thu 22 dec af daily

[bear73]

Good morning all - in bed with cat, coffee and netbook, bit of a potter and inernet shopping FOR ME then off for mammoth food shop.

Had really bad booze cravings - not physical but the deprivation BS - I am still a booze free rebel Caused by myself!Well they are all aren't they - it's what thoughts we give headspace to.I bought cava for visit to friend's house - not for me - for OH and friend. Cava is one of my favourites. OH said 'you could have one' i told him i can't stop at 1 and if i do that is harder than not drinking at all, that i will then at some point have loads of booze and be back where i started. He apologised and said he was just worried that i wouldn't enjoy myself as much.

Interestingly friend we visited polished off cava with OH and then a bottle of wine on her own - she says she does this 3 times a week plus weekends and is worried.She is planning to cut down in New Year. That took edge off my feeling deprived as I thought back and we talked about how I used to drink. It felt good to support someone else too, rather then be stuck in the 'poor me'.

Have a great day all.
LVT - thinking of you.

Uni - glad assessment went well, what's gonna happen?

Everyone - hohoho!!

[bear73]

thu 22 dec af daily

Oh and Lav - you should bring out a range of alternative festive greeting cards
go the f**k home, Merry Christmas - it's catchy!:H

[greeneyes]

thu 22 dec af daily

Good morning fabbies!!!

bear, I'm going to mind my headspace more. Tend it like a garden. Thanks for that.
good job on getting through yet another social setting AF!

I'm not going to bed early enough and I"m drinking too much coffee. Things are gonna change in my time management arena. I know I can do it!

Going to yoga at lunchtime (NEED IT!) and then there's a drop in tonight where I see lots of old friends every year at this event. They put on a fabulous food spread too.

Well, one things for sure! And the other is that if you don't like it......

Stay the f_ck home!! :H:H:H:H

I may laugh over that until next year!

[universal]

thu 22 dec af daily

Hi guys,

The assessment gets me into a concurrent disorders group in January for 12 weeks. 2 hours once a week with other people dealing with anxiety/depression and addiction. So that is good for me.

I am feeling blah. Mike is miserable and I am pretty sure planning on leaving me after the holidays. Not sure what I am going to do but he wants to have a big talk today. Told me the thought of taking him to his family for Christmas disgusts him. Nice eh?

aaaaauuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhh - frustrated.

[greeneyes]

thu 22 dec af daily

Uni, no matter what... you are a strong competent capable person. Diagnosis codes, while they DO NOT define you as a person, may pave the way to get you what you need at a given time and it may be that support is falling into place to take HIS place. You know that while it wasn't pretty at the time, my husband's departure was without a doubt, the best thing that could have happened for me. And the timing - right after becoming sober - was impeccable. Thank you universe!! :h

[Lavande]

thu 22 dec af daily

Good morning Abbers!

bear, go ahead & shop for yourself, I always do a little of that too

uni, I'm glad you got what you needed from the assessment!
As far as the unhappy husband goes.......
Learning to just let them go & knowing that it was their decision is really tough but probably the best thing in the long run. You cannot control what Mike is going to do, let him make his own decisions & deal with the consequences. Focus on yourself, focus on today & what is best for you!

Greenie, these men choose to leave once we have sobered up & improved ourselves. I can only believe they feel threatened even if the threats are only coming from their own insecurities & not from us.
I have been a bit uneasy lately because of YB's change of attitude & behavior. Suddenly he wants to be here & be involved with everything. I honestly don't know if it's a good idea for me or not I feel SO protective of myself right now.....he is going to have to do some serious sky writing to change my feelings :H

Have lots & lots on my to do list so here I go
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav

[Accountable for Me]

thu 22 dec af daily

Must start wrapping gifts. Did huge Christmas shopping yesterday. Finally had some energy; but also, the countdown was on!

Can you believe that Walmart ran out of wrapping paper? :H

Love you all! More later.

[Wally22]

thu 22 dec af daily

Good Morning All

Stay the f_ck home!! :H :H Love It.

Universal I hope your day goes well. It may be that Mike does decide to leave and that may be a good thing, time will tell. congratulations on getting into the program, I am pretty sure it will help and you will meet new and wonderful people who understand your struggles and whom you can help as well.

Wrapping presents here and must move on, have lunch date today and lots to do. Hope everyone has a great AF day.

[bear73]

thu 22 dec af daily

I'm back chilling after big christmas food shop - spent far too much but have nice food pretty much to last all of Jan!!most of it was booze based presents for others - would have saved a third if no booze in there.

about to have a snooze - washing up to tackle later - may do exercise dvd - may not bother!
gonna cook ham in cola on christmas eve - sorry DG avert your ears - anyone had it?

