thu 22 dec af daily

[bear73]

thu 22 dec af daily

i have no one i talk to in 3d about alcohol issues/cravings/getting sober - anonymously.
Yes sometimes we complain, but that's why this forum exists isn't it - because stopping drinking isn't a 'blink- and- you've- done- it -and- life -is -now -perfect' one off event.

Otherwise there would be no need for a support forum - and it would be called ' yippee I quit drinking and now i am happy' and there would no posts.

Kaslo - I do agree though to an extent - happiness needs to be my focus - not dwelling on problems 100% of the time/.It's made me reflect, I think like anything - we need to take what we want/need from the forum and leave the rest.

[papmom3]

thu 22 dec af daily

I just want to say I love you guys-each and everyone of you. And I love all the opinions, outlooks on life, and honesty. No one here is inherently mean or non supportive and we all react differently to posts and individuals.
This forum has really helped me to be much more emphathetic and less judgemental (although I could still improve on that). I never understood depression and anxiety. I always thought we could control things like that just by sheer will. I know differently now.
I have never known anyone who has gone through a life of horrors like Uni and Kas have. To say I am awe of the fact that they are both still here and functioning and actually living is an understatement.
Each and everyone of you leave me in awe in one way or another.
I still have moments when I think: "oh for god's sake, suck it up and rub some dirt on it!" but those moments are fewer and fewer as I understand more and more. I am learning to bite my tongue and try to put myself in the other person's shoes.
Each one of us will deal with life's disappointments, tragedies and rollercoaster rides in their own way. I'm very happy and content that I can come here and bellyache, vent, express my anger, sadness, fright or whatever and know that someone will support me. I'm not looking for support from each one but I know someone will get me.
I may in the future do more introspection and try to figure out if what I'm feeling is something I can control and may have brought on myself so thank you Kas for that. :h

We don't have to agree with everything someone posts and we may even be angry about it or take it personally. I just hope we can all continue to love and support each other and to take our lumps when we deserve it.

Happy Holidays everyone! I know it is a sad time for some of us and for you, extra :l :l :l.

[Turnagain]

thu 22 dec af daily

Well...for what it's worth....I'll chime in here. I have made this my go-to thread to give and get support when needed. I appreciate and respect each of you and the unique perspective you bring here to our daily gathering. What more is there to say?

Okay. There is more to say. I want to WHINE today. Woke up this morning and the heat was out. House was freezing. Lucky for me...a repairman to come right away (effing xmas miracle!) and I was able to rearrange the rest of my day to be here. A very odd part had gone bad....and after multiple phone calls....we found the ONLY one left in this damn town on the edge of nowhere. Well heat is back on...my Visa has been horrifyingly abused (but HEY - I will get lotsa of miles to fly someplace WARM soon!) and the pipes did not freeze.

This time last year...an expensive, inconvenient quirk like this would've sent me straight out to the garage to get a beer right after the repairman left. I would've spent the rest of the day good and drunk ("bad"and drunk, maybe more accurate?) And THEN I would've spent the next 9 days in an alcohol haze, because HEY - I would just wait to quit (again) for New Years. And then...because I didn't get drunk enough on New Years OR there was still alcohol leftover...I would push my quitting resolution to the NEXT Monday. And then it would be APRIL by the time I got sick and tired enough of drinking to THINK about TRYING to quit. And then it would be December again. I'd still be drunk and drinking every damn day.

So....as expensive and inconvenient as this heat blip was today....I had a chance to feel GRATITUDE.

The reason I am not still stuck in that fatal spiral? Right at the top of the list is the support that I find here. Now, I must admit that every now and then I feel a twinge of exasperation when I spend too much time back at the Newbies Nest. Folks there are definitely in crisis mode. I spent some fair time there myself in crisis. These days I give myself a break from posting or even reading there when I am just not up to dealing with the crisis du jour. Other days....I am up for it. And it's always gratifying when some little thing someone says can trigger profound change.

Now I am rambling....must be that I feel sooooooo soooooooo warm. Geez...who needs Hawaii when you got heat in your house?

I think I have said all that I need to say except....

Peace on Earth and in this thread....

Amen and eh,women! (that's for all you precious Canucks!)

[DriftyAlison0]

thu 22 dec af daily

Determinator;1231020 wrote: ]

I also feel some folks are addicted to being unhappy and having some drama in their lives to complain about. if I want drama all I have to do is turn on the news.... ugh!
IMHO we do indeed need to bring out our best every day, even though on some days its just exhausting. I try to remind myself of these things (my current avatar for example).

I have a couple of ex friends who are exactly like that.

[Kaslo]

thu 22 dec af daily

Hey, all. I posted this long reply, and poof!

I will make this brief. I didnt want people to feel they cant vent here. I think that is what the site is for, (although mainly I think it is to keep each other from being tempted to hit the sauce, etc). I just wanted those of you who are really down on yourselves and others to see the other side of it, and that is that complaining and venting is really a poisonous thing to do, especially if you let it take over your life, it poisons you, it makes everything turn sour. It makes it impossible to improve your own life, which is as I have said, too short.

