January Jewels - week one 2012!

[Dewdrop]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Aw Papmom I really feel for you and wish you better soon, my cold cleared up for a couple of days but has come back today with a vengeance and I am almost hoarse tonight so I sympathise for us both! Back to work for me today too and I am struggling

We?ve had a difficult few days; my DIL who lost her baby recently took an overdose on Monday and was moved from A&E to a psychiatric unit. She got home today but is going to need a good bit of support for a while, my son is very confused and concerned as you can imagine. It seems the death of their son has brought up other issues and she feels she can?t cope (or doesn?t want to cope) anymore. As you all know they have a daughter (3 today) and my son cannot understand how she would want to leave her without a Mum, never mind himself. We?ve talked about her not being in the right frame of mind, that she is ill and doesn?t know what she is doing but it is difficult. They had a lovely Christmas and New Year and he actually felt she had turned a corner and was much better over the holidays than she has been so this has come as a complete surprise. Life has a habit of throwing a curveball every now and again and you just have to deal with it.

I too love my kindle, The Power of Now, meditation and knitting like so many of you ? we are kindred spirits I think. I?m really enjoying the posts at the moment there?s some lovely discussions. Rusty I haven?t said how amazing you are to have lost all that weight what a fantastic achievement and don?t worry about the 3lbs you?ll have them off in no time girl. It?s a blustery, cold night here tonight and I?m off for a well earned sleep.

Dewdrop :h

[dill]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Oh, Dew that is so awful for your son and wife and everybody. My prayers will be with you tonight. You are right that we are kindred spirits. One good thing about our individual struggles with alcohol is that it has brought all our collective souls together and we are each richer for it.

Cyn, thank you for the link. I will certainly follow it. I still get excited at this time of year when the seed catalogs start coming in!

There are so many threads I wish I could pick up in this tapestry or ours, so many wonderful posts, but tonight is not the night. I simply have been too busy in my virtual world to be online. That's a good thing. Too busy to drink!! I am simply checking in to say I'm still here with you all.

Lav, your silly chicken can be our official bird!!!:H

[papmom3]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Dew-my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Hopefully your DIL will get the help she so desperately needs. I hope too that your cold disappears very soon.

Big cyber :l being sent your way.

Cyn, i will definitely check out your link! I used to be so into gardening but dogs took care of that very quickly!!

[cyntree]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Third post, this is a record for me. Just had to hop on again to give support to you, Dew. So sorry you are still sick, and my heart breaks for your family and DIL. Sending you light.

In another synchronous moment, in reading a comment about Margaret's aforementioned book, I saw a reference to lyrics of a Leonard Cohen song. I think these words may strike a chord here at the beginning of the new year, and about the other side of sometimes feeling 'broken':

The birds they sang
at break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
... ... ...
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

[Lavande]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

My goodness.............

So much happening here tonight!
Dew, I am so sorry about your son & DIL - what a tough time for all of you.
All I can say is maybe taking the pills was a scream for help, not necessarily a suicide attempt. I say this because my SIL did the same exact thing when her twins were 3 years old. I was horrified having to sit in her hospital room overnight to keep watch. She didn't make any attempt to talk or explain her actions. When the psychiatrist arrived in the morning, he interviewed her & announced she was OK to go home & that it wouldn't happen again - and it didn't. She later explained she was feeling over-whelmed, missing her family in Europe, etc, etc. I hope your DIL is able to get it all resolved soon. Feel better yourself!

papmom, go see your doc tomorrow.......don't make me have to come up there!!!!!
Sometimes a cold is just not simply a cold

cyn, I have added the gardening website to my favs & will take a good look at it when I'm actually awake.

Hi Dill, sooty, chill & everyone!

I had a nice evening out but I don't want anyone writing an ending to this story yet.......I don't even know where it's going & I'm not holding on to any particular outcomes. For now I'm just happy to see YB willing to come out of his self-imposed prison a little bit. I think if I said BOO he'd run right back He needs to move forward at his own (snail's) pace. I'm fine with that because I have no other plans - if that makes any sense. This is not the life I had envisioned - but - I'm getting used to it I suppose.

