maggie- when are you going to start that Campral? I swear it works. I would say that my white-knuckle efforts to just quit have been reduced by 90%. For me, Campral is absoutley the ticket. I just wish it had not taken me so long to find out about it. I guess I found out though when I was ready, as I was really never interested in a life free of the poison until now.

[lushy]

Sad and mad...long

Maggie, You are not alone. I go through the same intense cravings around 4 o'clock and it is for a cold glass of chard with cheese and crackers. I think the key is not keeping it in the house. Like any habit I think after a few days of not always doing it it will get easier. I understand your anger, I understand your frustration, I understand it all; as do most people on this board. I wish you well.

[weemelonhead]

Sad and mad...long

Mornin' laydeez and jellyspoons.....Maggie...4 days abs and a whole lot of effort is way better than no days abs and not a thought towards how to end this stuff!!! Congratulate yourself on the things you have achieved and agree with yourself to start again after it wasn't so good. Pans is right....have you read the stuff on 'dry drunks???'...diet is a very important part of staying off this stuff...I was downing 14 cups of coffee a day as my substitute until I read the DD info, and have now switched to water, earl gray and liquorice tea, I just have a coffee every now and again when I go out...I know what you mean though..what you feel like is the bad carbs to satisfy,........ have you tried spicy foods, they can take some of the craving away...I make a mean lentil dahl, and a big vat of that in the evening fills 'the need'...(also fills the house with some NOXIOUS fumes, but hey...I'd rather walk around like 'pig pen' from Chazza Brown than stagger about like a dribbling moron with a gallon of the vino sloshing around!!) Also pleeeezzzzz take campral...Lucky receives a 50% take on every batch she promotes!!!LOL Lucky!! I am researching this med at the moment as I want to switch from the Baclofen and the little duck has given it SUCH a good write up...
Have a great day all Fartymelonhead xoxo

[dilayne]

Sad and mad...long

Maggie, it's a new day and almost a new year..you can do this..making the decision and the commitment is the hardest part..but, once you have that drinking IS NOT an option, then it gets much easier. Replacing the 'habit' with another one is helpful too!

I'm going on 13 weeks Abs now, I think. The desire to drink has crossed my mind a few times over the holidays..I'm paying attention to that..the triggers..usually dissappointment is a big one and the fact that my husband has been really sick with a virus since Xmas and I've been feeling it too has been a big dissappointment to my looking forward to a 10 day holiday..so, I'm just trying to be with it and not to be taken over by the dissappointment and boredom..it is what it is..it feels empty, void..kind of like a limbo feeling. Before, I would try to fill that up as quick as I can but there is nothing to fill it up with...OH, except for the cookies that I ate for 3 days..I finally put those in the freezer so I would stop reaching for them. Today, I'm going to just be with those feelings. That's just where I am today..and I know that it can't last forever.

[Beaches]

Sad and mad...long

Maggie,I know how you feel. Frustrating and each day brings new promises. Here's hoping an AF day to you!

[bestlifeldms]

Sad and mad...long

Maggie,

I am new to the abs boards too. Posted here a couple of months ago and said I knew I would end up here eventually. I am only day 2 but need to stay here for all that is good in my life. This place gives me hope and encouragement for a positive future. Glad to have you. XXXXX

Hugs :l

Best

[YoungAtHeart]

Sad and mad...long

Hi Maggie,

I've got to echo what others have said about the kinds of carbs you are eating. I know that it didn't matter what came first the sugar or the wine, but having started on one, I'd soon be reaching for the other!! If you start something like the South Beach diet kind of regimen (you don't even need to worry about the diet part, but just the kind of eating), you will go through a kind of "withdrawal" from sugar, but you body will soon adapt. It works well for people who are addicted to alcohol AND carbs!! I started working on my carb addiction several years ago, and it made dealing with alcohol somewhat easier.

I will also echo for you and others who have posted that the only thing that you need to be here in Absville is a desire to stop drinking. I have been supported through some slips that have lasted for a week or so before I have been able to get back on the wagon, and that support has meant everything to me.

Keep the faith and keep on trying!

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[MaggieD47]

Sad and mad...long

Saturday Morning....

All this encouragement is so appreciated. I'm even getting nutritianal recommendations here! :thanks:

I drank some Pepsi at 4 but no time for food with it. I felt less craving for wine and carbs but still there. I had 2 SMALL glasses of wine with 94% FF popcorn and a Lean Cuisine. Yogurt after that. So....not where I want to be but better than where I have been lately. The wine is now gone. None in the house (try to forget the liquor store is 1/2 block away). Campral is in my house but I keep waiting to have the 3-5 days of abs before starting it. I should be where lucky is. We ordered it on the same day.

Mags

[mojomuppet]

Sad and mad...long

yeah well lucky has always been an overachiever so dont sweat it! (love ya lucky). pansy looky what i found for you! http://www.recipezaar.com/42017 . let me know if you like it. you probably already bought something but hey i tried. everyone have a good day!