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**Guitarista** · December 17, 2011, 03:58 AM

sat 17 af daily

Congratulations Bear!

That is a grand accomplishment. Keep it going.

A safe, sober, and magical weekend to all.

**Doggygirl** · December 17, 2011, 07:18 AM

sat 17 af daily

bear!!! :yougo::yougo::yougo: Congratulations on 6 weeks AF! And more importantly, for learning to make the kinds of decisions you have been making lately to put sobriety first. That's what it takes. I know that feeling you are talking about - that nagging fear of relapse. I had that too for a long time. I can say for sure that it doesn't have to be that way!!! So keep exploring and searching to improve your sobriety plan. For me - that's when I started going to AA, which is what made the difference for me. I kept seeing a contented sobriety that I just didn't have. Keep looking for the people who "have what you want" and see what they are doing. You don't have to "settle" for a sobriety where you are still fearful on some level. You can take it higher.

Hi G-man! Always good to see you! :h

Hi the rest of you fABbies. Up early for Saturday AA. it's going to be fun to see a bunch of folks I haven't seen for a while!

One thing is for sure...

DG

**greeneyes** · December 17, 2011, 07:50 AM

sat 17 af daily

Good Morning Fabbies!

Bear WOO HOO 6 WEEKS!!
Maybe you can turn that fear into something else, like awareness. I maintain (not on purpose, it's just there) what I consider to be a healthy fear of AL. Actually it's a fear of that dark scary place. And AL takes me there. Without fail. The way you sound now is so different than when you try to mod - it is such a delight!

DG I'm so glad you have a bit of time to share again! I missed you so! :l You honor student, you!

Turn, that was a very timely post relative to the holidays and the sugar we often alllow then and at a particularly risky time. HALT is an extremely useful tool.

I'm off to yoga, work, hopefully a quick river walk and then a drop in so I must get going. Hello to everyone to come by.

M3, at the yoga christmas thing all the mats were in a circle. I lost my balance in camel and somersaulted into the middle of the circle of people I did not know. :H Nice one.

And G... it's alomst 8AM. You know what happens......

**Guitarista** · December 17, 2011, 08:19 AM

sat 17 af daily

greeneyes;1228016 wrote:

And G... it's alomst 8AM. You know what happens......

The robe comes off and you're into the day!

Hiya DG!

Have a great day everyone.

**universal** · December 17, 2011, 08:23 AM

sat 17 af daily

Morning abbers!

I am up early too for a Saturday - was up at 7:30 wide awake. Kind of pissed me off! I wanted to sleep in! OH well.

Bear, good job girl - you're doing it! Keep making the positive changes and choices that you are making. I too am always fearful of relapse but one day at a time helps.

Today I need to hit the grocery store and do some laundry. Other than that it should be fairly relaxing - wrap the last of my presents and that's it!

I'll check in later - one thing is for sure!

**Lavande** · December 17, 2011, 09:25 AM

sat 17 af daily

Good morning Abbers!

CONGRATS bear on your 6 weeks AF!
I'm like greenie, I have a healthy fear of relapse tucked away as well. At this point I'd really call it a 'knowledge' of what AL will do to me & where it will take me if I ever open that door

DG, congrats to you on your fabulous grades, my DIL pulled all As too!

Hi there G, uni & everyone!
Wishing Marshy & GF a great holiday trip.

OK, time to get animals fed, etc, etc, etc.

Lav

**Kaslo** · December 17, 2011, 09:39 AM

sat 17 af daily

Good morningFabstinencers. Everyone sounds good. Congrats DG on an excellent semester. Greenie if i somersaulted somewhere theyd have to call an ambulance for the survivors, hi to bear, uni , gman and all others I got back in one piece with the dear daughter an d parrot. Snow and ice on the road all the way and so I was glad I have a 4runner, it's a tank really.

Cross Post with Lav, Hi there, Lavandre. and forgot to congratulate Bear on 6 Weeks, Thats fantastic

Work again. Still have one paper. Maybe some Xmas decs. Tomorrow is mr kaslos birthday but we have so much work to do I can't see him taking the day off. This time of year is ridiculous, really. One thing is for sure, though.

XxX SS Kaslo

Ps also meant to post this pic, which I took yesterday and believe is symbolic of recovery from abuse of AL. Hope you like it. Thot of all of you as I took it and processed it.

**Nelz** · December 17, 2011, 09:40 AM

sat 17 af daily

Bear, G, wonderful news, you are doing well.....Ive said it a thousand times....it wont be easy, but it WILL be worth it.

DG, your avatar makes me laugh everytime! Reminds me of someone I know very well LOL

Uni, I remember the day you came on board, grats to you as well.

Lav, as usual your a breath of inspired sunshine

I can see the train slowly getting back on the tracks in the Nelz house........there is truly no way to ever thank all of those that showed concern/support for on the forum, and via PM's

You are all a wonderful blessing, its so nice to have this place and the peeps

Giving everyone a big ol
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**universal** · December 17, 2011, 01:19 PM

sat 17 af daily

Hey guys, Just need to vent because I'm hurting right now. Went to get groceries with hubby and on the way home called a friend to see if we could hook up for a coffee tomorrow. Got off the phone and was feeling good. And then hubby says - you better call so and so now and see if we are still doing Christmas eve together "or did you fuck that up too?" I was like, you know what, I know the things that I did when I was drinking and I am more than capable of beating myself up. I don't need you throwing things in my face that you know will purposely hurt me. Why do you do that? His response was, "well I like these people and now because of you I can't have those traditions". I was like, says who? I haven't talked to so and so in 3 months so how do you know those traditions are over? Maybe we will get together, maybe we won't but don't throw shit at me to make me feel bad.

