Morning all
It's been a while since I visited or posted here because I went into rehab for 6 weeks in mid October and the last month has been consumed with Christmas, family and new business preparations.
Rehab was life changing for me. I know most people don't have the time or finances to take a stint in treatment but if you do and are deliberating, I say GO FOR IT!! I'd like to share some things that I learnt there.
1) As far as I understand, each clinic is different and the one I went to took a fairly confrontational approach. The counsellors called each and every one of us on our BS, our lies, our manipulation, our selfishness, self-centredness, controlling, resentment, blaming and denial. We were encouraged to do the same to each other. The power of the group therapy is that it's very difficult to refute what someone is saying when 15 people agree with them. It's not easy to hear some of the things that people will say to you but we have to be willing to accept and own our faults and behaviour if we want to get better.
A turning point came for me when I realized it didn't matter how hard a time the staff or peers gave me because treatment wouldn't go on forever. What does go on forever, IF WE CHOOSE IT, is the shit and misery that we put ourselves and our families and friends through. I have chosen to put a stop to that.
2) With any kind of addiction, 10% of the problem is the actual substance or activity and 90% is YOU. More specifically, your thought patterns. This is why many people remain bitter, selfish and discontented even after they have stopped drinking or using. Accepting that your old ways of thinking led to harmful (spiritually and emotionally, not just physically) ways of behaving and seeking new and healthy thoughts will really help when you quit.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is very helpful in changing old patterns. If you can't afford therapy, buy a book or borrow one from the library, get on the internet etc - there are so many resources out there. The only excuse for not using them is you.
3) Like most rehabs, my treatment was focused on the 12 step programme and fully endorses going to AA during and after treatment. I was VERY resistant to AA for many years and even a few weeks into my treatment. But I have now done a total 180 on that.
Back when I was drinking (and very critical of AA, thinking 'they' [those sad alcoholics
] were all a bunch of losers), I spent a LOT of money on different types of counselling, going to self improvement workshops, reading self help books and feeling really lonely a lot of the time. But duh, right under my nose all along was AA. It?s a spiritual programme not a religious one, the 12 steps can be seen as a programme for life, not just for addicts, they are all about becoming the best person you can be, you get to hang out with other people who completely understand you, share your worries, fears and frustrations and its practically free!! What?s not to like?
I do think there is sometimes an overt pressure to attend a certain number of meetings per week, especially when you have first quit but remember that you are in control of your own life. No one can make you go to meetings or punish you for not working the steps but as in life, you get out what you put in. Find a balance that works for you ? and a group. They are all different. Find one where you feel comfortable and commit to going regularly even if it?s only once a week. Having some routines is really helpful in staying sober. People who go to my local group often say that they especially make sure to go to a meeting if they feel really high (emotionally), happy or excited because this emotional state can be as likely to lead to drinking as feeling really low. It?s all about balance.
4) The most powerful step for me was AA Step 1 ? admitting we are powerless over alcohol. I encourage you to set aside a few hours to think of 3-5 examples of when you were powerless over your addiction. Get REALLY specific: where were you?, who were you with?, what happened?, what were the consequences (include emotional, physical, financial, to you, your family, friends, employers, co workers etc).
You can also do the same exercise and think about times when your behaviour as a result of drinking/using caused you to behave in a way that totally contradicts your morals, values and beliefs.
When I completed these exercises I ?discovered? (and I use that word because I genuinely didn?t realize beforehand) that I have stolen, deceived and lied to my loved ones. I see that it?s not normal or honest to take (steal) drink from friends or family (and worse) and it?s also not normal or ?under control? when you decide you definitely want to stop drinking when you move back to England after 3 years abroad, drink all summer long, sometimes in the morning and at work, get drunk on the plane and then buy 2L duty free vodka that you don?t even want and drink yourself right into rehab within 3 days of getting home. Wow, was my mum ever pleased to see me back!!
Joking aside, I am slightly incredulous when I think of how I act when I am drinking. It doesn?t make any sense that an intelligent and otherwise sensible person would choose to take something that renders me unconscious and often made me puke at the first sip. My view is that someone who is powerless over alcohol would behave like that. While it?s not my fault that I respond to alcohol in that way, it is my responsibility to do something about it.
5) Resentment is the #1 offender. I am learning how to let go of resentments because they are so harmful to our health and well-being. Treatment taught me that I am chock full of them and also that ?Harboring resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die?.
6) When you are angry, indignant, resentful, self pitying, blaming and want to drink and/or lash out, LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Staff told me this time and again in treatment and I think of it every time I want to criticize or attack someone else. And I want to a lot?but I am trying to ?keep my side of the street clean?.
I think I?d better stop here! I?d like to wish you all a healthy, happy and sober 2012. Sobriety is a beautiful thing: no more guilt, shame and lies. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about rehab.
The label on my Yogi tea today says ?May this day bring you peace, tranquility and harmony?. Amen to that!
