January Jewels - week one 2012!

[Stargazerlily]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning shining jewels...

Dill, regarding relapse, I believe it is always a choice, I just do not believe we are helpless, which is the reason I have a problem with AA. I know how important it is to have a plan, to understand the HALT triggers, and to develop new habits and coping skills. Alcohol, smoking, food, they can all be addictions, we have to take control of our lives and make choices. Do we make mistakes along the way? Definitely. But we learn with each period of success.

Sped, you are so courageous, sharing your relapse, I could sense sadness and some fear of going back to the way it was. You had a great plan going, AA support (I think AA is a great program) and were feeling more confident. What did you learn from the last drinking episode? I learned that I want to feel healthy and it is poisoning me more and more as I get older. I also felt closed in over the holidays and feel happy they are over. So much pressure, so many people, so much food, booze, and just stuff. I think being AF is a skill we learn over time and I know you can do this in 2012.

Guitarista, I took time on New Year's day to read your thread and was impressed by your honesty in how hard this journey is....for me too. I am determined to use all I know and the support here to have an entirely AF 2012.

LBH, so good of you to share your journey. I could really relate to the part of loving being clear headed and AF, rather than trying to be clear when drinking. It is always such a struggle when consuming alcohol, before,during and after. I want to focus giving up the battle, surrendering to mindfulness, living in the now. I had an interesting experience, I was really frustrated yesterday and was able to just be frustrated, and in time the feelings left. It was OK, I lived through it. For so many years alcohol could just numb any uncomfortable feelings, it is hard to just detach and accept what is. Does this make any sense?

Chill, sorry your family does not understand and is not empathetic to your needs. You are right, there is no point in continuing to discuss your future plans with them. How kind of you to want to help the young woman who is struggling with alcohol, but the weather interferred.

We had over a foot of snow, and it is still coming down, but lessening now. So it begins. Hello to all, Lav, Sooty, rusty, rustop, papmom, sd, kaslo, wally, and all, have a safe and productive Tuesday.

[Stargazerlily]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Cyn, cross post. Interesting, we discussed the same thing, accepting our feelings and being OK with them. Not having to obliterate them with anything. It does help to write it out.

[Rusty]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good Morning Everyone,

I had a long, long post last night and then I lost it! Dammit, I hate when that happens. Happily, I am home this week, finishing up end of the year paperwork and reports. I have come down with another cold but have plenty of Zycam and Dayquil around. I still have my trees up so later on today, I will build a fire and read happily in front of my living room Christmas tree. I think you remember last year that I kept all my decorations up until Easter. Not this year....I will take them down this weekend.

Dill-I cannot tell you just how great it is see you back here with us. You always posted quotes that spoke directly to us and which I remembered throughout the day. I copied and pasted them into a folder on my laptop, "MWO-Dill's Quotes." Hey, getting your own file on my laptop is even more prestigious than getting your name in the phone book.:H
As far as relapse.....I agree with you that I think 1) people choose to drink because they never want to lose that hope that they can drink normally again and 2) The craving becomes unbearable...they've utilized all the tools they know, and they are overwhelmed and succumbed to it.

Shelley-you are so right that 6 months of sobriety were not wasted. :lI hope you're back on the AF bus with us....and if a dreadful craving overpowers you and you pick up that first drink....then please do not drive. I could not stand to think that we would be without you.
You don't give up trying....I know how hard you try and the struggles you've had. Hopefully you can find an AA meeting nearby now that you are in Indiana. As far as going back to the Newbies Nest....this thread is not the kind that puts people on Double Secret Probation (insert the line from the movie "Animal House" in here), when they have a slip, or sends them back to 1st grade like they did when I was in Catholic grade school. Yes, your friends are all here so please let us know how we can help you....help you come up with a new plan....strengthen your toolbox. I would feel very badly if you left us.

