They just don't get it

[Changeling]

Day 21 AF for me.

I was out this morning with a friend who knows how I have struggled with this.
Also she knows how pleased I am with my 21 days.

She was talking about a new discount wine warehouse that has opened near us and said -
"why don't you come with me and stock up for when you start drinking again"

Is it possible to stay friends with people that have only known me as a drinker??
Anybody else had this kind of response.

Changeling

[Accountable for Me]

They just don't get it

Unfortunately, my family is like that. They crucify me for drinking... then when I quit, they make suggestions such as that. It is really unnerving!

It is possible to remain friends with people such as your friend Changeling. You just have to politely say, "No thanks. I am not interested in going to the discount warehouse."

They will get it eventually. And if they don't - just remember you are doing this for you.

[southernbelle47]

They just don't get it

Hi Change and Account,
I've had this same problem with my hubby in the past.
I think they do it because they really feel bad about drinking in front of us but not bad enough to NOT drink.....It seems selfish to me on their part but if they don't have the problem we have, then they really don't understand.
It is like not being able to understand anything else until you go through it. Like having a child or parent die. You just "get" it after the fact.
They are only human and humans ARE self centered. We are "but dust"!! Explain again to them and try not to take it personally. If you have to , do find new friends. You have many here that DO understand.:l Nancy

[irishlady]

They just don't get it

I agree with Nancy on this one....The "normal " people who can have one glass of wine in the way you or I would have a cup of tea don't understand the huge pull of the addiction.....The other type of person who has problems with alcohol themselves, well if they see you doing well it makes them feel even weaker, in a strange way, if they know you have given in and are drinking again it acts as some sort of comfort to them....

It used to happen to me many years ago when I used to smoke, for instance....Someone at work, say, had stopped smoking, at teabreak they would sit in the main non-smoking area of the canteen, all us smokers would be crammed into a small dingy smoke room....I would see my colleague now sitting with the non-smokers and it would make me feel weak because I wanted to be one of those non-smokers too, then two or three weeks later my colleague would sheepishly return to the smoking room having failed....Now in some strange way which I am now ashamed of that used to make me feel better...So perhaps those friends of ours who still think we can have a few drinks may unknowingly have a hidden agenda.....I wonder...

Louise xx

[wwbarb]

They just don't get it

I see this happen all of the time at Weight Watchers. Two people join. One person quits. The quitter tries to tempt the the other to quit. Why? Because then the quitter can call the program a failure if the other person quits. Otherwise, they have to take resposibility for their own actions.

The smoker can blame the cigarettes if their smoking buddy doesn't quit; the drinker can blame the booze. But if their buddy is able to obtain success, then they can't hide behind their facade anymore.

Another thing I see is that others want us to quit on our own time. It's okay to be an alcoholic, but we have to take time off of being an alcoholic on their birthdays or when they throw a party, etc., and just "control ourselves". After all, "who are we to ruin their fun". Just like, "it's okay for you to be on a diet, in fact, you really need to lose weight, but when you come to my house for dinner, you will take the night off, because this is my time".

No one gets to choose what you eat or drink but you.

[Popeye]

They just don't get it

Hello everyone
Changeling
I am sure that most of the people who know that I am trying to quit drinking don't take it seriously. On the few occasions that I have mentioned it, The subject is quickly changed and all is well with the world. I must admit to avoiding bringing the subject up. Obviously I am excited by the challenge and, also, quite obviously now I think about it, other people aren't at all excited by it, or even interested in it.
I have a small social circle and they have always known me to be a heavy drinker and indeed most are also heavy drinkerss. I think that they feel this is a phase that will pass.....soon I'll be back to normal and stop being so silly. Who in their right mind would want to stop drinking for goodness sake? I really feel annoyed by this. Drinking is so ingrained into the culture here that not drinking is considered odd...even perhaps unnatural. Well I've had enough. I am creating my own culture now and I'm bloody well enjoying it.

[KizzieCat]

They just don't get it

Amazing. Last Friday I went to a cocktail party with husband. He kept saying, "Are you going to have a least one glass of wine?" When I did not, he pretty much abandoned me and hung out with the "fun" people, leaving me to socialize with his co-workers of whom I don't know well..
Well, as you can imagine, I damned him to hell the following day, for making me feel bad. He apologized, and told me I scared him (because I was so angry with him)! Hmmmpff!

At least I did not have a hangover...like he did!

[Newyear]

They just don't get it

Interesting topic - this is a whole other dimension to the issue. This is not "society" saying these things to us it is our dear friends and family. I think that is where part of the hurt comes from. We can understand someone we don't know at a party saying "awwwh, come on and have one...just one..I'll make you one special" etc. But it is hard to take when it comes from someone who knows us and (we think) understands what we are doing and how difficult it is. I guess it just means that they really don't get it.
Like several of you have said...if you haven't been there you really don't know. I think some of it comes from lack of understanding and some comes from jealousy or fear ( that perhaps that they also may have a problem).

Good thing we have this place. I have not had a bad time with friends or family. My closest friend here just keeps saying....'oh, are you still doing that 'not drinking thing''? And I say "Yep, still doing it"

:l Lisa

[southernbelle47]

They just don't get it

Way to go Kizzie!







http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp...p=ZSYYYYYYJGUS

[southernbelle47]

They just don't get it

And Lisa................you are all such smart kitties!

:h Nancy

[KizzieCat]

They just don't get it

Meow! Thanks SouthernBelle, and you are also wonderful and wise!

[YoungAtHeart]

They just don't get it

I think probably a lot of people just don't get it and don't understand. But I think a fair amount of people have their own alcohol problems that just "aren't that bad (yet)", and we make them uncomfortable. Their unconscious motive is to get us to drink to relieve their own discomfort.

When I'm really honest with myself, I know that on some level, I knew Ihad a problem long before it grew into a visible problem, even to me. Does that sentence make sense?? I think you probably all know what I mean, though!

[Java]

They just don't get it

make sense to me, i have never just had a drink unless iam out and very concious of it, i always remember when ever i had the opportuntiy to get away with going overboard i would, so i guess i was like this from the beginning, so i what i should have done is noticed that was a bad thing and decided it wasnt for me, but i went the other way...

[Newyear]

They just don't get it

Makes perfect sense Kathy!
Lisa

Nancy...love the kitty with the mouse... how cute

[KizzieCat]

They just don't get it

I can totally relate to what you are saying Young.

Newgrl- I feel like you are talking about me.

At least we have each other, and we can know take a step back, and examine our situation with a clear head.