Wishing everyone a cozy night!
Lav

[sdlovespackers]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good Evening!!

Dew--I'm very sorry for the difficult time you and your family are going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I do have to agree with Lav though, in saying I'm guessing this was most likely your DILs way of screaming for help rather that an attempted suicide. She may have even felt she tried asking or seeking help and didn't get it or perhaps didn't know how to ask for the right help??? I'm not sure...I do hope now she is in the right place and receives the best possible care.:l I hope you feel better as well.

Lav--I think you gotta do what feels right and what makes sense to you...it only need to make sense to you and work between you and YB....and it seems to being going pretty smooth right now! I think thats wonderful!:l

Cyn--Thanks for the website...I'm going to have to check it out!! I tried my hand at gardening two summers ago...my neighbor ended up in my backyard in my garden more often then I did taking care of it...drove him nuts to see one tiny weed sprout...I could have cared less....I may have to try again this year...but REALLY try!! LOL!!

Sped--We are having AMAZING weather here in SD right now...honestly I think it was in the high 40s I bet today...I should look...the kids kids were coming in from recess..."It's so hot outside!!!" When I left after school I couldn't believe it when I stepped outside!!! CRAZY!!!! No snow...high 40's...really SD???? Oh yea...that's because I BOUGHT A SNOW BLOWER!!!!!!!:H I'm not complaining....I know I'll get my miles out of it in a matter of time!

Lav--you never said who you would want to play you in your movie???

Chill--You know....you said you were willing to move ANYWHERE...SD isn't lookin to shabby this winter??!! You like workin with kids?? And really bitchy ladies?? HAHAHA!!!! :H Ewww...this girl may need to go to bed...her nasty side is comin out!!! LOL!!!

I'm having some blood work drawn in the morning...haven't been feeling very well lately...I'm sure it's nothing but just checking things out...I'm kind of a worrier....why is it when you have to fast, you automatically are starving!! Maybe its just me...lol!!! I better get to sleep before I go looking for my double stuffed oreos!!!

Have a wonderful Thursday....BUG HELLOS to Pap3 (feel better soon), Rusty, Rustop, Star, LBH, G, Blondie, Cassia, Kaslo, Wally, Dill, Sooty...and anyone else who stops by this awesome thread!!
SD

[Chillgirl]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning guys

Dewdrop - so sorry for the further heartache in your family :l my guess is your DIL is screaming out for help and I hope she gets appointed a good therapist and/or has good support from friends and family in the aftermath of this. I know in Lav's story her SIL never spoke of it but i would feel its vital to talk this through and make sure she gets the chance to get her feelings out.

I miss my friends network, a few of who would drop everything and be there with their shoulders without me even asking. Your news really got me thinking that if I had done something similar my family would be totally suprised as I'm unable to open up and tell them how bad I feel.

SD - when you mentioned feeling a bit off, it reminded me that in the 1st year of being AF my body had to re-adjust after years of abuse before re balancing out and this may be what you are experiencing. My blood pressure plummeted and for about 10 months had to be monitored. Without any meds it adjusted itself back to normal, it just takes time which isn't too surprising after 25 years of drinking! Perhaps you should mention to your Dr that you quit.

Lav - as long as you are getting some enjoyment out of your time spent with YB, I agree there is no point in scaring him back into his cave.

I left my phone at work yesterday and use it as my alarm clock so I dug out an old phone which I set for my usual time. What I didn't realize was that it hadn't been adjusted since the winter clock change and as a result im awake an hour early!! I decided instead of going back to sleep to use the extra time for some meditation which is what I will do now.

Wishing you all a peaceful and AF Thursday.

[Stargazerlily]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning to all...

Dewdrop, sorry to hear your DIL is in so much despair, but now she will get the help she needs. I hate when a cold comes back, please take care of yourself.