LBH-you always find exactly the right words to say to people that I know I would not be able to express: I think it is important that this thread has people in all stages of recovery but with a common heartfelt goal and willingness to not leave anybody behind, ever. I say this as somebody who could easily get lost Your candor with regard to your journey is expressed so eloquently, and I admire you.....for many reasons.

Chill-I think it must be part of God's plan to keep you in Scotland longer than you had thought. It's obvious that 3 people are reaching out to you. I had mentioned volunteering (now I realize that was kind of a dumb idea....I'm sorry and I hope you forgive me), but I think now your positive, AF attitude is a perfect example for someone admitting she/he has an AL problem. You're healthy, active....you enjoy life (except for in Scotland) and imagine the support you could give them....just like you do for us here. As far as your Mum and your sister pointing out all the negatives of you wanting to go back to Portugal...I think it's their way of saying they would really miss you if you did. You can't control what people think, can you?

Sooty-you have 2 daughters....I bet they get their beauty from their mother. I am still planning on visiting Wales one day. Has the weather cleared up for you yet?

Cyn-good for you for just carrying the Prosecco around all the rooms!:goodjob: Do you have snow in CT yet? How is your stepdaughter doing?

Papmom-thank you again and again for the instructions on how to use Photobucket. I am naming your our thread's "Director of IT." Also, I clicked on your link on agility. Wow, that was one tight course. Gosh, those doggies have to be so alert, don't they?

Star-I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think being AF is a skill we all have to learn. I was not entirely AF in 2011 either, but one of my goals for 2012 is to be totally AF. I see such positive changes....my reduced weight....better family and friends' interactions....and I am more focused. Your words always give me pause, Star, and I am grateful for your friendship. One more folder to add to the MWO list...."Star."

Welcome Three Dog Knight, Kaslo, and anyone I may have missed.

BlondeAFAmbition-where are you?

Mr. G-it's so good to hear you full of AF spirit. And....I did listen to your music....how soothing it was.:h

To everyone I didn't name but think about a lot: Lav, Rustop, Cassia, and anyone who comes around, have a fabulous AF Tuesday!

[Lavande]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning Jewels!

Having a slow start this morning for absolutely no reason, slept well, feel pretty good........who knows?

Chill, maybe Sooty had a good idea......have you thought of moving somewhere entirely new instead of trying to recapture the past? Sorry about your crappy weather, hope it passes soon.

Hi G! Hope you had a great day at work, glad to hear you like your job!

Sooty, exercise in front of a DVD & stay off those slippery cliffs until Spring, OK?

Dill, I offer the picture of my crazy looking chicken 'STELLA' as the official bird for the monthly thread.:H
On a serious note, I think I have gotten past the feeling awkward stage of not drinking in social situations primarily because I just don't give a damn about what other people think of me or my choices ~ i don't care about their choices in return. Mutually staying out of one another's dramas works for me

cyn, sharing your thoughts here on the thread is a completely safe & useful thing to do!!! I think it helps us really cement things in our heads, once & for all. Living in the moment is the most comfortable & kindest thing we can do for ourselves.

Star, a foot of snow? Sorry to hear that!!!!! I'm sure you are more used to it than I am but still.......

I agree with you that relapses are choices. Until we search & find adequate replacements for our addictive substances we will contine to return to the same old behaviors. We are human & we just want to stop the pain & emotional turmoil. I never would have believed three years ago that just 15 minutes of guided meditation, focused breathing, etc. would be enough to turn off the desire to smoke and/or drink my troubles away. Those behaviors never made anything better anyway, did they? I think we just need to keep trying new & healthier ways to handle life's BS, then stick with whatever works.

Greetings to Shelley, papmom, LBH, Rusty, SD, Kaslo, Wally & anyone I may have missed.
Make it a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[ladybirdheart]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Just a quick stop in. I don?t think I commented as yet about how wonderful it was to hear of your exceptional weight loss, Rusty. It is good to know when you are on the right track, and looking great on the outside can be quite a boost as well as inspiration to others. Also Chill, I am sorry you did not get to visit with the woman from your group today, I have come to think how wonderful you would be as a helper and guide in whatever community you land because you see the being beneath and beyond the behavior or affliction. I believe in you completely. Catch up with everybody else later except to say good to see you again Cassia and welcome Wally and Kaslo. Love, Ladybird.