I have a few bits to get tomorrow and then wrapping - dinner at friends' tomorrow - we always get very drunk so i am going to drive - it's the only way i can survive the evening.

[Kaslo]

thu 22 dec af daily

Hi alla you guys on Monthly Abstinance. Im abstaining, monthly. What more can I say? Ive been reading the threads....sugar issues, marraige crisis issues, mental health issues, exercise issues....and most of us actually tring to have a nice time, too. I have to say I feel your collective pain. Up to a point, then I lose patience with it all, and I will say more on that below.

Bear, you are doing splendidly. Hope you are not tempted to drink any of that crap. Look upon it as the evil fluid of the damned. Greenie what you wrote last night hit home for me, obv, because I responded, but it also reminded me of the horrendous, truely grueling losses I have endured, and yet I refuse to wreck my life over it. Murder/suicide, plane crash kills parent, hideous violence against my siblings by one parent, alcoholic mother, huge debilitating car crash put me in hospitals and rehab for two years, huge pain and suffering, bla bla bla. But here is the thing.

My father in law from my first marraige was a hosp administrator and a detox specialist. Prince of a guy. He used to say "Lord help us be ever mindful of the needs of others", and I took that into my life and try to live it each day. Sometimes I can do it well, sometimes not so much. When husbands and wives depart after we finally grow up and stop drinking like idiots all the time, you have to ask yourself, what the heck was I doing to them all this time, and can I blame them for wanting out in the end, when I finally woke up and say, hey, honey, Im home? We cheated them for years out of ourselves, we behaved badly, we wasted our youth, etc. And we expect them to just say, ok, fine, your cured now, lets have a life? I understand where some people just have a hard time with the instant redemption. Drinking really is hell on relationships, and I have to take responsibility for what I did to my husband and my kids. Also when I was first quitting, and still occassionally now, I am moody, black hearted and angry. Sometimes, I am pure hell to live with NOW never mind THEN and while I can blame alcohol for what its done, its ME that was doing it / or did it. So I think we have to cut the absent partners and failed marriages some slack, and own up. Yeah we were A holes.

Also, I think if you really WANT to stay unhappy its pretty easy to do, there is no end of horrors and black holes to fall into.

In the end we make our own path. I get the sense that we all feel we should support and nuture each other, until self destructive behaviour happens then some of us kick serious butt. I always feel like I should feck off before I stick my foot in it, and thats why I dont respond much when there are ventings and moanings about stuff. I mean Im sympathetic but I have to say....Life really IS too short. The ones we lost are with us always. The marriages and partner ships failed were once occupied by happy people who deserve respect and dignity, not name calling.

So there, Ive said it. Feel free to kick MY arse now, and I will be bloody but unbowed because really when it comes down to it the only reason I still have a husband is because he was incredibly patient. And this is for everyone...MERRY CHRISTMAS...!!

Love to all. And I dont expect this will change anything either.


Kaslo

[Determinator]

thu 22 dec af daily

Happy AF'ing Thursday ABerooooos!

my erudite Kas, that is a brilliant post, lucid and strong.

My wife SHOULD have dumped my sorry drunk ass many years ago but bless her incredibly hard head she stood by me.

I also feel some folks are addicted to being unhappy and having some drama in their lives to complain about. if I want drama all I have to do is turn on the news.... ugh!
IMHO we do indeed need to bring out our best every day, even though on some days its just exhausting. I try to remind myself of these things (my current avatar for example).

Dx and I are attending a Christmas party tomorrow at a friends house that are religious. Neither Dx or I are religious and we don't celebrate this holiday, but it won't cost me much to pick them up a nice card and join them in a fun family day. I'll even wish them a Merry Christmas. it doesn't cost me anything to embrace them warmly and make them feel loved.

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be"
Abraham Lincoln



so there's my happiness rant. go forth and be happy or else!

[greeneyes]

thu 22 dec af daily

Kaslo;1230962 wrote: Love to all. And I dont expect this will change anything either.
Kaslo

I do. More than we can even imagine. And I gratefully accept your love and give you love in return. :h

[LVT25]

thu 22 dec af daily

Kaslo;1230962 wrote: Hi alla you guys on Monthly Abstinance. Im abstaining, monthly. What more can I say? Ive been reading the threads....sugar issues, marraige crisis issues, mental health issues, exercise issues....and most of us actually tring to have a nice time, too. I have to say I feel your collective pain. Up to a point, then I lose patience with it all, and I will say more on that below.

