So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

[skootiemom]

Hey Old Friends,

Been a long time since I really checked in.

Lots has happened in the last 5 years since I have found this place.

Still struggling, but lately just feeling like I have no fight left, you know?

I have a million good reasons to quit Al for good, but somehow, just don't find the attraction to an AF or even the ABS lifestyle anymore.

One word- Tired. Just Tired.

Any advice from those hanging in there? One day at a time is not gonna cut it- cause I can do that- weeks and months, but always find my way back. To put 3 months, 6 months and the joys of that are all, I guess, a non challenge at this point. I am thinking that to just succumb to Al and let it do what it wants to at this point seems appealing?

Crazy on paper to say, but I really feel like I just don't care, you know?

Skoots

[CS04]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Skoots.
You and I have been around for awhile. PM me and let's talk.

xoxo
CS

[Determinator]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Skootie old friend, so sorry to hear you in a limbo/blah state. it happens but usually passes. sounds like you've been in this mode for too long and need a jump-start. For me I go back to the paradigm of the two lists:

Drinking list:
pain/hangovers
difficult mornings and unmotivated days of pain
shame/embarrassment
weight gain (or weight loss in advanced cirrhosis)
memory problems due to damage of hippocampus
loss of family, job, and life interests
chronic myopothy, insanity and premature death

AF list:
pain free
guilt free
love and respect of self
an end to limitations
etc etc


it may be simplistic, but it keeps my life in perspective.

maybe what you are struggling with is depression? or dealing with how to live in general. maybe you need an adventure or change of scenery. I don't really know, just spit-balling here.

please come and chat sometime, miss you there,

xxxxxxx

[Steady Hands]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Hi Skootie

You sound tired.

Just my 2 cents.... If you are at the point where you are in so much pain not caring ... What do you have to loose? Going AF is going to be uncomfortable for a few days, but you don't care, because you are burnt out, BUT THEN IT GETS BETTER!!!

The AL relieves it for a while. A very short while just to leave you feeling tired and out of love and life again! Make this feelibng of not caring work for you. Make it work that you don't even care to drink today!!


I was a heavy drinker for 15 years. In the last 5 I had 2 unplanned babies and is a financial wreck! In the end nothing helped me! No amount of AL or cigs or painkillers could make me escape!! Till I had NOTHING to loose anymore. Not even my reputation. Then I quit.

It's my 76th day AF. I would kill to protect it! I will NOT loose my sobriety!!

Come on Skootie! You want to.

And you can...

[spacebebe01]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

I know how you feel, been there, years of struggling getting days, weeks, months AF only to drink again and getting so tired that theres no fight left. I have gone the meds route with antabuse and am doing well with it, for most of the time al doesnt even enter my mind and when it does I know I cant drink and the thoughts go, this is the best I have ever been and theres no way I would go back now. Honestly since the day I started taking it my life has canged for the better, still with problems which I am now slowley sorting.
Im not trying to sell you meds, its up to you and you know where the meds thread is if you want to find out more I just want you to be able to get well.

[Jolie]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Skootie,

It's easy to see how we can get to the point where we just don't care any more but I think the fact you made your way back here again means you are still trying! Please don't give up. From what I've read around here, it may take many, many tries but if you look at the posts of all those who have succeeded or are having success now, they will tell you how great their lives our without AL in it.

Please don't stop trying - if you have family, I'm sure they feel you are worth the fight!

Have you ever seen a doctor to rule out anything else health wise that may be going on?

You know how it works here - lots of encouragement and support.

Hope you stick around and please don't ever give up the fight - we are all in this fight with you!

:l:l:l

[Lavande]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Hi Skootie,

Reading your post I thought 'that was me'!
I was in the same place myself, feeling defeated & hopeless. That's called chronic depression Skootie.

For me, addressing the depression first was mandatory!
Once the dark curtain of depression starts to lift, you begin to see some rays of light & hope. You begin to see that you really do care!

Whether you choose to address the depression with your doc (as I did) or try an OTC (as I am doing now) please just do something! You are worth it, you really are

Hope to see you around more often & wishing you the best!

Lav

[retteacher]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

skooie: I couldn't let your post go wo/saying something. I, like the others above me, have been where you've been. I completely gave up hope. I'd put together some time: weeks, maybe months. But, I'd always go back. The turning point for me was a particularly nasty drunk episode that landed me in the ER. I shamed myself & my family in front of a lot of people. I hold the memory of that night very near, because it takes all the romance out of drinking. It was ugly to say the least.