[Rusty]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Hi Everyone,

LBH....thank you for your kind words. Hmmppphh.....now make that 30 lbs. instead of 33 when I got on the scale this morning. My sister's sugared nuts ( I should post them in the Recipe Corner), Christmas cookies and cakes have caught up with me. Hence, my blue mood this evening. I need to snap out of it fast.....so I am thinking of going to the gym.

Does anyone else get the post-holiday blues? I sure do.

Chill-I'm sorry you weren't able to meet with the woman who really needed your help today. Don't you get bummed out when the weather prevents you from doing something good....or gets in the way of a fun day? We sure have it in Wisconsin. You're such a sweet person, Chill....I hope this whole living situation sorts itself out soon...and in your favor....it's about time!:l

Lav-I chuckled when I saw the pic of Chicken Stella. I forgot to mention that coming home from my mother's on New Year's Day....I saw one just standing there on the side of the road. Probably hungover from a New Year's Eve Chickfest.:H I also thought I would pass on that my mother....who REALLY REALLY loves her pillow said to me, "Did your friend make lots of money at her fundraiser?" She gets confused easily and thought you were selling pillows to raise money. :H She means well....you would love her if you met her....I swear that chemo fried 1/2 her brain.

Kaslo, I forgot to ask you where that fabulous beach is....the one you posted on the Daily Thread? Are you in Scotland?
A big hello to Dew, Welcome to Wally....ummm....anyone else. I need to snap out of this mood. I'll be here for a bit.

xoxox

Rusty

[dill]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Rusty, I am kind of honored that you have a file saved of my selected quotes. Wow! I wish I had them myself. I could use some inspiration. Maybe you could repost one from time to time? Or maybe you could send me the collection by email. There have been many times that I wanted to revisit those quotes, but my computer crashed and I lost the whole lot of them. Thank you so much for your kind words. I remember well those days of searching for the right quote to help me (us) focus.

I hope you perk up soon. I was feeling blue the day before yesterday, so I can truly relate. I was grateful when the mood was gone when I awoke the next day. Hang in there.

[papmom3]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

I did manage to haul my sick arse to work today but shouldn't have. I just figured it wouldn't look too good to call out after having 10 days off. Wouldn't you know it, my boss called out!! Said a tree fell across his drive yesterday and his Hummer couldn't get over it. Hmmmmm on so many levels not the least of which we haven't had a storm in 5 days!! Anyway I got as much done as I could and left at 3. No quilting for me tonite! I'm snug in bed with the pups feeling like crap and can't wait to take an Ambien so I can conk right out. I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be a sick day and i'll be missing agility as well. :upset: I'm just hoping this thing doesn't turn into Brochitis-I've been so lucky for 2 years!!

I did read all the posts from today but I'm fading fast so will hold off on commenting until tomorrow. I'll say good nite now in case I don't get to it later.

[Cassia]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Evening all,

This is going to be a long post ? I know ? bloody cheek seeing as I have only been back a few days! Please bear with me.

I hope everyone in the UK has survived the horrendous weather. I spoke to my dad earlier and he said he was getting blown about worse than an American hurricane. Also, his sky is out so he's not a happy bunny. Apparently it has to get fixed by the Council but he didn't want to bother them as people were calling complaining about the lack of roof. Not good. It is bitterly cold here now - so glad I got my run in this morning.

Chill ? sounds like you are in Scotland for a purpose. You and I both know what West Central Scotland is like booze wise and I think so many people would quit drinking if they had an example in their lives to show it could be done. I know my friends have cut WAY down since I stopped drinking. You are that example to people. Have you ever thought about being a therapist? You have an amazing gift with people and are such an inspiration. I think certain people in Scotland really need you right now.

