weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

[retteacher]

Please feel free to comment if you are new to this thread. You don't have to be an AAer to get something out of this discussion.

One of the daily meditations I read this week was about working through difficulties, & how they can make us stronger. This is exactly why drinking was so damaging to my emotional growth. I drank to avoid dealing w/difficulties thus depriving myself of an opportunity to learn & grow. Now, I'm in the process of learning to deal w/life on life's terms. This is sobriety's biggest challenge for me, because I drank to avoid the uncertainties of life.

We've been extending ourselves to people more & more lately. I'm a natural isolator & introvert & calling & meeting up w/people goes against my natural inclination. However, in doing so, I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I wouldn't be able to either deal w/problems effectively or put myself out to new people (in or out of AA) unless I was sober.

I really don't struggle w/the question of whether I'm an alcoholic or not. I've taken the first step & admitted it, & now I can stay sober one day at a time. Without sobriety, my life would be very different. I must remind myself of that on a daily basis. I'm no longer dealing w/shame & remorse. I'm no longer dealing w/the obsession. I'm no longer dealing w/the physical agony.

Mary

[AMELIA]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Hi Mary,
Thanks for starting us off again.
Yes I also drank to avoid life's problems. Or to avoid any unpleasant emotions or feelings of unease.
Problems come with unpleasant emotions and the emotions they cause are a sign that something is wrong that needs to be sorted out.
During my drinking years I caused a lot of problems for myself by drinking to hide or push down fear, anger, resentments and insecurities. When I became sober it took a while before I felt my emotions fully.
Anger was the one I noticed the most. Because I had been 'swallowing' my anger and not expressing or processing it in healthy ways (at myself and other people) it began to come out in disproportionate ways from around 6months sober. Situations would happen in my life that weren't easy for me to deal with. I would become angry & it was if a volcano of anger would open up at these times.
It took a while for me to realise that it was probably repressed anger coming out at these moments.

So, yes essentially I stunted my emotional growth by drinking in the way that I did for so long. I felt uncomfortable emotionally, I would drink to numb the feeling, would sober up & sometimes feel worse, drink to numb the pain & the cycle carried on like that for many many years.
Shame, guilt and remorse were certainly in there too. Perhaps not as noticeable to me at the time, but there was so much stuff that I tried to 'forget' or not feel that those weren't as obvious as anger & fear to me.

I don't stuggle with the question of whether or not I am an alcoholic. I know I am. I am very grateful to be sober and that I was able to finally admit that I was powerless over alcohol.

I have said yes to my first sponsee this week. I am nervous and excited about beginning the recovery journey with her. She has one month sober & we are meeting for the first time as sponsor/sponsee on Wednesday night. It feels that it is the right time for me to be taking on this commitment. I had been asked a few times already whether I would sponsor other ladies, but I said no. I wanted to feel like I had a good working knowledge of the steps & that I felt fairly solid (day at a time) in my sobriety.

As well as guiding my sponsor through the steps and being a support for her, I am sure this relationship will teach me a lot about myself.

Wishing you all a happy and sober week.

Amelia

[retteacher]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

amelia: I identified w/so much you said. I learned to repress my anger early in my life. It's the way I was raised. I too went through a period where I felt disproportionately angry earlier in my sobriety. It was all that repressed anger rearing its ugly head. Now, I can wait a while & think through how I'm going to work through it. I feel so grateful to have more access to my feelings now. The good ones (love) come out more freely as well as the "bad" ones (not that any feelings are bad...they're just feelings).

Good luck w/your sponsee. It's a big step to take one on.

I'm going over my 4th step w/my sponsor tomorrow...it'll be my 5th step. I'm not a bit nervous about it, as I've kept in constant contact w/her throughout the process of writing my 4th.

Mary

[AMELIA]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Mary,
Wishing you all the best for your 5th step. If you have been sharing & consulting with your sponsor as you wrote your 4th, I can see that there would be much less anxiety when sharing it.

Although my sponsor told me bits about the things she included in her 4th step (which helped me to open up & write down ALL the things that I could think of at the time that needed to be included in my 4th step), I didn't share them with her until we sat down to do the 5th step. I was anxious, (and I left my Sexual Conduct till last!!) but overall it was a cathartic (and exhausting) experience.

Hope it goes well Mary.

Amelia

[retteacher]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Last night's speaker meeting was wonderful. Again, his story was different than mine, but he made so many points that struck me. He mentioned "the easier, softer way." If he goes that route, he loses his emotional sobriety, his attitude of gratitude. I so identified w/that. I almost didn't go to the meeting at all. I wanted the easier, softer route of just sitting & watching TV. Now, of course, I'm so glad I did. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a member of AA. It isn't always easy, but it is more fulfilling.