Pap, sorry to hear you are ill too. Listen to Lav and get to the doctor, sounds like a Zpack would do the trick!

Cyn, lovely post, lovely poem. You sound content in Connecticut.

Chill, the weather sounds horrendous, I liked the idea of going to south UK, maybe Cornwall? I have always wanted to go there. I agree that it is good to be busy at work, it makes the time go fast.

Lav and SD, weatherwise, we are warming up and the snow will be melting. Kids on winter break have been enjoying sledding and other winter sports.

Sped, the Midwest is a special place, I am so glad I live here. I know other places are much more glamorous, but I love this area. I agree that with the first drink, powerlessness sets in, it is so scary. How long are you in Indiana?

I have had an up and down week at work, very busy yesterday, and hopefully today. I have been good following my healthy eating plan, next week exercise. I hope. To all, have a great day.

[Dewdrop]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Thanks guys for your kind words, I?m having a day in bed today as I am feeling crap it doesn?t happen often but I?ve had to admit defeat for the first time in ages. My head is fit to explode and I have completely lost my voice, well it?s down to a hoarse whisper if I try really, really hard so it?s a day cosied up under the duvet with lots of cold meds, my kindle and my laptop in between sleeping. I hope you are feeling better Papmom and I am thinking of you and sending you healing vibes across the pond :l

I?ve decided to leave the kids to sort things out themselves for now; they know I am only a phone call away but its difficult trying to balance the line between being supportive and interfering. She has an appointment with a CPN today and has been given lots of information on helplines/charities etc she can contact which she was given previously but binned. So I?ll let the dust settle for a day or two, I think it was a cry for help so I hope she is feeling supported and on more stable ground. I used to work in the Mental Health field so she knows she can talk to me, and she has done in the past, but sometimes someone impartial is better and removed from the emotional involvement.

I'm off for more meds and a nap.

Dewdrop :h

[dill]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Back for a moment to the relapse/choice discussion. I wonder if we need to be clear on our definition of 'relapse'. I don't think drinking one time after 6 months and then getting back on board is a relapse. I think it is a choice, good or bad. But it can lead to relapse. I consider relapse to be a return to the former ways, steadily or suddenly. The drink causes the loss of power over alcohol and that power is not regained for a period of time, maybe for ever. That's just how I look at it. I'm open to other viewpoints. Star, you mentioned how you used drinking for many years to avoid difficult feelings. When I read that it hit home. When I first came to MWO I thought I was drinking for the sheer pleasure of it. It has taken me these past 3 years and all my various messy stops, starts, relapses, regroupings, bad choices, good choices to understand my much more complicated relationship with alcohol. I now know that assuaging difficult feelings was indeed quite often one of my reasons for drinking.

Dew, you are so right about the fine line between being supportive and interfering when it comes to our adult children. I feel I am on that tightrope at various times as well. I think you are wise in you actions.

To everyone else on this wonderful thread, have a wonderful af day! I must get myself off to work.

[Chillgirl]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

dill;1239186 wrote: I thought I was drinking for the sheer pleasure of it

Dill - reading this was music to my ears and I think you have touched on a very important topic.

I too thought for years it was all about having fun. Im not a fan of any sort of psychoanalysis, my feet are firmly in the NLP type of therapy and the self help that deals with "the now". However whilst I dont believe in analysing the past I do think its important to reach an understanding of it in order to let it go. Looking at my own beginnings I started as an underage teen drinker and this was about rebellion. I was always fighting to be different and now in sobriety I feel so comfortable in my spiritual world, it feels like home and is where im most happy.

The party girl has turned zengirl and had I found an alternative new age group in my youth I may have been able to channel my rebellion there instead of in destructive ways. That longing in me has now found its home and how good it feels to now recognise that. Often we behave in crazy ways just out of sheer frustration of not belonging.