Star ? has the snow stopped??? We got a few flurries this morning but that was it. I hope you are able to get out and about. Nothing worse than being trapped in by snow.

Cyn ? I am glad your dinner turned out better than expected and what a great way to look at things ? better to fall asleep sitting up than falling over in a stupor. I think I?ts great that you see the positiveness in an occasion that you could probably have seen far enough.

Sooty ? I am with you ? I need timetables, I need goals, I need to feel like I have achieved something. I hope you achieved everything you set out to do today.

Guitarista ? glad your first day back at work was good! Hope everything is well with you!

Rusty ? hey!!! How are you? Did you finish your exams at the end of last year? I hope you passed them all! Sorry to hear that you have a cold ? get well soon. Well done on the weight loss Rusty ? I didn?t realize. You are so right though ? sometimes we have to give ourselves credit for everything positive we do instead of beating ourselves up for the negatives.

Howdy to everyone else I missed!

So, interesting thread at the moment. I also believe that relapses are choices - in fact, virtually everything in life is a choice (with the major exceptions - illnesses, death albeit choice for some etc). I don't believe that we are incapable of making a different choice or that we are helpless, which is probably why I have an issue with AA although as Star said, it is a great program and has helped so many people. I just know that so often in my life I could have made a different choice and quite often it would have been the easier choice in the short term but would have had major negative impacts in the longer term. I am very thankful for the choices I made, even the choice to carry on drinking when I knew it was becoming a problem because it made me the person I am today. And I think I am a pretty great person albeit with flaws. Does that make sense? I am by no means saying that if you have an issue with drink and you choose to continue that pattern that it is a good thing, everyone is different. But you are a product of your choices, even your bad ones. Sometimes you have to make a few bad choices before you make the better choice and therefore become a better you.

So, interesting conversation with my hubby the other night. I wasn?t going to share but seeing as we are being honest. He basically told me that he was so unhappy when I drank that if I hadn?t quit he probably would have left me. Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks (and I ain?t even as bad with the booze as half my mates!) He said that this was mainly because I turned into a different person when I was drunk (which I did). So he is a lot happier now. I am a lot happier now. But I would be lying if I ignored the fact that I feel this pressure never to drink again or he might leave me. I mean, I don?t want to drink any time soon but forever is just SOOO LONG.

During the chat, we also discussed my stress levels and he said that any time I get the opportunity to take things slower, I don?t. I take on extra responsibility, I go and get more education (now going to do Spanish, CPA exams and my MBA) and get more hobbies. I thought I would have stopped running (metaphorically) when I moved back but I guess not. I don?t even know what it is that I am running from. I have huge ambitions for myself but I often wonder will I ever be like ? ?Ok ? I have achieved everything that I have set out to, I am done.? I even think that at least while I am trying to stay off the drink that I am challenging myself and keeping the momentum going. Am I crazy? I feel crazy.

Sorry, just had to get that all out. I would welcome your thoughts. I am leaving the office now so will check in when I get home.

[cyntree]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Evening Bijoux - Rusty and Dill it looks as if you are still on --- sending you warm happy thoughts. Rusty, I hope you are enjoying a sit by the fire, and that the flickering firelight soothes you. You have so much to be proud of, all that you have accomplished this last year; I'm sure that 2012 will be a banner year for you. Be gentle with yourself. Dill, in addition to the quotes, I hope that you again will post some of the poetry that you find...I have missed that a lot.

Cassia, and everyone - all this talk of 'choice' reminds me of a wonderful phrase one of my dear mentors used to use: 'all behavior is a learned response'. So, perhaps even deeper than a 'choice' is the learned response which happens before we get to the 'choice' place. Perhaps staying truly in the moment is the way to be able to see the 'learned response' and unlearn it, thereby giving ourselves the gift of choice...? Just a thought - also I remember he said that research shows that babies' first impulse is to grab something; it takes learning a different response and use of a set of muscles to learn to let go. For myself, I know that burying myself in work is definitely a learned response - I need to see how to unlearn it in order to make some choices surrounding work/relaxation. Yikes, even the thought of it strikes fear in my heart!