So now I feel like total shit. I know that he is hurt and angry but that doesn't give him the right to throw things in my face. I know I fucked up when I was drinking, I don't need you to make me feel worse about it thank you very much. AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHh - and of course my sponser is shopping, my other good friend from program is at her home group meeting. I decided not to go out because I don't trust myself right now when I'm hurting. I have no desire to drink but I know how easy it is when you feel like crap about yourself. I'm going to go have a hot bath with my book and unwind. I just needed to vent.

Thanks guys,
Uni

**papmom3** · December 17, 2011, 01:28 PM

sat 17 af daily

UNI-please don't let him get to you! It is his issue not yours. Remember, he has major anger issues and he obviously isn't dealing with them very well. perhaps it's better for you not to even do anything with him for now. If he wants to go to xmas eve at these people's house then he can call them and I'm sure you'll happily stay home. He does NOT define you anymore remember?? I think Mike just joined the ranks of FH.
:l

**Nelz** · December 17, 2011, 01:32 PM

sat 17 af daily

universal;1228137 wrote: Hey guys, Just need to vent because I'm hurting right now. Went to get groceries with hubby and on the way home called a friend to see if we could hook up for a coffee tomorrow. Got off the phone and was feeling good. And then hubby says - you better call so and so now and see if we are still doing Christmas eve together "or did you fuck that up too?" I was like, you know what, I know the things that I did when I was drinking and I am more than capable of beating myself up. I don't need you throwing things in my face that you know will purposely hurt me. Why do you do that? His response was, "well I like these people and now because of you I can't have those traditions". I was like, says who? I haven't talked to so and so in 3 months so how do you know those traditions are over? Maybe we will get together, maybe we won't but don't throw shit at me to make me feel bad.

So now I feel like total shit. I know that he is hurt and angry but that doesn't give him the right to throw things in my face. I know I fucked up when I was drinking, I don't need you to make me feel worse about it thank you very much. AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHh - and of course my sponser is shopping, my other good friend from program is at her home group meeting. I decided not to go out because I don't trust myself right now when I'm hurting. I have no desire to drink but I know how easy it is when you feel like crap about yourself. I'm going to go have a hot bath with my book and unwind. I just needed to vent.

Thanks guys,
Uni

Well, I can tell you from experience that this IS indeed the place to come to "vent", I know I did, and got much support, which I expect you shall soon be getting. Let me be the second, I just cant imagine how much that those words could hurt.

I hope that he can come around, forgive whatever things you may have done in the past either under the influence or not. I am sure he may be hurt or embarrassed, but I think the comment was uncalled for.

I just really am wishing you lots of strength, and him some compassion/forgiveness. I dont even know how I would react to that......I think I would just shut down emotionally.

GL Ma'am and stay strong, no matter what is going on

**universal** · December 17, 2011, 01:32 PM

sat 17 af daily

Thanks P3 - Yes, I think that at least for today he is definitly FH!

**Turnagain** · December 17, 2011, 03:01 PM

sat 17 af daily

Way to go dear Bear on building on your new AF life. Every healthy choice you make reinforces those positive pathways in your brain. You're getting a real buff mind there, derby girl!

DoggyG....you share timeless words of wisdom. When I was trying to claw my way out of the black hole of addiction and was actively lurking here.... I did look around to see what others were doing that made them successful. I learned from the best....you....Lav, Greenie, Byrdlady, Pmom, Mom3, Deter, Mario.....and many more.

Kas...your photos simply leave me breathless. Have you ever considered doing a show? You could make a living doing this. We will be able to brag that we knew you when.....actually...I already feel proud and grateful that I know you now!

Uni....you handled that situation well. In the heat of the moment, you maintained your composure and maturity. And in the aftermath, you did the right thing by coming here to vent and get centered again. When something comes up that really gets to me these days, I have a new mantra to guide me through the turbulence. And it's not....

SERENITY NOW!

Although there have been times when I have just shouted that and then end up laughing because it is so darn funny (h/t Seinfeld Show) Wait...I digressed.

My alliterative mantra is....Deal...don't Dwell. Basically...if I get ruffled or ruffed up...I immediately look for a way to solve the problem and move on. If there's no immediate resolution for the issue as in the case of someone who cannot or will not deal with a situation constructively and honestly....I move on. In the past I would just get angrier and angrier and let the resentment simmer until something set me off and BOOM! I have gotten fairly good at taking responsibility and control for how I feel and react.

Now...if the situation involves someone I want to maintain a relationship with....I will look for a time to talk it out later when emotions aren't raw. I use the "I" message method....i.e. "I feel bad when YOU are an asshole!" oh wait....that's what I WANT to say to hubby sometimes. I manage to restrain myself. Most of the time.

Off to watch the son do the POLAR PLUNGE for Special Olympics.....he led a team of students that raised more than $3000 in donations....I am proud of him!

I'll post some pics if they turn out....

Shout out to Nels, G-man, Sunni, Det, LVT, Sid, Blondie and all others who come this way today...

IJM....WHERE ARE YOU?????? We are missing you.

**Guitarista** · December 17, 2011, 03:43 PM

sat 17 af daily

Hiya Turnagain, Kas, Lav

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