Bear, you are doing splendidly. Hope you are not tempted to drink any of that crap. Look upon it as the evil fluid of the damned. Greenie what you wrote last night hit home for me, obv, because I responded, but it also reminded me of the horrendous, truely grueling losses I have endured, and yet I refuse to wreck my life over it. Murder/suicide, plane crash kills parent, hideous violence against my siblings by one parent, alcoholic mother, huge debilitating car crash put me in hospitals and rehab for two years, huge pain and suffering, bla bla bla. But here is the thing.

My father in law from my first marraige was a hosp administrator and a detox specialist. Prince of a guy. He used to say "Lord help us be ever mindful of the needs of others", and I took that into my life and try to live it each day. Sometimes I can do it well, sometimes not so much. When husbands and wives depart after we finally grow up and stop drinking like idiots all the time, you have to ask yourself, what the heck was I doing to them all this time, and can I blame them for wanting out in the end, when I finally woke up and say, hey, honey, Im home? We cheated them for years out of ourselves, we behaved badly, we wasted our youth, etc. And we expect them to just say, ok, fine, your cured now, lets have a life? I understand where some people just have a hard time with the instant redemption. Drinking really is hell on relationships, and I have to take responsibility for what I did to my husband and my kids. Also when I was first quitting, and still occassionally now, I am moody, black hearted and angry. Sometimes, I am pure hell to live with NOW never mind THEN and while I can blame alcohol for what its done, its ME that was doing it / or did it. So I think we have to cut the absent partners and failed marriages some slack, and own up. Yeah we were A holes.

Also, I think if you really WANT to stay unhappy its pretty easy to do, there is no end of horrors and black holes to fall into.

In the end we make our own path. I get the sense that we all feel we should support and nuture each other, until self destructive behaviour happens then some of us kick serious butt. I always feel like I should feck off before I stick my foot in it, and thats why I dont respond much when there are ventings and moanings about stuff. I mean Im sympathetic but I have to say....Life really IS too short. The ones we lost are with us always. The marriages and partner ships failed were once occupied by happy people who deserve respect and dignity, not name calling.

So there, Ive said it. Feel free to kick MY arse now, and I will be bloody but unbowed because really when it comes down to it the only reason I still have a husband is because he was incredibly patient. And this is for everyone...MERRY CHRISTMAS...!!

Love to all. And I dont expect this will change anything either.


Kaslo

Hello friends,

I started to post earlier, but my screen went white on my laptop--and now it won't boot up. I'm guessing that is a serious problem.

Now, I don't even remember what I was going to say.

Brutally honest post there Kaslo. I thought long and hard about replying. I guess I decided to take my chances. One of the issues I have had since getting sober is learning to deal with feelings. In the past the way I "dealt" was to drink and smoke. Now I don't have that crutch-Leaving me to feel things that are very uncomfortable. I don't really have issues of a newly sober person anymore--but I have issues. Sometimes all I have is shit I just need to get off my chest. I'm not asking for pity. Just support. I'm going to go ahead and assume that is how some others feel. It isn't a contest of who has been through the most heartache and who has managed to move on no problem.
Your post made me feel like a whiner. And that my feelings are insignificant and annoying to you. We are all built different and you have a right to your opinion.

I honestly refrain from coming here every time I'm feeling low or sorry for myself. I don't think people like to hear about that so much. Some have said-go ahead come here and vent. Some, probably think like you , yet aren't quite as brutally honest as you and decide to just over look it. I don't know if you realize there is a feature here called "Ignore" you might want to check it out.

DG--I have some great ideas for gifts for your nephew!

Have a great sober day all!:h

[universal]

thu 22 dec af daily

Thanks LVT cause I was kind of feeling the same. I come here for support when I have no where else to go. Maybe I am a complainer - probably actually I am. But when I am hurting I come here.
Kaslo, I love you and Det too - I know your post comes from the heart. I just hope you understand that when we post here sometimes we just have no where else to go and need support. And yeah, we are all alkies so sometimes we complain, feel sorry for ourselves etc. Doesn't mean that we don't own up to our responsibilities for our situations.
I love each and everyone on here because you have all helped me in some way or another.

[Determinator]

thu 22 dec af daily

we find posts like today's from Kaslo to be challenging because they tend to activate an egoic response.
I do feel that Socratic questioning of oneself is certainly difficult but very important. I took the challenge and asked myself if I am indeed a whiner. yes, sometimes I am. it's not easy to accept that but I really have to know myself and that's part of it. i could respond with indignation to the person that dared to invite the question, or I can deal with the truth and move right along bettering myself.

be well friends one and all (that's ALL of you dammit)