Sweet night all, good morning Mr G - PS - Chill, how did the Reiki search turn out for you? I love these ideas of you becoming a healer/teacher...

[Rusty]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Well, I didn't make it to the gym, but had a lovely walk instead. Oh well.

Dill, I saved a few of your quotes but here is my favorite....as it is very pertinent for me this evening.

Great minds discuss ideas,
average minds discuss wants,
small minds discuss people."-- Laurence J. Peter


This quote hit home for me today because I have decided to distance myself from someone I THOUGHT was a very good friend. I have noticed over the last year or so that she spends an inordinate amount of time talking about her other "friends." I detest gossip. I was not raised that way....my mom, my sister....no one in my family gossips because to us....that isn't being a good friend and it's unacceptable. I figure if she's talking about everyone else, she certainly is talking about me behind my back. Yup, Ms. Dill... "Small minds discuss people." Also, ...if you click on your name....you can see all your posts... and that's where you'll find your quotes. Because of you, I reread The Power Of Positive Thinking. Dr. Peale was an incredible man.

Cassia-WOW....what a story about your husband telling you how unhappy he was when you were drinking and he probably would have left you.:upset: Isn't it something how fast AL creeps up on you and you have no idea you're as bad as you are? I had no clue...but my best friend told me on NYE how glad she is that AL is no longer controlling my life. I showed her my Drivers' License pic from 2008....when my drinking was at its worst (oh, why bother with Chardonnay when scotch can give me such a better buzz...I was a fruit loop back then.) Her face turned white. My face looked like a pumpkin....and because of scotch puffiness....my eyes were these beatty (sp?) gerbil eyes. You're studying for the CPA, MBA and Spanish???? Ok you slacker...get off your lazy ass and get to work.:H I'd give anything to have your ambition. I'm so proud and happy for you....gosh, you're a bundle of energy. Please make time to develop some hobbies. Actually, that's good advice for both of us. Regarding my exams....no....I got an interim pass....I didn't flunk, but I didn't get GREEN in all topics....so I'm retaking the exams soon.

Papmom-please take care of yourself tonight. I hope you feel better.:l I've had bronchitis twice....wanted to die. Your boss and the Hummer....ummm...a vehicle that no one NEEDS.:H The last time I checked....the sand dunes in MA were not that hard to drive through.

Cyn-thanks for being here tonight. I always get a lot out of your posts. I don't know that I have all that much to be proud of in 2011 but moving forward, I want to make some positive changes for sure. The quote from your mentor really hit home with me:

'all behavior is a learned response'. So, perhaps even deeper than a 'choice' is the learned response which happens before we get to the 'choice' place. Perhaps staying truly in the moment is the way to be able to see the 'learned response' and unlearn it, thereby giving ourselves the gift of choice...?

Am feeling perkier thanks to all of you tonight. Now it's time for NCIS.

Good night and good morning everyone. You are the best!:h

[Lavande]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

What's left to say - you guys have about said it all today :H :H

I hope all you 'sickies' are feeling better very soon
Nurse Lav says push fluids, not yourselves when you come down with something this time of year I can remember having some killer colds/respiratory stuff back when I was working FT, raising kids, caring for ailing parents, going to night school, etc. I just never got any rest

About the learned behavior thing......
That is something I have been trying to get YB to understand for years! He simply thinks he was born a certain way & uses the term/excuse 'It is what it is' all the time ~ I hate that term/excuse, it's BS! We all need to take responsibility for our thoughts, the crap that goes through our heads. A lot of it definitely is programming left over from stupid parental (or other adults) comments made to us when we were kids. But when we grow up we need to recognize the crap for what it is & discard it, replace it with positive thoughts.
I often ask YB 'How is everything right now, right this minute?' to try to get him to remain present, in the moment. He habitually dwells in dark, nasty places in his head that have absolutely nothing to do with me but I have always been on the receiving end of the fallout........