Incredibly that wasn't my last day of drinking. I kept up but knew I had to do something different. I couldn't keep doing the same thing over & over & expect different results. Finally, I called a friend who had been sober in AA for 16 years. Did I EVER think I'd go to AA? NEVER, EVER! But, I had to in order to stop. That was almost 3 years ago. My whole life has gradually changed. I didn't want it to at first. I sat in the back at meetings & didn't talk to anyone.

I now go to about 3 meetings a week. I have new friends (along w/the old normal-drinking friends), & now have a sober lifestyle that I love. Life has thrown me a few curve-balls. My then 36 year old daughter was diagnosed w/breast cancer in 2010. Our family went through a lot, but I stayed sober for her & my grandsons. It's the best thing I've ever done.

Please do not give up. You might have to do something a little different &/or uncomfortable in order to stop. AA worked for me, but I recognize it's not for everyone. I notice by your screen name that you're a mom. I am too though my kids are grown. I didn't realize what an impact my drinking had on them & my husband of 40 years.

Good luck.

Mary

[caper564]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

HI there,
I am with spacebebe .. antabuse all the way for me. and if i have to take it ever day of my life i will... I love the sober world. its clear and free of depression, anxiety, stress, anger (lots of drunken anger) memory loss, having to ask for forgiveness every other day for something stupid i did or said while drunk. OH and my favorite sober thing. waking up in the morning.. no headache dry mouth sore eyes , unexplained bruises and that instant feeling of dread and anxiety...... ALL GONE *POOF*
I thought i would be depressed forever, but now sober i feel a new sense of excitement. i thought my life was in the toilet, debt, bad job, crappy marriage... but its not..its GREAT..

you can do it
Caper

[Accountable for Me]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

skootiemom;1250472 wrote: Hey Old Friends,

Been a long time since I really checked in.

Lots has happened in the last 5 years since I have found this place.

Still struggling, but lately just feeling like I have no fight left, you know?

I have a million good reasons to quit Al for good, but somehow, just don't find the attraction to an AF or even the ABS lifestyle anymore.

One word- Tired. Just Tired.

Any advice from those hanging in there? One day at a time is not gonna cut it- cause I can do that- weeks and months, but always find my way back. To put 3 months, 6 months and the joys of that are all, I guess, a non challenge at this point. I am thinking that to just succumb to Al and let it do what it wants to at this point seems appealing?

Crazy on paper to say, but I really feel like I just don't care, you know?

Skoots

Hey you! Been there myself.

It does get very tiring.... the rollercoaster ride.

Lavande had a valid point. A lot of us suffer from depression (root cause). Maybe book in for a good check up with your GP? I know once I dealt with the depression, I have no interest in drinking anymore. It took a while. Denial, etc....... but sobriety is pretty awesome.

Sending you tons of strength and :h .

[skootiemom]

So tired, so uninspired, so defeated...

Another day~

Good Morning my dear friends.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Some of you hit some points with me that I needed to hear from someone else.

Deter~ the list- I was like "oh Yea".... most of it is true ( except the weight gain that continues whether I drink or not!!!) and I am likely "depressed", but who would not be and who isn't these days??? Sadly, my closest friends are all mid- lifing, crappy marriages, over scheduled kids, exhaustion. I am not so sure a pill is the answer, but yes, time to refresh the "list" and repost on my bathroom mirror. Thank you.

Mary~ I remember that dinner party. You have come such a long way. AA means making new connections, and the thought of adding "more" is very daunting at this point. But your post sticks with me in how you just went, sat at the back and observed. Maybe just to make time to just sit and listen will help with the mental exhaustion of 'knowing' I should excerise, eat better and then drink and feel the guilt of not doing it every night. Maybe just to go and sit and listen will make me feel like I am doing something. Thank you.

And my dearest AFM~ seems that my issue is so ridiculous when I think of you and your current battles. Again, beating myself up for feeling like I should not be feeling like this.... does exhaustion always mean depression? Having young kids is such a challenge. Thank you for your strength.

I guess maybe, thru my tears, and writing this, as Jolie says, I am still interested in trying and I am reaching out- something I do not do easily. Asking for help and accepting defeat has never been a part of my life. The fatigue has taken away my drive, so yes, perhaps I need to dig into my sleeping pills on a regular basis for a while and break the cycle. Then I just may have the energy to see the doctor and or a counsellor for the next step. I also need to spend more time here, clearly.

So, thanks for ALL of your support , kindness and caring. I will try to hit the chat tonight~ And CSO4, I will PM if I need a friend in a 'dark' hour~ thank you.

Skoots