Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

Last night's BB meeting was "To the Wives" which I have to reverse. It's a good wake-up call to how our drinking effected our spouses/partners. It's not pretty, but it keeps me sober to remember the damage.

With the holidays upon us, there's been a lot of discussion. I don't fear the parties ahead. Some of them are AA related, so there will be no drinking. Some of them will include drinking, but moderate drinking which doesn't bother me.

It was awesome going to a meeting w/my son while he was here. I think he was a little surprised as to how accepted his mom is in the program...even amongst the "biker dudes." As we all know, alcoholics come in all stripes & colors.

Please don't hesitate to share here even if you don't go to meetings. Asking questions is a great way to find out about it. Knowledge is power. Mary

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Hi Mary,

Thanks for your post. Yes I have to remind myself of how awful it must have been for my partner to live with me and my years of secret drinking. The lies & stories plus the overwhelming sense he must have had that I was just not 'present' in the relationship.....always thinking about drinking - getting it, hiding it, drinking it, covering up for being pissed & smelling of booze. I still can not believe I did it for so long.

I don't fear parties either. I learnt a valuable lesson last New Years Day. Went to a party without taking my own non-alcoholic drink. I had told the host I didn't drink (but not that I am alcoholic) and he asked if I wanted blackcurrant in my sparkling water. I said yes and he put Cassis in it - a blackcurrant liquour.
I took one sip & froze,...put the glass down & left the party to phone someone from AA. Not good. That could have led to a full blown relapse - the 'F@#k it' I've had some now so I'll carry on response. Will always take my own non al drinks now!!

Sounds like it was a nice experience going to a meeting with your son. Yep, we certainly do come in all stripes and colours!!

Busy week for me this week. One week away from my exhibition starting - so tired of the preparations now - just want to be in the space, work hung & the public coming through the doors.

Wishing everyone a good week.
Amelia x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Amelia: Your opening paragraph really struck home w/me. I too was a secret drinker. The machinations I went through to hide the drinking took up all my energy. I had to act sober when I wasn't. I too just wasn't present in my marriage. My husband minimizes the damage, but he has his own denial about me. I can't do anything about that except own up to what I did.

Last night's speaker meeting was awesome. An older woman spoke straight from her heart. I again thought about what a unique experience AA gives its member. Someone asked me to speak at the meeting next Mon. It's a very big meeting & a little intimidating. I, of course, didn't say "no" as that is not what an AA member does.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Good on you for saying yes Mary, even though the size of the meeting is intimidating.

My sponsor says I must always say yes unless I have work or a prior commitment. I found this a little daunting when I first started getting asked. But, I am 17 months sober tomorrow and have said yes to 15 or 16 main shares. I am getting used to them now. When I first started doing them I was unbelievably nervous.
I think it is good for me as 'speaking up' has always been difficult for me.....and it is another type of service - carrying a message to other alcoholics.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

We never know who we will reach when we speak. The last time I spoke, a woman came up to me & said: "You told my story." I feel privileged to think someone would want me to share at a meeting like that.

I'm very busy but finding time for AA & service...even just a phone call to someone who is homebound. It's a whole different way of living from the drinking life which centered around me & getting my fix. A refreshing change.

M

[piper123]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

I am new here in the AA section. I went to my first AA meeting in a long time on Monday. I've dabbled in it before but never really took it to heart. Maybe it's time. I'm going back today I hope. It's a lunchtime meeting. I didn't drink yesterday which was huge. I just don't know how to handle the issues I am facing right now. They are just too overwhelming. But putting my dog down on Saturday was the worst I have faced. I have been taking care of a very elderly dog who in the last month had gotten sick enough that even I knew it was time. Even though he was eating and taking his walks. He had cancer and the tumor between his hind legs had grown larger than a large grapefruit and was bruising and the steroids I had to give him gave him little control over his bladder. The vet said most likely he was in pain and when you are nearly blind, and deaf, that has to be scary. But it was so hard bc he was still wagging his tail and barking for his food. And leading up to it over the Thanksgiving holiday with my triplet 20 year olds all home from school, I spent most of the time trying to smother the awful feelings and sadness and now anxiety. My kids all left on Sunday and the stifling loneliness is unbearable. They are so worried about me. Want me to get another dog. But I keep telling themselves I need to fix myself before I go there again. Thank God I have a full time job. And I started swimming last night, then a short time on the treadmill. I have my bags packed to do it again tonight.

Have a good day...

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Piper: You've been through something very difficult w/your pup, but you absolutely did the right thing. Now you have to concentrate on getting yourself well. The noon meeting will help a lot. I know it would be difficult, but sharing about your situation would probably lighten your load.