OK, I'll shut up now :H
I invited him to dinner tonight, he was pleasant. We are going out to eat tomorrow & to see the nightime holiday light display at Longwood Gardens ~ just like normal people.

Rusty, your Mom was not entirely wrong - I was raising funds for someone by selling those pillows - ME!!!

Cassia, you don't have to answer this.......
Are you including thoughts of possibly starting a family someday? You seem to have yourself way over-scheduled but then again you have the advantage of youthful energy!!!!!

Wishing everyone a comfy, restful night!

Lav

[Cassia]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Hi Lav,

I have thought about it. I have a particular career goal and salary in mind that I want to obtain so we are comfortable and my kids could do the things they want to do. I don't want them to struggle like I did in my later teens and early adulthood.

Is it cold where you are? It is freezing here. Looks like you and yb have turned a corner. Are u pleased?

X

[ladybirdheart]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Well my evening has been indulgent rather than reflective, just dinner and a movie on DVD that I adored, ?Midnight in Paris?. I think we do have innate differences in needs for stimulation, some people seek a lot while others shy away and it doesn?t have to be for any profound reason, just finding a level that keeps our nervous systems balanced and functioning optimally. I now know that for me to remain sober, I have to pay particular attention to this balance in terms of limiting how much I take on voluntarily as a life brimming over with even rich, beautiful experiences will overwhelm me perhaps more easily than others. I felt drawn as a young adult toward completing a lot of educational, cultural, and vocational milestones, assuming that I would ?arrive? and feel the way I assumed those I admired felt. I am glad that I did what I did not only because I was able to remove the illusion that I would feel knowledgeable, confident, ?complete? if I just had this or that degree or experience but also because I came to be amused by the whole process and had a rewarding career in spite of myself. Anyway, the point of this is I don?t think you are crazy, Cassia, it will keep sorting itself out as we find out who we are underneath all of what we do and keep doing what fits best. Your dinner conversation will be well rounded in any case. It is really good to have you back. Lav, I so wish I could be a fly on the wall at a meal with you and your husband, you both clearly love one another. Love, Ladybird.

[Chillgirl]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning gemsters

Boy lots to catch up with! I think i will have to respond properly tonight. It's back to work today and the alarm going off was a real shocker this morning. I was having the most amazing dream, I was sitting having lunch with Wayne Dyer and we were discussing my forthcoming trip to Hawaii to his weekend retreat and how we would be doing yoga together. I was thinking how I'd need to practice my yoga morning till night before I went so I would impress him! Then the bloody alarm went off......:upset:

Cass - my biggest Q to you amongst all the activities, career ambitions and achievements is "are you happy?" do these things fulfill you? if they do then they are indeed worthwhile and part of who you are. I envy your gusto but it wouldn't be who I was to do what you do, we all have to follow our own hearts. You sound like perhaps you don't know what to do if you free up space in your life to just be. My guess is that this is who you are right now and when the time is right for you to want to take things easier you will instinctively know.

Dill & Rusty - I was sent an ebook full of brilliant quotes just yesterday and will share some later.

With this severe and bleak weather my longing to leave here is becoming more of a compulsion and if I had enough money I would pack up the car today and drive away. I think it was Lav who asked if I'd considered going elsewhere and the answer I'd definitely yes. Even further south in the UK may allow me a better chance of a more outdoor life but in winter when it's bleak everywhere it's not too appealing and this week in Portugal the weather is sun +60f. I spoke to a friend yesterday who was telling me how bad business is for him that he has been applying for work back in the Uk so I know work back there will be difficult to find. I am hoping my ex will update me this week on the exact state of affairs regarding my house over there and when it will be repossessed. When I know how long till my rent income stops this will push me into deciding on the next step.

Ok I'm off to brave the rain, have a great day guys......