Today, I'll be seeing my sponsor & going over my 4th step notes. She told me to raise my hand when they ask for phone #'s for newcomers. I'll do it.

[ThreeDogNight]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Hi, Mary and Amelia.

I haven't been to a meeting in a week, as I was working at a friend's flower shop for Valentine's Day. Going today, and think we are on Step Five. I was fortunate to do that while in rehab, and it was great. I know that I need to do it again with my new sponsor, so plan to speak with her about it. Don't be worried about it Mary. It will feel so good after you've done it.
I'll get my three month chip--God willing--on Friday, so will be able to chair meetings and even my story after that. Looking forward to it!

Pam

[AMELIA]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Pam,
I must say I don't envy you working in a florist through the Valentines Day madness - you must be exhausted.
Wow! Only a few more days to go to your 3month medal!
I know what it is like to go a week without a meeting - hope you enjoy your meeting today.
Amelia

[retteacher]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

P & A: It does feel good to have the 4th/5th steps behind me. My sponsor was wonderful...she related to all that I revealed, so I didn't feel totally unique & bad. It's amazing the things alcoholism makes us do...all the lying, hiding, resentments, etc. Yuck! I do feel it's behind me at this point.

I'll be going to at least 2 of the weekend meetings. Friday's meeting is on step 3. It's a wonderful step.

Mary

[ThreeDogNight]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Good morning!
Mary, so happy that Step 5 is done!! It's amazing when I hear people talk about how much apprehansion they had going into it, and how good they felt afterward! Our meeting on Wednesday was on Step 5. A lot of people who've been coming for a while stil
l have not done it. I was so lucky to do it while in rehab.
Yesterday was a topic meeting, and we talked about why we thought we were chosen, and so many others weren't. Most agreed that we really don't know why we were "chosen," but are just grateful that we were. I guess when we are ready, it happens. I know that is true for me. Our chair had to leave a little early, so asked me to finish the meeting, and it was good. Today I'll get my three month chip, so can start chairing more and I guess I'll be asked soon to share my story.
I have to go in and make coffee and set up today. The woman who usually does it asked me to do it. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to ask hubby to drive me to and from, but that's the way it is.
I hope you have a great sober day!!
Pam

[retteacher]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

pam: you are doing so, so well. Congrats on 3 months. Each month during the first year is such a wonderful accomplishment.

I know I should have gone to AA long before I actually did. You're right about having to be ready. I had a horrendous drinking experience that landed me in the ER. That was my wake-up call. I was definitely ready to:
-give up the obsession of when, how, how much I could drink on a daily basis.
-give up the lying & deceit that went along w/my drinking.
-give up the physical side effects, i.e. the hangovers.
-give up the isolation.
-etc.

I've gotten so much in return from the fellowship.

Mary

[AMELIA]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Hello All!!

Pam : CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 3 MONTHS!!!

Good for you. It's great getting up there and collecting the chip too!

Mary, I went to a few AA meetings 12 years ago! I just didn't get it & didn't think I was that bad. It took me more than a decade of progressively worse drinking to finally give up the fight and accept that I could not touch alcohol.

A part of me wishes I had 'got it' sooner, but I also have a big part that is grateful that it didn't take longer than it did.

I have had my first meeting with my new sponsee. Bit nervous about it, but it went well. We went to a ladies meeting afterward. We have agreed that she will call me daily at a certain time - and so far so good. I feel like it is a privilege to share her recovery - I will do my best to take her through the steps & support her.

Wishing you all a happy & sober weekend.

Amelia

[ThreeDogNight]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Good morning, ladies.
Mary and Amelia, you are both so right about what we get from AA. I started going in July of 2010, but didn't get "it" until I finally went to rehab in November. I agree, Amelia, that I wish I'd gotten it earlier, but am grateful that worse things didn't happen before I finally did get it. And my friends have stood by me, because I never did bad things to them, thank God!! Those who judge me when they read the local news--well, that is their business, not mine!
I don't usually do meetings on the weekends, but church on Sundays is just like a meeting for me. Today I may do an online meeting or two.
I hope you have a wonderful sober day!
Hasn't the winter been more like spring, Mary? Just heard that we have had only 13 inches since Nov 1, and last year at this time we had over six feet!! I'm sure you've had even less. I love it, although I do feel sorry for the local economy, as the ski and snowmobilers haven't been out there as in the past.
Thanks for the kind words about my 90 days! I am making a collection of my coins!
TDN

[retteacher]

weekly AA Thread - Feb. 13 - Feb. 19

Today definitely feels like spring. The g-sons have been snow-boarding on machine-made snow. Not as good as the real stuff but OK.

A very good meeting last night on step 3. Lots of talk about HP & how our own will failed us. I know that I tried & tried to stop. It wasn't until I joined AA & felt the power of the fellowship that I was able to stay stopped.

M