[Dewdrop]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

I?ve enjoyed the discussions on learned behaviour/response and the choices we make and I agree wholeheartedly that if we keep doing the same things we get the same results so we have to learn from previous behaviours and responses to make changes ? the choice is always ours if we want to change the outcome and the future. Sometimes though it takes a while to realise and accept that and then move forward it?s a bit of a learning curve you have to go through. Yet once you make the decision to change it can happen in an instant it?s all about attitude (for me anyway).

Cassia I feel tired just reading your posts you are so energetic however you are young, keen to do well, a high achiever, competitive and you are clearly goal driven so that is the way you tick. We are all different and I agree we simply have to find our own groove in life, what makes us happy, and that changes as the years roll by. I?m just curious if your husband is as driven because I got the sense that he was concerned about your stress levels so maybe the concern is his and not yours? Maybe you are running and he?s trying to keep up, or maybe he?s afraid you?ll run away without him, or maybe he?s worried you will burn yourself out ? just a thought. If you are happy and he is happy and you are both on the same page then why worry needlessly just enjoy your busy life together.

Lav I am enjoying reading the ongoing story that is unfolding around you and YB, isn?t life astonishing the way it twists and turns and I feel that the two of you are destined to be connected one way or another. There is no rule book that says how we should live our lives and as I get older I give less and less thought to what other people think about me, it?s really not any of my business and I like it that way. SD I hope the blood work comes back okay and you are on top form again soon, I smiled to myself reading about your son and dealing with his behaviour on his return from his Dad, I have been there and done that and you are doing the right thing setting good expectations but it?s not easy when you are on your own and have all that responsibility. Many a time I buried my head in a bottle of wine?

I'm off for more green tea

Dewdrop :h

[papmom3]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

oh my the buckets of green and black tea i've consumed over these past few days!!

I do have an appt at 1:30 today with a PA (doc isn't available) and as long as I get the drugs and note I need I'll be happy.

Chill was trying to be different when she started drinking as a teen, I used AL to try to fit in. I always felt so different from everyone I needed desperately to fit in. Unfortunately it is apparent now that I had a predispostion to AL addiction (genetic) from the get go. I hated the taste of everything I tried and normal people would say "Ok, this isn't for me" but I forced myself until I actually liked the taste of something. How I wish my folks had recognized something was wrong when at 16 I puked into a facecloth and hid it under my bed fater partying most of the nite. Needless to say I was very hungover that morning and my mom forced me to go to my track meet. Back then it was all part of "growing up" and people with AL problems were winos on skid row, not WASP teens from a good family. I am trying very hard not to play the What If game these days (as I slide towards the light) but it weighs heavily on my mind these days that I'm in my twilight years now and have wasted most of my formative years as a young adult. I'll just have to make the most of what I have left. Cassia, you are very smart to tackle this problem now, instead of 20 years from now!

OK, will get off my maudlin soap box now and will let you know how the appt goes.

[Lavande]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Good morning Jewels

Had a light covering of snow overnight. Pretty & not to shovel so I'll allow it :H :H

Dew & Papmom, I hope you two are well on the road to recovery but I will make house calls if necessary!

Dew, one of the true gifts of age is really, really not giving a hot damn what anyone else thinks
I've known for most of my life that I am different & just don't fit into the average mold. God know I tried to fit but it just wasn't meant to be I like the idea of staying open to new & different possibilities. Things could turn out to be just fabulous, maybe not. I'm in no hurry.

SD, fasting bloodwork just seems so old fashioned, doesn't it? You would think some genius would have come up with a better solution by now :H Hope everything turns out well for you.

Dill, I have to agree with you on the relapse description. One bad choice does not mean failure. We all need to learn at our own pace in our own time.

I really need to get moving before the morning is completely over.
Have a terrific Thursday everyone!

Lav

[Dewdrop]

January Jewels - week one 2012!

Papmom I am so tired of green tea I have changed to a mint and apple infusion with papaya & rosebuds - sounds a bit weird but is actually very soothing.

'Dew, one of the true gifts of age is really, really not giving a hot damn what anyone else thinks' Lav that is just so true :H:H

Dewdrop :h