I was very scared the first few months (maybe more) of going to AA. I knew I had to, because I had tried EVERYTHING to stop drinking. It was taking a terrible toll on me mentally, physically, & spiritually. I made myself go, & eventually I began to feel I could fit in.

Now I have friends in the program, a sponsor, & I'm working the steps. That didn't happen overnight. I've been in AA for 2.5 years. In the beginning, I just concentrated on going to meetings & not picking up the drink.

Shortly after my first sober anniversary, my then 36 year old daughter was diagnosed w/breast cancer & underwent a double mastectomy. Did I think about drinking? Yes, a few times. But, AA pulled me through that awful time. I would never have been able to cope as well if I was drinking. I now know I can get through anything sober.

Please keep an open mind about AA. Eventually, you may decide to really join in & take suggestions. You don't have to live w/drinking hanging over your head all the time. You truly will feel a new freedom & a new happiness.

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Hello Piper - so sorry to read about the dog you were looking after. I really does sound like you made the right decision. I know how painful it is when we have to put our pets down.

It sounds like you are on the right track - wanting to spend time looking after yourself and dealing with your emotional issues. I hope the AA meeting goes well on Monday.
I think having exercize as part of your routine is really important too. You are cultivating a healthy activity - it's great for stress relief and of course you are releasing those feel good endorphins each time you exercize.

Do visit MWO for support and info as often as you can. As you know, there are so many people going through the same sorts of struggles. And keep going back to your AA meetings. I am over a year and a half sober - with the help of AA. I would never have believed that was possible for me....but it has been.
Best wishes Piper & hope to see you posting again soon.
x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

I used to so fear getting into a funk or any kind of bad mood. It used to set off a real drinking binge.

Like everyone, I get down now & then. I just came out of a few difficult days & realized that coping wo/alcohol made it so much simpler.

I just:
-read my readings.
-prayed the best I could.
-went to meetings.
-helped another alcoholic.

Lo & behold, the funk is over. I didn't have to drink to mask it. I settled some issues instead.

These were the types of things I feared in sobriety. Every time I go through them successfully, I gain confidence.

Mary

[louise]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Hi Mary, Amelia, Piper and all to come.
I don't get a chance to post often, but do think of people here. There is much good sharing advice here and a lot of comradarie, but I need the "in person" contact I get at AA meeting so am still going to at least 4-5meetings a week plus meeting with my sponsor weekly. I always think of getting on here but then find it is bedtime before my 'to do' list is done.
Piper, I hope you were able to make the meeting. It is so sad to have to put down an animal companion, even if we know it is for the best. I'm facing that with my dog but still don't know if it is really time as he also still wags his tail and gets excited about dinner. But he has really bad arthritis and very often can't make it to the backyard so there are numerous soiling accidents in the house.
I have just found so much support in AA for emotional issues like that that I would have previously drunk over. Tomorrow will be 6 months since I decided I needed the help of AA and that I had to accept I could not have that one drink, no matter what. There have been times I've thought of it, but not often, which amazes me as the last 6 months have been very challenging emotionally due to my separation from my husband. I hope you can find the same support.
Again, I want to thank you all for being here in the months leading up to my decision to go to AA and helping me find the courage to walk into those rooms. I'm so glad I did. It has been a great relief and often quite fun and funny.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Louise: I'm so glad you shared here. While I absolutely love MWO & have been a member since 2007, I wasn't able to get & stay sober until I joined AA. I too needed the face-to-face contact. I too needed a sponsor. Thanks so much for sharing. I too have had many "excuses" over the 2 years I've been sober, but I've never acted on them...for that I'm grateful to AA. M

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

Hi Louise, Thank you for your post. It is quite amazing what we can get through, deal with and face without the need to drink alcohol to mask or cover up our feelings.
Well done on your 6 months in AA. It really is such a wonderful support.

I too have accepted that I can not have one drink - no matter what. To be honest, if I let myself (which I try not to, too often) imagine that I am going to have a drink - straight away I am thinking that one bottle wouldn't be enough, that it would be 2 bottles of wine to start, then I KNOW, that the next day I would be back in that vicious cycle, probably drinking in the morning because I felt so awful...
Not even one drink for me. I did the same thing for nearly 20 years. Took me a long time to finally accept that I was an alcoholic - glad I have accepted that now.

Mary, glad your funk has passed. My sponsor talks about feelings and moods as being like clouds in the sky. Some are heavy and some are light, but they always pass and the sky changes on a daily basis....

Have a good weekend everyone!
x

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread Nov. 27 - Dec. 3

I like that: "clouds in the sky."