Thats what I was getting at. I dont think sympathizing helps that much, either because it just gives the other person justification to continue in this deeply damaging, self-killing spiral into blackness.

Not a good thing. :h

As Martha would say.


Kaz

[Lavande]

thu 22 dec af daily

Kaz,
I hate whinning because it's a great waste of energy IMHO.
I would rather put my energy into some more constructive. Moaning & groaning is part of the human condition but it keeps you stuck I think.
My years of working to rehab patients taught me to basically turn off my hearing & firmly encourage people to do they work they had to do to get better
I would rather have a specific instruction from someone to cut the BS than a ton of (useless) sympathy.
Now you know where my Lavan-ittude came from!

[Kaslo]

thu 22 dec af daily

Ok, well how do we turn this into something useful? Cause i dont want alienate the kvetchers here but at the same time its frustrating because i think people dont actually listen or absorbe to whats said when they are complaining, they just pour out all this bruised inner pain... LVT says she often feels she should not put all the negative stuff in for fear of bringing people down. I so respect that! But i guess i see that as a HUGE reason to change your life, to deal with what ever is flogging the crap out of you, and move on. If its that broke you have to fix it. So i would guess that uni is saying im trying to fix it demmit! Right? Somehow the negative stuff has to get resolved....there is just so much we owe to ourselves and others not to be such poopy pants all day long.

Anyway, im glad weve had this little chat. I think a lot af the negative stuff prevents people from posting when they might otherwise have something to say. My thanks to all of you for listening. P3 my life has had some deep lows but overall good, mostly good.

Kaslo of the frozen north.

[Guitarista]

thu 22 dec af daily

Venting is good. Whining is negative.

I know there is always a solution. Sometimes we just need to 'roll up our sleeves', get in there, and find it.

For me, i can't complain. I have had the highs and lows in life like everyone, but i am a grateful man. Grateful for the opportunity each day gives me to find magic. :h

[Cinders]

thu 22 dec af daily

I seldom post here anymore. I do not belong on this thread, yet. But, that is not why I am jumping in at this point.

Uni, LVT, I went back and read some of your posts and did not see whining at all. As Mr. G said, venting is more descriptive. I hope you are not deterred from doing that.

I have been venting in subs because of things going on in my life that are tough to handle. Not because I am looking for any excuses to drink or get sympathy but simply because writing these things out, having others read and perhaps give thoughts or ideas to improve the situation is very helpful to me in being able to maintain my sobriety.

I agree that we always need to look at the positives and find the solutions but negative things do occur and occasionally solutions seem elusive. For us, that can be deadly.

I know that Greenie, Y@H, Det, DG and many others here have helped me through some rough patches with good responses and lots of caring.

Dealing with life's rough patches sober is new to many of us. We can all use help with that growth.

Sending love to all.

Cindi

[Determinator]

thu 22 dec af daily

Cindi, great to see you whenever you make a cameo appearance hon xxxx

ok, I now relate a learning experience that happened to me when I was in grade 1 elementary school.

A girl came up to me with a crayon drawing and asked in a shy voice: 'this isn't very good is it?'
I answered honestly 'no, it's not'
she then glared at me, wadded up the paper, threw it at me and spit on me and stormed off.

there are many things that puzzled me about life starting at that moment.

[papmom3]

thu 22 dec af daily

yep Cinders, I totally agree. It really helps me to write down what is bothering me and then to have others put their 2 cents in. I usually get another perspective and then come up with a solution. If after i've read what I wrote I see it as complaining or whining then I pull up my BGP and snap out of it. Doesn't happen very often tho. If I am feeling really and deeply blue, I NEED to kvetch and put it in writing. Do I want sympathy-yep, you bet and that helps me to move on.
So, as far as I'm concerned, I do not think anyone on here is a constant whiner or complainer to the point where we just want to shake them and snap them out of it. From what I've seen, anyone dealing with shite usually progresses onto solutions and it is wonderful to see that happening right in front of us!
Kas, I do understand what you are trying to say and I do agree that chronic whining/complaining is poisonous to ourselves and those around us. But, there is no one here that fits that category IMHO.

So, a little more tolerance, a little less "taking it personally" and a little more "put yourself in their shoes". At least that is my 2012 resolution. Anyone one care to join me?

[Turnagain]

thu 22 dec af daily

I'll take that resolution on, PMom...sounds good. I have wide feet, tho, so my apologies in advance if I stretch anyone's shoes out whilst walking in them!

pugs and kisses!

[Turnagain]

thu 22 dec af daily

my blinged out avie....

hope blingee Picture #127344783 | Blingee.com

[Lavande]

thu 22 dec af daily

Do I see a 5 month AF & NF anniversary for you tomorrow Turn? Very nice

Greetings Cindi, Det, papmom, G & everyone! Where is M3 these days?

About tonight's topic.........
Nothing changes is nothing changes!
Coming on here to talk about a problem, blow off some steam, whatever is perfectly fine. But somewhere along the line we owe it to ourselves & to the other people here on the thread to take the steps & actually make some changes, make some real progress. Learning to live as fully functional adults without our chosen crutches requires a lot of hard work but can be done

Good night all!

[Lavande]

thu 22 dec af daily

Very nice Turn