Bean
It's been a while since I visited or posted here because I went into rehab for 6 weeks in mid October and the last month has been consumed with Christmas, family and new business preparations.
Rehab was life changing for me. I know most people don't have the time or finances to take a stint in treatment but if you do and are deliberating, I say GO FOR IT!! I'd like to share some things that I learnt there.
1) As far as I understand, each clinic is different and the one I went to took a fairly confrontational approach. The counsellors called each and every one of us on our BS, our lies, our manipulation, our selfishness, self-centredness, controlling, resentment, blaming and denial. We were encouraged to do the same to each other. The power of the group therapy is that it's very difficult to refute what someone is saying when 15 people agree with them. It's not easy to hear some of the things that people will say to you but we have to be willing to accept and own our faults and behaviour if we want to get better.
A turning point came for me when I realized it didn't matter how hard a time the staff or peers gave me because treatment wouldn't go on forever. What does go on forever, IF WE CHOOSE IT, is the shit and misery that we put ourselves and our families and friends through. I have chosen to put a stop to that.
2) With any kind of addiction, 10% of the problem is the actual substance or activity and 90% is YOU. More specifically, your thought patterns. This is why many people remain bitter, selfish and discontented even after they have stopped drinking or using. Accepting that your old ways of thinking led to harmful (spiritually and emotionally, not just physically) ways of behaving and seeking new and healthy thoughts will really help when you quit.
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is very helpful in changing old patterns. If you can't afford therapy, buy a book or borrow one from the library, get on the internet etc - there are so many resources out there. The only excuse for not using them is you.
3) Like most rehabs, my treatment was focused on the 12 step programme and fully endorses going to AA during and after treatment. I was VERY resistant to AA for many years and even a few weeks into my treatment. But I have now done a total 180 on that.
Back when I was drinking (and very critical of AA, thinking 'they' [those sad alcoholics
] were all a bunch of losers), I spent a LOT of money on different types of counselling, going to self improvement workshops, reading self help books and feeling really lonely a lot of the time. But duh, right under my nose all along was AA. It?s a spiritual programme not a religious one, the 12 steps can be seen as a programme for life, not just for addicts, they are all about becoming the best person you can be, you get to hang out with other people who completely understand you, share your worries, fears and frustrations and its practically free!! What?s not to like? I do think there is sometimes an overt pressure to attend a certain number of meetings per week, especially when you have first quit but remember that you are in control of your own life. No one can make you go to meetings or punish you for not working the steps but as in life, you get out what you put in. Find a balance that works for you ? and a group. They are all different. Find one where you feel comfortable and commit to going regularly even if it?s only once a week. Having some routines is really helpful in staying sober. People who go to my local group often say that they especially make sure to go to a meeting if they feel really high (emotionally), happy or excited because this emotional state can be as likely to lead to drinking as feeling really low. It?s all about balance.
4) The most powerful step for me was AA Step 1 ? admitting we are powerless over alcohol. I encourage you to set aside a few hours to think of 3-5 examples of when you were powerless over your addiction. Get REALLY specific: where were you?, who were you with?, what happened?, what were the consequences (include emotional, physical, financial, to you, your family, friends, employers, co workers etc).
You can also do the same exercise and think about times when your behaviour as a result of drinking/using caused you to behave in a way that totally contradicts your morals, values and beliefs.
When I completed these exercises I ?discovered? (and I use that word because I genuinely didn?t realize beforehand) that I have stolen, deceived and lied to my loved ones. I see that it?s not normal or honest to take (steal) drink from friends or family (and worse) and it?s also not normal or ?under control? when you decide you definitely want to stop drinking when you move back to England after 3 years abroad, drink all summer long, sometimes in the morning and at work, get drunk on the plane and then buy 2L duty free vodka that you don?t even want and drink yourself right into rehab within 3 days of getting home. Wow, was my mum ever pleased to see me back!!
Joking aside, I am slightly incredulous when I think of how I act when I am drinking. It doesn?t make any sense that an intelligent and otherwise sensible person would choose to take something that renders me unconscious and often made me puke at the first sip. My view is that someone who is powerless over alcohol would behave like that. While it?s not my fault that I respond to alcohol in that way, it is my responsibility to do something about it.
5) Resentment is the #1 offender. I am learning how to let go of resentments because they are so harmful to our health and well-being. Treatment taught me that I am chock full of them and also that ?Harboring resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die?.
6) When you are angry, indignant, resentful, self pitying, blaming and want to drink and/or lash out, LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Staff told me this time and again in treatment and I think of it every time I want to criticize or attack someone else. And I want to a lot?but I am trying to ?keep my side of the street clean?.
I think I?d better stop here! I?d like to wish you all a healthy, happy and sober 2012. Sobriety is a beautiful thing: no more guilt, shame and lies. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about rehab.
The label on my Yogi tea today says ?May this day bring you peace, tranquility and harmony?. Amen to that!
Bean
ray:
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
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